


Beyond the Darkness

by orphan_account



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Canon Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 15:39:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 118,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper's life as a vampire has been filled with despair and misery for as long as he can recall until the night he saves a human and makes her like him. He senses their relationship might lead to a life beyond the darkness he feels, but is it even possible after all this time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note** : Trigger Warning - Talk of Rape

* * *

Misery and blood lust.

I could sense these emotions all around me. This was usually how it was on hunting nights when the newborn vampires went out to find prey. Most of them did not stray far from the hovel we all shared as a home. This inability to wander was a result of their insatiable frenzy for human blood. None of the ten that I myself had created were able to rein in their desires long enough to travel far for a feast. In the not too distant surroundings, I could hear the faint screams of humans that eventually devolved into blood drenched gurgles before nothing could be heard at all.

This was my immortal life, creating vampires to train them to be soldiers. Those that did not meet the standards of my companion Maria were only allowed to live a year and as I stared up at the full moon, I knew that the day of their reckoning was fast approaching. I would allow this last hunt before Maria decided which of them would stay to train and work alongside us and which would have their body parts dismantled and burned. Rarely did a newborn meet the standards of my mate and become a part of the leadership. Maria disliked sharing power and I had been one of only a few in a very long while to live beyond my first year. When I was changed by my companion, during the midst of the American Civil War, Maria had two other females with her that she kept around for their usefulness. After they departed to form their own armies, I was the only one who remained. I didn't dare leave when the others had. Maria was all I knew when it came to vampire life and I feared enduring it without her.

When it was only the two of us, I moved up in the ranks to be her equal, but in truth it was Maria who had the final say in who stayed and who was not fit to join our coven. Only once had I questioned her decision when I tried to convince her in keeping a newborn. It had been a few decades before in 1949, but Maria had seen no interest in my protégé Alice. The night I had taken Alice's second life away had been one that continued to haunt me, but it still did not deter me from my mission. It was all I knew and even if destroying newborns was not a job I relished, it had to be carried out nonetheless.

I turned my eyes away from gazing up at the night sky and began to walk off into the surrounding area. My mind was thinking too much about the past at that moment and I had to herd in the newborns before any of them did something foolish … something that might indicate there was a small clan of vampires living nearby. As I moved along my keen hearing picked up the sound of a struggle. I might have continued on my path, leaving the vampire alone with their prey, but my ability to sense the emotions of others indicated to me that the newborn in question was someone I knew to be trouble.

_James._

Over the past few months I had noticed his disgusting habit of bringing human victims back to sexually violate before killing them. I may have been a loathsome creature myself, but there were some things that I simply detested. As a vampire I had no choice, but to steal the lives of humans. This was how nature, no matter how unnatural I was, dictated things. The weaker must be destroyed to provide sustenance for the stronger. But taking anything else from these humans before their death … well, that was not a requirement. Sex was something I could get from Maria or any other vampire in our coven if I so wished. It was consensual … always. I could hardly believe that any of James human victims of sexual advances were ever willing. Until now I had remained complacent in the matter as it was Maria's wish for me to leave it alone. She explained that the victim was just a human after all. What did it matter if James had a little fun before draining its life?

I did as my companion wished. She was my superior after all, having been the one to turn me immortal, but at that moment, when I felt the fear of the female permeate my body, it was as if something was awakened inside me. I felt pity for the girl and it was then that I made a conscious choice to disobey Maria. This had to be stopped.

I approached the scene with utter disgust filling my dead heart, wishing I had the ability to shake off the depraved desires of this newborn. Damn my ability to read emotions. It was useful in keeping a tiny army in line, but at times I wished I could turn it off … especially around James. He was the worst of any vampire I had ever come across and it bothered me that Maria seemed to favor him.

"Leave her alone!" my voice boomed.

James had a dark haired girl, who looked no older than seventeen, pressed sharply against a tree with his body keeping her there in a standing position. He had already begun the loathsome act of forcing himself upon her and when his face turned to look at me, blood dripping from his mouth, I was not able to control my rage. In the matter of seconds, I pushed James away from the girl in a swift movement. He may have been stronger than me, but I was not lost in a moment of my own depravity. The newborn had never seen it coming. Unfortunately, I had punched a wound through his side that would take time to heal, leaving him unable to battle for a few days.

I knelt down to look at his twitching form, wondering just exactly how I would hide this from Maria. James had always been a favorite of hers. He fought well and contained no conscience as could be proved by his disgusting pastime. It may have been what I loathed most about him, but it certainly made him a good killing machine. He was still alive, so to speak, and staring at me wide eyed. Obviously James had never expected me to be his attacker since we were on the same team. I could see the vampire trying to stand and before long I knew he would run off to Maria to report my violence against him. I had no choice, but to let him go … an injured James was better than a dead one. I was certain that if I continued to fight him he would cease to be and this was not an option.

Just then a sound indicated to me that there was still another piece to this mess that had to be taken care of. His victim sat slumped on the ground. A wound along her neck was mushrooming blood. James had certainly made a mess of the girl. I would have to find it in me to end her misery. Her life could not be saved, but I could take away whatever pain she had endured in her last moments.

The girl's vital fluid was leaving her body fast and I could hear the beat of her heart slowing. Her blood was everywhere, coloring her once white blouse in a deep shade of red and tinting her already dark brown hair even darker. Her eyes were open, staring wildly at me as I approached. She could not move, which would make my task all the more easy. It took all my strength not to draw near the girl in a rushed pace. All her blood was building a strong lust within me, but I wanted her to experience peace and not fear at the end of her life.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her as I readied my mouth to cover the gash in her neck.

I would drain her blood. She would be dead within minutes. Yet, as my lips formed over the wound, I thought I heard something. No, I felt an emotion from her. Slowly I pulled away to stare into the dark pools of her brown eyes. Then I felt it again. The girl was trying to make me feel her desire … her desire to live. It was then that I made a choice, one that I knew Maria would be unhappy with, but I could see no other way. I would change this girl and make her like me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note : **Trigger Warning attempted rape

* * *

_(Bella)_

I wasn't dead, or at least dead wasn't what I had thought it would be. I really wished I had paid attention more during my mom's _Let's be Christians_ phase. I didn't remember what caused someone to go to Hell, but maybe I was there. Hell contained fire, right? Maybe the burning that festered at my neck and was slowly starting to spread throughout my body was actually part of the whole Hell experience. The pain tortuously took time to reach through each vein and nerve as flickers of memories reminded me of how it all had come to be.

I had been walking along the beach. Was it a beach? Sand had been beneath my feet, but I also remembered trees. Palm trees maybe. I had wandered through those trees wanting to be alone, listening to classical music to help calm my nerves. Why was I anxious, though? An image of my mom smiling and laughing with a plastic cup of red wine in hand came to mind. She stood in front of some lit driftwood at her impromptu rehearsal dinner. She was remarrying on the beaches here in Mexico and the ceremony was to be at sunrise. Too many people were getting smashed and acting like idiots around the pathetic fire. Someone had handed me the bottle of wine as if I was old enough to drink it. Ever the prude and feeling maybe just a bit superior, I shoved it away causing the bottle to slip from Exhibit A drunk person's grasp. I watched as the red liquid spilled from the bottle and was absorbed by the sand around everyone's feet. Someone called me a klutz and laughter erupted.

"Yeah, well what's new?" I mumbled as if they were actually paying attention to me.

I turned my back on them, needing to get away. They were all going to be too hung over in the morning anyway to remember why they were lying face down in the sand to begin with. I sighed heavily a few times as I moved across the beach with my flip flops kicking up sand. I was happy for my mom, Renee, really I was. She'd found Phil at just the right time. Renee was the type of person that would try just about any new craze, religion, or movement that came along while I on the other hand was very sedentary. Now that she had Phil, someone just as loopy as she was, I no longer had to be pulled into her adventures. So, I guess really it was more Phil had come along at just the right time for me, because I was done with it all. What I most cared about was my early graduation at the end of the year and moving on. It's really what kept me sane, especially at moments like drunk beach party 3000.

Suddenly, while I was busy visualizing living life on my own away from Renee and Phil, I felt a change in the air like a spark of electricity had surrounded me. This eventually led me to wander farther away from the group than I originally intended. My legs urged me forward towards the palm trees and then I saw him. He was leaning against one of the trees … so beautiful, looking at me with his hungry eyes. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his too tight jeans and I felt my heart moving wildly inside my chest. What was wrong with me? The bad boy type certainly wasn't what I liked, but I found myself wanting him to talk to me? In fact, I worried that he might not think I was worthy enough to chat up? I adjusted my top, so that my neckline lowered to show off the little bit of cleavage my chest could muster. Shyly I smiled as I pulled my ear buds out, silencing Mozart. His grin back was large and a little wicked looking … like he wanted to do bad things to me and I didn't mind. What the hell was wrong with me? I wasn't experienced in this area at all and for me to so easily desire such things from him was completely uncharacteristic to what I knew about myself ie the geeky A plus student who awkwardly failed at all things sexy boys.

But, then as he approached, I felt the intense need for his attention begin to fade as fear took hold. His actions were fast, horrible, and awful. He bit my neck. What was going on … why would someone do that? It was like he was a wild animal attacking me instead of the man who had attracted my attention. With the way he tore at my skin, using his teeth, he may as well have been a wolf. There was nothing in his actions that indicated to me there was any humanity in him at all. Then he reached a hand up under my jean skirt and pulled down my panties while his hard body pressed me against a tree. I had compared him to an animal, but what he was about to do to me was sadly something all too human. The bark dug into my skin and I tried to scream out, but I only heard a gurgle. His teeth had sunk deep enough to stop my ability to call for help. I was going to die, but he was going to take something from me while I was still alive. I braced myself for the assault, trying to focus on the pain in my neck rather than anything else he might do, but then I was shocked when he stopped. The man who took me, bit me and nearly succeeded in raping me, was forced off me by another. This person looked similar to my attacker, pale skin, dark red eyes, but he was also different.

I wondered if he would just finish me off. Figuring this was my fate, I tried focusing on my mom and remembered the happy moments we'd had together over the years. _I love you mom._ I felt terrible about the thoughts I'd had about her only moments ago … when life still seemed normal. I didn't want the last thing she remembered about me to be my bad attitude at her rehearsal dinner and I especially didn't want her discovering my dead body the night before her wedding.

The creature that had forced my attacker away, stared at me for a minute and then moved his face near mine to say in a soft soothing voice, "I cannot help you live, but I can keep you here."

Why had he told me this? What did those words even mean? Yes, I wanted to live … my mom was just around the corner. If this man or thing was going to keep me here, but couldn't help me live what would that mean concerning my mom? Could I see her again?

My questions would go unanswered though, for his mouth quickly found the wound on my neck caused by the other one. I felt pain already, but after a time with his lips placed over the gash, there was a different kind of feeling, a more intense burn. I wanted to scream out as he cradled me in his arms walking along to who knew where, but again my throat wasn't able to produce anything for my mouth to say. But, it wasn't just that. I couldn't seem to find the will when so much of my energy was focused inward, trying to understand what was going on. Everything about this situation, I unfortunately found myself in, didn't add up.

Did any of these memories matter now though when I felt like my heart was going to explode? It beat at an accelerated pace, the rate I would assume someone experiencing a heart attack would feel. Was I dying? Should dying be this painful? Shouldn't it be peaceful with images of happy moments of my life flashing before my eyes? Where the hell was my dark tunnel with the light at the end? Instead of this, I only felt the horribleness of being half alive, half dead or whatever. At that moment I really wished I had paid more attention in Sunday School. Tears quickly formed and then fell from my eyes as I understood that I was dying or at the very least something similar to it.

_(Jasper)_

She was suffering. I knew this, but fortunately for me she wasn't able to produce any noise indicating her pain to others that might be listening. James had made sure of this, ever the hunter he was, ripping the girl's vocal chords first. He knew that to bring attention from other humans was something Maria disliked. But, he didn't always succeed and on too many occasions our group of vampires had been forced to move on, because of him. He wanted beautiful prey and was selective. It was such a frustration that Maria kept him around, but now was not the time to focus on such things. I needed to make sure that attention from human or vampire was not going to take place. I had gone against Maria's will not only in harming James, but also by creating a vampire without her consent. I'm not sure what compelled me to defy my superior in these two areas, but it had been so sudden, a split-second decision. I had been so overcome with pity for this girl that little thought had been given to an afterward. Now my arms held her while I wondered what I was going to do.

What could be done with this human who had already been through enough tonight? Now she had to deal with three days of intense pain brought on by me. I had been the one to start the process of her change. She was my creation and I could not just leave her to become a vampire all alone. I had promised to keep her here after feeling the emotions she radiated, but I couldn't bring her to Maria. She would surely order me to destroy her and any evidence that the girl had ever been. It would be as if she had vanished. I looked down into the brown eyes of the girl who I wished I at least knew the name of. Her eyes were scared and confused. Her emotions were much of the same.

If I simply took off with her for three days, waiting through the change, Maria would come looking. She may even think my disappearance was the actions of another vampire clan and retaliate. I did not want a battle on my hands that wasn't necessary and my strategizing quickly moved away from this line of thinking. My only other option was to reveal my transgression to Maria. I would have to stand up to her, which was not something I ever did.

I heaved a heavy sigh at my task at hand. Such a short amount of time had passed since I first saw James and the girl, yet with my one action to free her from his debauchery, I had changed everything I ever expected my future to be.


	3. Chapter 3

_(Bella)_

For as much pain as I was going through, there was no easy out … no way to fall into a void of dark peace, because believe me, I tried my hardest to do just that. If life was like I knew it to be, where all the rules about nature and the way the human body worked applied then I would have either died or at least fallen into a state of unconsciousness from the pain. But, this was a different place I had entered … a world where men could tear flesh with their teeth and also fill a body with pain by simply placing their mouth over a wound. All I knew about the world and life was up in the air now. I didn't know what to expect anymore.

So, what else could I do, but search for clues that brought me to a better understanding of what this new place I existed in was like. I mean, if I really wanted to, I could have obsessed over the pain pulsating throughout my body. It wasn't hard at all to do that, but this didn't resolve anything for me. I hurt. Yeah, that was pretty much the deal in this world. I was in pain and couldn't move. I marked those off on my mental checklist of things in this strange-new-bizarro-world.

What else, though? I decided instead to search away from myself and focus on the only other person it was possible to glean information from, because he was the only other thing near me. He'd held me in his arms for a while or at least I thought it was awhile. Time was strangely vague to me. I couldn't gain a handle on it. Minutes or maybe even a century had passed since I was first attacked. Now I stared at his jaw, the one who held me. My position in his arms kept me from really seeing much else of him. He had a strong jawline I noted, and he seemed to be clenching it. At one point he had turned down to look at me and the unnatural shade of his irises shocked me again. I wanted to laugh at the world unnatural. Did I really know what was natural anymore?

"I have to put you down for a while. I need to have a discussion with someone and it is better if you aren't near her." A lock of blond hair fell in front of his face and he jerked his head back until it found its rightful place on the other side of his head.

I listened to the low baritone he spoke in and I detected an accent, but I was unable to place it. My mind was having a hard time thinking of where I'd heard something similar to that before. He gently rested me against the dirt floor of the house he'd gone into with me. Saying house was being polite. The place was hardly inhabitable. Then as I stared up at the rotting wood of a ceiling, unable to turn and see who he was talking to, my ears picked up a conversation that came and then left me in a cloud of confusion. In this world, where the two were well accustomed, they spoke in their own tongue and I was a stranger unable to comprehend.

There was a certain rhythm to the conversation, ups and downs in tones, but it came so fast. Sometimes a phrase would be said and my brain would recognize it, but then the speed would pick up again and I would be lost. I heard a male and female voice. The woman's pitch was heightened for the majority of their discussion, but the man who had brought me here remained calm, almost determined. When all was said and done and it seemed that he had clearly gotten his way with whatever they had been arguing about, he came to my side and spoke softly into my ear, "We can't stay here. Our clan has to move on."

_Clan?_

I waited for an explanation as to what his two simple sentences meant, but that was all he said and then once again his arms cradled me, pulling my body fiercely against his chest. I should have been frightened, but with him holding me close, I felt somewhat protected. During his argument with the other, I sensed that he had been fighting for me. This one thing gave me a tiny amount of peace through my pain. With the little movement my body was capable of, I relaxed into him and briefly noticed his eyes looking down at me, before they darted up again and at her. A rush of air hit me as the woman he had been talking to flew up beside us. "Make sure to change her clothes Jasper, she reeks of blood. I don't want any of the others becoming overly excited when we have to focus. You have time to find something while I round up the newborns." Her voice was fast and it may have been her closeness, but this time I was able to catch each word

"Yes, Maria." I felt the rumble of his chest beneath me as he replied.

_So, her name was Maria … and his was Jasper._

_(Jasper)_

Maria had been difficult just as I suspected she would be, but I stood my ground and reminded her that James had been the catalyst for our now uncertain future. She didn't see it the same, of course, because I was the one that had acted out of character. In the end though, my soft plea of "please" had secured the human girl's safety. Maria may have been hard as stone, but she was also my mate. She found it hard to fight against me for long. Well, at least I had never attempted to push for my way before and not given in when told no. To my surprise it didn't take long. She explained to me that since I rarely questioned her judgment then the human girl must have contained some extra quality that would help our clan. My powers of emotional telepathy clearly indicated this to me or so Maria said. I knew the assertion wasn't true, but I did not correct her. This misconception would save the human and that was my main concern at the moment … nothing else.

Yet, this was hardly a cause for celebration. Maria may have given in, but it didn't change her demeanor much and when she came up beside me to order I change the girl's clothing, it was with the same ice she had been speaking with since I arrived holding the blood drenched girl in my arms. That girl was now again in my hold and still covered in the same shade of red that had been the cause of the venom covering my teeth for the past half hour. I needed to remove the enticing smell from her attire before Maria returned with the newborns for their sake and perhaps mine as well.

Vampires rarely had the need for a change of clothing. Unlike humans we did not use fabric to cover our bodies simply as a show of status. Mortals made use of clothes as a way to demonstrate their wealth or try to hide their lack thereof. As immortals that neither sweat nor cared if we were covered in dirt, clothes were always an afterthought. On occasion when someone of prosperity was killed by one of our clan, we would raid the wardrobe for our own needs. The pickings were kept in a large bag that was easily transferred from one location to the other since we were nomadic by nature. I went searching for that bag now knowing it wouldn't be hard to find. Our home was not very large.

Once my eyes located the plastic garment bag, I gently laid the girl next to it. She was partially paralyzed from James' attack on her and also my venom, which still had a full three days to work its way throughout her entire body. I didn't expect any protest from her when I removed her blouse and skirt … at least not physically. I was certain though that her emotions would make their disapproval known especially after what James had done to her.

"I need to change your clothes. The smell of your blood … well, it's not good for the others."

Her eyes widened a bit from confusion and fear and I tried to calm her emotions. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this makes little sense considering all you have ever known until now has been the human world. I promise to fill the gaps in as time goes on. We have a long journey ahead of us, more time for a proper explanation I suppose, but now I need to hurry and remove this blood from you. Please, do not be afraid. This won't take long."

I tried to produce an air of calm around us to help lessen her nerves and then proceeded to pull her blood stained blouse up over her head, revealing a white bra that was discolored just like the shirt. This made things more complicated. I didn't want to expose her this way, but the bra had to go as well. "I'm sorry." I said softly to her as I placed my arm under her back, bending her gently into a sitting position. This way I could release the clasp on back.

I tried not to focus on her breasts, but instead at the task at hand. After it was removed, I tossed the bra with the discarded shirt. Both would be burned once I had her dressed again. Keeping my arm around her torso to help the girl stay upright, I reached with my free hand into the bag of clothing. My fingers felt through the items until I located what I knew to be a shirt. Pulling it out, I turned to place it on her, but then stopped when my ears caught sound of footsteps. A voice soon followed. I was annoyed that anyone was bothering me while I was trying to dress the girl, but after hearing the familiar tone of the vampire behind me my mood dramatically grew darker.

"Playing dress up with your new human doll?" James joked, but there was no humor in his voice.

I jerked my head towards him and a low growl erupted from my throat. I noticed that he had gone through the same bag as I now was. James was wearing a completely different outfit, one that hid the injury I had given him. "Not in the way you do," I shot back.

"Just like your Alice?" He snickered.

His comment caught me off guard considering she had been part of our clan long before he had joined. "How do you even know about that?"

"Maria told me," James replied and cocked his head to the side, his red eyes glowing in my direction.


	4. Chapter 4

_(Jasper)_

I could feel the fear radiating off her like the flames of a fire. As soon as the girl had seen his image not far from where we both sat on the floor, her emotions escalated. My main concern was her, but in the same respect, I couldn't just leave what James said hanging heavy in the air between us. His mention of Alice had picked at old wounds I'd tried to bury deep inside me. I killed her, because there was no other way. Maria had willed it so, but why had she told this idiot about it. I needed to know and this meant exposing the girl to more of James than she was probably ready for at that moment.

I quickly pulled the shirt over her head to take away any anxiety she might have felt at being exposed. I could at least give her that. After she was dressed, I gently laid her body back down and stood to face James.

"What has Maria told you about Alice?" I asked, my chest becoming tight at having to say that name out loud again.

He shrugged nonchalantly as I came near enough to cause him to take a few steps back. James may have been all bravado with me, but I could sense an uneasiness lurking below the façade. Maria wasn't around to back him up and that made James a little uncomfortable. I was glad. He should know better than to taunt me. There was a reason Maria kept me around and that just wasn't, because we were mates. I was the best at knowing how to win a fight and that would always trump anything James could do.

"No, James, you can't just shrug me off like you aren't secretly afraid of what I'll do if you don't give me a response. I'm sure you know exactly how I would dismantle every disgusting part of you. You've seen me do it before, but I promise I wouldn't give you any quick mercy like I do the newborns when it's their time to go." I said coldly.

James was looking askance through the broken shards that made up the window to his left. I sensed that my words pricked at some sort of fear he may have had of me, but still he acted as if I wasn't even worth giving the time of day to had I asked and of course, I never would have.

"Why would you waste your time coming in here to bring up things from the past unless you had a point?"

James turned his head towards me at the sound of my voice rising sharply though clenched teeth. I watched as his eye lids became slits around the red of his irises. "Look, you injured me and for what?" James waved a hand in the direction of the girl, "A human? Seems to me you have a history of this. Maria told me you rescued Alice from some mental hospital. You were supposed to feed off of her, but turned her instead. History shows your predisposition for damsels in distress."

"You were going to rape her. That's inexcusable!" I shouted.

"She's a human! They only exist for us!" James shot back, clearly exasperated with my ability to have a conscience. "Besides you've left me alone before. What is it about this one? She have a magic pussy you want to keep all for yourself?"

I could feel my temper rising. James always did that to me. He was the only other vampire I knew that could rile me up and cause me to lose focus, which at that moment should have been directed on another. He usually employed this tactic in front of Maria as a means of undercutting me, but now he was just upset that I ruined his self-indulgent ways in abusing humans. I raised my fist ready to smash it into his face and crush that smirk off his lips, but James met my balled up knuckles with his own, "Do you really want to temp Maria again? You hurt me once already. She may not be so understanding this time and well, could take it out on your little toy there."

I hated to admit it, but he was right. Now was not the time to get involved in arguing semantics on what was right and wrong concerning humans. I had a job to do. "You better leave. Maria gave me the task of cleaning up your mess and I don't have time to argue," I said flatly, lowering my fist and making sure to keep my anger in check.

"Well, that _mess_ of mine wouldn't have needed to be cleaned up had you not interfered and by the looks of it she won't be a mess much longer considering that's all humans are anyway." He leered over at his past victim. "Maria thought you might do something like this after I told her you had attacked me to _save_ her. It's why she told me about Alice … history repeating itself and all."

James sneered and went to leave, but stopped suddenly at the door leading outside. Slowly he turned around, "Welcome to the wonderful death of being a vampire, Isabella. I hope you have time in the future to let me introduce you to it properly," he said while smirking at the girl.

"Isabella?" I replied not sure what he meant.

"That." He indicated the girl with a tilt of the head. "I stole a look at the driver's license in her purse. Suppose I should give that to Maria … the money anyway … add to the community fund." He snickered and then left out the door.

Quickly I went to place myself beside her and leaning down, I pulled Isabella into a sitting position once more. "I'm sorry you had to see him. From now on I'll keep James away at least until you are able to move and speak on your own."

I paused and looked at her motionless face and deep into her emotions, which still held onto a lot of the fear from before. It wouldn't be long until her faculties would return and with that the ability to move and talk again. Once her change had progressed further along the girl could let me know exactly how she felt. For now though, I would have to guess using my skill. I was sure that the fear was not only from James's presence, but also the intense pain of the venom taking over her body. I didn't have to imagine what the experience was like. My own recollection was something I tried to forget. Vampires felt little pain and that was the last time I hurt so intensely that I wished for death. I had the need to ease her distress by letting her know a reprieve would be coming soon. "What you are feeling right now, Isabella … all that pain will pass in about three days' time. Just hold on. I promise to be there the entire time."

_(Bella)_

_A vampire?_

I was going to become a vampire or at least that's what I heard the other man … the bad one say. That was how I was differentiating all of these _things_ that had come into my life in the last hour or so. They all were similar in appearance, but I needed to group them for sanity's sake. So, I had good and bad, the easiest categories my mind could come up with. Maria and the one Jasper had called James were bad, but the one who looked over me now was good. Well, as good as a vampire could be.

I tried to look back at everything I had been through in what seemed like a very long night and after a quick rehash flew through my brain, I wanted to cry at not having recognized the signs sooner. Well, I mean the stuff was fantasy. My mind wasn't going to instantly pick up on something I had assumed to be fake all my life. A movie starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise with fangs was my best recollection of what a vampire should be like. My mom had made me watch it with her when I was probably too young to watch horror movies. Unfortunately, I spent the whole movie peeking through my hands at the screen, so my memory of it was somewhat foggy. I had to admit though, it wasn't just this memory, but much of anything beyond the here and now that I had difficulty thinking of.

From what I remembered Jasper, Maria, and James certainly were beautiful to look at just like Brad and Tom were and although, none of the three sported fangs, James teeth were able to tear flesh like his mouth was filled with knives.

Was _Interview with a Vampire_ right? It wasn't a biography as best I could tell, but what I saw in Jasper next to me, holding my body upright, was very much nonfiction. Blood red eyes, pale white skin and a cold arm that leaned against my back … all these clues hinted that my reality was now occupied with creatures of a horror movie, the undead, and I was soon going to be like them.

My mind instantly swirled with images of the human life I was leaving behind. My mom Renee and my dad Charlie, whom I rarely saw, were going to be erased from my life. I wasn't ever going to see them again. Vampires killed humans. Just like James had tried to do to me. I couldn't be near them, because it was likely that I would put them in danger. I was going to move on with the likes of Jasper and his friends. The realization struck me hard and I wanted to sob, not from the physical pain I felt, but rather the emotional toll this knowledge took on me.


	5. Chapter 5

_(Jasper)_

We'd only been traveling for two days and some odd hours before the newborns **-** the ones that were only a few months old - began to act out. Blood lust mixed in with heightened emotions led to at least one fight taking place every few hours or so. This was frustrating for me, because of our group's need to stay undetected by the humans we passed. Other clans, or covens as some liked to be called, that may have been out there made things complicated too. Most were our enemies, because of warring over territory and it was imperative not to be tracked by any of these opposing members. It would no doubt lead to a fight that we as a group were not prepared for.

The first day of traveling was done both during the night and day, not stopping once. Maria had made it clear that we would be heading farther south into Mexico and away from my newborn creation's family. Isabella Swan would be a missing person's case and nothing else, nothing that would bring attention to a supernatural world existing beyond what human brains could comprehend. Most importantly this berth between us and the girl's family would mean nothing would come to the attention of the rule makers.

Maria and I had heard of clans that had been annihilated by these keepers of _peace_ , The Volturi. They did not like the existence of vampires to be something other than a myth. It made their life easier, hunting more accessible and if ever there was a clan of vampires that brought too much attention to our kind then action was swiftly taken. These elders were far older than Maria and I. Where I merely had a century and a half of my second life, these secretive vampires had several. It went without saying that their added years gave them an expertise in killing. Most vampires who brought about their attention were erased completely.

As our journey to a new territory wore on it was clear to both Maria and I that the clan needed time to feed. They were acting out more and becoming liabilities to us. I had spent most of the time keeping to myself, making sure Isabella was safe, but I wasn't going to put all my effort into this human girl and watch my clan come apart at the seams. They needed to hunt and the cover of darkness would be our key to doing this.

I had been carrying Isabella in my arms from the start, because I didn't want to chance James or any of the others getting too close. It was for her own protection, since she still was unable to move or speak. Although, I did notice some of her vocal abilities beginning to return as the venom slowly healed the gash in her neck. I heard the girl whimper a few times and I tried to calm her fear by explaining what was happening. If she understood the process then it might ease her distress. The pain was not something I could physically take away, but she knew at least by what I told her that it would not be everlasting.

Still, I was all too aware that I would not be able to protect her during our entire journey, especially with the need for blood hanging heavy in the air within our group. I tried to figure out a way to keep her safe, but before long I knew I had to speak with Maria about our situation. When night approached on our second day of travel, I came close to Maria and said, "They need to feed."

She knew what I was talking about. I had seen her looks at me whenever one of our newborns acted out against another before she ran off to diffuse the violence. It was a situation we had been through many times before and it never ceased to be stressful with each new vampire we brought into our army.

"I'll take James and we can scout the area for a place that everyone can stay. Once we find that we can send small groups out at a time while the others stay behind. That way there won't be any chance of fights breaking out over prey. We'll do that until we can find a more permanent settlement." Maria paused and when she continued her voice came out condescending, "Can you keep everyone in line without me?"

"Why would you question my ability to do this?" I shot back.

Maria pursed her pale pink lips before replying, "Things have become more complicated in the last few days, Jasper. I'm not sure what to expect from you."

The words were direct and I saw her tilt her chin in the direction of the girl I held in my arms. I looked briefly down and saw Isabella staring up at me with fear filled eyes. She disliked being so near Maria. That much I had learned. Her panic always increased whenever I came close enough to my mate. I wanted to argue my case and remind Maria that this was just as much James fault as it was mine, but I instead shook my head and replied, "You will see. This girl is special. Isabella Swan will be very useful to our clan." I was lying through my teeth.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to defend the girl or maybe I was just defending my actions. I myself was still not able to fully understand why I saved her or what overcame me when I saw James attack her, but I believed I had made the right choice. I trusted my instincts. I just needed to make sure everyone else did as well. Maria wasn't so trusting of me anymore. I'd tried to ignore it over the past year, but since James had entered the group he had managed to place a wedge between us. I was considered soft by his standards and he never shied away from stating this. I had also, on more than once occasion, questioned Maria's plan to kill a newborn named Charlotte that I knew another vampire had a romantic relationship with. As if that was possible … romance for a vampire was something for silly teen novels. But, I could not deny that I'd seen affection grow between a newborn named Charlotte and a vampire that had been with us for a few decades, Peter. I knew that Maria's plan to take down the weak newborn would crush Peter's spirit, but perhaps that was the plan all along and I was merely unable to reconcile it. To harden the warrior by death of a loved one seemed unnecessary and cruel.

This unfortunately brought me back to an image of Alice I sometimes remembered during moments of despair. I considered our friendship and how having to take her life away had shut down my emotions for a long while afterward. She hadn't even fought me when I'd called her to be destroyed.

"Do what you must Jasper," she had said quietly as I readied myself to break her apart.

This picture in my head of Alice was not like the one I pulled from my memory for comfort and I pushed against it. The truth was, Alice had made me soft, but it took me a few decades to recognize that this was not necessarily a bad trait to have. Compassion was not a weakness and I would prove to Maria that it was possible to be a vampire and have a heart as well … figuratively speaking. None of us actually had working hearts anymore. Still, this new Jasper was not someone Maria was very trusting of. It showed in the way she spoke to me and in the fact that she chose James to go along with her rather than me – her second in command. Maybe the way I refused to let go of Isabella was keeping me back.

Maria opened her mouth to talk, but closed her lips when a loud snap, much like the branch of a tree breaking, caused us to turn about face. One of our vampires had another pinned against a tree, but instead of a branch of that tree being torn from the trunk like we had heard there was an arm lying on the dirt next to the arguing pair.

Maria released an exasperated breath. "I'll take care of these two," she said and left to diffuse the situation.

It was then as I watched her pull the aggressor - the one who still had both his arms - into a headlock, that my eyes drifted over and saw another vampire nearby gazing at the fight Maria was trying to rein in. I took a good long look at Peter. I didn't have any friends inside the clan or ever for that matter, but I did have a few I considered allies. Peter was one of those along with Charlotte who was standing nearby him. I continued to eye him until his attention shifted over to me. An idea slowly formed inside my head and when Peter nodded in my direction, I began walking towards him ready to ask for his help. I only hoped that my request wouldn't put Isabella in danger, but at the same time I needed to reinstate myself into Maria's good graces. I had damaged my standing in her eyes and it was necessary for me to make things right again. I couldn't chance James being allowed to inch ever closer to my position in the clan. If that ever happened then I could only foresee danger for us all brought by The Volturi.


	6. Chapter 6

He promised he wasn't going to leave while I felt this way, while I couldn't talk, while I was changing into whatever it was … vampire, creature of the night, bloodsucker. I had spent the last day coming up with all the terms I could think of for my new standing in this world. It helped during the quiet times when Jasper wasn't trying to comfort me or explain how life as a vampire was.

The pain was awful, but when I listened to him, it pulled my focus away from the torture my body suffered. The sound of his voice with its slight lilting accent that I was eventually able to place as southern, almost had a lulling quality … if sleep was even an option for me considering the whole being on fire thing. When he spoke he described my new reality as dangerous. That word had been used a lot. So, why was he now handing me off to one of his followers … things he had said were unpredictable?

Jasper also told me about their situation. This clan of vampires lived together and he and Maria were in charge. Everyone else was younger, inferior and he didn't trust them. They were kept around simply to help regain territory that had been taken from them by other vampires or so the story went.

After all the explaining he had done about vampires, with most of the narrative being negative, it made absolutely no sense for him to be placing me in the care of those he didn't trust. Why would he do this after saying he wanted to take care of me, giving me reassurances that I was his priority? I had seen what the others were capable of when angry. Torn limbs and flesh, which really wasn't flesh at all, but more like blocks of concrete that when ripped off by another fell to the ground with the thud of a boulder.

"Isabella, I'm sorry that I am going to have to do this, but some matters need to be taken care of and I should be the one to do it." He spoke calmly into my ear as I felt his protective arms begin to loosen around me.

It was that woman vampire, Maria. She had forced him into doing this. By wanting to go with James she had set off Jasper's jealousy. It was weird, but sometimes I thought I could almost feel what Jasper was feeling, especially when he talked to me about James. It was like his anger and distrust for James would radiate off him. He was probably telling me more than he should, but I sensed the emotions had been building inside him for a while. Maybe he just needed someone to tell. More than likely it was a relief for him to get it all off his chest, especially to someone who couldn't talk back.

So, I had listened to his whispers in my ear about how James had come into this clan intent on taking his place. Jasper's reaction of saving me had been a chance for James. It meant Jasper had to watch my attacker all the more closely. James would use me as leverage with Maria, but to me it looked as if Maria was doing the exact same thing to Jasper … using James against him. It all seemed reminiscent of a soap opera … not that I ever bothered with them, but Renee, well, she was another story. Her nights were filled with DVRed episodes of soaps and I usually was dragged along for the ride. The one difference though was Jasper, Maria, and James were much more violent than your average daytime television actor.

This recent go around between the three was going to be what eventually did me in. I could see it. The second life Jasper had given me would end quickly and most likely at the hands of one of these creatures I was now becoming. Perhaps it would even be the vampire who took hold of me now. Peter was what Jasper had called him. Would this Peter destroy me after Jasper left? Even though I had great fears about turning into a monster there was a larger dread inside me. As soon as Jasper told me his intentions of handing me over to the other vampire my fear turned into not wanting to meet my death at the vicious hands of Peter. The truth was that even as a vampire I still had the chance of seeing my family again. It might have been a one-sided relationship with me watching both my mom and dad from afar, but I still wanted that possibility. If I died I wouldn't even have that. I had to remain in this world, so that I could eventually work my way back to my parents. Right now it was my only hope and I wanted to see that pipe dream come to life.

My voice wasn't completely back to its full capability, but I had managed to express myself before to Jasper with a soft cry or whimper. I thought now if I truly tried to see through the pain and attempted to focus all my energy on speaking maybe I could convince Jasper not to go. I closed my eyes and willed myself to speak and when I opened my lids once more I stared straight up at Jasper, who was busy talking with Peter, and I squeaked out with the smallest of voices, "No."

He heard me. It was impossible for him not to. I observed more than once in the past two days his uncanny ability to hear the tiniest of sounds around him. My word was so quiet, normal human ears wouldn't have caught it, but Jasper was no human. His face turned down to look at me and I saw concern shroud his eyes. "You are afraid of Peter," he stated after a moment in thought.

I wasn't sure if his ability to know exactly how I felt was a trait all vampires had. If it was, I certainly hadn't developed that part yet. There were other things that overtime I had noticed changing in me, like my senses sharpening … smell for instance. My nose could now pick out things around me that before it wouldn't have been able. The scent of the dirt beneath me or of Jasper's body pressed against mine, was more distinct. I knew I could probably expect more changes to happen after my three days were up. Jasper had vampire abilities and I was sure that one of them let him sense what I felt. It was something that hadn't been lost on me. Somehow he could look and see exactly what was stirring inside me.

"Don't worry about Peter. I trust him. He has been with us for a few years now," Jasper spoke softly into my ear.

From almost the start, I had placed my hope of survival in Jasper's hands. Who else was I going to turn to? Regardless of the fact that he had been the one to decide my future as a vampire, he had nonetheless saved me from death. Neither of these were great choices to begin with and I was sure I would have to eventually deal with my feelings about him choosing this life for me, but now wasn't the time for that. I needed to survive until his venom finished its way through my body, when it no longer had this paralyzing effect on me, and how could I do that if he was abandoning me?

"No," I managed to say again and I caught sight of a frown from Jasper.

He was conflicted. Good. Perhaps this would work, but just as quickly as hope swelled inside my chest, Peter deflated this emotion by taking me from Jasper's strong arms, "Don't worry. I'll watch over her, so you can join Maria."

I wanted to scream out for him not to go, but of course, that wasn't an option. Instead I sent Jasper a pleading look from my new position in Peter's arms.

"Don't worry. I promise I won't be long. This has to be done and Peter is more than qualified to care for you until I return," he reassured me, although I was finding it hard to feel comforted.

Jasper's attention shifted from me back to Peter. "Keep James away from her," he stated, the warmth I had just heard in his voice completely gone.

Then he ran off towards Maria and along with him went all my hope.

_(Jasper)_

I knew Isabella felt I was abandoning her, but I tried to ignore the guilt tugging at my conscious as I ran alongside Maria. I trusted Peter and leaving with Maria was good for everyone as a whole. I couldn't place my feelings, whatever they may be, for one vampire over all the others.

As I moved, I forced my mind away from the newborn waiting anxiously for my return. Instead I tried to remember how at one point in time the feel of the air against my body while I moved at high speeds with my mate by my side, brought me a feeling of exhilaration. Although, that had been a long time ago. Lately I had grown tired of the life we led and everything felt like a chore. Creating vampires, destroying vampires, what was it all for? Alice had formed a spark inside me briefly, but of course, it had been snuffed out by her death.

Now I felt another spark, a feeling of wanting to try and push against this whole business of fighting wars for blood. There had to be another way and I wanted to try and incorporate my new ideas into my life with Maria and the others.

Maria was slightly ahead of me and when she stopped I was quick to follow her lead. "What is it?" I asked.

"This place will do," she stated flatly, still treating me as if I was someone not to be trusted.

I glanced at the house, which was much nicer than our group was used to. I gave her a curious stare and she replied, "It's abandoned."

I didn't ask how she knew. That was Maria's gift. She had a knack for these things … one of her many talents. As I watched her eyes look over the house, I decided to take that moment and grasp her hand, a gesture of companionship to help ease the tension pulsating between us. Her dark eyes moved down towards our hands intertwined and she sneered while jerking from my hold.

"Don't start with your tenderness, Jasper. I'm unable to stomach anymore of your emotions at the moment. If I were human I'd have a headache from all your blubbering of feelings ... your need to cause disruptions, because you _feel_ it's the right thing to do. You say this girl you changed has special abilities, but I'm more inclined to think you honestly wanted to stop her pain and nothing more."

"What are you implying?" I asked, wanting to hurt at her words, but unable to muster much of anything other than frustration with her inability to see the world as I did.

"You know exactly what I mean. You're not the same. You haven't been for a long time. I tolerate it, but …" She stopped talking and let out a long exasperated sigh.

"But what?" I prompted. "You'd rather have someone like James at your side. Someone to screw you and his victims?"

I usually didn't lose myself in front of Maria, but she was showing a side of herself to me now that was new. Why not show her another side of me as well?

"He gives me more action than you have in ages and it's not weepy or emotional. It's raw and it's real," she shot back, but then put her hands up in defeat. "I'm sorry. I'm thirsty. We all need to feed. Let's not do this now."

I shrugged and then began running back in the direction of our clan, not really caring if Maria was following me or not. The honesty I had just been dealt about her relationship with James didn't much bother me. I was a vampire. It was hard not to notice the signs leading up to this moment as my senses were always heightened. Not to mention my ability to read emotions. I knew what lust felt like when it was near me, and therefore I saw this months ago. I simply hoped that I would be able to win her back from James grasp. Apparently this wasn't an option anymore and I decided that I didn't care. Whatever happened now, I would only focus on what was important and at the moment that was on Isabella.


	7. Chapter 7

_(Bella)_

All three of us sat while leaning against a tree. Well, I more or less slumped forward while the other two rested their backs against the trunk. Charlotte was on one side of me and Peter on the other. Their legs were stretched forward with one from each crossed over the other's like they were creating a protective barrier for me. Their symbolic leg X didn't look like it would be very shielding from James's abilities if he dared come near enough to us, but I appreciated the gesture.

I still disliked that Jasper had left me with these two, no matter how much I was starting to trust them. I had to admit though that for vampires Peter and Charlotte seemed very different than the others around us. I remembered my good and bad category of vampires from earlier. I decided Peter and Charlotte would be lumped in with Jasper and not Maria, James and the others that were less controlled. At least that's what I had observed since joining their _clan_ , a word Jasper used far too much for it being the year that it was … aka not the 15th century. But, then again I was sure vampires had their own terminology for things that I would have to get used to if I wanted to fit in, not to mention the other things that would eventually have to become second nature to me for survival's sake … like drinking blood. I tried not to linger on that aspect just yet. I was sure it would come soon enough and I'd have to deal with killing another to stay alive. Now wasn't the right time to have a moral crisis, I reminded myself. I should be focusing on sticking with this group of monsters if I wanted to see my plan of finding my family again to fruition. I winced at the word monster, because I was now one and it would take some time getting used to that one fact.

"Are you okay, Isabella?" Charlotte asked, bending herself forward, so that her head was near mine.

She must have seen my grimace and I tried my hardest to form words to reassure her. Yes, I felt awful, but what was new? "Okay. I'm fine." I bit my lip in earnest, trying to speak again, because I had to stop this use of a name I actually truly hated with a passion. "Bella," I forced out.

"What?" she responded.

"Name. Bella," I managed to say, the toll of trying to speak causing me to slump further forward.

I heard her giggle softly, which sounded like the music of a wind chimes in my ear. Then Charlotte learned back and conversed with Peter. "She wants to be called Bella. You should tell Jasper when he gets back. He's been calling her Isabella this whole time."

"If he comes back," Peter responded sternly.

I heard Charlotte sigh and then reply, "Do you really think it's gotten that bad between them? They _are_ mates, together for all of their afterlife, right? That's what you've told me." She was quite for a few seconds and then added in a hushed voice, "That's what you've promised me."

I certainly hoped Jasper would return. The one who had created me was also the one was I pinning my hopes on. With him gone I didn't stand a chance. Despite the good feelings I may have been developing for my hosts in the past hour, I certainly wouldn't put it past them to leave me to the more violent vampires if the person who had entrusted me with them was suddenly gone.

"Charlotte, you shouldn't worry concerning us, but Jasper and Maria … their relationship is different. You know I've been here awhile and I've observed a difference since James joined our clan. He wants to make us into something we used to be, before Jasper developed … well, for a lack of a better word, a conscious." Peter paused briefly before concluding with, "I shouldn't say anymore."

He must have gestured towards me, because I heard Charlotte scoff, "We can trust Bella. I doubt she would use anything against Jasper. He's her only ally right now … I mean besides us."

Peter didn't respond and I assumed he must have shut down Charlotte's direction of conversation with a look, because she didn't continue talking. Instead the female vampire took my hand in hers and with effort I turned to look over my shoulder. Charlotte's lips were spread wide in a smile over her pixie like face, which was framed by extremely short bleach blond hair that conjured images of Tinkerbell for me.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Jasper will come back and protect you … and so will Peter and of course, me," she reassured.

I wanted so badly to believe her, not only because it gave me hope, but because she genuinely seemed to have faith in this promise. She trusted Jasper and Peter to keep me safe. I assumed the latter of these two was her mate or so was the word I heard being thrown around when describing Jasper and Maria. Mate was a term I assumed vampires used for sexual partner, lover or maybe even husband and wife. Peter and Charlotte clearly had a relationship and I wondered how that fit into the clan as a whole?

Jasper had explained to me that after a year of life if a vampire wasn't pulling their weight then they were destroyed. Could you become attached to someone only to see them die? I remembered Peter's words about having been with the clan awhile. How long had Charlotte been here? From the looks of her, she seemed very modern. Her hairstyle, the fairy tattoo on her shoulder I saw peeking from underneath the black tank top she wore, a tiny stud piercing in her nose, were all signs pointing to someone who had come of age during the last few decades. Was Charlotte a newborn? Was she safe? Would Peter have to watch her die if like Jasper said _she didn't pull her weight_?

Clearly Jasper told me about the year timeline, because he wanted to keep me alive. As to why he wanted this was a puzzle to me, but I tried not to look a gift horse in the mouth … whatever that meant. If I was clear on expressions I think it was intended to mean I wouldn't take his kindness for granted and betray him, because he had also given me a warning of never letting on to what he told me. It would be an automatic death sentence for me from Maria. I could after all warn the others of their upcoming second-death sentences.

"Watch out, Peter!" I heard Charlotte suddenly warn, interrupting my thoughts and I tried to look up as best I could to see exactly what danger she was referring to.

"I see him," Peter replied and then stood in front of me, blocking my view of whatever was near enough to cause this reaction from him.

But, then I didn't have to guess anymore, because I heard a voice and it brought back dark memories from not so long ago. Cold hands on me, sharp teeth pulling away my skin, it was all so vivid inside my head and I couldn't help the shudder that shook the whole of my body. Charlotte sensed my uneasiness and placing an arm around my shoulders she whispered, "Don't worry."

Her words did little to calm my anxiety, because James was near and Jasper wasn't anywhere I could see him. Why had he abandoned me?

"You should leave. You know I'm in charge of the newborns and Jasper has assigned this one especially to me." Peter's voice was severe and unwavering.

I heard James use the same wicked laugh he'd let loose while trying to rape me and I leaned into Charlotte, trying to will the asshole away. My new friend softly stroked my back reassuringly.

"Yes, well you do know that Maria put me in charge of everyone that doesn't include her and Jasper, so technically I can override you and perhaps ride her as well. Yes, that was a bad pun, but you left me wanting, Isabella."

"You are disgusting," Peter stated as he moved forward and pushed James away from me.

I heard James respond in a tone where I could actually visualize his eye roll. "Yes, we're vampires. Disgusting goes with the territory. Think you would have gotten that by now."

"Not for all of us," I heard another voice say, this one familiar, but not belonging to James, Charlotte or Peter.

In fact the sound of it sent a wave of relief over my body and a sudden manufactured calm surrounded me as two strong arms lifted me up against a solid chest.


	8. Chapter 8

_(Jasper)_

I sensed her distress a few miles out from where Maria and I left our group. From my time spent as her protector, I had grown accustomed to Isabella's emotions, so it was quite easy to pull hers from all the others. As I grew closer the sensation of it became more tangible and familiar … a certain kind of terror from her that had hit me before.

_James._

At that moment I truly hated myself, because I knew the situation Isabella was now facing could have been avoided had I stayed. Whether or not my intentions were noble mattered little if James harmed her any more than he already had. The human I had turned only a few days before was suddenly becoming all the more important to me in the wake of my awareness of Maria and James. Knowing there was someone who needed me, took away some of my anxiety at what might happen now that I knew I had been replaced by another in Maria's heart … if she even had one. Perhaps a more proper phrase would be I had been replaced in her bed. Again though vampires rarely had use for such things. We never slept and sex could be performed in many different positions when you felt little pain. Lying down on a soft mattress was never a condition for having a good sexual experience when you were a vampire.

I shook that train of thought from my head as I knew it would lead to images of my former mate with her new. Maria had been my only sexual partner for a very long time and I wasn't sure what our ending meant. Would I be replaced in the ranks of her army? Demoted? I didn't think she would make any decisions that would cause her to lose power in the region. The need for more blood would rule over any other factor in the choices she made. Yet, she had chosen James as her new partner, so that meant I may have been extremely out of touch with the way Maria thought. Perhaps that was the reason she no longer desired me and if I were being honest with myself, nor I her. We simply weren't of the same mind anymore and it had created a gap between us … a gap she had eventually filled with someone else.

Regardless of whatever happened in the future, I decided at that moment there would only be one thing on my mind and that was getting to Isabella and removing her from the distress that was most certainly being caused by James. In the ashes of my relationship with Maria, I made a choice to find purpose in keeping the young newborn unharmed. She would give me meaning during my uncertainty.

I eventually came upon a scene where Isabella was being shielded from James by Peter and Charlotte. Peter was standing in front of her while Charlotte sat on the ground, her arms around Isabella in a protective manner. This sight warmed me a bit. It let me know that I had been right to trust them. I would remember this and make sure to repay the favor. I had already been pressing Maria to keep Charlotte in our clan beyond her newborn usefulness, but promised myself that I would find some other way to save her if my limited powers of persuasion failed.

James was finishing a rant about how vampires were disgusting creatures and I made sure to let him know that not all of us were like him. Then with a quick nod to Peter, I moved past him and pulled Isabella from the protective barrier he and his mate had created for the girl. I made sure to use my influencing emotions to calm her fear and then turned my attention to James. I decided it was best to say little even if I wanted to say so much and perhaps even smash my foot into the area of his body that he'd used so often to abuse others with. In the end I left James unharmed and only gave him a quick, but firm warning. "You come near her again I will destroy you."

I wasn't sure if I would be able to fulfill that promise of his death, but I had every intention of trying. I knew James wanted to retort something back, but I didn't give him chance. With Isabella pressed firmly against my chest, I muttered a soft apology for leaving into her ear and then moved in the direction of the house Maria had found for our clan.

Isabella relaxed into me while I ran and pressed her face into the fabric of my shirt. I heard a noise that sounded like she was crying, although I knew this was impossible and soon it became apparent to her that shedding tears wasn't something she could do anymore.

"Can't cry?" she said, turning her face away from the fibers of cotton that made up a shirt I must have stolen off of a dead man at some point.

"Not anymore," I replied while briefly glancing down to look at her. "While you most certainly can feel the need the cry and may release a sob, as a vampire you are unable to produce liquids other than the venom we mostly use to immobilize our victims."

Isabella heaved a heavy sigh that transitioned into a soft sob and I felt the need to reassure her once again. "It will all get easier as time goes on and I'll be here along the way, helping you with each transition."

I could sense that she wanted to trust me, but my past transgression of leaving was still weighing on her mind. "I promise you. I won't leave again. You are my focus now. I won't let anything keep me from making sure you are taken care of … as long as you need me, Isabella."

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"No?" Her response seemed to be in complete contrast of what I was picking up from her emotions, which were cautious, but overall welcoming of my support and protection.

I was surprised then when she reached up a hand to press against my cheek in an attempt to redirect my gaze back down to her. I stopped running and moved my eyes over to her face, wondering how much strength was returning to her body where she could attempt a move like that. Once she knew she had my attention, Isabella's hand fell back down and she rested it against my chest.

"Name Bella." She paused for a few seconds to gather strength again and then persisted with a tone that sounded to me like she was irritated, "Not Isabella."

It was a peculiar request to someone like me, a vampire who had little time for trivial things like getting a name right and it leaned on the side of being comical. For her to put forth so much effort only so she could relate that I was saying her name wrong, started a sensation in my chest that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was amused, so much so that I let out a laugh. It had been a long time since I'd had the need to do that and I was fairly certain the last time had been with Alice. She had been that way as well, reminding me at times what it had been like to be something other than a soldier in a vampire army … to be human and have emotions different than anger, lust, and vengeance. Laughing was a very human reaction and _Bella_ had brought it about in me. Although, I didn't think she was all that pleased that I was finding amusement in her request. Her eyes had narrowed into a glare and her emotions mimicked the look she was now giving me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, a smile still on my face as I was truly fascinated by the girl I held and unable to hide it. "Bella it is then. I won't make the mistake of calling you your given name again."

She looked satisfied with my response and I continued on our short journey towards the house. When we were finally near enough that I could smell and then see Maria, the bemusement on my face for Bella faded. I approached Maria, slowly and cautiously. I noticed a bit of red around the left corner of her mouth and by its smell I knew it to be blood. I narrowed my eyes toward the vital fluid still clinging to her porcelain skin and Maria darted her tongue out to retrieve it.

"Squatters," she explained, "but I took care of them. Well, there is still one alive inside, immobilized from my venom. I was going to save him for the newborns. That is unless you have plans to show your own newborn what being a vampire is about." There was a slight condescending pace to her words, but I could tell they were at least true, she was offering the human to us, perhaps as a peace offering.

"She's not yet ready. Perhaps tomorrow," I replied.

Maria nodded. "Okay then. I 'll go retrieve the rest of the clan and you can … do whatever it was you were planning on doing with Isabella." She waved her hand flippantly.

"Her name is Bella," I said flatly.

Maria shrugged and then ran off. I watched as her dark black curls whipped in the wind from the velocity of her body and she quickly disappear into the trees surrounding us. Then I looked down at Bella, who had been radiating with fear while we were near Maria. "Let's get you settled in," I said with an encouraging half-smile tugging at my lips.

We entered the house through the front door. It seemed to have been a vacation home at some point, perhaps lost in the financial meltdown a few years ago. The inside was filled with bare bones necessity, a few fold out chairs and blankets strewn across the hard wood floor, probably brought by the squatters. I eyed the lone survivor of this group who was slumped on the floor off in the corner. He could not move, but I could hear his heart pumping along with the sheer terror he emanated at seeing us enter. I made sure Bella's line of sight did not meet his. In her fragile emotional state, I didn't want to expose her to anymore trauma. I quickly found her an empty room and closed the door behind us. Here we would stay until her transition was complete, with me as her guard.


	9. Chapter 9

_(Bella)_

As much as I liked to think I wasn't the type to be a damsel in distress, that's exactly what I'd become under Jasper's venom. I was the limp girl unable to help herself while the secretion of a vampire worked its way through my body causing pain. Although, pain seemed like such a kind word for what I was going through. If I felt like being more articulate, I would use a word that didn't find its way into my vocabulary all that much to describe this pain. I had never been one to swear, but I did think there were occasions when a four letter word was appropriate. Like the time I fell down the stairs and broke my arm at 14. I'd said a few choice words then and my transformation into a vampire was about a 1,000 times worse than that, so yeah … swearing was acceptable for me now, even if I was paralyzed and unable to make my mouth form words. Sometimes when the pain was too much, I would simply recite the F word over and over in my head. It was a nice distraction, because it was so out there for me to do that and I could focus on the absurdity of the sound of the word fuck echoing in my head.

I knew my change was nearing its end when I no longer felt the need to say that special off-color word to myself anymore. Some movement was slowly returning to my body, which was very similar to when I had broken my arm, only this time there would be no happy trip to the doctor's office to remove my cast. The end of my suffering was also the beginning of a life where I would be transferring that pain onto others. I had no choice. It's what I would have to do to survive, but I tried not to think too much about that. I was just glad when I was able to do some things on my own again.

The moment I forced myself to touch Jasper's face as he carried me towards the house we were now in, sent a thrill through me. As much as I appreciated him protecting me, I didn't like feeling defenseless. I wanted to be able to fight back when James threatened me. Jasper had said that if James came near me again he would kill him, but I hardly felt James would worry about Jasper's warning all that much. He didn't seem the type to care at all … about anything except his wants. He just wanted and when he couldn't have what he wanted, he took regardless of threats. Not to mention Maria. I still worried about her as well and so, I was glad to know that eventually there would be an end. An end to pain and immobility meant I could fight alongside Jasper to preserve myself. I would no longer be a damsel in distress.

I'd already tried to say a few words once I knew the end of my transformation process was near. There were the _actually not that important, but I thought was important, because I still held onto a bit of my humanness_ incidents when I told both Charlotte and Jasper not to call me Isabella. Deep down I knew it was silly and petty and all the things I hated about myself rolled into one to use my limited strength to get that piece of information across to them, but I couldn't stop myself.

Isabella was the name my mom used on me when she was trying her hardest to sound condescending. It was the name my Dad still used when we talked on the phone, because he didn't know me all that well. It was the name a substitute teacher would call out, because they didn't know any better. In short it was the name I hated and to hear it being used so much in my presence lately, pulled the teenager I unfortunately still was out of hibernation. I may have thought that I was more mature than others my age and I probably was in most cases, but when it came to my name … you better call me Bella or there would be hell to pay. In most cases this version of hell was just me doing an awesome job of whining and not the fire and brimstone that all the main religions of the world taught. Still my whining was annoying and I could do it well. Thankfully for Jasper I wasn't able to say much beyond a few stray words that got my anti-Isabella message across, otherwise I'm sure he'd have dropped me and forgotten all about his promise to take care of me.

Of course, I knew Jasper wouldn't do that, well, I didn't think he would. He'd already gone out of his way to protect me and most of that harmed his standing in the group of vampires he was with. I really didn't understand the why behind it, but I couldn't imagine he would do all he'd done and not have some sort of endgame for himself. Maybe over time I would be able to find out, but now as I was discovering my footing in this new world, I just wanted to survive and Jasper was my ticket. Better not ask too many questions that would disrupt the dynamic of his clan any more than it already had been since I entered the picture.

In fact my first words to him when the last bit of his venom found its way into my heart, silencing the beat that for 17 years had kept me alive, was to ask how I would find sustenance. I wanted to show him that I was willing to do what was necessary to make myself one of them and kill for survival. And to be honest, I actually was very hungry, if that's what it was. There was an ache for something which presented itself as a dry burn in my throat that felt more like fire than any strep throat I ever remembered having as a human. Just like Jasper had told Maria it was exactly a day after he brought me to the house and guarded me inside a bedroom that I was ready for my first hunt or at least that was the term Jasper used. I apparently would be hunting for humans. He wanted to take me out with very few around and that meant going without the other newborns and also getting permission from Maria.

"Stay here and lock the door. I'm sure it wouldn't hold a vampire back, but it may deter them," he told me calmly, but also firmly.

I nodded and watched as he left the room, closing the door behind him. I moved forward, intent on doing as he asked, but on my way to the door I lost my footing. Apparently I was now capable of super speed or something like it, because just a step, literally took me a few feet. I wasn't anticipating the fast movement, but I was the fall. I could feel it happening seconds before and as a result did a perfect somersault akin to an Olympic gold medal win in gymnastics. I found my footing again perfectly once the tumble was over and gasped loudly in surprise at what I had just done. For someone as uncoordinated as I was known to be, clearly being a vampire came with special skills like not being a Bella-esque klutz.

"Holy Gabby Douglas. What was that even?" I whispered to myself.

My little display in agility got me wondering exactly what else had changed. Our room came with its own bathroom. Jasper didn't have much need for it while I laid on the floor finishing up my transition into a vampire, but I had spied the bottom of a toilet from where I had been. I now walked with care, making sure to take into account my new speed, to the ajar door of the bathroom. I went inside and found what I was looking for, a mirror. I peered at myself through the slightly dingy tint of glass that hadn't been washed in what looked like a long while. I wiped my hand against it, removing the dirt to see myself more clearly. What I saw looking back after the brown was gone gave me a shock.

The irises of my eyes were bathed in a deep red and as I scrutinized them I also noticed that somehow my eyelashes looked longer, darker even. The skin surrounding my eyes was paler, but despite my lack of a tan, I also seemed more beautiful. Scars on my face, I had known for years, simply weren't there anymore. I no longer suffered from acne either and my lips reminded me of Angelina Jolie's famous pout. Eventually I moved beyond my face and touched the dark locks framing it. The strands of brown, which used to be a mess of thick frizzy hair, now gleamed with a new sheen much like a woman who had just gotten done washing her hair in a shampoo commercial.

"Who are you?" I asked myself, because while I did recognize features, everything seemed to be so heightened. "You're a Victoria's Secret model."

At my mention of a store that sold bras, I felt a very narcissistic urge to view a part of my body that society sadly held in high importance for girl's my age and the boys who drooled over them. Without stopping to think, because I knew it would only lead to better judgment, I lifted my shirt to expose my breasts. My original bra had been removed by Jasper and now my naked chest with its perky new nipples stared back at me. My breasts had grown some, like a delayed puberty, and were as tempting as any I'd seen in an episode of _Game of Thrones_.

"Where did you guys come from?" I shrieked lowering my shirt and shaking my head.

"Shocking, right? I remember when I noticed that my uneven tits suddenly had become perfectly shaped handfuls. It's what happens when you become a vampire. You get perfect. I bet every guy who turns gets a large dick or something. They must be thrilled when they look down their pants for the first time."

Charlotte's voice hadn't startled me, because I had heard her footsteps coming, but I also wasn't quick enough in lowering my shirt or containing my outburst. I turned my head to see the female vampire standing in the door frame with an amused smirk on her face. I grimaced, horrified she had seen my body inspection.

"I'm sorry if I startled you. I don't mean to come across like I'm some creepy old dude spying on you through binoculars while you undress. I knocked, but you didn't answer and when I found out the door was unlocked I just came in." Her voice sounded truly apologetic.

I rolled my eyes, more at myself than at the awkward situation we both found ourselves in. "I'm sorry, I was too busy looking at my boobs to hear you," I joked, trying to ease the tension.

Charlotte laughed at my attempt at humor and came to stand beside me. "We all go through it, you know. Perfect body shock I call it. I'm sure that's probably why Jasper sent me in here to get you. No better person to help you deal with the new you than another girl."

The idea that Jasper instead of Charlotte might have been the one to walk in on my breast exam made me want to run and hide, but I knew that wasn't an option. Running away would probably lead to some sort of slow death by Maria. You couldn't just leave a clan of vampires, so I had to ignore my penchant for feeling embarrassment deeply and just deal with the more pressing matters … like eating and proving to the others that I was just like them. "Are you taking me to Jasper?" I asked.

If it were possible Charlotte's smile grew brighter, "Yes, he's outside with Peter. We're all going hunting together. Are you nervous, because you shouldn't be? We'll all be there for you, Bella. Your first time."

Charlotte said this like she was trying to elicit some sort of excited reaction from me. I wanted to pretend and act like I was into this whole thing, so I smiled with her too, trying to invoke the cheer my vampire friend displayed. In truth, my stomach, which I knew would soon be filled with blood, was churning from fear. Yes, I would sedate the burn in my throat, but in the process I would kill someone. It had to be done though. I had no choice, but that didn't mean I had to like it.


	10. Chapter 10

_(Jasper)_

As I searched the house for Maria, I thought it was very possible that she would protest me wanting to take my newborn out alone on her first hunt. Now that Bella was fully changed, I knew that my protection of her might become problematic and unnecessary in Maria's eyes. Newborns were brought out to find blood much like cattle grazing on grass. A location would be found, they would feed as a group and we would try to cover our tracks and remain hidden. If we killed humans the world would not miss like the homeless, the runaways, the drug addicted prostitutes, it could be managed. It all had the connotation of being serial killers and I suppose in a way we were. We chose victims much like they did. I didn't like the comparison, but it more than likely was true. It was our nature to kill humans. We did it to survive. Someone like James perhaps not, but I decided now was not the time to remember how he'd jeopardized our group many times by choosing victims based on their attractiveness and not their ability to disappear into the night without a trace. It reminded me of what he'd done to Bella and my focus didn't need to be occupied by my hatred for him. I had to think about her.

I also needed to think about what I would do to convince Maria that my request was appropriate, because truthfully if we took newborns out one at a time, like I wanted to do with Bella, then nothing would ever get accomplished. Our army would fall prey to our enemies, because we would lose valuable time training them. When your whole purpose as a vampire was to build your soldiers up to win then who could waste time giving proper lessons on how to feed? The truly useful instructions were the ones given about fighting. Those would keep you alive.

But I hoped that I might have some leverage with Maria after her admission of being less than faithful to me. It might make her more flexible if she at all held onto some guilt at having ended our century long standing as lovers. I didn't want to press my luck, but I also needed to take Bella out. I was afraid that if she fed with the rest of the newborns she would become lost in the sea of rage. It was possible she might even lose her life at the hands of a frenzied vampire. All the other newborns were chosen for their show of force or some certain characteristic that proved they could be useful in battle. Even someone like Charlotte, who on the outside looked petite, was brought into our clan after Maria saw her effectively fight off some would be attackers. Bella on the other hand was chosen for a much different reason and I wanted to make sure she could hold her own during the fury of feeding.

After a quick tour of the house, my search eventually brought me outside where I found Maria standing alone not far from the entrance. When she saw me coming I heard her say in a somewhat sardonic voice, "He finally emerges. Your special one must have finished her change."

It was nearing evening and the newborns were getting restless inside. Soon we would be on our way again, trying to find a new place, one where we could train. "I'd like to make a request," I stated, putting forth an effort to ignore the petulant tone she spoke in and be tactful.

Maria seemed to drop her open irritation with the choices I had been making as of late and tilted her chin forward, her eyebrows arched, "And what would that be?"

I didn't want to fight with her, so I asked with the same respect I'd always shown her, as our leader and not as someone who had betrayed me, "I'd like to take Bella out on her first hunt and have Peter come along to help. I realize we will be on our way again soon and I want to make sure she has a proper feeding before our journey continues."

Maria was quiet at first, thinking over my words. Then she moved in my direction and stopped right in front of me, crossing her arms across her chest. "I've been inspecting this house and the area more thoroughly. It doesn't seem like it gets many visitors and is very secluded. There is a resort near a beach that is not that far off, sure to be full of visiting Americans who might not be noticed by the locals if a few go missing from time to time." She placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned in, "I think we should stay here. What do you think?"

Her response to me was perplexing. I hadn't expected to be fully welcomed back into her inner circle so soon, but she was treating me like she always had when making a decision. Maybe it was possible for us to remain as we had despite a lack of a more intimate relationship. I wasn't going to be demoted as I had feared. "I think your instincts are usually right about these things and I will follow whatever you think is best." I didn't want to sound patronizing and I hoped she hadn't interpreted my compliance as such.

She nodded her head in agreement and walked past me.

"What does James think?" I asked, turning around to look at her back as she moved away from me.

I wanted to know where he stood in this all. Was he now going to be privy to our decision making? Had he been given a larger stake in our group now that he was sleeping with its leader? Maria turned her head to look over her shoulder at me. "That's not something he's in charge of," she replied and then continued to walk away.

_Good._

"What about my request?" I reiterated.

Maria kept her pace moving further into the trees and didn't look at me when she said, "You have one hour. I want you back here, so we can start training the newborns again. Maybe when you return we can test, Bella. See where her strength lies. She would be fed and able to take on whatever you can give her." She glanced over her shoulder once more and I saw her red eyes flash in my direction before she moved out of my line of sight.

So, she had granted my request and it hadn't taken much persuasive mood manipulation on my part. Although, I doubted she would have tolerated that from me. At this point Maria was very aware of my ability to sway decisions based on my extra sensory vampire abilities. Quickly, I turned back to the house and entered, trying not to worry about why it had been so easy to receive Maria's approval, and yet my mind wanted to nudge me into guessing the reason behind the simplicity of it all.

Was there extra meaning in what Maria had said? I didn't think she meant for my training with Bella to be anything other than testing the girl's abilities, but a part of me worried that this was just retaliation. Was she trying to get back at me for turning someone without her permission? Did she mean to expose me to a situation where I might harm Bella? I grumbled and shook off my trepidation as best I could before scanning over the newborns milling around inside.

I was looking for Peter. He was in charge of keeping the newborns in line, so I knew my friend would be around them. Peter was great at solving disputes among the young hot-headed vampires who had not yet honed discipline. His strength was in being diplomatic and calm in tense situations. That was the reason he had been handed the job decades ago. It's why after all this time he'd managed to stay among us and alive.

The house was two stories, filled with multiple rooms, and a basement, or so I had learned during my search for Maria earlier, but thankfully I didn't have to look long for Peter. I noticed he was standing off in a corner of the main room which could have easily been the place the humans gathered each night to watch television. He was busy eyeing two vampires suspiciously. The newborns in his line of sight seemed to be in an argument and Peter appeared as if he was about to intercede. Behind him was his ever present shadow, Charlotte. The way his body was positioned it looked like he was trying to keep her from harm. If I had more time I may have let him diffuse the situation, but my mind was very much on my mission. I had one hour. Time was limited.

"Peter," I called out and his head turned in my direction.

"Jasper," he replied, looking surprised to see me at first, but then taking Charlotte's hand they both walked in my direction. "I see you are without Bella. I'm assuming her change is complete."

I nodded. "Which is why I'm here to ask for your aide."

His eyebrows furrowed slightly. "How so?"

I explained my conversation with Maria earlier and Peter agreed to help, but he did have one condition, "I'd rather not leave Charlotte alone with the others."

I should have guessed. The two were nearly inseparable and even if Charlotte could hold her own against the new occupants of the house, Peter was always very protective of her. "Of course," I agreed and turned my attention to Charlotte, "In fact why don't you go get Bella in case she has any questions about … female vampire things."

Peter's mate rolled her eyes and let out a snort at my stumble to find the right words. "Is she still in the same room you took her to?"

"Yes."

"See you guys outside then," she replied and walked away with a slight skip in her step.

Peter and I headed outside into the twilight where we waited for Charlotte to return with Bella. The two of us never really had a deep relationship beyond discussing strategy or issues involving newborns, but he had felt close enough to me to confide about his worries concerning Charlotte and Maria's plans for her. Still, despite this, I was very surprised when Peter broached the subject of Bella as we stood waiting.

"Excuse me for stepping over my boundaries, but I am curious as to why you are risking so much for one newborn. What is it about Bella? You didn't know her when you changed her and you still don't know her."

Peter was looking directly into my eyes as he spoke and I commended his courage at putting forth such a question and being as direct as he was. I could see his concern for my welfare and I appreciated it, but I also couldn't give him a direct answer. The truth was I really didn't know. Still I tried as best I could to explain the change I felt inside me that prompted bringing Bella into my life.

"Most of my second life has been filled with the same emotions. I was simply tired of the same. I wanted to experience something more. I wanted to stop James from harming Bella. I wanted to stop her unnecessary pain. Perhaps I want to find a new way of feeling, because I am burdened and the weight of it is too much at times."

Peter put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off when I saw Charlotte and Bella emerge from the house moments later. Despite my mood, I managed to smile at Bella, because the sight of her did actually pull at something in my dead heart. She sent me a shy half-smile in return as Charlotte ran past her and all but attacked Peter by playfully climbing on his back. I assumed she was probably relishing their time alone together since that was such a rare occurrence when you were part of a clan of vampires. Peter laughed and began to walk away from the house with his companion still on his back.

"Ready?" I asked Bella when she came up beside me.

"As I'll ever be." She shrugged and then we moved forward on towards her first hunt.


	11. Chapter 11

_(Bella)_

"Do you know what happened to my phone?"

It was such a weird question for me to ask considering there were probably a million other more pertinent ones that I should know the answers to for hunting's sake ... you know, the thing I was about to do. Still I couldn't shake the idea that my anxiety could be eased by some Mozart or at the other end of the spectrum, I could pump myself up with a metal song by Metalica. Yes, both held spots next to each other in the artist listing of the mp3s on my phone. While I did like classical, preferring it to all other genres, music was a big part of my life and not everything for me could be related to something an ancient composer came up with. Sometimes a moment just called for Britney Spears. I wasn't ashamed. I liked everything.

From his position at my side, Jasper sent me a quick glance and appeared to be amused. My requests seemed to have that effect on him. He'd laughed at my insistence in being called Bella and now he smiled at me for needing my phone. Wow, I really did sound like a typical teenager, didn't I?

"I'm sorry, but I'm certain it was destroyed to keep others from tracking you," he replied, but then I saw his grin fade away as his face became serious. "You weren't thinking of trying to call anyone with it, were you? I warned that you can never go back to the life you had before without bringing danger on the ones you loved and possibly yourself if Maria ever caught you."

I shook my head. "No, I just want some music. Thought it might help."

Yes, I remembered most all the warnings he'd given to me while I was changing. There had been many, but the one he was referring to now had especially stuck in my brain, because it was the one that when I was able, I fully planned to disregard.

"You mean help with hunting?" Jasper guessed.

I shrugged. "I thought maybe if I had the right music then I could get in the right mindset. I mean I understand that I'm going to have to kill someone and I'm all for doing what I have to do, but I admit-"

"You are nervous. I know. I can feel it pouring off you," Jasper interrupted.

The way he described it made my nervousness sound like something I needed deodorant for. "It's pouring off me ... like a bad smell?"

I'd thought before that maybe my guardian had some ability to sense emotions and also push his onto others, but this was the first time he'd admitted it to me. Well, really it was the first time the two of us were having any sort of conversation at all. Before it had been just me listening. Jasper chuckled at my bad smell comment, so clearly I was off the mark and also making him amused with me again. Well, I was glad my inexperience in the vampire way of things wasn't frustrating him. Making him laugh was better.

"Not quite. Now that you're a vampire you can expect your scent to be very alluring, especially to your victims, but also to other vampires like me. When you were human your blood was enticing for its smell, but now I detect a very floral smell from you, which is the venom that has begun taking over the dead blood cells in your veins. It's not too sweet, almost like a lilac."

"And my nervousness, does that smell like a flower too?"

"No, it doesn't smell at all. I simply can feel what you're feeling. An emotion coming from you finds me and I begin to feel the same. In certain situations it can be overbearing, but I've lived a long while, so it's manageable ... and a useful tool in getting to understand others." Jasper indicated me by tilting his head in my direction.

"So there isn't any point in me trying to pretend to be okay with something, because you would know I wasn't being truthful." I said more to myself than him.

All this time he'd known about my intense trepidation with killing even when I was trying to fake enthusiasm for the vampire way of life. I unintentionally grimaced at my own stupidity for trying to pull anything over on Jasper. The last few days with my new friend, getting to know him, should have taught me something. I should have guessed.

"I can sense that you are embarrassed right now and I'm going to assume it's, because you don't like me knowing that you're nervous, that you would rather me assume you were fully ready to hunt."

I didn't exactly indicate he was right with my glance at him and quiet mumble, but neither did I challenge his theory. Having someone be able to read my emotions was going to be tricky. How could you ever hide anything? I was basically an open book. The idea of this caused worry to take hold. "Can others do this ... read emotions like you? I mean, I'm a vampire and I can't, but maybe that's just me," I asked, my mind picturing two images, one of Maria and the other of James.

"Not all vampires carry with them a special ability beyond the standard set of skills that are part of the undead package. I just happened to be very emphatic when I was human and this was how my vampire body interpreted that character trait. Perhaps you will come to find your own, or not. It really doesn't matter. We all learn to survive in our own way, hone our strengths, and honestly Bella," Jasper said, placing a comforting hand on the small of my back and looking at me with sincere eyes, "you shouldn't fear your first hunt. I promised to be there for you and I don't plan on withdrawing that offer unless you request it of me. Of course, I hope it would never come to that, but perhaps there will be a time when I'm not needed for you to survive. We are immortal. A lot can change over time."

There seemed to be some extra meaning behind his last sentence that caused Jasper to grow silent and thoughtful. He dropped his hand away from me and back down to his side. Then his eyes drifted from mine and over to Charlotte and Peter who were a few feet ahead of us. Originally Charlotte had rode piggyback on Peter, but now the two walked side by side, holding hands with their fingers interlocked. My new vampire hearing was strong enough that I could pick up their conversation, but that didn't mean I wanted to. I tried to block their words out, since they seemed to be of the personal variety and it just felt intrusive to hear Peter tell Charlotte he loved her, among other things.

"Have you been immortal for a long time?" I asked Jasper, trying to get him talking again, anything to drown out the two love birds ahead of us.

Whatever thought that had caught Jasper in its snare, relinquished its hold when I spoke and he turned back to me. "Longer than anyone else in our little group, except for Maria, of course."

"And that would be how long ..." I prompted, drawing out my last word, not willing to let him leave me guessing his age with some ambiguous statement.

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me and I couldn't tell if he was annoyed or again amused.

"Persistent," he finally commented, but then shrugged off my pushy ways with a rumble in his chest that sounded like it was a suppressed laugh. Whatever. I would take it. "I'll put it like this, I'm older than a century, but younger than two."

I tried not to act shocked, but then remembered, oh yeah super vampire emotion reader over here, so instead I replied with a word that would reiterate exactly what he was feeling from me, "Wow."

Jasper only smiled in response and I didn't press him any further on the subject. Obviously with the way he was being so vague, his age wasn't a comfortable conversation for him to have … at least with me. I decided to make light of it and see if I could get him to laugh, since it appeared to be all I was good for around him. "Well, since you divulged your age I feel like it's only fair that I tell you mine. I'm older than a decade, but younger than two."

He didn't react the way I had hoped. Instead of laughing, he stopped in his tracks and placed a finger against my lips. _Well, I didn't think it was that bad of a joke_. But then my friend crouched on the ground and sniffed the dirt beneath us, giving me a good look at his dazzling blond hair. Then he stood again, making a noise that sounded like a dog whistle, because I was almost certain it was too high to be picked up by human ears. Both Peter and Charlotte were at our side in an instant.

"What is it?" Peter asked.

"Human. Male. Highly intoxicated. Possibly passed out nearby. Easy kill." Jasper stated this with as little care as he would call off items from a grocery list.

Peter replayed Jasper's actions from before, sniffing the dirt, but then he moved along in his crouched position and off into the shrubbery around us, an image that had the situation been different I may have laughed at. We all followed his lead until we came upon a man, who like Jasper had claimed, was passed out with a tequila bottle not far from his position on the ground. Man was such a strong word to use, because he had obviously just earned that title, maybe a recent graduate who had come to Mexico to celebrate.

I watched as Peter prodded the boy with his hand and got no response. Then his eyes caught sight of something and he held it up for us to see.

"Cocaine." Jasper stated.

It was a little empty baggie, with some white residue left inside. I didn't recognize the smell, but obviously the others had. I watched as Jasper came to the intoxicated boy's side and placed his ear near his chest. Then he looked in my direction. "This is very lucky, Bella and also the type of person you would want to find and kill. When hunting with the other newborns we would take you to the slums to find humans like this. He is unresponsive and more than likely will die from the high concentration of drugs and alcohol in his system. His blood will not taste clean to you, but it is necessary to find ones like him. If he had been awake then breaking his neck like so," Jasper paused and so very nonchalantly grasped the boys head in a vice like grip and gave it one quick turn. "Would be required."

I wanted to gag at the bone snaps of the boy's neck breaking, but had to admit the blood it released caused the burn in my throat to swell and a liquid like feel to cover my teeth. I assumed it was venom.

"After you feed we can simply throw this body in the ocean," Jasper continued. "If he is found then his death would be attributed to his drug use. Party boy dies from fall after drug and alcohol consumption causes him to drown and break his neck. It's that simple if you do it right. If you don't then our clan might be found out and we would be driven away."

I nodded at his instructions, thinking that this was all like the most morbid class ever. Serial Killer 101: How to kill a human and get away with it. Would our next lesson be in cutting the body up into pieces to place in plastic garbage bags? I groaned at my own sadistic sense of humor, but truthfully I couldn't stop the sick feeling in my stomach that only got worse when Jasper bit into the dead boy's wrist and pulled out some of his blood. "You will want to feed from an area that will not look too conspicuous if he happens to be found by other humans, but also will allow a strong blood flow."

He then offered up the wrist for me to drink from. "Come and have your first taste of human blood." When he saw my hesitation, or maybe felt it, I couldn't be sure with Jasper, he looked genuinely surprised at my lack of enthusiasm to fill my mouth with the same red that hung around his lips. "You need it to survive," he reminded me.

I nodded my head in agreement, but my feet weren't cooperating. In fact they started to move slightly backwards. I heard Peter say in an astonished voice to Jasper, "I've never seen a newborn not instinctively attack and feed at the smell of human blood."

"Bella, where are you going?" was the last thing I heard, before I found myself running away from the horror building in my body at what I was witnessing.

I was being so dumb, because I knew that fleeing would not only anger Jasper, but also endanger myself and him at the hands of Maria. Still, I couldn't stop my instincts from taking over. When I was human, the sight and smell of blood had always caused waves of nausea and sometimes vomit to wreak havoc on my body. Clearly my vampire body had taken that one quality and enhanced it. Oh, I had special abilities alright. I was going to be the first vampire to starve to death, because blood made her sick.


	12. Chapter 12

_(Bella)_

I eventually stopped running when my feet took me to the edge of land as it met up against the ocean. It was a cliff of sorts and I half entertained the thought that I could jump from it and swim away, possibly to Africa. Maria wouldn't bother to chase me if I made it as difficult as possible would she? Did she really want to follow me all the way out into the Atlantic? At least that's what I suspected the body of water I now stared at with anticipation was. The longer I looked into the depths of the sea water the less I liked the idea of swimming off on my own. For all I knew it could be the Pacific. I wasn't exactly up to date on my Mexico geography and had no idea where I was or where I would even go.

Besides there were so many things I still didn't understand about my new life and the only person who was willing to take the time to teach me was the same person I was now turning my back on. The truth was that deep down to my core I could never hurt someone even if it wasn't me who was inflicting the pain. Jasper had saved me from dying. He'd risked a lot for me and even if I didn't understand why he had chosen to offer up his support and protection, I didn't want to take it for granted. If I left and Jasper was blamed, I didn't see it ending well for him. I couldn't willingly leave knowing the jeopardy I was putting him in.

With a heavy sigh, I kicked my foot in frustration against the dirt on the edge of land I stood on. Only instead of a few clumps of earth dropping into the water, like I'd intended, a huge chunk fell as my foot met up with the ground. I nearly lost my balance, but of course, as I'd already learned from my perfect somersault earlier, it wasn't possible for me to have graceless moments anymore. I quickly anticipated my fall and went to straighten my body, while my ears caught sound of the splash the large piece of ground I'd dislodged made as it met the water. I shook my head in embarrassment. I'd have to remember that things weren't the same for vampire Bella as they were for human Bella. My body didn't react to situations like it used to and if I wasn't careful I could do some real damage to the natural world if I forgot.

Quickly I scanned the area to see if anyone had seen my super strength kick, but thankfully I was still alone. I didn't smell anyone nearby either, but that was mostly, because of the dead boy's blood from before. That odor was still tainting my senses with its overpowering scent. The whole situation was a catch 22, because while my body did react to his blood the way a vampire should, with the burning sensation and venom, it also recoiled from it. The only similar situation I could compare this with was having the flu. A part of you wanted to eat, because of your empty stomach, but then again the other part, the stronger one, reminded you that eating led to puking. I wanted his blood, because my body told me I needed it, but my mind was causing me to run away from the red liquid.

I really didn't know how I would overcome this predicament, but I had to try for Jasper's sake and my own as well. I wasn't ready to make a run for it, not prepared for the new world I was a part of. I also needed to find a way to protect Jasper from any collateral damage that might fall on him when I eventually did leave. If I had to tally it up in my head I'd say that it was 70% Jasper and 30% me and my mission to see my family again that caused me to turn around and head back in the direction I had just come from. I knew that even if I never saw Renee or Charlie again that they would learn to live without me. It would be hard for them not to ever know exactly what happened to their only child, but life would continue for my parents. As far as Jasper was concerned, I wasn't so sure Maria would be as kind to allow him the same luxury. At the very least, I needed to try to drink blood again to show him that I was willing and that me running away before hadn't been an abandonment.

I moved along slower than I had run, which was faster than human speed, but slower than the frenzied need to get away pace I'd used earlier. It was completely dark now, no setting sun to guide my way, but apparently I could see pretty well in the dark. So, along with all my other new talents I could also list cat vision among them. Was there anything my kind wasn't capable of? It almost felt ridiculous. If vampires from the movies had all the things I did then any film about them would be over at the 30 minute mark. Humans wouldn't stand a chance. I tried to imagine what a movie like that might be like, probably some mind bending _Inception_ type production where Jasper was played by Leonardo DiCaprio. I laughed as my mind conjured a scene from my unmade movie and I noticed that no, not even Leo was as pretty as Jasper.

I really didn't understand how I was able to think like this when I was dealing with something as dark as being turned into a vampire. Perhaps this was my coping mechanism. I remembered joking with Jasper earlier and how I had made him laugh. It had been a nice feeling. I needed that respite from my new reality now and again.

Still I felt dumb for allowing my made-up movie escapism when I should be putting all my effort into getting past my blood aversion, so I tried my best to empty my brain of everything that didn't have to do with what would happen when I eventually found Leo DiCaprio or um ... Jasper. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough, because just as I was able to shake the movie from my head, a familiar scent managed to push its way past the blood molecules in my nose. Then my eyes saw the source of the pleasant musky smell as he emerged from the trees and I stopped in my tracks. He didn't look angry and I sighed a little in relief.

"Bella, please don't run," Jasper said in a calming voice and I could tell he was using some of his mojo on me, trying to ease what had caused me to run in the first place.

I slowly approached him and grasped both his hands in mine to show him I wasn't going anywhere. "I don't plan to. I'm staying with you."

_(Jasper)_

I had to admit in all my years as a vampire I'd never actually seen or heard that it was possible for my kind to have an adverse reaction to human blood, but this was what Bella had related to me after I tracked her down. For a tiny moment I was shocked, just as I had been when she ran away, but then I was quickly able to reconcile her words. My eyes had been looking at things a little differently since Bella entered my life. I thought perhaps this new vision given to me by her was opening up an acceptance for fresh ideas and possibilities. This made it easier for me to believe Bella's explanation, something I may not have been able to do before. She represented the first of her kind or maybe there were others like her out there. Either way it presented itself as a conundrum for me. I needed to make sure Bella was fed before her training, but as she had related to me, the smell and sight of human blood made her ill.

We were moving along back towards Peter, Charlotte, and the body I had left them in charge of. Bella had stated she was willing to try and drink blood again and I held one of her hands in my own for comfort, while the other casually reached down into the front pocket of my jeans. There my fingers formed around the little rectangle shaped item I had stolen off a dead man only moments before. I had done it, because it reminded me of what Bella had said about needing the right music to put her in the right mindset. Now the thought of giving it to her made me feel awkward. I wondered when the last time I felt this way was. I couldn't recall. I was always very sure of myself and my decisions. It all seemed a little absurd to be worrying what she might think of my gesture and yet, that's exactly how I felt. It was an emotion I couldn't shake and wasn't very used to.

"What do you got there?" Bella asked, noticing the Ipod I was very awkwardly pulling out of my pocket and then placing back again only to take it out once more.

I lamented my ability to oscillate back and forth on such a trivial issue and cleared my throat, something that usually wasn't necessary, but my nervousness had caused venom to pool in the back of my throat. "I remembered what you told me, about music and uh the man … from before, the one we killed, had this on him." I quickly slid the Ipod into her hand and looked away. "We don't have any way to charge the device, but it looks like it still has a little bit of life left in it. Maybe there is something on there that can help."

I looked back in time to see a smile light up Bella's face. "Oh, how nice of you, did it come with any ear buds?" She asked as I silently released some air from my lungs, happy that she hadn't thought my gift was too forward.

"Oh, yes, here." I pulled out what she asked for from my other pocket and handed it over.

I watched as Bella flipped back her dark brown hair, exposing the pale skin of her long neck, and then put the ear buds in. Her fingers connected the jack into the ipod and she pushed some buttons to get it to play. I wasn't very familiar with the technology, but I did know that this was the way humans played their music now. It was a far cry from the guitar I used to strum when I was a human. Back then the only way to hear music was to be or be near an actual musician. I'd lived a long time since then and times were certainly different now.

She appeared to be enjoying whatever was on the Ipod and after a few minutes the girl pulled one of the buds from her ear and looked at me. "Well, I have the advantage of being pretty open minded when it comes to music, so even I can appreciate that this is mostly filled with rap." She paused and looked down at her moving feet for a moment, then her eyes came back up to me. "But I can't listen to this."

With a yank the other ear bud came out and she handed the device back to me. "Why not?" I asked, confused, because hadn't she just explained that the music was acceptable.

Bella frowned. "Because, it belonged to him. I know this makes me look like I'm a terrible vampire and yeah, I'm a vampire … must kill humans, so ok, I'll do that for self-preservation, but stealing from him just seems to add insult to injury, if that makes any sense. I hope it makes sense."

She put her head in her hands and moved it in a back and forth motion as if frustrated with herself. While I on the other hand tried to understand where her line of thinking was coming from. Bella was emphatic. It was something I had picked up on from being near her and she felt for this boy, so much that she didn't want to feed from him and also steal. The only reason she would kill was to keep herself alive. I rolled these thoughts around in my head for a little while until a revelation came to me all at once. Bella's aversion to blood might be due to her ability to care more for others than herself. She couldn't stand the idea of killing so much so that it made her physically ill to smell the blood of those we hunted. I wanted to test this theory out and knowing I had limited time left I quickly told Bella to stay where she was. Then I ran off, returning minutes later with a dead animal in my hands.

"You weren't a vegetarian while human where you?" I asked.

Her brows creased in confusion. "What is _that_?" she said, eyeing what I held.

"It's an armadillo, not a great amount of blood in this mammal, but I didn't have time to search for anything larger. I thought perhaps we could test to see if its blood might be more tolerable to you," I explained.

"You want me to drink the blood of road kill?" She sounded like she was teasing with her mock outrage and I sent her a wry smile.

"Yes, not the most classy of animals, but I thought perhaps if you had no qualms about eating meat as a human then perhaps you would be able to –"

"Drink from it," Bella finished.

"Precisely."

She looked over the animal and then took it from my grasp. In her hands she flopped the armadillo about while smelling the air around it. Then her eyes shot back up to mine and looked hungry. "I think this might work," she stated, before placing her teeth against the shell of the animal and breaking through it quite effortlessly.

Once she was done and had discarded the carcass on the ground I asked her how she felt. "Not bad, but I suppose I would need 10 of these little guys to really take the burning away in my throat," she replied.

"Next time we can try and find something larger … a mountain lion," I suggested.

Bella smiled. "It might be fun to tackle an animal that would have killed me before."

I laughed imagining the sight of Bella doing such a thing.

"I'm glad you're laughing at this and not irritated with all my special needs. She used air quotes around the last two words of her sentence, while giving me a guilty look.

I quickly took one of her hands in my own. "I don't think we should look at your condition as special needs, but maybe as another way to do things. "

"Thanks," Bella said quietly. "Thanks for being so accommodating."

I shook my head. "No, I should be the one thanking you for opening my eyes to new ideas."

And then we began to run hand in hand on our way to meet up with Charlotte and Peter. As we moved along a feeling of exhilaration slowly began to grow from my center until it encompassed the whole of my body. The sensation was something that I had thought dead long ago. Happiness. I was happy.


	13. Chapter 13

_(Jasper)_

On our way back we happened to stumble upon a roadrunner. His instincts, once he saw us, were quick, but Bella's vampire reflexes were quicker. As soon as it bolted she broke away from my hand to capture the animal. Her absence was only for a few seconds and when she returned I saw that the bird's neck was already broken, nearly severed. Blood colored the area around the wound as well as Bella's mouth. She'd drained most of its vital fluid, but not all. I could still smell the scent of it when she approached me with a sly smile and asked, "Aren't you even a little bit curious what animal blood tastes like? I mean, I'm assuming you'd never thought about drinking it before, since you told me I was giving you a new way of thinking. So, what about now?"

She was right, of course. Why would I even consider tasting it when I already knew from the smell of animal's blood that it wasn't necessarily all that appetizing? Besides what was the point of our clan always fighting for the territory with the most human blood when animals were readily available? The answer was simple, human blood provided the best possible way for our kind to survive. It offered sustenance along with being extremely flavorful and for some it could even be compared to the climax of a sexual encounter. I doubted animal blood could do all that.

"I can't say I've ever entertained the thought of tasting animal blood," I answered, "but I'm not really curious either, since I can smell what you're offering and it's not exactly on par with a human's blood, which is what we vampires were created to drink."

Bella shrugged. "Well, I really didn't want to share anyway." Her voice was teasing, but I could feel the emotion her joke was trying to cover and the truth was that I had disappointed her.

"That's not to say I wouldn't taste it if you challenged me," I quickly added, wanting for some reason to do what needed to be done to keep her happy.

Bella scoffed, "You mean I have to treat you like a kid on the playground, betting you couldn't eat worms and you'll do it just to prove me wrong?"

"That is a good analogy, because I'm certain animal blood is comparable to a human eating worms," I replied with a smile to which Bella responded with one of her own, along with an added eye roll for good measure.

After a second of contemplation, she decided to take me up on my offer and placed her empty hand on her hip while stretching out the other to offer me the bird. Then cocking her head to one side she said, "Hey Jasper, I bet you couldn't drink blood from a non-human source. I bet you're too scared of it." Bella arched an eyebrow as she challenged me, speaking in a tone that sounded much younger than her actual age.

"Oh, I'll show you," I replied in the same mock tone and took the roadrunner from her hand.

Placing the area with the nearly severed head to my mouth, I pulled a few drops past my lips. Quickly I let them fall down my throat, not wanting the taste to linger on my tongue. The animal blood was not bad although, neither was it good ... exactly what I had expected. Certainly it was not something I would ever taste again without a good enough reason. Although, with Bella in my life for the time being and her needing to drink from animals, I wondered if this situation would happen again. As it was now her eyes were staring at me with anticipation, hoping I'd give her a positive response. My need to keep Bella happy, which had come about suddenly in the past hour or so, was strong, but I also was not going to lie to placate her either. It was better to be honest.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know you would like a friend in this drinking animal blood venture of yours, but that was ... not ... acceptable." I grimaced comically to try and soften the blow.

Bella let out a little laugh at my exaggerated facial expression and nodded her head in an understanding manner as she retrieved the animal from me. "Well, I appreciate you trying it at least."

There didn't seem to be any falseness in her words. She genuinely was emoting happiness for my efforts, which eased my worry at letting her down. "I'm sorry," I said.

Bella shook her head. "No, don't. You've done so much for me, so what ... you don't like animal blood. Big deal. I think I'll managed not to hold that against you, since you know, if it weren't for you, I'd be just some dead rape victim buried in the ground right now."

She smiled brightly at me and then in a move that felt impulsive, Bella wrapped her arms around my torso for a brief embrace. But just as fast as our moment of intimacy began ... so it ended. Her gratefulness sharply morphed into embarrassment in a matter of seconds. Unwilling to look at me while the mortification ensnared her body, Bella turned away. I stared at her back in curiosity as the girl discreetly finished off the blood I had left behind in the bird. Once the last drop was gone, Bella let the roadrunner fall to the ground and she turned back around to face me again.

I imagined that Bella must have easily blushed as a human, because her hands kept touching her cheeks as if she thought the embarrassment she felt was showing on her face. The girl had only been a vampire for little over an hour and I wondered if I had told her during her change that her body no longer responded to embarrassment the way it used to. Probably not. It wasn't exactly at the top of my list for things she needed to know about her new life. I decided it was best not to mention this detail to her now as it would only bring to light that I knew she was embarrassed. Instead I grasped her hand again, hoping this gesture would calm any lingering self-consciousness she felt. I also decided a change in topic was what she really needed and something that I did as well. There was a warning that I'd been meaning to communicate to Bella before we were back in the presence of Peter and Charlotte. I motioned for us to begin walking again and then broached the subject.

"I think it's best if we keep your need to drink animal blood between the two of us. I will probably inform Peter, because I trust him, but we should leave Charlotte out of this or anyone else … not that you would feel the need to tell anyone else in our clan, but let's be cautious."

Bella's eyebrows pulled together as worry and confusion replaced embarrassment. "Is it a bad thing that I can't drink human blood? Is it so bad that we can't even trust Charlotte?"

It seemed to me that my companion had begun to strike up a friendship with Charlotte and Bella didn't like the idea that the other would betray her. "It's not that I don't trust Charlotte, but rather I'd not give her the weight of what knowing this information means … to keep her safe," I said, my voice serious. "I'm simply being overly cautious. You are a new breed of vampire and I'm not entirely sure how Maria will react to that. So, let's play it safe for now."

_It's one more thing Maria could hold against you and I won't give her the ammunition._

Bella nodded, but I still felt worry dripping from her and onto me. "Don't worry. I will handle it," I said, softly caressing the knuckles of her hand that was in mine.

I looked down at her fingers in my grasp and wondered at how natural it felt, such a simple thing to do and yet, it brought us closer. I hadn't known Bella for very long, but from the start I yearned to protect her and it was reminiscent of Alice. I quickly shook thoughts of her out of my head. Now was not the time.

"Oh my god, you smell funny," a familiar feminine voice exclaimed as the person it belonged to came into view. "I smelled you both coming, but now that I'm closer I smell something else."

Peter came to stand next to Charlotte and patted her hand. I'd seen him use this soft gesture on her before. It was a motion that was meant to quiet her. I watched as she sent him an apologetic look before turning to us again. "What I meant was … hi. Glad you're back."

I snorted at her obviously bad attempt at a cover-up and Bella giggled. This was very typical of Charlotte. The newborn could be honest to a fault and was quite adept at causing cringe worthy moments. Simply put, the girl lacked a filter. I sensed it was a large part of why Peter loved her, but sometimes it was necessary to remind Charlotte that not everything was meant to be said out loud.

"The body is still nearby if she needs to feed," Peter said, trying to take the attention away from Charlotte's gaffe.

"There isn't enough time. Maria gave us an hour. It's better not to have her wonder why we are late. We will have to dispose of the body and return as soon as possible."

Peter tipped his head slightly, acknowledging my words and then the four of us set into motion the plan I had explained to Bella earlier. This human death would be ruled accidental if he was found … if not then the better for us.

After the body was disposed of we headed back to the house, but I lingered back and indicated that Peter should too. My friend caught my nonverbal cues and turned to Charlotte at his side, "Maybe you should walk with Bella and discuss with her any questions she might have about being a newborn. You do have more first-hand experience since Jasper and I are much older."

Charlotte's facial expression displayed slight annoyance. "I know when you're trying to get rid of me," she muttered, but despite his contrived need for Charlotte to talk with Bella, she kissed Peter's cheek and moved towards the other newborn.

"Hey, have I ever told you about all the cool things …"

I drowned out her words as she linked arms with Bella's and nearly dragged the girl away. I had to force myself not to laugh when Bella turned around and sent me a pleading look. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders in response. She returned my apathy at her situation with a half-hearted glare and at that point I actually did chuckle to myself. When the two were eventually a ways ahead of us, where I felt comfortable talking without them hearing, I turned to Peter and said, "Bella is unable to drink human blood. It causes her distress of a kind that I've never seen in a vampire before. We were though able to find that she could drink animal blood without any issues."

"Well, that explains the smell."

"Is this even possible? I honestly don't know what I will tell Maria. She's looking for any hole in my claim that Bella is special and should remain in our clan." I threw my hands up in frustration.

Peter looked as if he needed to tell me something, but was hesitating. I also felt his trepidation and after a few seconds I took it upon myself to try and force him to speak. "Just tell me. Whatever it is you shouldn't worry. You have my loyalty, Peter."

I heard him exhale loudly as he ran his fingers through his short auburn hair. "I've heard of other vampires that don't drink from humans, but are like Bella instead."

"When did you find this out? Who have you been talking to?" I asked, trying to hide the surprise in my voice, not wanting him to mistake it as suspicion.

Peter wavered again before ultimately abandoning his need to keep whatever it was a secret and said, "I've been inquiring around … random vampires who are not part of clans, loners. I was looking for a way out in case Charlotte does not make it. You know as well as me that many of our newborns are hitting the year mark, Charlotte included. I'm sorry Jasper, but … I won't let it happen. I love her and I will protect her. If Maria doesn't bring her into our fold then we are leaving."

The longer he spoke the more intense Peter became. He finished his last word, resonating it with conviction and I didn't know what to say in reply. My mouth was stunned into silence. The idea of Peter leaving had never occurred to me. Yes, I had seen it before over the years, but it was always a vampire switching allegiance to another coven, one they felt would give them a better opportunity to ascend the leadership ladder. I'd never seen one leave for love.

"Please, do not let this information out," Peter said after my silence had dragged on, his voice returning to a calmer albeit anxious tone.

I nodded. "Of course, and I would ask the same of you about Bella's situation."

With the shock wearing off, I wanted to ask him more about his plan and what it all entailed. Yet, I was unable due to the fact that we had reached the house and the other two were patiently waiting for us to catch up. Bella gave me a glance over her shoulder before looking back at the house. "They are setting something up. Everyone is outside." She paused to look at me again, "What is it, Jasper?"

"Training … for you," I replied as my eyes scanned the area, noticing one particular vampire at the center of the commotion outside … someone I was not at all pleased to see. "Bella, stay with Peter and Charlotte."

"What?" Both Charlotte and Bella said simultaneously.

"I need to speak with Maria … alone."

I didn't wait for a response and headed straight towards the head with dark curls blowing in the breeze. Maria's back was to me while she conversed with James. They were both standing in the center of newborns who had given them a wide berth that resembled a semi-circle. He saw me coming before she did and I saw a self-satisfied smirk light up his face. Maria turned around a second later.

"Jasper," she stated in a voice that conveyed contempt.

"May I speak with you?" I asked.

"Sure, you can."

"Without him breathing down my neck." I indicated James with a glare.

Maria let out a disgruntled huff, but nevertheless obliged my request. She walked a bit away from him and I followed. Then abruptly she turned about. "Keep it quick. You are late and I have training to begin."

I got straight to the point, trying to reign in my anger at what I clearly saw as a betrayal. "You intend James to train Bella? Do you not realize how disturbing that will be for her? How can she learn anything when she is afraid to even be near him?"

Maria rolled her eyes dramatically. "Jasper, I don't have time for you to bring her up the way all our newborns are. If you say she is exceptional then she will be able to handle him. This is merely me getting on with things. Most of the newborns are nearing their year mark. If Bella isn't capable of handling James then we will know what to do with her."

I was unable to control myself and growled at her plan to sabotage Bella to which Maria replied quite sardonically, "Stop letting your emotions bleed through onto me. You're as bad as Peter, but at least I can't feel his emotions."

Then without another world Maria turned on her heel and headed back to James, leaving me alone with my disgust for her. It was all very apparent to me then. Maria had no intent on keeping things as they had been before. Her plan to destroy Bella was a thinly veiled attempt to undo me as well.


	14. Chapter 14

_(Bella)_

From her position at my side I heard Charlotte ask, "Where's he going?" about Jasper and I had to admit I shared her sentiment.

My eyes followed as Jasper ran in the darkness towards the house, the light from the half-moon above us highlighting the honey blond waves that made up his hair. His words to me were ringing in my ears … _training … for you_. I didn't know what that exactly meant. During my change, Jasper had explained to me that all newborns were brought up to fight and training was part of that process, but what it all entailed … well, he hadn't told me that part in detail. I did though remember that Jasper's main role in his vampire group was to train newborns, so I at least had that to lean upon. Training with Jasper didn't sound nearly so intimidating.

"More than likely he's off to talk to Maria. From what I see she has it set up for James to take over training duties from him," Peter replied grimly and then added as if commenting to himself, "This can't be good."

"Oh, that's just cruel. You'd think as a woman she'd be above doing that to another woman," Charlotte said, disgust drenching her words.

"I'd hardly say anything was above Maria at this point and that includes making the victim of sexual assault be trained by her attacker. I assume this is a result of Jasper changing Bella without Maria's permission and he's been demoted as punishment."

"But she would be punishing Bella too. It's almost like Maria doesn't want her to learn anything. I mean how could she? I know I wouldn't be able to …" Charlotte paused and then made a noise of revulsion that almost sounded like gagging. " _Gross_ does that mean I'll have to train with that asshole from now on?"

"I highly doubt she will keep James in this position. Making Jasper watch James train Bella will be another form a punishment for our friend, but Maria isn't going to let her clan fall prey from lack of proper training. She knows Jasper is the best at what he does. Besides he's the only one with a background in military experience. Once this is over Jasper will be back in charge and from her standpoint he will lick his wounds and be reminded of who has the power. It's all about control with her, you see."

"Ugh. She's such an awful bitch."

As Charlotte's and Peter's words flew back and forth to each other at lightning speed, my stomach turned in knots as what they said sunk in. James was going to train me and would probably enjoy torturing me while Jasper looked on. I glanced over at the couple in my company as they continued to talk about what was going on and I sighed. I really wished they weren't speaking about me like I wasn't there. It made me feel even lower than I already did. Clearing my throat rather ostentatiously, I tried to get their attention and remind them that yes, the Bella they were referencing in their conversation was also right next to them. I saw them both turn their heads in my direction as if suddenly remembering there were three of us.

Peter's mouth turned slightly downwards as he tried to be sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Bella," he apologized. "I don't mean to sound uncaring … talking about this so methodically. You must know by now that I've been a part of this clan for a while. I've unfortunately become desensitized to it all."

"Well, I haven't and I find what Maria's doing extremely shitty!" Charlotte exclaimed, her anger in deep contrast to her boyfriend's calm.

Then proving again that she wasn't nearly as stone faced as Peter, Charlotte enveloped me in a hug that had I been human might have resulted in asphyxiation. Still I needed air to speak, so when I squeaked a minute later, my friend relaxed her hold.

"Oh, sorry … I just … I feel horrible that this is happening to you. We all go through hell at first, once we figure out that there isn't any going back to being human, well … I guess I'm just speaking for me … but eventually we get past it and find other forms of happiness." Charlotte moved her body away from mine and went to place her arm around Peter's back, to which he returned the motion. "I wanted to see you experience that too."

"Charlotte, you're giving Bella the wrong impression. It sounds like you don't think she will live past tonight," Peter said.

I assumed he must have seen my face slowly morph into one of slight horror while Charlotte spoke. Yes, the idea that James would be near me and trying to harm me brought back flashes of another time he had done the same, but the thought that I might be snuffed out tonight by him hadn't occurred to me. I was thankful that Peter was level headed in the face of Charlotte's panic.

Charlotte's hands come up to her mouth in shock as if she meant to recapture her words, then lowering them she said, "No, I didn't mean that. That's not … what … sorry. I'm obviously letting myself get worked up when that doesn't help you at all. I was just so happy to meet someone other than the rest of the idiots in this gang that I let my emotions get the best of me at the thought of you being hurt."

Peter shot her an odd look and Charlotte softly patted his cheek. "Oh, you know what I mean. When I _said idiots_ I was assuming you knew present company excluded."

Charlotte's look of love as she stared at Peter made me wonder if she knew about the year mark for all newborns. Would she be nearly as happy about her vampire life with him if she knew it could possibly end? I figured she was unaware, since Jasper had told me to keep quiet about my knowledge of this unfortunate part of being a newborn in Maria's army. As far as I saw, I was the only newbie that had been given that privilege.

The more I looked at their loving stares the more I worried they might kiss. I turned away to give them privacy and also focus on my problem, which really shouldn't have been anyone's, but mine. I was glad Charlotte cared and Peter made an effort. It was nice to have others who worried about me, but I also didn't want them to get involved when who knew what Maria might do. In Peter's words, Maria clearly wasn't above anything. If they were brought into my mess, I'd hate myself.

I thought I heard a clink behind me, like rocks meeting each other, but I didn't dare peek. Maybe since vampires were hard as rocks all acts of them coming together would make weird non-human sounds. Unfortunately this made me imagine James's body coming in contact with mine and I shivered. Closing my eyes, I tried to push away the image of James smirking in my direction, ready to take out his anger at me for not being able to finish his original attack. I figured that if I thought of something recent and happy that wouldn't require much brain power to find then I might be able to force James away.

As my mind quickly raced across images, I focused in on one that hadn't happened so long ago. Jasper was at my side, his hand in mine and we were running. My mind centered on the memory of his face … the little cleft in his chin, the blond hair that was just long enough to brush up against that cleft, lips that if spread in a smile revealed a set of teeth that were large and lit up his whole face. I couldn't quite explain why I chose Jasper over any other person or thing that made me happy. It felt wrong that I should be thinking of him for comfort, because I'd only known him for a few days. I had become attached too quickly, but at the same time he was a light in the darkness for me. I depended on him.

Suddenly my sense of smell was participating with my mind and I thought I could smell his fragrance in my memory. The scent was growing stronger and then his urgent voice was calling my name. I quickly realized that this wasn't my memory, but the actual real Jasper, who must have returned. Feeling stupid, I let my eye lids fly open and saw him standing in front of me, his face distorted to convey something was troubling him. I didn't have to ask what. I knew.

He placed both hands on either side of me, grasping my upper arms and learned in to say, "I'm sorry, Bella-"

"I know. James is going to train me. Peter told me," I interrupted.

Jasper turned to look at Peter who replied to his friend's questioning glace with, "It was a guess from what I saw." He indicated the house with a wave of his hand.

"Very perceptive as always, Peter," Jasper replied, although his lips were tight and it didn't sound much like a compliment. "I wish you would have kept your speculations to yourself until I returned. No need to stress Bella prematurely."

Jasper exhaled and released his hold on me. Then surprising both me and Charlotte, he made a move on Peter that was so fast even my vampire sensibilities weren't able to see it coming. I did though hear Charlotte gasp as she ducked away and my eyes marveled at the swiftness Peter had used in order to intercept Jasper's blow.

"Very good," Jasper praised his friend and it seemed more genuine this time. He lowered his fist and turned his eyes back to me. "We don't have much time, Bella, but with Peter's help I can show you a few defensive moves."

"Ok." I said my voice coming out sounding more strained than I intended.

Actually I was trying very hard to sound brave, but obviously my brain wasn't buying it and let everyone else know by messing with my vocal chords.

"Try not to worry," Jasper said, coming to stand in front of me. "It will only make this that much harder. You need to center all your energy on memorizing what I'm going to teach you. If it helps you, keep the knowledge close that if James tries anything other than what is necessary for training then I will be there to take him down. I do not care what happens to me. I won't let him hurt you."

There was so much power placed into his last sentence that even though I wanted to tell him not to put himself between James and me, for fear of what Maria might do to him, I couldn't find it in me to say it. I simply nodded my head.

"Good. Let's get started," he said.

_(Jasper)_

When we finally made it back to the house, the situation hadn't changed much, although there was one new thing I noticed and it was the rumble of voices speculating why I was not beginning tonight's training. The newborns had seen me join them instead of heading towards Maria and while I stood in their presence I heard guesses as to why that was. Some were near the truth and others were very far off the mark. Eventually they got their answer when Maria raised her hand to silence the small crowd.

"Tonight's training will be somewhat different than what you have come to expect. I have asked James to initiate the newest recruit to our clan. Her name is Bella." Maria indicated Bella with a wide gesture in the girl's direction. "I am stripping Jasper of his usual duties this evening, because the other night he made a decision to change this girl without my consent. Let his punishment be a warning to you all. If you ever think of doing anything against me, you might not be as fortunate as Jasper. I value him therefore he is keeping his life. I do not value any of you in the same way. You are made to fight and I can easily find others to replace you."

Maria spoke in a composed demeanor that made her words sound more chilling than if she had shouted them and I saw Charlotte shudder next to Peter in response. He reached his arm around her shoulders for comfort and she learned into him. I quickly looked away from their affectionate moment and back to Maria who was now near James. I watched her dip her head slightly at him before calmly walking away to take a place near the front door of the house, where she would watch. Then I fixed my gaze back to Bella and as I took in her slight frame, which seemed to be trembling, a tight constriction began to build in my chest. I feared for her and hoped that she would remember my lessons from earlier.

Pushing through the emotions of those around me, I tried to get a clear feel on Bella and found that she was afraid, but also determined. Near her I could sense that James was excited, almost in a sexual way. It took all of me not to run past the crowd to knock his concrete head off his shoulders, but I reined in my hate for him. I would wait and see if interceding on Bella's behalf was necessary and not just an emotional response from me.

When their fight actually began, I was amazed at Bella's quickness and also how inept James was at doing my job. If so much worry didn't occupy the myriad of emotions I was experiencing, I might have laughed at how comical his incompetence was. Bella managed to anticipate and then flee from every move he made. She never needed to find an opening to attack, because James could never get close enough to her.

I was beginning to feel that she might come away from her training unscathed, when a sudden anger flew my way. James was becoming enraged at Bella's ability to get past him. He was also feeling frustrated and I assumed it was based on the fact Maria was seeing just how useless he really was. His anger and frustration were so strong that had I not been fully aware of my surroundings, it may have knocked me over with its force. I looked at him, speculating what these strong emotions might cause him to do. James appeared like he was letting them control him. It was then that I made a choice to intervene. Bella had clearly shown she was capable of handling James and there wasn't any need for her training to continue, especially with James's emotions so erratic. I moved forward, but Peter grasped my hand. I looked over my shoulder at him and he quietly said, "Are you sure?"

"I am," I stated and he let my hand fall.

My friend only stopped me out of concern for my welfare, because placing myself in the fight would be stopping it before Maria had … another form of defiance in her eyes. I would take my chances. As soon as I stepped beyond the newborns, James' eyes shot to me and the red of his irises looked crazed, almost like they were dripping blood. He was angry at me, even more than he was at Bella. I kept moving in his direction and as I walked said, "Bella has clearly shown she is a worthy opponent and able to fight alongside our clan. There is no need for this training to continue."

I sought out Bella and smiled at her. "You did well."

She did not smile in return, which worried me. Then in an instant I felt her small body crash against mine, the smell of lavender falling onto me in torrents. Bella's arms sought out my neck as she pulled me in closer. It was then as I looked over her shoulder that I saw what she had run to protect me from. James was coming forward, ready to attack, a vicious look on his face, only Bella had reached me first due to her newborn speed.

I went to throw Bella from me, unwilling to let her feel the brunt of an attack I could easily take, when my eyes caught sight of something peculiar. James' body smashed into an invisible force that caused him to fall backward and crash to the ground. Somehow there was a barrier keeping him from reaching us, because when he stood once more and came at us again James was unable to move past that invisible line in the sand. I couldn't stop the smile that pulled at my lips at the image of him colliding with the earth for a second time, the force of which caused his left arm to pull considerably away from his upper body.

"Bella, turn around and look. You have to see this," I whispered past the brown strands of her hair covering her ear. "I think we've discovered your special vampire talent."


	15. Chapter 15

_(Bella)_

When I saw James crouch like an animal as if Jasper was his prey, I felt a sudden electric like charge take hold of me. My focus, which up until that point had only been on trying my hardest to stay alive in face of James' attacks, now moved away from myself and onto another. I was quickly learning that vampires fought more or less like they were very graceful animals, and the way James stared down Jasper made him look like a dangerous animal that was about to pounce on my friend. This one image caused a fierce need in me to protect Jasper. It flared throughout my whole body and wasn't an emotion I could easily place, because I'd never wanted to protect someone or something so strongly before. The sensation was so powerful that it controlled every reflex in my new body and that included my vocal chords, because apparently hissing was something I did now. I guess even I was starting to resemble an animal.

It was clearly written all over James' face that he wanted to hurt Jasper for interfering with our training and my brain shouted at me to do something. Before he could spring forth from his hunter stance, I decided to offer myself up to the one who had spent so much of his time defending me. I remembered when Jasper had told me that newborns were stronger than older vampires. He'd given me this information as a form of comfort in face of my training with James. Now I would use my one true ability to help Jasper. If I could take the impact of James away from my friend then he might have a better shot at winning a fight that could clearly turn nasty if James had his way. With the overpowering desire to keep Jasper from harm pulsating through me, I ran towards him. There wasn't any other choice. My need to protect Jasper ruled over everything else.

When my body came in contact with his, I made sure to hold tightly, expecting that he would frown on my sacrifice for him and push me away. I did feel his hands come up to find my waist, but he never pulled. Neither did I feel the impact of James. It was like a suspended state of reality. I had expected things to happen quickly and then nothing did. I thought I heard a chuckle from Jasper, but figured it must be my ears playing tricks on me, because who would laugh at a time like this? Well, maybe James would, because he was just awful, but this expression of amusement sounded like what I had memorized Jasper's voice to be.

Then I heard his words telling me to look. I had been so focused on shielding him that the idea to do anything else was implausible. Either I was going to be thrown or I was going to be attacked. So, why weren't either of these things happening?

"Bella, look!" Jasper said again, his words delivered in the same calm manner he typically used with me, but with a little incredulous edge this time, probably from wondering why I still wasn't looking

I opened my eyes, which had been securely shut as a defensive mechanism. I thought it better to block everything else out and just focus on the one I held. My head was planted firmly against Jasper's chest and I lifted it up to see his jawline, something I had grown used to seeing when he had carried me. When he felt my head move, Jasper turned his eyes down to mine and again urged me to look. He moved his head in a direction that I took to mean _look everywhere, but where you are now._

I pulled slowly away from him and turned around. It was then that I saw James. My mouth gaped from the shock of seeing him lying on the ground a few feet away. He was trying to stand, but having difficulty. I also noticed that one of his arms was dangling partially away from his shoulder like he had been attacked.

"What happened?" I whispered to Jasper behind me.

I felt his presence as he came to stand at my side, but before Jasper could respond a large flash of light brought our attention above us. I gasped while watching that light transform into a million tiny flickers of gold that fell down on us like tinsel before completely dissolving into nothing.

I shook my head in confusion. What was going on? Did I not only exists in a world full of vampires, but magic too? "What was that?" I said, my voice overstating the words and making me sound like the very frustrated teenager I was.

"Amazing," Jasper commented to himself, but then as the last of the wisps of gold disappeared he turned his attention back to me. "This is a very rare gift you possess, Bella. You see what we saw right there was your barrier falling apart. You created it to protect us. It's what kept us safe from him."

"A barrier? How …" I started, but then noticed James positioning himself to come at us. "Never mind. Just tell me how I can do it again!" I demanded, my voice rising along with my panic.

"Don't worry about that," Jasper replied, pulling on my arm and forcing me behind him.

"Jasper!" I yelled angrily, not wanting to play the damsel in distress again.

It was time for me to return the favor for all he'd done for me. I could do it. I was strong enough to take whatever James intended for him. I wouldn't let Jasper be hurt. The same emotion from before rushed through me and I was just about to place myself in front of him, but halted when I heard the sound of a crash. Peeking from around my protector's back, I saw James on the ground again. Then I heard Jasper laugh as he pulled me from behind him and lifted me up in the air like we were in some rom com and I was his girlfriend. "You did it again!" he exclaimed.

If we had been in an actual romantic comedy, Jasper might have twirled me around and placed a kiss on my lips, but this was real life … or some form of it that involved vampires, so Jasper simply placed me down.

"Care to have another go? I'm quite certain Bella can stop you again. Maybe this time you will decapitate yourself and save us all a long night of watching you fail over and over!" Jasper shouted in James direction.

The two vampires snarled back and forth at each other for a long time. They probably would have continued their pissing contest all through the night if Maria hadn't shouted, "Enough!"

Every vampire in the vicinity turned their attention to her, and I watched as she swiftly came to stand beside James. "You are letting your emotions get the better of you," she told him and let her eyes bore into his before she turned her red irises upon us. "And you as well, Jasper. This is not the proper way to fight a battle."

Then Maria made a motion with her hands that indicated she wanted James to go into the house. He sulked somewhat, but eventually did what she expected. As I watched him go, I wondered if he would be punished for failing to take me down. The idea made me happy, but also squeamish. I didn't like getting pleasure from someone else's pain, no matter who they were or if they deserved it. It made me feel a little less human.

When he was eventually out of our sight, Maria shouted for everyone to disperse and left to join her partner inside. I sighed heavily once she was gone. My training with James coupled with this new talent I had of creating barriers meant I had a lot to process and even though I wasn't tired, my brain was full, so I took a seat on the ground. There I pulled my knees up, folded my arms over them and placed my head in the little hole I'd made with my body parts.

"Oh my god, Bella, you were so fucking great!" I heard Charlotte say excitedly from somewhere above me.

"Give the girl some time before you start yelling profanities at her," Jasper said, but I could hear the smile in his voice and knew he was teasing.

"Oh, shut up," Charlotte shot back, but her voice was all smiles as well.

I didn't respond to either of them and this must have worried Jasper, because he asked, "Bella, are you well?" His voice had migrated from somewhere above me to now being somewhere beside me.

I figured he'd sat down on the ground and I turned my head in the direction his voice had come from. Twisting my neck a bit, I made it so that one of my eyes was able to look at him. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, 'cause you know apparently I'm not just a vampire now, but also a conjurer of colorful magically barriers."

His response to my sarcastic retort was to flash me a half-smile and exhale a breath. Then I felt his arm come around my back to find the nook the side of my waist offered for him to grasp and pull me closer. "This is a positive thing, believe me," he said trying to sound comforting. "And besides you have me to help you hone this new-found skill of yours."

"Is that a promise?" I asked, bringing my head out of hiding to look him straight in the face.

"I swear it."

_(Jasper)_

At Bella's insistence we began working on her barrier skill as soon as the offer to help was out of my mouth. She related that she didn't want me always placing myself in harm's way for her. In her mind it was vital that she fight alongside me as a partner and not be protected, as she put it, like some weak girl unable to fight her own battles. Bella's barrier ability was something that I did not possess and I suspected this made her happy. It gave her the chance to be equal with me. Her assertion had actually surprised me and I realized I had been reading her wrong. Bella may have been timid and shy, but she certainly wasn't one to stay silent when she felt passion for something. Deep down there burned the spirit of a spitfire inside of her.

Although, much to her dismay, it didn't take long for us to discover that Bella wasn't able to create a barrier at will. We'd practiced it at first with her trying to concentrate on the idea of a barrier, but that proved futile. Eventually she got to a point where she didn't want to try anymore due to her frustration. It was Charlotte who came to the rescue with the idea of placing me in peril to retrieve a reaction from Bella.

"She was trying to protect you the first time. Maybe she just needs to be shocked into it again. I mean, think about it. You're the closest thing she's got to a friend. You saved her. Makes sense that she would grow attached."

I tried to ignore the connotation Charlotte was straining to infuse her words with and think about her suggestion from the outside looking in. Everything she said was plausible, even if it did cause Bella to pour embarrassment. Right on cue the girl was touching her cheeks again. I would have to remember to tell her that vampires were unable to blush, but naturally, I would wait until she wasn't so self-conscious.

"It's worth a try," I suggested to Bella.

Her eyes were refusing to meet mine, still feeling the sting of Charlotte's innuendo. I reached out to touch her face and bring her attention back to me. "Should I have Peter try and attack me?"

Bella shrugged as she half looked up at me through the veil of her long lashes. "If you think it might work then I don't see why not, but I also don't think I can see Peter as much of a threat to you. I know you guys are friends. So, if this really is based on my need to protect you then it probably won't work."

"And what if you kiss him? Would that stir your barrier?" Charlotte kidded.

Even if she was being her typical good naturedly teasing self, I had to suppress the growl I felt building in my throat for Charlotte. She certainly wasn't helping Bella and I glanced over my shoulder, ready to glare at her nonsense, only to see Peter taking Charlotte's hand in his.

"Let's let them discuss this alone," I heard him say to her softly.

"Right … sorry," Charlotte replied sounding like a child who had just been reprimanded.

I returned back to Bella who was biting her lower lip, chewing on skin that would never again break as it once had. "Look, we don't have to do any of this right now if you're not up for it. If you want we could go find you some more animal blood for strength and then try again."

Bella shook her head in response. "No, let's keep at it. I can get this right, I'm sure. I know I act like I want to give up, but that's just me being the classic frustrated teenager. _I can't do this, so I'm gonna quit_. _Mehhh,_ " she said, exaggerating her voice and facial expression to resemble a whiny child.

I laughed and she responded with, "I like it that I can make you laugh."

I didn't think she meant to say the words she had, because her hand flew up to her mouth. It was more like a thought that had accidentally found its way to her lips. Then, of course, the embarrassment she felt told me I was right.

I quickly came to her aid by not allowing an awkward pause to linger between her words and my response. "I have to admit laughing is not something I'm used to hearing all that often from myself, so thank you for reminding me what it feels like to be amused. I rather like it."

I grinned and Bella lowered her hand to reveal a shy smile underneath. But then she moved away from my closeness by taking a few steps backwards. "So, yeah … let's try this Peter attacking you thing and see if it works."

She was back to business, the moment we shared dissolving between us as the more pressing matter at hand took precedence.

"Right, of course," I replied.


	16. Chapter 16

_(Jasper)_

I was walking through the house with Maria, making sure to pace my steps slowly behind hers as I was wary of where she was leading. We passed two newborns along the way and when their eyes met hers, she hissed, causing them to flee without a second look. Maria had that kind of power over her vampires. It was all part of leading an army. There was no control without fear behind it. This was something that had been drilled into me from the moment Maria decided I was worthy enough to keep around as a partner. I remembered it well, because as a vampire I was unable to forget … something I was reminded of anytime Alice invaded my thoughts. When a loved one dies for a human the saying of comfort is, _time heals all wounds_. Unfortunately, it wasn't the same for those of us with a sharp brain and never ending life. When we were left behind, recalling the faintest details about those we cared for was fairly simple. This was an ability that caused pain to feel as fresh as it had when they first departed.

But that also meant the happy moments were easily recalled and the night Maria spared my life was one I used to remember with pleasure. She'd decimated the others in her newborn army as a means of starting over, something I would see her do over and over in the years that followed. I happened to be the only one kept alive and my initiation as her partner was sealed with a hard kiss and her hand cupped firmly between my legs. It was sexual, but also a means of control. By grasping the part of my body that was most vulnerable, she was asserting her power over me and stating I was now hers. Quickly her hand found the skin underneath the fabric of my pants and her fingers grasped and pulled until I became aroused. While her forwardness did surprise me, I also didn't shy away from it. With nervous hands, I pulled open the buttons on her blouse to find her breasts while she continued to fondle me. Eventually our movements led to a heated contact of our bodies on the ground near the lifeless forms of my decapitated comrades. Maria's two other partners in her clan at the time, Lucy and Nettie, were nearby and watching, but that wasn't a concern of mine. I was alive and also wanted by the most powerful vampire I was aware of as a newborn. It was all I had ever wanted since my change.

"I won't let you get away. Ever." she'd moaned underneath me as my final push into her body brought us both to climax.

At the time, I thought highly of what Maria said to me. I was gaining clout in our small group and its leader wanted me enough to never let me go. This could only lead to greater things. Yet, after a few decades of being at her side and implementing her way of running an army, I slowly understood that Maria's words the night I became hers were more of a prison sentence. She led her soldiers with fear, but she ruled me with sex, and it was something I came to resent. My understanding from our first time together was that she loved me, but it always had been about keeping me in line and nothing more. Since my change had occurred at the young age of 19, Maria had been my only sexual experience and I never knew it could be different, so I hadn't questioned it until Alice. Even now I still didn't know, but I hoped that it was possible to feel love with sex. Peter and Charlotte certainly gave me hope in that area.

Likewise Maria's sentiment of ruling with fear had at first been one I shared with her, but just like our sexual encounters it was a desire that eventually left me. Overtime I wasn't so willing to invoke fear in others to get what I thought I wanted. Although, it had never truly been about _my_ desires. Maria was pushing her will all along and making me think it was mine. I'd suffered through years of depression, before coming to this realization and now that I knew I no longer wanted what she did, I was finding it hard to voice my new opinion. I wasn't yet prepared to let my different way of thinking be known, but I had a feeling I would soon be forced into it.

Moving along through the house with Maria as my guide, I eventually realized we were heading towards an area of the home I hadn't yet fully explored … the basement. Time hadn't allowed me to search through the whole of the building since arriving, considering most of it had been tied up watching over Bella. The thought of this reminded me of how I'd left her alone with Peter and Charlotte after Maria sought me out for the private discussion I was now being led to. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that Bella wasn't immobile like the last time I had entrusted her in the care of my friends. Not to mention that even if she hadn't been able to make her shield reappear yet, the girl still had the ability to create one.

Ultimately, I had only left, because Bella insisted it was okay. I couldn't deny the fact that she'd made it very clear she wanted to be my equal and fight for herself. I didn't want to lord over her, but I also had to admit it was difficult not being aware of her safety. In the short period we'd been together, I'd become invested in Bella. I cared for her, but I wasn't sure if that attachment was pushing her away with my need to keep her safe. I certainly hoped she didn't think that I thought saving her meant I would also be in control of her destiny. As much as I craved her well-being, I also wanted Bella to be free to find her own footing in the new life I'd forced her into … something very unlike how Maria had brought me up. I intentionally was moving away from that experience. There would be no prison for Bella. She was free.

With a shake of my head, I tried to push my worries about Bella out of my brain. I didn't want my emotions to bleed out from me and onto Maria. I needed to seem confident, since I wasn't exactly sure what my former lover had in store for me. If she knew my mind was elsewhere, it might sour her mood.

I continued to follow Maria through a door that led down a long staircase. It was dark. The only light available was from a tiny rectangular window juxtaposed against the ceiling. The lack of light didn't matter though. I was able to see everything clearly. There were some hook ups for a washer and dryer, but the devices they were meant for had long been removed by the house's former owners. Other than that, the room was empty. The smell of the underground area wasn't all that pleasant, but it went along with the territory of being a vampire to smell foul things … possibly small dead animals rotting somewhere inside the walls along with mold.

When we both reached the bottom of the staircase I asked, "Are you going to tell me why we need all this privacy?" and was unable to suppress my somewhat suspicious tone.

Maria had her back to me and twirled on her heel in response to my question. Her full lips were curved upward in a smile and then she did something that I had not anticipated. She placed her mouth against mine and parted her lips for an intimate kiss. Her actions were presumptuousness, because I had no intention of going along and mimicking her movements. Instead I kept my lips pushed firmly against each other and when one of her hands jutted down the front of my pants, I swiftly pulled away.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice hinting at the disgust I felt.

Maria placed a hand on her hip and sent me a coy grin. "Don't act like we've never done this before."

I exhaled in frustration. "Yes, we have been in many situations like this before. In fact if you want to go into detail, what you just did there was very similar to how our first time together began."

Maria smile brightened exposing her teeth and her eyebrows raised. "You remember." Her tone was syrupy and reminded me of how Charlotte sounded whenever Peter did anything compassionate for her.

I wanted to laugh with disdain, because Maria was hardly one to care about special occasions remembered. She was though one for manipulating others to get what she wanted.

"Yes, of course, I remember. You were very forward with me that night as well, but things have changed since. Where is James exactly? I don't suppose he would be too pleased with what you just did." I said all of this mater-of-factly, not wanting to convey any emotional attachment I may have once had for her.

Maria rolled her eyes and moved her body near mine again. Her hand found a spot on my chest and she moved each fingertip over my pectoral muscles. "Oh, don't act like you never wanted someone else while we were together or should I bring up Alice." Maria paused for a moment when she noticed the twinge of a reaction that name had pulled from me, almost as if she was enjoying it. "But what does it matter? I only used James to make you jealous … to pull an emotion from you besides your constant melodramatic despair. You didn't even notice I was sleeping with him until I told you, so obviously that didn't work. Instead you found a victim to save and became her hero. Did doing that make you happy?"

"Yes," I answered.

"How chivalrous." Her voice was sarcastic.

"Did you only bring me down here to try and seduce me back in between your legs or was this another way to pull me into a false sense of security before betraying me like earlier," I replied to her derisive response with one of my own.

Maria's face tightened. She was clearly losing patience with me, since I wasn't so easily taken back into her manipulations. "Jasper, I had to publicly shame you to keep the newborns in line. They all knew you had gone against me. Who knew what little courage that might stir in them to act out? I couldn't chance it." She placed a hand against her forehead like she was nursing a headache and then pushed my chest slightly in irritation. "Fine. If you want to discuss business then so be it. Let us be upfront. We do want the same things when it comes to territory. Having the most blood is more important than silly games … so, tell me about the girl's shield."

Maria folded her arms across her chest as she waited for my response. It had only been a day since the training with James that had produced Bella's shield and naturally Maria had wasted little time. She knew what a powerful tool this was and no doubt needed to claim it as her own. I was reluctant to divulge anything too revealing that might be used against me or Bella, but nonetheless told her what I knew. "I think it is provoked by love, but Bella needs to feel this love strongly enough to produce it. I haven't yet been able to get her to replicate it."

"Does she loves you? Is that something we could use to get this ability of hers to work?" Maria asked.

"I do not know." My answer was honest.

"Well, clearly we need to find a way to force her to produce this weapon again." She spoke in a voice that sounded like she was plotting out loud and not actually having a conversation with me.

Her choice of the word _force_ caused me to involuntary shudder, but thankfully Maria didn't notice as she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Don't you see?" Maria's eyes lit up as she grasped my shoulders and gave me a good shake. "Imagine Jasper … the power. I can't let anyone else get a hold of it. If any of the other covens knew … there has to be a way to make sure your protégé never gets into their grasp."

"Do you plan to harm her to get what you want? Use fear against Bella to produce the shield?" Experience told me yes.

My question seemed to pull Maria from a grandiose daydream I was sure involved her using Bella's power and she looked deeply into my eyes, trying to decipher my emotions. "Would you stop me if that was what needed to be done? Where are your loyalties, Jasper?"

"With you," I lied.

She stared at me for a long while, so long that I began to grow uncomfortable under her stare. Then as if something had snapped in her brain, her mood changed and a smile of excitement lit up her face. "I suppose I should go retrieve James. Perhaps I can find some use for him. After all he was able to get her to produce the shield in the first place."

"Where is he?" I asked, realizing I hadn't seen him since his fight with Bella.

"Being punished," she said as if it was nothing of consequence. "Anyway … keep working on Bella. If what you say is true, that her power is produced by love, then there won't be any need to harm her. Don't worry. I'll try not to hurt your little pet." She turned, but then quickly moved back around to look at me with a serious face. "Make sure to report what you discover."

"Of course," I lied again.

Then she was gone, running up the stairs in one fluid movement. I soon followed behind, fully intent on not doing anything Maria had just asked of me. My only mission now was finding Peter and discovering what his plan had been for escape. It was my only hope for Bella, because I refused to let her fall victim to what Maria had in store. I hadn't been strong enough to save Alice. The thought of going against Maria wasn't even an inkling of an idea back then. But I was a different person now and saw how things really were. There was no amount of human blood that was worth watching Bella become a pawn in Maria's sinister game for power.


	17. Chapter 17

_(Bella)_

I tried not to stare at the front door of the house for the zillionth time since it had been opened by Maria and Jasper disappeared on the other side with her. My battle to not do this was constant and I secretly hated that I had let him go. I knew that I'd made the right decision or at least that was what I comforted myself with. I didn't want to cause any more problems for Jasper by requesting he stay … like he had wanted to do.

"I'm fine," I had told him. "I have Charlotte and Peter. Plus it will give me a chance to work on my shield without you distracting me with your dumb face."

I'd meant it as a joke, trying to ease his worry with some humor, but Jasper took a few seconds too long to understand my sarcasm.

"You're joking," he'd said with a smile when the understanding finally came to him.

I snorted. "Do you really think your face could look at all dumb?"

He shrugged. "Well, I don't exactly take the time to inspect my reflection and wonder what others might think of it. Maybe I do look dumb and everyone is too afraid to tell me. Everyone, but you it would seem."

"Please," I exaggerated the word. "Like perfect vampire syndrome could make anyone look dumb. It certainly improved my dumb face, don't you think?"

Jasper had been standing near me, but moved in closer. The corners of his mouth, which were pulled up slightly while we were talking, fell into a more sympathetic expression. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I was with you for the majority of your change and memorized your features well. Your face was far from _dumb_ then and honestly hasn't changed all that much. You still have the same prominent cheekbones and thin nose."

After his mention of my nose, one of Jasper's fingers lightly tapped the tip of it and I scrunched up my face in response. He was being far too kind and I wasn't sure why. I guess I was to blame for bringing up the subject of physical appearance and then asking him a question about mine that wasn't rhetorical. Yes, just like me to make a situation awkward. Well, I didn't think he was feeling awkward, but I was. Jasper's emotional voodoo must have sensed my uneasiness at the compliment, because he shifted the conversation back to the original subject.

"Dumb faces aside, I don't want to leave you." He moved in even closer to where I could feel his breath against my ear when he said, "I no longer trust Maria."

His words were a whisper tickling the hairs on my skin. I didn't have to guess why Jasper was so near and speaking in a tone that even I had to focus to hear. Maria was a few feet back and my observances of Jasper as well as personal experience, told me vampires could hear nearly any frequency of sound. My eyes shot over to the dark haired vixen and she narrowed her own gaze at me almost like a challenge … daring me to look away.

This made me suddenly aware of Jasper's nearness and I wondered what she thought about his close proximity to me. The two of them had basically been the vampire version of married up until a few days ago. Even if Jasper hadn't told the why behind the split, I guessed at least part of it had to do with my entrance into his life. It was too much to just be a coincidence that he decided to rescue me and then they promptly broke up. The more I thought about it the more I was sure that the image of Jasper and I at that moment wasn't going to score any brownie points for either of us. Losing my nerve, I looked away from Maria and decided instead to observe the blond strands of Jasper's hair in my line of sight.

"Just go," I finally whispered when I settled upon a decision. "I don't want to cause trouble for you and if you stay it will only anger Maria. I can't always depend on you to keep me safe anyways. I need to learn how to take care of myself."

Jasper pulled away and I was unable to read his expression. I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings. Then I saw him look over at Peter who was standing nearby. Jasper tipped his head and the two shared some nonverbal communication before he turned back to me. Grasping my hand, Jasper gave it a gentle squeeze. Then he left with Maria. That was the last image I had of him and I knew we were both equally worried for the other. The sooner he came back the sooner I could relax.

"Bella, are you going to keep staring at that door or are we actually going to try and get your shield working again?"

Charlotte's voice stirred me from my memory and I turned to look at my friend. "Isn't it pointless with Peter gone?"

Peter had left a few minutes before to settle a disagreement between two newborns that had threatened to become a full out brawl. I glanced over at him now, looking as if he was deep in discussion with them.

"He's pretty good at breaking up fights fast. That's why he's in charge of them. It shouldn't take him long," she replied and then must have noticed me looking at the door again, because I was suddenly nudged in the side. "At least let me help you stop worrying about Jasper."

"Um, first of all … _Ow!_ " I rubbed my ribs for emphasis, "and second, why do you think I would want to talk to you at all about Jasper? I'm sure you'd fill that conversation with ambiguous statements about my relationship with him."

Charlotte laughed in a pitch higher than I'd heard her use before and replied, "You're holding that against me still?"

I didn't say anything in response and gave her a blank stare. My reaction, or lack thereof, made Charlotte grumble. She ran her hands through her platinum hair in frustration, an action that caused the short strands to stand up in every different direction. Then with a sigh, she regarded me with a gloomy look. "Bella, I told you I sometimes say things without thinking and that's what happened. Besides you really can't be mad at me when my intention was just to help you guys out."

"Help us?" I had to fight to keep my voice from sounding incredulous. "I think the word you're searching for is embarrass, not help."

We had been sitting on the ground next to each other underneath a tree, covered in its shade, but my negative feedback caused Charlotte to stand and move out into the sunlight. As soon as the sun's rays hit her, the embedded diamonds in Charlotte's skin began to sparkle like a disco ball. It wasn't a sight I was fully used to yet and I shaded my eyes with my hand.

"Yes, help you two," Charlotte said and her voice sounded slightly angry. "I may not possess a super fancy shield like you, but I do have some things I'm good at and one of them is knowing when two people are meant for each other. I'm not sure if this is a vampire ability … probably not. I was always hooking up my friends when I was human, so I guess I got to keep that part of me in vampire world, but whatever."

I'd clearly hurt Charlotte's feelings and trying to salvage the situation, I stood too and put an arm around her. "Okay, I'll hear you out. Just sit down with me again."

Charlotte nodded and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I need to work on not letting my emotions get the better of me."

"No, I like that you're passionate. Believe me, it's nice to know someone who feels their emotions strongly … unlike me, the boarded up emotional pit. You know what … you kind of remind me of my mom."

Unfortunately, I realized too late that telling Charlotte she was similar to my mom was not exactly a compliment. "Your mom?" She said, raising her eyebrows.

I rushed to correct my mistake. "Well, I was more the old lady parent trying to reel in her crazy daughter … who was my mom … not my daughter … but, she acted like my daughter … heh." I wasn't exactly speaking at my eloquent best … apparently being a perfect vampire didn't include speech skills along with everything else.

Charlotte seemed to relax a bit, laughing at my fumble with words, and I took the opportunity to lead her back to the ground. When we were both seated again, I did something that I really didn't want to … I opened up the subject of Jasper and me. I felt especially self-sacrificing at that moment, knowing I'd hit a nerve with her before.

"So, you were a sort of matchmaker before and that's why you think there is some romantic tension between Jasper and me?" I broached the conversation.

Charlotte shook her head and placing it in her hands, she groaned. "I feel like I should apologize again." Her fingers came down from around her face and she looked at me with remorse. "Sometimes it just gets to me that I am who I am now and I feel this stupid need to cling to the parts that make me feel human. I used to have friends and we did things for each other. I guess, I'm just sort of pushing you to make me feel like that again and I have no right to do that."

Her confession struck a chord with me, because I'd been trying so hard to hold onto my humanity as well. I wasn't exactly sure of Charlotte's age, but she was older than me … in the vampire sense of the word. I wondered if this ache we both shared for how things were once upon a human time was something that ever went away. Clearly it hadn't for her. I reached out a comforting hand and patted Charlotte's knee. "But, I'm your friend and you have Peter and Jasper. Things may not be like they were when you were human, but I suppose we can form our own relationships in this second life that are just as important."

"Aw, that so fucking poetic," Charlotte said with a smile and enveloped me in a fierce hug. When we pulled apart her mood had improved, because she quickly went right back into pairing me up with Jasper.

"Don't you think it's a little too fast?" I asked, trying not to push her away again with my irritation on the subject. "I honestly haven't paid much attention to him in that way. I've just been trying to stay alive and keep those I care about alive too."

"And you care about Jasper, don't you?" Charlotte prompted.

"How could I not care about him? He's the reason I'm here right now instead of … well, you know, but caring and loving are two different things. I can't process what that word even means … love … not in the romantic sense anyway. I'm not sure it's even real."

And it was true. I had never been in love before. All I knew of that word was what I felt for my family, but the kind Charlotte was referring to was something I'd only read about in books and even those stories were fiction. There was a reason I had never been kissed and that was, because I hadn't ever had the opportunity to be in a situation where kissing was an option. I was boring. At least that was the label I'd been given by those at my school and I guess in a way they were right. I was too focused on my goal of graduating early to think about distracting myself with boys … not that any of them noticed me anyway.

"To be honest, I didn't think it was something that was real either," Charlotte said, leaning in like she was revealing a secret. "Despite my best efforts of finding the right guy for my friends, I never got it right for myself. I typically dated douche bags who would cheat on me … or worse. I always thought it was love until they started hitting me. After a while I started losing hope. Funny how it took the violence of changing into a vampire to bring me real love and it was so fast, Bella … I just knew. We both did. I think it must have something to do with how we are ruled by our instincts. Love is an instinct now, like with animals."

"Like swans … they mate for life," I blurted without thinking.

Charlotte giggled softly, "Yeah, sure. If you want to be a swan then you can be a swan."

She patted my head condescendingly and I swatted her hand away. Still I couldn't stop myself from laughing along with her.

"Do you find Jasper attractive?" Charlotte asked once our humor had died away.

I put up one of my index fingers in front of her face as a warning. "No. I am not having this discussion with you."

Charlotte clasped her hands together over her heart and spoke like she was an extra in some forgettable movie made for teens during the 1950s, "But he's just got such dreamy eyes."

"Maybe he'll ask me to prom," I decided to play along.

"Not a chance. Mary Sue told me he's going to ask someone better looking … like me." Charlotte squinted her eyes in mock anger.

"You bitch!" I grasped her shoulders and started shaking her in an overly dramatic fashion.

Soon the two of us were so worked up in a giggle fit that we fell to the ground on our backs. If I were still human I was sure that my stomach would hurt from all the laughter. Naturally our moment of silliness couldn't last forever and was cut short when I saw the face of Jasper peering down at me, his brows furrowed in curiosity.

I quickly stood, pulling Charlotte along with me. I tried to act like nothing was out of the ordinary, but my friend was having a harder time containing her amusement at suddenly being in the presence of the person we had been talking about. I discreetly hit her with my elbow to shut her up.

"Hi, Jasper," she squeaked out and then laughed despite her best effort to hold it in.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. "Really, I can't take her anywhere."

"Uh huh, I see," Jasper said as he took stock of our situation. "Well, you seem to be very well trained in making others laugh. Care to share what is so amusing. I could use some humor right about now," he sighed dejectedly.

I shot a stern look at Charlotte to keep her mouth closed and then turned back to Jasper. "No, it's just girl stuff. You wouldn't get it."

A moment of silence passed between us and then a lopsided grin spread over his face, like he didn't believe me. "If you say so. I suppose I'll leave you two to continue with your _girl stuff_ discussions, since I need to speak with Peter anyway ... excuse me," he responded and then walked past us.

"Yeah, 'cause we were actually talking about your cute ass," Charlotte whispered low enough that only I could hear.

"Shut up!" I ordered, but had to admit that at the mention of his backside, I stole a quick look as he was walking away.


	18. Chapter 18

_(Jasper)_

As I approached Peter I noticed that the two vampires from inside the house, who had shied away from Maria's hiss, were in his company. The moment one of them noticed I was nearing, he ran and the other, seeing his companion was gone, soon followed. Their reaction was similar to the same fearful manner they'd run from Maria. Peter chuckled as he watched them race away from us and I asked why.

"Until you arrived, both of them were fighting over who had been more cowardly when they saw Maria in the house. I was trying to dissuade them from fighting over such a meaningless subject, but you know how newborns are, their tempers always at the surface."

"Seems I am feared by them as well," I noted, glancing in the direction they had bolted.

Peter shook his head. "On the contrary, I assume both left in a hurry, because they were too ashamed to look you in the face."

"Ashamed?" I struggled to comprehend why such a word would be used to describe how a newborn felt around me when for years I had used the same fear tactics as Maria.

"That's the best word I can think of," Peter explained. "From their argument I gathered that together they had gained courage from your defiance of Maria in turning Bella and then stopping James's training last night. Their plan was to deliver Maria a speech, about what I can only guess, but they ran instead." He paused and then leaning in, spoke using a hushed voice, "Your defiance is spreading, Jasper."

"It was never defiance!" I spat out, suddenly angry. "I don't want an uprising. I just want to protect Bella. Why is this turning into something other than that?"

Peter frowned and reached out a hand to grasp my arm. "You must calm down," he said in a voice that was composed, but also stern.

Then with a movement of his head, he directed my attention behind me. I turned my body halfway around to see Charlotte and Bella. Both stood still and were watching us intently. My outburst had altered them and from what I felt also frightened them.

"If you mean to protect Bella then this is not the way to go about it. You will only bring attention to yourself and no good can come of that," my friend warned.

I was thankful for Peter. He was always the calm in a storm for me, rarely letting anything distress him. I tried to replicate his example and reined in my frustration. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm a bit overwhelmed with everything changing so quickly. Apparently I am the face of mutiny, which is not helpful when I need to remain under the radar, so that I might help Bella escape."

Peter raised his eyebrows in surprise at my statement. "This is new," he said.

"It is new," I answered immediately, trying to hide my increasing stress over the choices I would have to make … decision that could change everything I'd ever known as a vampire, all in order to secure Bella's protection.

"What is your plan?" Peter asked.

"I have none as of yet," I answered truthfully, "but I was hoping you could help me with that."

"How so?" Peter looked reluctant.

"You said before that you were willing to go off on your own with Charlotte if I was not able to save her-" I began, but was quickly cut off when Peter held up a hand.

"No. That is not the same," he said curtly and moved as if to walk past me, but I pulled on his arm forcing him to stay.

"And why not?" I demanded.

He flashed me a hard look. "Because Bella is not worth the risk. I am telling you right now, Jasper, I cannot help you. I will not risk Charlotte's safety and you shouldn't risk your own either."

I stiffened at the harshness of his words, which were delivered in a cool and collected manner, but still stung nonetheless. It was not the response I had expected at all. I'd thought that if anyone would understand my need to protect someone I cared for then it would be Peter. "Why isn't Bella just as important as Charlotte?" I asked. "Why isn't me needing to secure her safety any different than what you were planning on doing anyway for Charlotte?"

"Because I love Char!" Peter said, exasperated.

This was not a surprise to me, but it was the first time he'd spoken out loud what I had suspected for a long while now. Yes, he loved Charlotte. Even someone without my skill of reading emotions could see that. During our battles with other covens, he'd made sure to work as a team with Charlotte, where the other would lookout for danger. They kept each other alive. Neither willing to lose their partner. I didn't understand how my need to keep Bella alive was any different.

"Love can come in different forms," I said, trying to be subtle.

"Love," Peter said the word in a tone that almost sounded derisive. "You've only known her for a few days and have only been able to talk with her for even less than that. How can you possibly care enough in that short period of time to risk losing everything for her?"

"And what is everything for me, Peter? Everything?! There is no everything where I am concerned and at the moment I'm beginning to suspect you know very little about me."

I was teetering on the edge of losing my temper again and had to pull myself back from that precipice. Dragging air into my lungs, I exhaled slowly and gave myself a moment to steady the unstable emotions inside me. Slowly I began to explain myself to Peter again, but in a much more even tone than before.

"Perhaps I am good at hiding my true self and that is why you don't understand, but Peter, the truth is, I will be risking nothing, but my unhappiness, because I am nothing and I've been that way for a very long time. That nothingness has festered inside me like a cancer and now it's grown beyond me. I am no longer myself, but instead a lump of cells that I didn't start out as. I don't know why, but all that has happened with Bella has been like a reprieve from that empty being I've become. There had to be a reason I felt strongly enough to save Bella knowing the complications that would arise concerning Maria and now it's become clear to me … she is my … my purpose. I don't want this life anymore and if risking for Bella means that I may die then so be it. I no longer care. All that is important to me now is her. If that is what love is then I claim it. I am in love. It may not be the same devotion you feel for Charlotte, but I don't need more time to know that it's real."

Peter stood motionless, stunned into silence by my declaration, which I had unleashed on him with very little warning. The two of us were never really ones to use an excess of words for communication and I had done the equivalent of vomiting a diary entry onto him in all of a minute. I couldn't remember a time when I had let someone else into who I really was. Perhaps I'd done so with Alice, but that was long ago and it had been a yearlong gradual extraction of my inner self. With Peter I had come forth all at once and it was possible that I looked like a completely different vampire to him after my confession.

"Besides," I continued, taking his silence as an opportunity to plead my case further, "the longer I wait the more danger Bella is put in. Maria is planning on using Bella's shield to her advantage and I know the girl will be tortured into producing it. I can't stand by and let that happen. I won't."

More time went by and when Peter eventually broke his silence it was only to say a simple, "Oh," before he fell quiet again.

"Do you understand now why I need your help?" I asked, hoping to coax him into talking again about his plan of escape.

"I do not think you will like my strategy of escape very much." Peter grimaced.

"Try me," I implored. "What other option do I have? It's not exactly like I have investigated this subject like you."

Peter didn't speak for a few minutes more, before stating flatly, "It's involves the Volturi."

I was silent, lost in shock that quickly turned into disbelief. "How could they be involved?" I finally asked.

He didn't look at me, but the shame was clear on his face. "It wasn't as if I had contacted them, but there was a thought that if I created a huge crisis within our group … a fury for blood among a large human population, that it would be enough for the Volturi to come and put down our clan. I didn't know if it would work, only that after the blood lust began I would escape with Charlotte."

I exhaled harshly. "And you were just going to let me be destroyed with all the others?"

"No … I uh … would have warned you. I did in fact tell you somewhat of my plan, I simply hadn't divulged everything. Obviously, Jasper, I would have said something to you."

We stood in silence again, while I tried to ignore the hurt pulsating inside me. Peter's halfhearted denial still felt like a betrayal, but at the same time that emotion wasn't exactly going to help Bella and she was my only motivation at that moment. I had been asking for Peter's help, because of her and I decided to look past my hurt to continue and find a solution.

"Yes, we are friends and I trust you would have warned me," I said placing a hand on Peter's shoulder, "but obviously your plan will not work for all of us. It leaves too many open holes for chance. Perhaps the Volturi will not come and by luck, Maria will let you and Charlotte go. This scenario is perfectly plausible, because it isn't worth her time to track you down. On the other hand, I doubt she would allow me to leave without some form of retaliation. Our history is too deep. She would take me leaving as a personal attack and as for Bella, her weapon is too great to lose. Maria will fight for that," I paused as a sudden revelation came to me, "and now I see the only option I have."

"And what is that?" Peter asked quietly.

"I have to kill Maria," I said as casually as I might have greeted someone with a hello.

Peter's mouth dropped in shock, but I continued with ease as the calm of what I had to do spread over me. It was so very clear. I was the answer to Bella's safety. "I am the only one who can get close enough to Maria. Bella will never be safe if we leave everything to chance and I suppose you were right about my defiance. I am the face of revolution, because I am the one who will destroy the queen."


	19. Chapter 19

_(Bella)_

I tried not the think about Jasper's intense conversation with Peter as the rest of the day wore on. I hadn't been able to pick up the words, since both had kept their voices at a level undetectable to the other vampires around them. I figured it was intentional and they only wanted their discussion to be between the two of them, but it also made me suspicious. What was said that they didn't want to share with Charlotte or me? At one point Jasper's voice had risen to a tone that made him sound angry and I became uncomfortable, but at the same time, who was I? I definitely wasn't someone they would share information with. I was a newborn who had caused a huge disruption in their lives. It was beyond me why I was kept around at all with my hang-ups. I couldn't drink human blood. The clan leader hated me and tried to destroy me claiming it was training. In laymen's terms, I was a burden. Although, I did have my shield, which I suppose made me useful. Still, it was a mystery why Jasper focused on me so much.

Charlotte's silly notion about love nudged my brain, but I tried my best to ignore it … no matter how much her words had caused me to look at Jasper in a different light. Yes, he was attractive, but weren't all vampires? Yes, he was kind to me and I was grateful for that, but it didn't mean I was in love. Yet, I couldn't deny that I was drawn to the smiles my sense of humor was able to pull from him. It just made me want to find ways of making him amused with me all the more.

But no. This wasn't the time to lose myself in some infatuation for someone I hardly knew. So, when Jasper had asked me to walk with him alone after sunset, I didn't think too deeply into it. "Are we going hunting?"

"Do you need blood?" He asked, concern in his voice.

I nodded.

Jasper shook his head and grumbled to himself. "I'm sorry, I've been preoccupied today. I should have noticed."

I shook off his concern with a single, hard laugh. "Are you serious? I think you've been worried about me enough. Noticing if I was thirsty should be on the low end of the spectrum, don't you think? Besides I'm sure even the mind of a vampire can slip when under stress. I'm assuming your talk with Maria must have been difficult." I wanted to say something about his other talk … the one with Peter, but kept quiet on the subject. "Then you had to train the newborns tonight too and you've been helping me, trying to get my shield working again."

"Which we haven't been able to do," Jasper sighed in frustration.

"Stop it!" I shoved him playfully, forgetting that my strength was a bit more powerful than his, which caused Jasper to stumble and nearly fall. "Oh … sorry."

Embarrassment washed over me and on instinct I covered my cheeks with my hands. It was something I always did to hide the fact I blushed so easily. I heard Jasper chuckle and was surprised when I felt one of his hands cover mine to pull it down from my face into his. "I've been meaning to tell you that you can't blush anymore, Bella."

Oh, had he noticed my habit of covering my face? Of course, he had. He noticed everything when it came to me. "I know … or suspected," I admitted. "Seems I just can't stop some of my human habits from creeping out like covering up my non-existent blush."

Jasper sent me a sympathetic smile. "Well, it's good to hold onto those things. Otherwise you'll become like me."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

He shrugged off my question. "Never mind."

I wanted to press him to answer, but was shot down even before the words left my lips when I watched his eyes move away from my face and into the tree branches above his head. Then, so quickly I could barely register what was happening, Jasper pulled his hand from mine and disappeared into the tree.

"What … what are you doing?" I called after him sounding as confused as I felt.

He didn't reply and just as I was about to see if I could follow him up, my disappearing friend fell down and reappeared before me. In his hand was a small animal covered in gray fur. "A squirrel … for you." He smiled impishly, like he had enjoyed showing off his tree climbing ability.

"You couldn't have just told me?" I asked, shaking my head in a chastising manner.

"It would have scared the little guy away and I wanted to surprise you." His smile was growing larger.

"Uh huh … or maybe you're just secretly twelve and like to climb trees."

"I thought we discussed our ages already. You are a decade, but not quite two," he said as his hand held out the squirrel for me to take.

The animal was dead already and I quickly drained what little blood it had. Then dropping it, I sent Jasper a lopsided grin. "And you are a century, but not quite two. That's a bit of an age gap for us to be together."

I didn't realize the hidden suggestion of my words until after they were out of my mouth. By then it was too late to save face, but that didn't stop me from trying. "I didn't mean that you and I … that … we …" I made a movement with my fingers that was supposed to indicate some sort of relationship between us, but it just came out making it all look worse.

Jasper held up a hand and waved away my flub. "Don't get yourself worked up about that. I have no intention of taking advantage of your innocence."

My hands shot up to my face again, but I quickly removed them when Jasper said, "Please, there is no need for that." He placed a hand against the side of my face and gazed at me with an apologetic look. "It was only a joke. Apparently I am not as good at those as you are. Years of lacking a sense of humor must be to blame."

He let his hand fall down to mine and tugged on it. "Come with me." He gestured up into the tree. "You'll find that as a vampire you are very adept at scaling trees and walls, but I do think trees are more fun."

I held back when he jumped up into the lower branches, the feeling of embarrassment keeping me rooted to the ground. "Please," Jasper said softly, a slight pleading in his words.

It was that plead, like he needed me to be with him, which caused me to shed the last of my mortification. I let him take my hand and lead me into the green of the leaves. Jasper was very lithe as we climbed up the tree and I noticed that I was as well. We made hardly a sound as our bodies twisted easily through the maze of branches and leaves until my head came out above it all and into the night sky. The moon had grown some from the night before and when Jasper poked his head up from the tree below me, the light of the half circle in the sky highlighted his locks, making them almost seem platinum like Charlotte's.

"See what I told you, easy, and it looks like you were even faster than me," Jasper said.

"Well, I can thank my newborn super speed for that." I smiled at him.

"Here," he said, reaching out a hand to grasp a handful of my hair, "you have a few twigs caught."

As his fingers pulled downward to remove the tiny pieces of wood, I wasn't sure if the feeling of electricity pulsating between us was real or not. I looked at him and his tug on my strands stopped. A moment passed as his eyes met mine, but then the feeling dissipated, leaving with the soft summer breeze that was blowing around our bodies. Charlotte's mention of how love for vampires was almost like an instinct, crept into my head, but I tried to shove the invading thought away and when Jasper moved his vision back over to the twigs caught in my hair, the idea of love left my head completely. Jasper flicked the pieces of wood away with his fingers, but the night air felt heavy around us. If my companion noticed it he didn't say anything. In fact a long silence spread between us and I tried to push beyond it by quipping, "So … you come here often, Spiderman?" I tried to speak in the same manner a sleazy man might when trying to pick up someone at a bar.

Jasper brows pulled together. "Spiderman?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Seriously? Come on … you know Spiderman. He's the superhero who can scale tall buildings with ease? I was trying to reference the whole climbing we just did."

My friend's expression of confusion intensified.

I raised my hands in exasperation. "You, my vampire friend, are hopeless with the pop culture references. I bet you don't even know who Leonardo Dicaprio is," I said, remembering my imagined vampire movie where Jasper was played by the actor.

"Is he Spiderman?" Jasper asked in all seriousness.

The sincere look on his face caused me to burst out laughing to which Jasper continued to stare at me in wonder. "I'm sorry," I said, once my amusement quieted. "This is rude. It's not your fault you haven't been exposed to what humans do to waste their time. If I turn the tables, I would thank you for not doing the same to me or even getting upset that I haven't fallen into the vampire life so easily."

Jasper was quiet as if contemplating something and then said, "It never is easy for some of us. You can get used to it, but all the killing, all the death …" he sighed and I expected him to continue, but he said nothing, letting the harshness of his words weigh heavy in the space between us.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, unable to think of anything else to say.

He was looking away from me, at the house we shared with the other vampires, when he said, "It's not your fault, but if it is within my power, I intend to keep you from having to live the same way."

I didn't know what he meant, but I also didn't feel it was the right moment to press him for more. Instead I followed his line of sight and stared down at the house. I happened to catch sight of Peter and Charlotte nearby. They were hidden behind some trees and … kissing. I quickly looked away and Jasper chuckled. "I've stumbled upon worse. Those two aren't exactly the epitome of discreet."

"Apparently." I made a face and Jasper laughed.

"Despite the lack of discretion, I do find hope in their relationship. They are happy and it makes me optimistic for a better life … like the one I had briefly hoped for with Alice."

That name was one I remembered. It had been used by James to taunt Jasper. "Alice was important to you," I stated. "Otherwise James wouldn't have mentioned her."

"Yes, she was." Jasper let out a sigh like he was getting ready to tell a long story and I settled in for the long haul, eager to learn more about his past. "I was younger then, well young for a vampire. Twenty years from reaching a century, so I suppose not young in your eyes, but still, my brain thought much like a young vampire. Alice was one of the patients of a mental institution that our coven raided for blood. No one would care if they died. They were forgotten by society, placed there, because it was illegal to kill the unwanted insane. But, Alice wasn't like the rest. I could feel her emotions and it wasn't just fear. She radiated a need for me to help her and so I did. You see, you weren't the first human I turned without Maria's permission. Maria was just as unhappy back then as she was when I changed you, but she let Alice stay, believing the girl would be important to us. In a way she was, but not for our clan. She helped me heal some of the wounds persisting in my … I don't know the correct word … soul? I don't believe I have one, but that is the only word I can relate to how she healed me. I was unhappy with my life and Alice helped me cope. I had faith in her and the ideas she gave me for a better way to live. Perhaps Maria knew I was drifting from her and that's why she ordered me to kill Alice. I've thought about it a lot since then and I'm sure it was a way for her to hold onto me. Who knows if I would have turned on Maria for Alice? She had to preserve her army and her _best Major_ … which is what she called me back then. Alice died at my hands, Bella, because I was too weak to stand up to Maria."

I held a hand to my still heart as Jasper told me his story. My bottom lip kept slowly dropping as the story continued and became steadily more heartbreaking. "Oh, Jasper." I reached out a hand to caress the side of his face.

"Don't worry about me, Bella. I'm not telling you the story of Alice for your sympathy, although it is appreciated. My intention is to warn you. I don't know why I had the need to save you from James, but it was a strong feeling deep inside me. I couldn't let him kill you, but it has put you in danger just as Alice was. I can't let what happened to her happen again. I need you safe and with that said, it's very important that when the time comes and Peter asks you to run with him and Charlotte, that you don't question it. He will take you to a town and a clan that is known for being peaceful. They kill animals instead of humans for blood. He is doing this for me, so you mustn't fight it."

My jaw, which had already been hanging from him relating his history with Alice, fell even further. I realized now what his conversation with Peter had been about. Me. Stupid me, causing problems for everyone around her. "But what about you? You haven't mentioned yourself at all. You told me before that if I ran, Maria would find and destroy me. What's changed? What are you planning on doing and why aren't you running with Peter, Charlotte, and me?"

Jasper's lips became taut.

"Jasper, tell me," I demanded.

"I can't tell you. It would jeopardize everything," he finally said, using quick and clear enunciation.

"And what if I refuse to go?" I folded my arms across my chest.

"Please, trust me. Your safety is everything to me. If you don't go then we both may die." His voice was panicked, like he actually thought I would follow through with my threat.

Then I gasped as he brought up his hands to either side of my face and leaned in closer. For a fleeting moment the electricity returned between us and his lips indicated that they might touch mine. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to fight it like my brain was telling me to.

_This is too fast. You don't know him_.

But then like a light switch being turned off, the feeling was gone and he just stared at me, his face inches from mine. My friend looked desperate when he said, "You must go with Peter."

"But, Jasper, I'm not worth it. I'm not worth whatever it is you are planning on doing. Don't." I was losing steam the more I begged and the last word of my sentence was delivered in a barely audible whisper.

"That's where you're wrong," he replied, moving one of his hands away from the side of my face to the front, so that he could grasp my chin between his index finger and thumb. "You are most definitely worth it. More than you can comprehend. You have given me the courage to finally fight for what I believe is right, what I have known is right since meeting Alice. She was the spark, but you are the flame and I can't stop the fire you've started in me to put things right. You, Bella, are worth fighting for."

Then Jasper gently pulled my chin to guide my face in even closer to his. He paused momentarily as if gauging my response to this and I sighed, "Jasper." My voice was a murmur, no longer a plea, but a soft expression of desire.

Our lips found each other and as inexperienced as I was, there was little trouble in figuring the mechanics out. Instinct mixed with longing led me forward into my first, and if Jasper was correct in his worrying, possibly last kiss.

* * *

**Author's Note** : I decided not to delay and draw out the inevitable anymore with Jasper and Bella. Let me know what you think. :)


	20. Chapter 20

_(Jasper)_

I didn't intend to kiss her. I'd actually been fighting the urge to do so since first taking Bella's hand and leading her into the tree with me. At times I felt like the need to move my lips against hers was going to overtake me, but I was able to push past my ache for her. I made it so all my actions were in direct relation to the task at hand, which was warning Bella and making sure she followed Peter away from harm. Then came her reaction once I told her that she needed to run. It was so strong and forceful, that it gave me pause. She cared about what happened to me. Her panic at not knowing why I wasn't going to run with her, caused my dead heart to suddenly beat a phantom pulse.

My need for Bella had originally formed within the first few minutes after I saved her from James. That moment had locked me in a connection with the girl that at first I couldn't fully understand. Since then it had only grown in intensity. I'd fought it as best I could, telling myself that my need was nothing more than wanting to protect her, but I soon abandoned this idea once I realized what it really was.

Love.

It was all reminiscent of Alice, but back then I hadn't experience in recognizing what love felt like. Now I knew it and denying that I had romantic feelings was pointless, but I never intended for my wanting of Bella to be reciprocated. Yet, for some reason her worry at what I was about to go through for her safety, combined with the powerful love she was emoting, had been overwhelming. It showed she thought of me like I did her. Otherwise why would she be so upset?

The fact that Bella could care for me as much as I cared about her was not something I had entertained before that moment. Certainly I felt her concern for me over the course of the last few days, but I lumped that in with all the other selfless emotions she expressed. Bella caring not for herself, but for others was not new information to me. That was simply who she was. She possessed a deep empathy that was an echo of my past human self. Therefore whenever she had given off an emotion that resembled love, I'd brushed it aside as Bella simply being Bella.

But this was different. It was as if I had been looking at her from afar and suddenly the gap between us had been erased. Whether she was aware of it or not, Bella was definitely displaying a love for me and I made a choice to test this. I slowly brought her mouth to mine, waiting for a reaction that would tell me I was wrong. She did not pull away though and instead sighed my name. I took this for exactly what it was … desire. I didn't care to fight my feelings any longer and crashed my mouth down on hers.

Sadly, kissing her served no purpose, other than lending a hand in derailing everything I had discussed with Peter. By showing Bella my true feelings and her returning them, it would make my actions the next few days all the more difficult. To pretend to love Maria and woo her back while secretly longing for another would be a distraction … especially when I had experienced the taste of the mouth of the one I wanted, against mine. Our situation was too precarious for me to become weak with thoughts of love and sex for Bella.

The right choice would have been to wait and see if we survived before letting something like this happen between us. Even then I wasn't sure if expressing my longing for her would be appropriate considering her new life would hopefully begin with vampires who drank animal blood and lived among humans … something I wasn't entirely sure I could tolerate.

"No," I softly said as my lips continued to move in a rhythm against hers, my hands placed at the base of her neck to help pull her in more tightly against my mouth.

Bella's own fingers were running through the strands of my blond waves, but halted when she heard the word I'd uttered. "What?" She pulled slightly away, separating our lips.

I looked into her eyes, which were confused and I hated myself for letting things escalate. "I can't do this. I'm sorry, but it won't help the mindset I need to have … for what I need to do."

Bella's look of confusion morphed into one of hurt and she moved away from me completely, leaving a cold space of rejection between us. "You're the one who instigated this." Her voice was accusatory and exhibited pain.

"You misunderstand," I tried to explain away her wounded emotions. "It's not as if I don't want to continue. I'd gladly take you somewhere more private to explore your lips further, but I need to stop this now, before I get too lost in you … and believe me, I would get lost."

I wasn't sure if my message got through to her, because Bella refused to look at me. Her eyes were down and staring at the branches we stood on. My only experience with rejection had been when Maria dropped me for James days before and I hadn't experienced much emotion from that other than relief. I sadly couldn't relate with the mind of a newborn who had been changed while still in her youth. The best I could offer was an apology. "I'm sorry," I said as delicately as I could and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Bella jerked away a little too forcefully, which caused me to stumble backward. I would have grasped a branch to steady myself, but they were all below me. As a result I crashed down and the weight of my stone body broke the wood underneath me. I began to fall. Several times I tried to reach out and hold onto something, but my grasp was much too strong, breaking the tree apart all the more. When it was over and I no longer felt myself falling, I looked up to see the gold glow of Bella's shield dissolving around me.

She soon followed out of the tree and pulled me from the ground into her embrace. "Oh my god, Jasper. I'm so stupid. I didn't think you would fall. I should have known. I mean, I am stronger than you and I already knew that."

I moved away from Bella somewhat, so that I could look her in the face. "Well, it could have been worse. I might have lost a limb and would have had to reattach it, something that takes days to heal completely, but your shield softened the blow of the ground against my body."

"My shield?"

"You mean you didn't try to project it onto me as I was falling?" I asked.

Bella shook her head. "No, I just tried to get down as fast as I could. I was extremely worried about you, but there wasn't a conscious effort on my part to get my shield working."

I laughed softly, "Perhaps that it's then. You weren't focusing all your attention on getting it to work. You simply had to worry enough to produce it. All those times we tried to force it from you and that was what probably hindered you the most. It's not something you can will. It's something you feel, very appropriate for an empath such as yourself."

Overjoyed at having finally unlocked the key to her ability, I bent down to kiss Bella's lips, only she diverted her head before I was able.

"What are you doing?" She narrowed her eyes in my direction.

I hesitated. "I'm not sure. I mean I know that I shouldn't –"

"Then don't." Bella said flatly as she dropped her arms from around my waist and moved a few steps backwards.

"I do want to," I said in earnest.

"I don't want to be hurt," she whispered.

I sighed at the wounded creature I had created. "Bella, I could never hurt you intentionally. Everything I've done since we met under those unfortunate circumstances has been to ensure your safety. My … _needing_ you doesn't accomplish that, but maybe if I knew you felt the same …"

"I thought I already showed you as much when I kissed you. Why would I do that if I didn't want you? It's not as if I've ever done something like that before. Actually, I've never kissed anyone before, because I never wanted to. So, you really hurt my feelings."

Bella folder her arms across her chest and tilted her chin upward in my direction. I knew it was not the right moment to laugh, although I felt that I might, because her reaction was so different than what I was used to experiencing. Maria had never been one to be hurt by anything I did. She might have been angry at me, but never emotionally wounded. I didn't think she even possessed the ability to feel that way. Bella on the other hand was young and apparently I had been her first kiss, something that hadn't even crossed my mind when I lost myself in the moment and pressed my lips against hers. I'd taken an extremely important event for someone Bella's age and tainted it.

Slowly I approached her and delicately unfolded her arms, so that I could hold her hands in mine. She didn't fight my touch and looked up into my eyes, an unsure expression covering her features. "I truly am sorry if I ruined your first kiss," I said. "You must understand that I am _older_ and such things stopped being important to me long ago. I was with someone that didn't care about moments like a first anything when it came to being in a relationship, but that doesn't mean they aren't important. On the contrary someone's first kiss should have been handled with much more care than I offered you. Will you forgive me?"

A tiny half smiled pulled at one of the corners of her mouth. "Only if you forgive me for pushing you out of a tree. How _dramatic teenager_ of me," Bella said emphasizing her assertion of her behavior with a cynical laugh.

I smiled at her joke. "All is forgiven." I nodded my head and leaned into a kiss with Bella.

I made sure to keep our intimate moment short. There was no fevered movement of our lips against one another's this time. If I was going to pursue this … _her_ , then I needed to be careful. "I'm afraid there isn't much time for us to explore this new part of our relationship, not with ears and eyes around that could spy on us," I told her after our kiss had ended.

"What do you mean … is Maria spying on us? Does she care if you like me like that? You guy's broke up, right?"

I softly chuckled at her word choice for the end of my relationship with Maria. "Yes, we _broke up_ , but that plan you were so upset at me for not telling you about, well, it …"

"What?" Bella asked when I fell silent.

I felt exposed where we were and not comfortable enough to talk to Bella of my intended seduction of my former mate. "Come with me," I said suddenly, pulling on her arm.

"To where?" she asked

"Away from here."

_(Bella)_

I stared at the ripples that played on the surface of the black water just underneath the small ledge I stood on. I was back at the place I had fled to when I entertained the thought of running away. Jasper had taken me here so we could be alone and talk. Only that didn't happen, because a few seconds after we arrived he had splashed down into the water below. I now looked into the inky liquid, wondering if Jasper would ever reappear. He'd been down longer than a human should be, but then again he wasn't human.

"Jasper," I whispered, knowing that even underneath water he would be able to hear me.

"Yes?" he said, suddenly resurfacing.

I made a tiny noise of surprise and Jasper laughed. "What are you still doing up there. I thought you were going to follow."

"And ruin this perfectly put together outfit you dressed me in? I think not," I joked.

Jasper urged me forward with a gesture of his hands and despite my apprehension, I did as he wanted. My body plunged down like a rock and fell deep underneath the water I now knew to be from the ocean, because I could taste salt on my tongue. Unlike how it would have been in my other life, there was no ache from my lungs needing to be filled with air again and I took the opportunity to move around underneath the sea more than I would have been able to as a human. When I eventually headed for the surface, my eyes spotted a pair of legs moving about that I knew to be Jasper's. I felt much like a shark about to attack and decided to play the part. Swiftly I took hold of my friend's legs and jerked downward, so Jasper could meet me face to face. I saw him laugh as a few bubbles of air escaped his mouth. Then he came up to my face and kissed me deeply. I returned his passion and we both began to fall. Our hands and legs had stopped trying to keep our bodies afloat and instead moved around each other as our kiss grew more frantic. When I felt my feet come in contact with the sand at the bottom of the ocean, I moved my lips away from Jasper's and shot like a bullet up towards the surface. Jasper followed my lead and we both soon found our heads above water again. It suddenly occurred to me as I swam that my body would never tire and that I could stay in this water with Jasper forever if I chose to do so. The idea didn't sound half bad.

"I thought you wanted to talk, not play." I smiled at him mischievously and splashed some water into his face.

Jasper wiped the water out of his eyes and smiled back. "I may not get the chance to do this with you again. I want to fill our short time together with enough happy moments that you can take with you on your journey to Forks."

"What? Forks? Like forks and spoons? Are Peter and Charlotte taking me to a town or a diner?" I teased, even though the loneliness I felt at the thought of leaving without Jasper was a heavy weight on my mind.

Jasper placed his hands at the top of my head and moved them downward to the the sides of my face, as if smoothing out my wet hair. "Forks. It's a town on the west coast of America. It's where the clan resides that Peter is leading you to."

I nodded, trying not to let on that there was a particular town I knew of on the west coast with that same ridiculous name. I was familiar with it, because my father lived there. I didn't want to get my hopes up or show any excitement at maybe being able to see Charlie again, because I was pretty sure Jasper would not approve. To get in contact with my family would only put them in danger. That was a warning I remembered being told multiple times by the same vampire who was now swimming near me.

"So, since we're talking now … can you tell me what you began to say back there and then stopped," I said, trying to move our conversation away from Forks.

Jasper grimaced. "I don't want to worry you."

"Well, it's too late for that. I already know you have something planned that's going to put you in harm's way. The only thing I don't know is what that plan is," I reminded him.

"I know," Jasper said quietly, before kissing my forehead and pulling away to look at me with sad eyes. "Perhaps, It is better that I revealed my love to you. Knowing that you feel the same gives me something to fight for. I may not have cared enough to try and stay alive had I not said anything and not known you want me as well. I thought it would distract me, but I see it more as a drive now. I will fight not only for you, but for the chance to be with you. Because you see … I'm planning on killing Maria."

"How … you can't! That's suicide!" I shouted and Jasper shushed me.

He shook his head, causing small droplets of water to fly from his drenched hair. "It's not suicide if I don't plan on dying. I'm going in fighting and I have no intention of losing. If I don't do this you will be tortured. Even if I tell Maria that your shield can't be produced at will, she will use whatever cruelty she can to force it out of you. I cannot let that happen."

"She wants to use my shield?" I asked.

Jasper nodded. "Against her enemies and that is why I must get you to safety before she strikes."

"How will you do it?" I asked timidly, not sure I wanted to know, but aware that not knowing would be worse.

"I will use the only weapon I still have when it comes to Maria … sex. For so many years she used it to force me into doing her bidding and it's the only way I can possibly control her and get close enough." Jasper's look changed in intensity, like he was trying to see into me and read my emotions. "I apologize if I'm being rude. You must understand sex with her wouldn't mean anything."

"Of course, I understand. It's just sex," I said in a small voice, trying to cover up my silly disappointment.

Jasper must have felt my upset mood, because in one quick movement he took my face and pulled me into a kiss that lasted a long while. When it ended I sighed, wondering how I could ever give up the feelings I experienced with Jasper if he didn't survive.

"You are the only one I want, Bella," he said as his arms gathered me into a strong embrace. "I hope after tonight you understand that and carry it with you through the next few days when you will see me act with Maria very differently. You must think nothing of it, because deep down there isn't anyone else I want, but you."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note** : This chapter began as a Bella POV that turned into writer's block after 2 pages, so I decided instead to focus on trying another POV simply to help get my creative brain working again. Eventually Maria's POV took a life of its own and I decided to actually use it in my fic, because hey, it's fan fiction and anything goes, right? Hopefully, since I already have some of my Bella POV written it won't take me long to update again.

Also a reminder that this fic is rated M. I'm not one to be overly descriptive when it comes to sex scenes, but this chapter does contain some M rated material jsyk.

If you're still reading this fic, let me know what you think :)

* * *

_(Maria)_

I was scouting the area, trying to find a decent place for the newborns to feed, and I detested every second of the tedious task. I shouldn't have been the one doing this. Typically I wasn't in charge of anything to do with the newborns other than intimidating them into being subservient, but there had been too much instability around me lately and I didn't trust anyone. As a result, I had delegated all the more important tasks to myself.

"Always the gracious leader willing to pick up the slack when all anyone else can do is _echar a perder*_ ," I muttered to myself, while taking the opportunity to force my aggression out onto a tiny opossum.

My foot sent the animal flying in the air and when it landed I heard the crunching thud of all his bones breaking at once. That probably hadn't been a smart thing to do, I thought to myself with a sigh. Plus it was completely ruled by my emotions, a part of me I was very well practiced in keeping out of my actions. If any emotions were ever shown they were the ones I wanted others to see. But more often than not they were false interpretations of emotions, because if I showed what I really felt it would have been the blank face boredom. I was bored all the time and tired of all aspects of my life.

I really was only ever satisfied when I had power and for some time now my control over others had been shrinking in size, growing smaller and smaller, until I now had growing fractions of discontent inside my very own group. A year before I'd had a large portion of land which I could claim as my own, where I was the queen, but all in the matter of a night I lost that control to another clan. I'd gotten too self-assured and lazy with keeping my group of newborns properly trained. My army was ill prepared when they fought the battle they subsequently lost. Those of us remaining were forced out of the area, which was a pity considering it had provided me with large quantities of blood for many years.

I yearned to have power over my land once again and wasted no time in plotting to see this desire to fruition. I destroyed the remaining newborns who had survived the fight and vowed never again to get complacent with my command. Slowly I added new vampires to our fold, but was very frustrated when none of them stood out or possessed any special talents that would prove useful in a fight. I didn't think any of them could help me regain my territory. I wanted to destroy them all and start over once again, but that all became complicated when Jasper had strayed. His actions had forced me to uproot everyone and now here I was bored.

I was even getting bored with James. I had only started using him as a way to force out Jasper's jealousy and rage, because I knew Jasper hated him. It was the main reason I chose him over anyone else. Well, he was good looking, tall and blond, which was usually my type, but he wasn't especially good at pleasing me. In his human life he must have been with women who were so attracted to him that they didn't bother to let him know that sex was more than the act of sticking a _polla**_ into a hole. Perhaps none of his partners ever shared their opinion on the matter, because James had always taken without permission. It seemed highly plausible considering his penchant for using his humans not only for blood, but also sex. In any case, I'd been spoiled with having Jasper as a lover. I had trained him, during the course of our relationship, how to make me cum using many different techniques. James seemed to know only one way and I didn't have the patience to teach him how to use a woman's anatomy properly.

In all honesty, I had hoped Jasper would rip James apart once he realized what was going on between us and then I would be done with it, but Jasper never caught on. Even when I told him to his face that I was screwing around, Jasper didn't give any of the emotions I wanted from him. It was as if there was no way to reach him anymore. James had been just one idea in a long list of ideas that had all failed to bring Jasper back to me. He'd turned into such a sorry creature, with too many wounded emotions. I hardly had time for him anymore and now saw him as a liability. I would have destroyed him already, if I wasn't so fond of the memory of what he used to be. I held onto false hope that someday that part of him would wake up and return, but as every year went by it felt less and less likely. Perhaps this need to hold onto him was the same weakness that had caused the loss of my territory. I didn't want to think about the two being connected, because I didn't want to kill Jasper, especially now that I knew the human he'd saved might be the key to me gaining my power back.

A wicked smile pulled at my lips as I thought about it, about what I would do with Bella's power against those who had wronged me, but my tiny flicker of happiness was short lived when I heard the sound of someone approaching. Crouching, I made myself ready for attack, but straightened my body when I smelled the scent of James growing stronger. Finally my lackey emerged from some nearby trees.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not hiding the irritation I felt. "Why aren't you watching Jasper?"

"I'm sorry, Maria, but I lost him when he ran off with the girl."

Whenever James spoke to me he always sounded like he was on the verge of groveling. To anyone else he acted like he was in control, but I, on the other hand, was something to be worshiped and feared. It was nice, but lately I was finding annoyance in his constant adoration. I looked over his face and noticed that awful chip in his tooth that Bella's shield had caused when, like an idiot, he'd continued to crash into it several times. Whenever I caught sight of his imperfect tooth, I wanted to smash his stupid face in. I would have destroyed the little _mierda***_ by now if it wasn't for his loyalty. Devotion was what I clung to during my moments of uncertainty as my clan was seeming to break apart into divisions.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation, not wanting to lose myself in anger again. "I guess that's to be expected. Jasper was always good at not leaving a trail behind. Another reason why he is far more superior to you in every way."

James glowered, but quickly reined in his facial expression when he saw me raise my eyebrows. "I did managed to get some information about him and Bella, before they ran off," he offered up as a consolation prize.

"Oh, and what's that?" I crossed my arms across my chest, waiting impatiently for him to make up for his shortcomings.

"I saw him kiss her, and I also saw her shield used to protect him when he fell from a tree."

I huffed. "Well, it doesn't matter to me who he kisses, but the shield information is very useful. Thank you, James."

I showed my appreciation for his information in full later that night after we returned to the house. I took him down to the basement and let him have sex with me. I made sure to tell him that I only wanted it from behind. He thought I was being kinky, but my reason was strictly so I wouldn't have to see his chipped tooth staring me down while he pushed himself repeatedly inside me. When he finally finished with a loud groan, I sighed in relief, glad for him to be done. I didn't even bother to turn around and look at him as I pulled my pants back up over my hips.

"Was it good?" he asked nervously, causing me to turn around.

"It always is," I lied, wanting to stroke his ego just enough to keep him on my side.

What was the point in telling the truth to him? Whether or not he knew how to satisfy me wasn't why I kept him around. As long as he thought I wanted him, he would be pliable and willing to do what I asked of him. James seemed to always need reassurance that I thought he was good at sex, therefore I gave him the praise he needed.

"Now I need you to do something for me," I said.

"Yeah? You want me to eat your cunt?" He leered at me with a suggestive look that showed off his chipped tooth and I had to fight the disgusted gag building in the back of my throat.

But ever playing the part of someone who desired James, I forced myself to laugh off his suggestion, making sure my voice was flirtatious. "While tempting as that may sound," I said, pulling his body closer to mine and kissing him full on the mouth, "there is a much more pressing matter. I need you to go talk to your friend Bill. Try and make sure he's on my side. I need to know who I can trust if things get dicey around here."

"You mean Will?" James looked confused.

"Yes, that's it."

I wasn't very good at knowing the names of my newborns unless they were important to me in some way. I'd remembered Jasper's name right away, because of his ability to manipulate and feel emotions, but the only reason I vaguely knew Will's name was, because he was someone James called a friend.

"Anything else you need?" James asked as he cupped the curve of my bottom with his hands.

I ignored the suggestive nature of his hold on me and replied, "Yes, actually, if you happen to see Jasper let me know. I need to tell him I've found a place to take the newborns to feed."

James looked disappointed, but nonetheless nodded and walked up the stairs toward the door leading out of the basement. I expected to hear the sound of the door shutting behind him, but instead my ears picked up the southern tinged voice that I'd grown to expect from Jasper.

"Are you going to let me through or am I going to have to add another chip to that tooth of yours?"

I don't know why hearing his voice caused a stir in me. I hated that I still held feelings for him, even if they weren't based in love, but in his ability to destroy others. I looked up to see James staring down Jasper, unwilling to let him pass. "Don't you have somewhere to be, James?" I asked, making sure my voice was steady as to not upset him further.

With an angry shudder, James relented and moved his body, so Jasper could enter. I could tell it wasn't the easiest thing for him to do and also knew James didn't like the idea of me being alone with Jasper. "You can go now," I said to him when I noticed he wasn't leaving.

When James finally exited the room, I turned to Jasper, "Have you come with news of Bella and her shield?"

Jasper shook his head, "Not quite. I'm still working on that with her."

_Among other things … or so I hear._

"Then why the visit?" I asked, suddenly extremely curious why he would lie to me about her shield.

"Is it okay, just to want to try and resolve all these ill feelings we've been having for each other?" His hand suddenly reached out and took mine.

I held it, but didn't believe the sincerity of his gesture. Something wasn't right, although I didn't let on to my misgivings. I knew he'd kissed Bella. I knew he'd seen her shield used again, but he had mentioned neither. In fact, he seemed to want to reconcile with me, something he didn't care to do when I had brought it up before. So, why? I decided that I would let this play out and see where it led. "Finally coming to your senses, I see," my voice was sickly sweet.

I smiled, making sure my emotions were lying just as my words were, because if living with Jasper for over a century had taught me anything, it was that he was better at reading emotions than he was at detecting a lie. Good thing I'd trained myself how to fake anything, even the emotion of loving him.

* * *

*messed up

**cock

***shit


	22. Chapter 22

_Every pop song on the radio is suddenly speaking to me. Yeah, art may imitate life, but life imitates TV - Ani DiFranco_

* * *

_(Bella)_

If there was one thing I took away from falling not only in love for the first time, but falling into the type of love that vampires felt, it was that every romance centric story I'd ever been exposed to, suddenly made sense. Likewise all the pop songs with their sickly sweet lyrics that I only ever listened to for easy to digest melodies, unexpectedly became very deep and relatable.

This new vantage point of seeing life through the lens of love, changed how I perceived everything. My logic, which had been one of my stronger traits, no longer mattered when love was involved. All those times in my past that I'd yelled at fictional characters for doing something extremely stupid, because they were in love, became the rants of a much too serious for her age little girl.

There was a far off and hazy memory I had of me yelling at a TV screen when I was eight. I was frustrated with a certain character named Rose who was willing to follow a boy named Jack, down with the Titanic, because duh … he was obviously her soul mate and how could she ever find love again after that? I wanted to laugh at the sarcasm I had been able to produce at such a young age, but actually I felt more ashamed than amused. I no longer felt like I should chastise Rose for nearly dying with a boy she didn't know at all, because hadn't I, in fact, become Rose?

I didn't want to be trite and compare my relationship with Jasper to a movie, but in a weird way, I now could relate with the character Rose from _Titanic_. I may have lacked the exquisite curves of Kate Winslet, but Jasper did resemble Leonardo DiCaprio, and just like the character Rose, I had fallen into love in a matter of days. Although, I did feel that being a vampire had played a large role in that. Charlotte had been correct about how fast falling in love could happen for our kind. I couldn't explain it, but I knew the feeling was real and the connection I had with Jasper was extremely powerful, like it was in my makeup to love him.

Finding love as a vampire had turned me into a classic lovesick cliché, but maybe clichés were clichés, because they were grounded in some truth. Love was irrational and crazy and passionate and much to my irritation, made me act like every female protagonist from every romantic comedy. Once I'd admitted that I was in love with Jasper and kissed his mouth, and felt his body against mine, I'd fallen headfirst. A week ago I probably would have seen someone like me and rolled my eyes, but not anymore. Love had changed the way I reacted to everything.

But that also meant my reaction to Jasper's absence was just as strong, albeit at the opposite end of the emotional scale. If he'd never kissed me and told me he loved me, I may not have been as hurt when Jasper stopped being my constant shadow, in order to enact his plan against Maria. Instead, I was not only hurt, but angry. A fury burned in me whenever I saw him with her. He'd warned me and I knew it was coming, but that did little to ease the fire pulsating inside my body. That burning urged me to rip Maria to shreds, whenever I caught sight of Jasper's hand on the small of my rival's back. Obviously, I didn't follow through and react the way my instincts told me to, because that would have been a losing battle. Apparently, despite everything, there were parts of my logic that still worked.

As much as my shield was powerful, it wasn't a weapon. My vampire ability could only be used to protect the ones I loved and certainly I wished there was a way to protect Jasper from Maria with a barrier, but no matter how much I obsessed over the idea, I knew I needed to simply remain a spectator. His plea for me to go with Peter and Charlotte, because otherwise we might both die, echoed in my ears anytime I started coming up with an elaborate plan to help Jasper. What could I do anyway? Anything I attempted would only disrupt what Jasper had planned and so, I waited and seethed all the way through it.

I had remained mostly quiet and kept to myself after returning with Jasper the night of our love confessions. We had come back from our midnight swim sopping wet and I remembered him showing me how to shake off my drenched body much like a dog would. I'd laughed at the sight of his body moving like an animal and Jasper gave me that confused half smile I was growing accustomed to. To him, his actions were completely normal and probably were to a vampire. It was me who was the fish out of water.

"Well, at least I can get you to laugh at me … if not with me," he had said.

I thought about replying that laughing was better than feeling sad like I would later, but decided not to bring up him leaving me for an uncertain future. There was no reason to do that. We both knew the emotional hardships that soon faced us. In our last moments together, I wanted to experience Jasper in happiness instead of reminding him that we would soon be torn apart and so, my arms instinctively went around him. Although, I released his body quickly and said, "Oh, sorry. I'm still soaked."

"That's okay. I don't mind," Jasper had replied as he drew me into his arms and pressed his lips against mine.

Much too soon, he relinquished his hold and led me back to the house, but not before I shook off my sea water in the same manner Jasper had. He had laughed once I was done and said, "You're right. I guess, it does look a bit funny."

That was the last thing he had said, before leaving me in the care of Charlotte and Peter. I was supposed to stay near them, because that's where Jasper thought I would be safest, but the need to be alone with my sadness had been too great. As painfully immature as it made me feel to admit it, I didn't want to be around another couple who was in love when I wasn't able to experience my own. Even if they didn't kiss or say anything, it didn't matter. Peter and Charlotte complimented each other in a way that only two people could when they were in love.

Then there was also Charlotte herself, who had been so instrumental in getting me to admit I had feelings for Jasper, when my logical side had been pushing me in the opposite direction. There was no way she wouldn't be able to tell something had transpired between Jasper and I. Perhaps if the situation was different, I might have been more willing to answer the questions I knew Charlotte would hurl at me if I gave her the chance.

But, I wasn't and therefore, had spent most of my time away from my guardians. I'd retreated to the tree where Jasper had first kissed me and remained there. From my perch atop the branches, I was able to see everything going on … everything that is, except what took place inside the two story house that Jasper had entered to be with Maria. They only ever came out once in a while. I didn't want to admit that I had kept track of every single time they did this, but it was something I knew. Being a vampire meant my brain was capable of remembering many details now. I made sure to use all of that mind-space to obsess about the times Maria and Jasper came out of the house for a stroll, to intimidate the newborns, or talk about my shield. I assumed they were talking about me, because I couldn't really hear them. I chose to obsess about what they did while outside, because I didn't want to obsess about what happened when I couldn't see them. I wondered, as I watched them from my position, if Jasper knew I was staring at him. Probably not. I was being narcissistic to think that he would waste time wondering what I was doing. He had more important things to worry about … like not being destroyed.

Near the end of my first day without Jasper, my alone time was interrupted when Charlotte paid me a visit. I heard someone climbing underneath me and smelled the scent of my friend. It was so weird that I could smell someone now and not have to look to know who they were. As Charlotte's fragrance grew stronger, I half entertained the thought of moving down the branches to escape her, but realized that it wouldn't help. If anything, doing so would bring me in contact with her sooner and my other option of jumping down wasn't something I thought would work. Jasper's fall had shown me that the only way I could come away from that uninjured was if I created a shield around myself. I wasn't exactly sure I could do that and didn't think injuring myself trying would be smart. So, I stayed where I was and braced myself for the questions I expected Charlotte would ask.

Only she didn't ask anything. Instead, my friend took a spot next to me and said, "I thought you'd like a break from all this solitude."

I shrugged, not willing to commit.

"That's okay. You don't have to say anything. I promise I won't either. We can just sit here, not talking." She reached out her hand and took mine.

I sighed to fill the silence between us and Charlotte did too. "We can sigh, right? Is sighing allowed in Bella's little quiet world?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, and rolling your eyes is allowed too when someone is obviously trying to not talk by talking."

Charlotte pouted, but didn't say anything as if taking her vow not to speak seriously this time.

Time passed as we sat there. Charlotte continued to hold my hand and I had to admit, I didn't mind her company. Her presence was like a buffer for my more depressing thoughts or even my angry thoughts of wanting to destroy Maria. I found myself being thankful for Charlotte and glad that she existed in my life. It was nice to know I had made a friend that was willing to just sit with me, because she knew I wasn't in the best of moods and wanted to help.

Eventually I decided to be kind and allow Charlotte to talk. "Okay, I know you want to, so I'm going to allow you one question," I stated, startling Charlotte who must have grown comfortable in our silence enough that my voice made her jump.

Quickly recovering from her start, she smiled at me and squeezed my hand. "I don't need to know anything. I'm only here for you. On the other hand, if you feel inclined to tell me something then I'd be more than willing to hear it."

Despite my melancholy temperament suppressing any form of humor I was capable of, Charlotte's roundabout way of getting me to talk caused a chuckle to rumble in my chest. "Ah, so that's how you're playing this game."

Charlotte didn't reply, except to give me a face like she didn't know what I was talking about. Although, I thought I detected a hint of an impish glint behind her eyes that told me she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Okay, but please take this in all seriousness when I tell you and don't start making noises of excitement or anything that would bring attention to the fact that … Jasper and I kissed … several times."

After my secret was confessed, my hands found their way to my cheeks, like they always did in moments of embarrassment, but I dropped them to embrace Charlotte after she pulled me into a hug. "Oh shit, Bella, I'm so happy for you guys," she whispered. "Don't worry. Everything will work out for you two. I just know it."

I wanted to tell her that there was no way for her to know if that was true or not, but I took Charlotte's words for what they really were, a form of comfort. She knew as well as I did that our planned escape might be the last time either of us would see Jasper, but that didn't mean she couldn't encourage me with positive words. I was about to thank her, when she suddenly asked, "So, did you grab his ass while you were kissing?"

"What?" I said, not really surprised she had gone there, but acting that way regardless

I let go of Charlotte, intending to give her the prude treatment of my indignant reaction, but found myself not caring. "Yes, I did," I replied sheepishly and we both laughed.

It felt weird to be laughing when I still felt so horrible, but in the presence of Charlotte my mood was lifted somewhat. I wanted to let her know how much I appreciated her as a friend, but stopped short when my eyes caught sight of Jasper coming out of the house alone. He was heading straight for Peter, who was nearby my tree. Charlotte and Peter had stationed themselves there after I withdrew into my seclusion. A moment of panic took hold over me as I weighed my choices. I didn't know if I should go down and see him, since he was without Maria, but at the same time, would it be too hard for me? Would it cause a disruption in his plan for me to be near him?

In the end, my selfishness urged me down the tree. I was in such a hurry that I didn't even explain to Charlotte what I was doing. If this was the last time I would see him, I wanted to at least speak to Jasper. I landed unceremoniously near Peter and Jasper, causing them to pause their conversation. Both set of eyes swept over me, but it was only Jasper's look that caused my knees to buckle slightly. He seemed somewhat amused by my appearance and said, "I see you've taken to climbing trees."

"Yes, especially this one. Holds some meaning to me," I replied.

Jasper didn't encourage the direction I was taking our conversation and simply bowed his head, before turning his attention back to Peter. "Sunset then."

"Sunset," Peter reiterated.

Before leaving, Jasper glanced at me again as if he wanted to say something, but whatever it was the words went unspoken

"What was that about?" Charlotte's voice came from behind me.

She must have climbed down the tree not long after I did. Peter looked past me and replied, "Training at sunset and then Maria wants me to take the newborns to feed afterward. She scouted and found a feeding ground. Jasper was giving me directions. From there we will make a run for it."

Charlotte came to stand beside me and took my hand. "Tonight?" she asked.

"Jasper thinks it's the perfect time. He will _occupy_ Maria long enough for us to escape and then make his attack. If he survives, he will track us and rendezvous. If not then we will continue on our way to Forks."

Peter spoke in the same cool and composed manner he always did, which unnerved me, because the subject was the serious issue of my boyfriend's possible end. Sensing my discomfort, Charlotte squeezed my hand. "He will make it," she whispered, turning to face me.

For Jasper's sake, I hoped that Charlotte's vampire abilities included not only being a match-maker, but also a soothsayer as well.

When I eventually followed Peter and Charlotte moments later for our training, it was with anticipation, but also anxiety, because I knew this might be the last time I saw Jasper. The heaviness in my heart was palpable as I watched each newborn take their turn fighting against Jasper and I cringed each time I saw one of them bite down into his concrete flesh, leaving another scar. I'd come to recognize those tiny moon shaped indentations all over Jasper's exposed skin, but never mentioned them. It wasn't until I had witnessed Jasper train the night before that I realized where they were from. I still hadn't said anything to him about it, not sure if his scars were something that made him self-conscious.

When it was my turn to fight, I stepped forward and looked Jasper directly in the eyes, wanting to see some sort of message I could take away from his stare. He looked back and I detected a strong emotion from him, something I had experienced before. His love. Then the sensation was gone and the air was void of any emotion other than the fury of the newborns who had already fought and lost against Jasper. As I ran towards him, trying to enact the fighting techniques I'd learned, Jasper slammed my body to the ground with his own. I struggled to push him off me, not wanting to bite him like all the others had, but suddenly I froze when Jasper's mouth came up against my ear and he whispered, so softly I was barely able to hear, "I love you."

Then he was off me, standing and explaining to everyone why my attack had been ineffective. I myself had to work hard in order to move up off the ground, because his words were still dancing along my ear drums. When I finally found my footing, I wanted to rush at him and repeat his sentiment not with words, but with my lips and hands. I kept my emotions in check though, knowing that a nearby Maria was watching us.

When my turn as Jasper's sparring partner was over, I sighed heavily, but unlike the other newborns my dejection was not from my inability to fight and win against Jasper. No, my disappointment was rooted in my inability to tell Jasper that loved him too. I was worried I would screw it up and be heard by someone other than who the words were intended for. Sadly, the last thing I said to Jasper, before I left was, "Good fight."

I tried not to occupy my mind with such a trivial thing as those two words I'd said to him that were as platonic as platonic could get. In its place, I decided to obsess about Jasper's death, something that probably wasn't all that healthy for me to do either. When Charlotte eventually came to retrieve me when everyone was leaving to hunt, I was still fixating on the image of Jasper decapitated. I had retreated into my tree once again, where I could mope, and followed my friend back down to the ground. Only when my feet touched the earth, I saw that Charlotte wasn't alone. I caught sight of Jasper a few feet away. He urged me forward, behind the cover of another tree and I sprinted into his arms. Quickly his mouth covered mine and we shared a kiss that made up for its briefness with an intensity that spread all the way down to my core. When our mouths separated, I noticed his lips trembling as his attention shifted away from me and over to the house, almost like he was worried Maria might see us.

"I love you," I whispered, finally getting my chance to make the last words I said to him be meaningful.

His eyes fell back down on me and Jasper sucked in a lungful of air, which made a sound that resembled a sob. Then he leaned his head down against my shoulder. "This isn't the end," he said softly and yet used a tone that was as fierce as I had ever heard him speak. I wondered if he was trying to will his words into being true.

I thought he might kiss me again, or more likely, I yearned for him to, but just as suddenly as Jasper had appeared, my boyfriend, mate, whatever the term was for him, shot off into the night, leaving me alone to cry my tears that I knew I was not capable of forming.

Charlotte ran to help and I cried into her shirt while she patted my back. Given the opportunity, I might have sobbed all night, but I wasn't afforded the luxury. Peter soon came to stand near us and said, "It's time."

Then I walked with them both into an unclear future that possibly did not involve Jasper.


	23. Chapter 23

_(Jasper)_

"Please, don't touch that. I would like to keep the things I find appealing, intact," Maria said.

James's fist did not move, regardless of Maria's request, and remained mere inches from my face. I wondered if he would actually disobey an order from his superior all because he hated me. Maria's expression had been complacent in the matter of destroying my body piece by piece, until now. Apparently my face was off limits and the slight narrow of her eyes along with the purse of her lips, let James know that he better listen or there would be punishment ahead. He must have decided not to temp Maria's anger, because his tense knuckles relaxed and he let his hand fall. Unfortunately for me, my enemy decided instead to kick his foot on a very sensitive part of my body and I keeled over in pain.

"Not that part either, you idiot. I need that," Maria screamed in anger.

"You need _that_?" James yelled back, letting his emotions get the better of him.

I so rarely saw her lose her temper, but James's attack on me had set Maria off. Normally if a newborn reacted the way James had in response to her anger, he would have lost his head in the literal sense of the term. Maria usually wasn't diplomatic when it came to the area of insolence. Yet, I saw an understanding light Maria's eyes. His shock of her needing the area of my body that most likely would be used for sex, explained his outburst. I already had suspected what she realized, because the sensation of jealousy had erupted from James the moment her voice rose. He thought she wanted to keep me for herself. Sadly I knew that wasn't true due to my failed attempt earlier at trying to seduce her.

It took a few seconds, but Maria was able to compose herself and when she spoke again it was in the manner a mother might lovingly scold her child. "No, _I_ don't need that. Although, Bella might. Think clearly beyond your foolish jealousy. If she can't use him for sex then what good is he to her? I need him as leverage, not as some destroyed thing that she won't even bother with. Your instruction was to inflict damage, not make him useless. I need to be able to piece him back together if need be. No matter your hatred for Jasper, he is necessary to gain control of Bella's shield. If this task is too difficult for you then I will need to delegate it to someone else."

A miserable laugh wanted to escape my throat, but despite the fact that parts of my body were lying on the floor surrounding me, I was able to gather enough control of my emotions to keep my mouth shut. Maria's reasoning that Bella would not want me if a certain part of my body was destroyed made absolute sense to her. The idea that love could be found even where sex could not, wasn't an idea able to be processed in her brain. How could she possibly understand the workings of love? She was incapable of it.

"Well, what more do you want me to do? If I can't smash his face in or his dick I'd say I was finished," James surmised, his anger from before turning back into a disgust for me.

And he was right. Both my arms had been torn away from my shoulders and while my legs were still attached, they had been broken in many segments. I was unable to stand and had been sitting against the wall of the basement until James's foot had come into contact with my groin. Now I was laying on my side with my face pressed partially against the floor.

The horrific image I'd become was one my eyes had seen many times before. Usually vampires on the losing side of a battle were the victims. It was very common for me to destroy our enemies by tearing away their limbs, watching as they begged for a quick death and not receiving the peace they desired. After so many years, I'd become numb to it all. Yet, being on the receiving end of the torture gave me a new perspective. I pitied all those I had personally broken piece by piece. Truly I had been the monster Maria brought me up to be when enacting her wish to slowly kill survivors left behind. What I experienced now as a broken creature was not anything I wished on my worst enemy. A fast and merciful death would have been much appreciated opposed to the agony my body felt at that moment. If I ceased to be at least then Maria wouldn't have the ability to use me as a pawn in her game to control Bella. Unfortunately, I already knew how difficult it was to destroy my kind. I wished for death, to save the one I loved, but that wasn't going to happen, even in the condition I was in.

"I suppose you're right," Maria replied to James as she sighed and came to kneel next to my face on the ground. "There isn't much more you can do without making it impossible to reconstruct him."

Her hand gingerly brushed aside the stray strands of hair covering my one eye that wasn't pressed against the floor and she looked at me with something resembling pity, but not quite exactly that. I was only able to guess based on the emotion she bled.

I heard James's snicker from somewhere out of view, which must have bothered Maria, because she responded by turning around and hissing. "Don't think I enjoyed watching you tear Jasper apart," she said, her words stinging with bitterness. "He was once a brilliant fighter, my best soldier, and I loathe that any of this had to happen at all."

James said nothing and Maria turned her eyes back to me. She pressed a hand to the side of my face and began stroking my skin, almost like she was petting an animal. "Your work here is done," she spoke to James, but still looked in my direction, "and I would appreciate it if you would take your self-satisfied noises out of here. Go retrieve Bella."

Maria didn't even bother to wait for his response and went straight into giving me a half-hearted apology while concentrating on one of my head injuries. "I'm sorry it had to happen this way, but Jasper, it's not as if I haven't tried my hardest to find another solution," she clucked her tongue in disappointment while also shaking her head. "To be honest, I was running out of ideas, but with any luck, Bella will come back here, produce her shield and we'll reassembled you."

The anger rising in me could barely be contained and with a concerted effort I spoke in a shaky, but also aggressive voice. "And then what … you'll make us your slaves, continually force Bella to use her shield under the constant threat of violence against me?"

"It's hardly my fault she can only produce her power based on the fear of your pain," Maria replied with a flippant air. "Too bad for you, but this could have gone differently if you hadn't planned on killing me. I'm sure with time there would have been a way to force her into producing it another way. You are the one that forced me into hurting you."

"Seems to me you let James do all the work. Like always you refused to get your hands dirty, instead prompting someone else to do it for you. Is your control over him based on a hollow intimacy, like it was with me? Bella isn't a tool for you to use to get what you want. I would die before I let you touch her." I said.

A little smile played on Maria's lips. "Well, I did hold you down, doesn't that count for anything? Besides, you used to like that about me. I remember you reveled in my power, thought it was exciting how I was able to create an army and lead them to victory." Her hands reached underneath me and flipped my body over, so she could look me straight in the face. Then I tensed as her hand ran down the front of my pants and grasped between my legs. "Not so much anymore, otherwise there wouldn't have been any performance issues earlier."

I winced at her mention of my inability to become aroused when I had attempted to use sex as a vehicle towards her decapitation. I tried to turn my head and look away, but Maria brought her hands up to my face and forced me to stare into her eyes, "I knew all along what you were planning, or rather I had a vague concept of what was going on. You weren't very good at hiding things from me, but I suppose the stupidity of love makes even the best vampire weak."

I didn't say anything in response, thinking it would only encourage her to carry on, but my unwillingness to converse didn't affect Maria. She continued anyway, her face inches from mine. "I tried to rescue you from this foolishness before … with Alice. I saw the weakness she brought out in you and even though I could have used her gift when fighting, I decided I valued you more, so she had to go."

I had little doubt Maria was lying. At that moment she was trying to push on my wounds as a form of punishment for my failed insubordination. I wouldn't play her game though. I wouldn't allow her to have control over me anymore. I forced my head to turn away despite her hands being placed on either side of my face.

"Oh, look at you trying so hard not to care." Maria patted my cheek like I was child. "Aren't you the least bit curious what I gave up for my army all so I could keep you?" She pulled on my face, causing me to look at her. "Don't you see? I cared about you so much I let you destroy someone who could see the future. Imagine how I could have used her ability. I gave that up to save you and how am I repaid? You try to kill me by pretending it's foreplay. "

I narrowed my eyes. "You never cared about me. You only wanted to control me." I didn't mention her reveal that Alice was able to see the future, because I did not believe she was telling the truth.

Maria's lips softly brushed against mine, ignoring my assertion that she hadn't really loved me. "I cared deeply enough for you that I even warned Alice. You see, I didn't want to force you to kill your pet, knowing it might send you into a depression. I also didn't care to dispose of such a valuable tool, but I made it clear that I would let you kill her if she didn't heed my warning and leave you alone. Do you know what she said? No, of course you don't. She told me that it didn't matter in the end, because she saw you were meant for someone else and that union would be what brought me down. She was quite insolent about it and of course, I had to order you to kill her after that. Maybe that's why she didn't try to run or fight. She was letting herself be sacrificed for the greater good. Your little mental patient knew that you running away with her would most likely lead to a death sentence, but a sacrifice meant you still had a chance to be saved by your future dream girl." Maria pulled back from hovering over my broken body and sat down on the ground beside me as her horrible laugh echoed off the walls of the basement.

"If this is true, then how come she never told me?" I said, shouting over her vicious sense of humor, finally being pulled into her story.

"As if I know. The girl was _loco_ , dying for a cause somewhere off in the future," Maria said as the last bit of her amusement died away. Then as if something shifted in her mood, my former mate returned to her position over me, all traces of playfulness gone. Her eyes were hard as the red irises around her pupils glowed in my direction. "Alice didn't understand that I can't be touched. Not even by you. Long after you're gone, I'll still be around."

I was unable to control myself then. Her lies, which I were suspecting resembled something of the truth, caused a burning in my body. It was so fierce that I wanted to place my hands around Maria's neck and squeeze until it collapsed and her head rolled onto the floor. All these years she had kept this information from me. If I were whole, I had no doubt I would have attempted her death once more. Regrettably I was not and so, with the only weapon I had at my disposal, I produced a pool of venom in my mouth and spit it towards Maria. The liquid landed on her check and she smiled, "Jasper, that stings."

She laughed again, such a horrible sound, and I turned my eyes away from her. I expected Maria to strike me for my act of defiance, but she didn't seem up to it. I had been hurt enough, physically and emotionally and I suspected my reaction was exactly what she craved from me. A peek at the angry monster I used to be was the reason for our little conversation and now that I had shown my anger there was no more need for her to play along.

"Well, I guess now we wait," she said, standing and walking away from me. "Don't worry, you'll see your precious Bella soon enough. At least you have that to cling to."

I didn't respond, but instead closed my eyes, not wanting to think of what might happen if James was able to pull Bella away from Charlotte and Peter. I didn't think my friends would let her go without a fight, but maybe Maria had a strategy for that too. She seemed to have been aware of everything I'd planned and I silently cursed myself. My need to tackle Maria alone as a means of protecting Bella, might eventually be the decision that would bring the one I loved into danger's grasp. I sighed miserably at my poor choices. Maybe Maria was right about one thing. Love may have helped me become a better vampire, but it had made me weak as a fighter. I was no longer able to look at things from a soldier's perspective. I'd been so consumed with my worry for Bella that I had failed to see the flaws of my plan. I could have gone after Maria with Bella's help and even if Peter had first refused to join me, because of his fear for Charlotte, I could have pressed him, instead of settling for him taking Bella away from harm. In the end it didn't matter that I'd done what I thought best to remove Bella from Maria's control, because now it was backfiring.

_I'm so sorry, Bella._


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note:** Just a quick note, because I like to spread the word about books I've fallen in love with. I recently finished the second book in the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer and I wanted to recommend them here. Funny story, after I finished the first two books I went looking for info on the author and found out she used to write fan fiction. :)

Anyway ... hope you're still enjoying this fic. Thanks for sticking around.

* * *

_(Bella)_

I remembered back to a few days prior when Jasper had shown me how to feed from a human properly. He'd been genuinely shocked that I was able to pull away from the smell of human blood. His years of experience with new vampires had created an expectation, one that told him he would have to keep his new creation calm while showing it exactly how to drink from a human. I'd been the first vampire he'd ever seen resist the manic pull of the dark red that spilled from the veins of those we craved. The astonishment he clearly wore on his face that day, was now explained to me in full as I watched the group of vampires around me slowly begin to erupt into a frenzy. They were pushing and shoving as we neared the humans they would soon be feeding from. Their venom coated teeth were salivating for blood.

I nervously twisted my fingers around the buttons near the collar of my shirt and leaned into Charlotte, who noticed my wandering fingers and patted them softly. "Don't worry. This will all be over soon," she comforted me.

My hands calmed and I brought them down to my sides where I bunched them into fists, ready for an attack. I tried to remember what Jasper had taught me during the few times I had been trained by him, but I found that doing this only made me see him in my mind and there wasn't exactly any training going on. Well, since I had never experienced a physical relationship before, I suppose, in a sense, I was being trained, but this type of education was much more pleasant than the kind I was trying, but failing to recall.

Instead, I remembered his face leaning down to kiss me, his arms pulling my body closer and then his mouth covering mine as I tasted the sweetness of our lips separating for a deep and passionate kiss. I let this image stay with me for a long while and eventually got so lost that I nearly forgot the whole reason behind conjuring up Jasper in the first place. I was trying to remember how to fight another vampire and while reliving his kisses was certainly more enjoyable, it wasn't exactly helpful. I tried to dispel the warmth of our remembered embraces and moved away from the feelings they gave me. I needed to be on edge. I needed to be ready for an attack. I needed to not be lost in a daydream that made me lose sense of what was going on.

Like a cold shower, I shook off the intimate emotions radiating from me and searched through the archives of my mind to pull out a blended memory of the times I'd watched and also participated in Jasper's training. It played in my head like a super-cut of his best moments and I tried to memorize each movement and instruction. I did this a few times, skipping back to the beginning when necessary, while also trying to avoid the time he'd pinned me down and whispered his love into my ear, when unexpectedly the spliced together images paused. The picture grew obscured as if my brain was having difficulty processing what I knew to be true. Then just as quickly my mind was clear again, only the picture of Jasper had altered somewhat to contain none of the newborns. There was no training going on in this memory, which really wasn't a memory, but more like a premonition. Jasper was injured, severely, to the point that I wondered how he could still be alive. Unlike the times I'd obsessed about his death before and imagined all the horrible things that could happen to him, this picture seemed so much more real. I stopped in my tracks and shuddered violently as the destroyed vampire in my head vanished, leaving me with only fear to occupy my brain.

The ceasing of my footsteps, caused another newborn to crash into me and the feel of their body pushing into mine caused a sudden fury to pulse through me. I saw the shocked and then angered face of the dark-haired female vampire I had never learned the name of and she hissed at me. I voiced my fury in the same manner, but didn't leave it at that. I hurled myself on top of her and began an attack that included a decent amount of hair pulling and biting. I was so lost in my rage that I didn't even notice the strong arms pulling me off of my stunned victim until I was already back on my feet.

"Calm down, Bella!" I heard Peter order sternly from behind me.

I whirled around to find him, but he had already moved in front of the vampire I'd attacked, trying to keep her from retaliating against me. " _Pinche, puta!_ " she yelled in my direction from over Peter's shoulder, an insult I could loosely translate as not being anything my Spanish teacher had taught in class.

"What was that about?" Charlotte asked as she came to stand beside me.

I placed the palms of my hands against my forehead and pressed them firmly against the skin there, all while sucking in a lung full of air. My thoughts about an injured Jasper were returning again, but not as clear as before. Now it truly was a memory, a memory of what my brain had been infiltrated with. The image lingered at the forefront of my mind when I said, "I don't … I'm not sure. I just was so angry at something I saw."

"What did you see?"

I thumped my palms against my head a few times, before removing them away to look at Charlotte. I knew I would sound crazy, but went ahead and told her anyway. "I saw Jasper. I know it sounds weird, but it wasn't just a thought or something I imagined. I literally saw him."

"What? Here?" Charlotte whipped her head back and forth searching for my phantom boyfriend.

"No, not here. I saw Jasper in my head. Something, a greater power or I don't know, maybe I have another ability that lets me see things happening …" I ran my hands through my hair and let out a loud frustrated groan.

Charlotte's eyebrows pulled together and I figured to her it must have looked like I'd lost my mind, so I tried to explain better. "Jasper is hurt badly. I saw it in my head and I have to go to him, Charlotte. He needs me." My voice was a plea, but I really wasn't asking permission, because I had already made up my mind.

Jaw dropping, Charlotte stared at me in disbelief. "You can't be serious. Jasper and Peter planned everything to keep you safe, with a strong emphasis on Jasper. You can't throw all that away on some hunch."

"It's not a hunch," I said back firmly. "Something is wrong and I need to help him. I can't … I can't go with you guys."

I turned to leave, not wanting to argue when there was limited time, but my friend grasped my arm in a secure grip. "Bella, please don't do this. You don't even know if what you saw was real."

I gulped, not really wanting to fight with someone I cared about, but not wanting to risk the safety of another that I loved just as deeply, if not more. "And what if it was Peter and you saw him destroyed, pieces of of his body pulled off like he was a broken toy? Could you do nothing? Look, I love you, Charlotte, but I'm leaving, so please, let go." I made sure my tone was severe, so that she knew I meant business.

With a reluctant expression, Charlotte's fingers loosened and I turned again, but stopped when I heard her say, "Wait."

I twisted my head to look at her, but kept my body ready to bolt if she tried to grab me like before. "What?" I asked suspiciously.

"At least let me go with you. Having me on your side to help can't hurt." Her smile didn't reach her eyes, but I could tell Charlotte meant every words she said.

I hesitated, knowing there was no way Peter would agree to let Charlotte leave with me. Then as if his ears were burning from my thoughts, I heard the vampire in question say, "What's going on here?"

Both Charlotte and I looked away from each other to see Peter standing nearby, eyeing us curiously. He'd finished calming the newborn I attacked and was wondering what had happened between us while he was occupied. I decided to be direct, even if I felt slightly more nervous explaining things to Peter than I had with Charlotte. The newborns weren't exactly going to wait around patiently while I spent a couple minutes dithering in front of him … and neither would Jasper

"I'm leaving to help Jasper," I stated calmly, trying not to let the incredulous face Peter made in response intimidate me.

"And I'm going with her," Charlotte chimed in, linking arms with me and using a grip that proclaimed she had my back.

Peter blinked, stunned. Then reacting as if his girlfriend wasn't serious, he said Charlotte's name tenderly while reaching to pull her away from me. She was quick though, and maneuvered her body along with mine away before he could take hold. I could see the fear slowly lighting his eyes as the understanding swept over him that Charlotte had meant what she said.

"Char, think about what you're saying. This isn't something I can allow." Peter spoke with an authority I had heard him use several times before, but always when talking with the newborns, and never in a conversation with Charlotte.

My friend didn't seem perturbed. She was no shrinking violet. "Under whose authority can you not let me leave? Maria? It's not like you were planning on following her orders anyway as soon as we ditched the newborns. If you hold me back from helping Bella then it will only be you that's doing it. Do you really want to be that guy? You know about my history with men like that and you are not a psycho who wants to control me. You're better than that."

Charlotte paused and then visibly shivered, causing me to wonder if she was remembering some violence from her past. During one of our conversations she had mentioned to me that most of her prior relationships had been with abusive guys and naturally this was information she would have shared with Peter too. I watched as he grimaced at her reaction, but didn't relent his stance on not wanting Charlotte to leave. "I won't let you. I can't lose you, Char." His voice broke with emotion, which was very uncharacteristic of the stoic vampire I knew him to be.

He reached out for Charlotte again, but she didn't take his hand. "Peter, you mean so much to me, and have done so much for me this past year, but Bella means a lot to me too. I'm not going to let you keep me from going with her. So, you need to make a choice. Either you come with us to help or you let me leave with her."

"I don't like either of those options," he shouted in desperation, the volume of his voice bringing the attention of some newborns over to us.

"You have to choose and the sooner the better. Oh, for fuck's sake, I didn't fight it when you told me you didn't want to help Jasper, all because it might put me in danger. I thought you were being a tool, but I kept my opinions to myself. Well, that's not something I can do anymore. I'm going to help my friend Bella and maybe you should do the same. Stop worrying so much about me and think about someone who actually needs it. Jasper's been a good friend to us and if Bella is set on helping him then I'm going with her!" Charlotte spoke with a power that was inspiring and I thanked my good fortune for finding a friend in her.

Peter exhaled noisily in response and when he spoke again his voice sounded defeated, "I guess I have no other choice, but to follow you, because even if I don't like it, I'd rather be supportive than force you to do something against your will. I am not like those others that came before me."

Charlotte's smile was radiant as she finally let go of me to kiss her boyfriend on the mouth, "I know and that's why you're the best choice I've ever made for myself," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"What about the newborns?" I asked, noticing some had started to stray, while others had taken to viewing the drama that had just unfolded between the three of us.

Peter shook his head. "Does it matter? We are leaving to defy our leader. Either we die or live. Whatever the outcome, they are no longer my concern."

"Right," I said and then took off running, already taking into account the time I'd lost during Charlotte and Peter's argument.

I didn't get far before Peter caught up and stopped my movements by standing in front of me. I was prepared to fight him, if I had to, but thankfully he only wanted to help. "At least let me lead the way. We'll get there faster using my tracking skills," he said and I nodded, following behind him when he took off again.

I only hoped that what I'd seen in my vision hadn't progressed to include Jasper's head along with the other torn away body parts. "I'm coming for you." I said under my breath. "Please, stay strong."

_(Jasper)_

I hadn't moved since Maria lost interest in her mind games with me and left my body positioned flat on its back. From there, I was able to catch glimpses of her from time to time as she moved about the basement and at one point saw her retrieve the finger I had broken off from her during the beginning of our struggle. "There you are," I heard Maria say in her native tongue as she reclaimed the lost piece of her body.

I watched her lick the broken edge with her venom and reattach it. Then she splayed her fingers, admiring them, before using the same hand to reach around to where I had torn away some of her hair. The injury wasn't that noticeable, but it was a blow to her vanity. Hair could not be attached again like broken limbs, so at least I had been able to take something away from her, even if it was superficial. Maria was achingly beautiful and she used it to her advantage. Human and vampire alike might find her small bald spot somewhat unpleasant to look at.

Fortunately, I'd managed to do a bit more damage to James than I had Maria, but that was because he had been attacking me from the front, while Maria held me. A foot to his mouth had achieved in removing not only his chipped tooth, but a few others as well. His arm that had already been injured during his attempts against Bella's shield, had not healed completely and I was able to remove it. Unluckily for me, my assailant was only without his appendage for a moment before he was able to fasten it back in place.

Not that any of my successes while fighting either of them mattered now. They'd gotten the upper hand and would soon have Bella. I stared at the door that was in my line of sight and wondered if Maria had left me where I was, because it gave me a clear view of the entrance that James would bring Bella through.

"She'll be here soon, Jasper," I heard Maria say.

I closed my eyes, realizing she must have seen me staring at the door in anxiousness … or perhaps she felt it. I had no control over my emotions anymore, barely able to focus on much concerning myself. My mind was full of Bella and the dread at seeing what would happen once James finished with his errand.

Then a strong emotion hit me like a punch in the gut and I opened my eyes to look at the door again. It wasn't the same arrogant feeling that pulsated from Maria at having gotten the better of me. That emotion had clouded around us, since I'd lost my fight against her and James. No, this felt like fear and it was from someone nearing us. As it grew closer I was able recognize Bella as the one expressing the strong distress and I groaned loud enough that Maria snickered.

"I smell her," Maria said excitedly, but I felt she did this only for my benefit, another way to remind me of my failure to save the one I loved.

But when I was finally able to place a face to the emotion, after the door was thrown open, I noticed she was not standing with James. Instead Charlotte and Peter flanked both sides of Bella and when her wide eyes found mine, she let out a cry that was so dreadful it caused my stomach to drop.

The fact that James was nowhere in sight and Bella had brought reinforcements wasn't lost on Maria. She was quick to jump towards me, pulling what was left of my body against her own. One of her arms held me up while another twisted around my neck. "If you try anything I will pull his head from his shoulders."

Bella stood frozen at the top of the stairs, unwilling to move and temp Maria to do as she threatened. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice nonthreatening as if she was trying to mollify my desperate captor.

"To bargain," Maria replied, tightening her arm around my neck, pressing against my vocal chords and causing me to make a small noise of protest.

The sound I expelled caused Bella to glance my way again and she sent me a pitiful look. We held each other's gaze for a brief moment and I wanted to say something, anything that would convince her of my love one last time, but Maria's hold made that impossible. I settled for trying to force the emotion of love onto her and used what little strength I had left to accomplish this. When I felt I had succeeded, I heard the sound of a snicker from behind me, knowing that being so close to Maria meant she must have felt what I was emoting too.

The sound of Maria's reaction brought Bella's eyes away from mine and toward the vampire responsible for the state I was in. I saw the expression of fear Bella had worn since bursting the door open fall away and in its place was a deep scowl. Not only did her countenance change, but so did the emotion filling the basement. My love was completely wiped away and the shift was so strong that I could no longer process any other feelings around me. There was only one and it was emanating from Bella. Although, I had to admit I had never experienced this emotion from her before. It was new and slightly frightening for me to feel.

Bella was angry, completely and utterly rage filled.


	25. Chapter 25

_(Bella)_

Anger usually wasn't a feeling I experienced all that often and if I did then I had a way of burying it deep inside an emotional pit until I forgot about its existence. That wasn't to say I always kept quiet when something bothered me. Instead I was careful in choosing what things deserved an outburst and what things didn't. Really, it was all based on me not wanting to fight with anyone. I didn't like discourse, especially if I was the one causing it, but regardless there were plenty of times growing up that I had expressed my anger.

Through my teens, I'd gotten on Renee's case many times for not thinking clearly enough. She could be extremely forgetful that I wasn't her friend, but rather an underage daughter that had taken over her responsibilities. My anger at my mom though, was more of an irritation that sometimes bubbled over into astonishment at her absent mindedness. I'd yelled a few times over the years, slammed some doors, but it was never a hostile environment. The same could be said about school too. I was ignored mostly and sat at a lunch table with other misfits, who barely registered my presence. If I got angry it was usually about some test I hadn't gotten an A on and that emotion was always directed at myself for not studying hard enough.

The few times my anger had flared while I was human, now seemed so small in comparison to the situation in front of me that was causing the fire of rage to prick at my heart. My mom buying us tickets to a concert that took place the day before my exams wasn't exactly on par with seeing my boyfriend mutilated and it made me realize something. Maybe the reason I had never felt intense rage before, was because I'd never been handed a situation that pushed my buttons in just the right way. I also took into account my new status as a vampire. I was sure being physically and mentally altered into something different brought about the brand new version of anger that had taken hold of me so suddenly.

My first taste of this type of fury had hit me post-change when I saw Jasper and Maria together, although that emotion had been diluted somewhat, having been created from jealousy and not hatred. I'd witnessed the blood lust that the other newborns exhibited, but their fury was always based on something they instinctively craved. And that was probably the answer … Jasper was my instinct. He was definitely what I craved and at that moment someone was threatening to take away what I desired most. The sight of that, brought about a visceral need to protect what was mine. If just seeing Jasper wounded in my head could cause me to jump an innocent vampire and take out my anger on her then what would I do to the vampire who was actually responsible for bringing Jasper so near to death?

Still despite the slow burn of anger pushing from my center, wanting to take over all of me, I tried to approach the situation logically, like I knew I could. I may not have been human anymore, but that didn't mean I couldn't find the part of me that used to think with her brain and not react by instinct alone. I wasn't an animal. I had control and could find a way to save Jasper even if I had to offer myself up. It's what Maria wanted anyways and if that didn't work then I had friends to help me. It would be irrational for Maria to refuse my offer and kill Jasper, only to be met by the anger of three vampires who would avenge him. Maria wasn't dumb, obviously she'd been clever enough to get the better of Jasper and so, I decided to begin a dialogue that would give me the chance to make a trade, me for Jasper.

But then as I was coming to terms with the sacrifice I was going to make in order for Jasper to go free, an eternity of servitude that allowed me no chance of experiencing love or finding my family again, I heard Jasper's pain. That one noise pushed my instincts back to the surface and I was angry, furious at Maria for what she'd done to him, for what I was going to have to do to save him. I strained to gain control of myself. I wanted Jasper safe and even if I desired to end Maria, my logic told me that any movement I made towards destroying the vampire I hated with such intensity would result in Jasper being brought down with her.

I carefully centered on an image I made-up of a peaceful Jasper, whole and living his undead life away from Maria. He'd been miserable with her for so long and if I could save him from that then nothing else mattered. I comforted myself with the knowledge that the person I loved the most would be free from Maria's tyranny and used this to ease me away from anger. I was nearly myself again and not the rage filled vampire I'd become, when all of my work to find peace shattered and fell into fragments around me. Jasper's love was the culprit. It was an experience that I had tried to memorize in order to take with on my journey and now as the emotion enveloped me in its familiar embrace, I turned away from rationality. I was going to protect my man by removing what stood between us. Maria was going to die for a second time and it would be me who destroyed her.

I let out a loud hiss and positioned myself ready to pounce like a cat attacking a mouse, but Peter grasped my arm. "Bella, stop!" he ordered.

"Oh, you're upset," Maria said in a way that was meant to make me sound precious. "Too bad you can't hurt me. That is, you could, but things might not end well for Jasper if you do. Besides, I'm the one that should be upset, not you. _I'm_ the real victim here. You turned my partner against me. He's been mine for over a century and despite any gains you may have made with him in the short time you've been here, you will never be as important to him as I once was." Her eyes turned into slits as she glowered at me and then Maria enunciated her next words with contempt. "You're nothing compared to me."

She gripped Jasper tighter, forcing his head side by side with hers and in an act that seemed straight out of a villainy for dummies handbook, she licked Jasper's neck, her eyes still focused on me to see my reaction. I really didn't understand the reasoning behind her trying to incite my anger further. It seemed like a dumb move or maybe she was unable to control her ego. Maria wanted to state her dominance over me, like an animal pissing on the ground _. This is mine, but maybe I'll share if you do what I want._ In theory I should have felt more anger, but her action struck me like something from a ridiculous B movie and it kept me grounded in my mission to free Jasper. I had to get him away from this psycho.

"But that's not true and you know it," I stated using a self-assured voice to let her know what she'd done hadn't bothered me. "I'm not worthless. In fact, I'm very valuable to you, so it's me who has the upper hand, because if you don't let Jasper go then I will never agree to use my shield for you. You can do whatever you want to try and force it from me, but if Jasper is not allowed to leave here in one piece while you take me in his place then you can say goodbye to whatever it is you dreamed of doing with my powers. I will never willingly do anything for you."

Jasper made a sound that was suppressed by the force of Maria pressing against his neck and I assumed he was trying to protest the trade I suggested. I had expected this from him. "I don't think he likes your plan very much," Maria smirked, "and to be frank I don't either for two reasons. I doubt Jasper would just let you go. He would try to find a way back, create some convoluted scheme to outsmart me like he tried to tonight. You see he grows attached to his pets as I'm sure you're aware by now that he's done this rescuing human bit before. He's got a fetish for it. Then of course, I know that your shield is only able to be produced by your fear of his pain. Shall I test it out?"

"No," I said a little too passionately, betraying the confidence I was trying to put forth.

Maria snickered at my slip-up and I quickly forced my mask of indifference back into place. "What if I tell him that I don't want to be saved? I would leave with you willingly and we could start over, just me, you, and my shield. We'd go somewhere far and build another army of newborns. Besides, I'm sure with practice I could get my barrier to work for you under different circumstances. I'm new and still don't know how everything works." I could see my idea piquing her interest and I felt encouraged to press on. "Look, if you don't take my offer then we are at an impasse, because there is no way I will ever let you hurt him again."

Maria rolled her eyes in exasperation. " _La puta madre!_ You two are one in the same. Melodramatic pests, acting like you're still humans." But then I heard her sigh melodramatically, like she was reconsidering. "Fine, you may have a talk with him, but I get to keep his arms for safekeeping, even after he leaves … if I let him. I have to be convinced that there will be no retaliation for my keeping you."

It didn't feel like her concession was a fair trade at all, but I decided to just think about what I'd been given and then try to barter down to at least one arm. It was unreasonable to leave him without any, even for a vampire. I felt Charlotte squeeze my shoulder and I glanced at her. Her smile was grim, but nonetheless encouraging. I liked to think that I had gained some of my courage from her example and placed my own hand on hers, giving it a mutual squeeze, before racing down the stairs to stand in front of Jasper.

Maria was still holding him up, but let his body fall forward by releasing him all at once. Her face contorted to resemble a look of surprise, like his fall had been an accident, although I knew that wasn't possible. She was playing up the villain role again and I had to remind myself that the vampire menacing my boyfriend was an actual threat and not some cartoon character. Then like a graceful animal she came to my height from her position on her knees and placing her face near mine, so close that I could feel her breath on my face, Maria said, "Your time is short, so make this fast and be successful."

My eyes followed her movements as she stood a ways away and pulled Jasper's torn arms into her hold. There was a loud snap as her hands broke one of them into two and I cringed. This was her way of letting me know my time was limited. Hastily I tore my vision away from Maria's stare and brought my attention down to Jasper. His face was pressed against the concrete floor of the basement and I gently pushed him over to look at him. I had to fight back a sob that wanted to spill from my throat as I got a close up view of his damaged body. I tried not to concentrate on the horror I saw in front of me and instead pulled out the image I had of him in my head that was the possibility for his happiness … free and away from Maria.

"Bella, please! You can't do this," he begged. "You can't even begin to understand what you are doing."

"Shhhh. Stop. I was nearly an adult in the human world and am perfectly capable of making my own decisions." I spoke in a soft, reassuring voice to help calm him as well as myself. "Especially if those decisions are meant to help someone who needs it more than me. I'd say your time of suffering is over and someone else needs to take your place."

"No!" Jasper yelled in anguish.

His emotions flew at me unabated. He was afraid and so I very calmly laid my body next to his and placed my head on his still heart. "Please, let me do this for you. Don't come after me and don't worry about what will happen to me. You can find a new life away from this." I positioned my face above his and brought my lips down for a gentle kiss.

"None of it means anything without you," Jasper groaned when I pulled away.

I said nothing in reply, because I didn't want to admit the shard of a feeling in my heart that told me he was right. I pulled my body upright and looked away from him, not wanting to see the pain on his face. I hoped my words had been enough for Maria and I scanned the room in search of her, but didn't have to look far, because she had moved to stand near the remains of Jasper's legs.

"I'm not convinced you did a very good job, Bella," she stated nonchalantly and then smashed her foot down into the part of Jasper's leg that I thought was his knee cap.

His cry of pain answered the question of whether he could still feel any sensation in his lower limbs and I leapt to my feet stunned and angry. "What are you doing?"

Maria didn't answer and before her foot could smash down again like she intended, I felt a sudden flush of emotion intensify my anger. It pushed me forward on top of her and she laughed, "I was hoping to get your shield working, but this might be fun."

"Why are you such a horrible person, it's like you're not even real?" I growled.

I was about to attack, not knowing if my actions would result in my death, but not really caring all the same, when the powerful anger that had pushed me onto her, pulsated away from my body. This formed into an entity all its own and the gold glow of its physical appearance shocked my eyes. It was different from my shield, but I didn't take the time to contemplate what was going on. If I had a new ability then I was going to use it to the best of my capabilities against Maria. Whatever this was, my enemy would feel its full force


	26. Chapter 26

_(Jasper)_

Although, the pain in my leg was great, I forced my mind not to concentrate on the feel of it. I had let out a scream when Maria's foot initially pummeled my limb into more shattered pieces than it already was, but once the shock wore off, I ignored my own agony to focus on what was happening outside my line of vision. Bella and Maria were fighting. Through the aches that pulsated from every torn and ripped away parts of my flesh, I heard them scuffle. Maria had enticed Bella's attack by hurting me even though she had promised not to. The anger that had chilled my insides when I first felt it radiate from Bella was brought to a boil inside her and it propelled her forward into a retaliation for my suffering.

I yelled Bella's name through the commotion of loud crashes happening around me and felt both of their fury as they moved about. Maria's was playful at first, but then in an instant became just as vicious as Bella's. I couldn't see their movements and worried that Bella was losing the fight. I was sure of it, because she wasn't an experienced fighter like Maria, who had been around so long that even I didn't know her true age. A few training sessions did not make an expert on how to win a match against Maria. How I wished I could force my body off the ground and help the one person I could not lose who was only in this situation, because of me.

Then there were hands pulling me away from the chaos. My limp legs hit each step as I was dragged up the stairs and out of harm's way. From my new viewpoint I desperately searched for Bella as I called out to her again. I was able to catch a glimpse of her standing near Maria, who had been pushed into the basement wall, her dark curls splayed over her face from the force of a blow I hadn't seen. I yelled Bella's name, hoping she would look my way, but the door leading to the basement I had just been evacuated from was shut by a foot. I twisted my head back looking to see who was still dragging me and saw Charlotte. "Where is Peter?" I asked in a loud voice that was unnecessary considering my close proximity to the one I was speaking to. My anxiety over what was happening to Bella made me unable to control the panic escaping as I talked.

"Helping Bella, but from what I saw, I don't think she'll need it." Charlotte stopped pulling my torso and lifted me up over her shoulder, then she began sprinting until we reached the outside of the house.

I could still hear the havoc from the basement all the way where we were and I shouted out Bella's name again. "Take me back to her. I can help!" I yelled at Charlotte.

"No chance," she replied, coming to kneel down at my level, so we were face to face. "I don't think you're exactly in a state of being able to help anyone at the moment. Sit tight and let others do the work."

I let out an angry curse that was an everyday word for Charlotte and I saw her smirk at me, while still holding a look of pity in her eyes. Deep down, I knew that she was right and I didn't try and prove my case further. Only I hated that Bella was in there fighting Maria and I was not, even if there was no way I could help her. I was damaged, perhaps some parts of my body would never be fully the same, and while I was thankful to be alive, I was not appreciative of the fact that I was leaving Bella to fight a battle that should have been mine. "Do you suppose we were sent away, because of our uselessness?" I muttered to myself, my eyes focused on the paralyzed legs in front of me. I didn't want to dwell in the swill of self-pity, because it was utterly useless, but at the same time I was unable to stave it off due to my inability to help the one I loved.

There was no response from Charlotte, who had stood and was now leaning her body against the tree I was propped up against. I wondered if she didn't know how to react to my misery, a side of my personality I rarely showed anyone, or maybe her silence was a product of her offense at my reference to her as useless. Being my protector was hardly useless and I knew it. She'd saved my life. I didn't want to trivialize what she had done for me simply, because I had needed to vent my frustrations, so I prepared to apologize. "Charlotte, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply …." I began, but stopped when I suddenly remembered her statement as we were exiting the house. "Why doesn't Bella need Peter's help?" I asked, twisting my head to look up at her.

Charlotte heaved herself away from the tree and sat down beside me. I was glad to see no traces of anger on her face telling me she harbored ill feelings about the dismissive way I'd called us both useless. "Because, Bella's doing some weird shit with her ability. I have no idea what exactly it is, but there was a light and then half of Maria's face was gone. Like just … kaboom!" Charlotte made some noises with her mouth that imitated an explosion, but quieted down when she saw me look at her questionably. "Well, something like that," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

I shook my head, not sure I could believe what she was relating to me. "Half of Maria's face is gone?"

Charlotte nodded emphatically. "Yeah, but that didn't stop her. She came right back up on her feet, looking like something from a horror movie, and attacked Bella who used her glowing light thing again. I didn't see much else. Peter told me to take you outside, while he helped Bella, but Jasper, I'm not worried. I don't think either of us has anything to worry about, because, Bella has this new thing going on and I've never seen anything so powerful before ... at least from a vampire."

"Another ability based on an emotion? First empathy and now anger," I wondered out loud.

"But that's not all," Charlotte interjected. "The only reason we came back here to help was, because Bella saw some sort of vision in her head that told her you were in danger and obviously it was right."

I could hardly believe what she was telling me. According to Charlotte, Bella possessed yet another ability. "She's an anomaly," I stated using a sort of muted fascination as to not alarm Charlotte. "At least of what I have been exposed to of our kind."

"Looks like when you turned her you weren't just making another vampire, but a new leader for our clan." Charlotte winked at me.

"I doubt Bella wants the responsibility or has the need to rule an army like Maria does." I retorted, nearly spitting at the thought of Bella being anything like the vampire I had once claimed to love.

"Probably not." Charlotte shrugged off my negative reaction. "But still … imagine the possibilities of someone like her."

I took Charlotte's suggestion to heart and began listing off all the significant things I'd come to learn about Bella since first turning her, to our finding a mutual love in each other, and eventually to what I had just been told by Charlotte. Bella could not drink human blood due to her empathy for others. She could produce a shield based on her need to protect those she loved. Her anger could become a weapon and fear could produce visions of warning to help her. All these thoughts coiled in my head likes snakes as I tried to understand them.

Bella was truly unique, because even though I was an empath, I was one in the smallest sense of the term when compared to her. I wasn't aware what Bella was like as a human, but as a vampire she was ruled by her emotions, so much that her body possessed many different ways of expressing them in physical and mental form. Empathy, love, anger, and fear became tools to use for good or bad and it was then that I was struck by a profound fear for her. It was not only Maria that would clamor to control Bella and use her. When it was just her shield, Bella had been valuable, but with everything else … if word ever got out about all she was capable of then there would be no stopping others from trying to possess her as their own and that included the most powerful of vampires, the ones that ruled us from afar, The Volturi. Bella would always be sought after. She would always live in terror of being somebody's pawn.

The idea of this caused a swell of anger to push through the remains of my body. Despite being broken and my concern that I had been far too injured to ever be myself again, I swore that if Bella and I came away from this situation with some semblance of what we had been then not a day would go by where I would stop protecting her. As long as I could defend her from becoming a prisoner of someone else's desires, then I would. Although, I doubted I could accomplish this alone, especially with a permanently damaged body, and my mind began to spin around an idea concerning the coven of vampires in Forks, the ones Peter had claimed were peaceful. If they were good in nature then wouldn't they want to protect one of their own that would most likely be abused by the more unsavory of our ilk? I began to piece together a plan in my head, one that would find the best solution to keeping Bella safe, but was distracted when I saw Charlotte shoot from the ground into a defensive position over me.

"What do you want?" I heard her demand.

Moving my head as best I could to see around Charlotte's legs, I sighed silently in relief that it was not James who she spoke to, but instead a newborn. Yet, it wasn't just a single vampire from our army as I first thought. I looked beyond the male I recognized as one of the two who had run from Maria and me that day in the house, and saw four others behind him. They were all confused, but the one who stood out in front of the rest emanated concern. "What happened to Jasper?" he asked.

"Why do you care?" Charlotte snarled, positioning her body into an attack pose.

"Charlotte, it's okay. You don't need to worry about them. I don't sense any negative emotions," I stated calmly and she glanced over her shoulder at me, not changing her position, hesitating.

"He's right," the newborn said and Charlotte snapped her head back around to look at him. "I'm only asking, because I want to help. If someone has done this to Jasper then we should retaliate against them as a clan." The other vampires murmured in agreement.

"You may not be so willing when I tell you who the vampires were." My voice was morose.

"I don't think it matters to us who did this to you, only that we repay them with just as much pain," the newborn replied and took a moment to gauge the reaction of his friends. All seemed to be in support.

By this point Charlotte had taken my advice and moved from her protective stance to come and stand beside me. She was unwilling to lower her guard completely, but had given me a clear view of all the newborns. As my eyes swept over their nameless faces, I realized that I had never given any of them the courtesy of knowing who they were. The group before me had always been anonymous fighters who would die for a cause that was beyond them, much like the Confederate Army had treated me during the Civil War. The only reason I had grown to know Charlotte was because of Peter's preoccupation with her and my concern for him was the alone reason I had tried to keep Charlotte alive. None of the ones I stared at now were aware that Maria had planned on disposing of them all and I would have been her accomplice. The truth was I didn't deserve their concern, because I had never cared about them.

But they did care about me and I sighed my answer, "Maria and James."

"Because you stood up to them," the newborn stated, but he didn't wait for me to reply with an answer. "We will fight them for you and we will win."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I know this chapter is short, but I promise the next chapter will contain some Jasper/Bella alone time.


	27. Chapter 27

_(Bella)_

For a week my existence had been various ups and downs, starting with the very low point of being attacked and then nearly raped by James. I lingered on the word nearly, because nearly meant it didn't get so far that I would forever be changed by it, but then of course, there was another change, one that took place soon afterward. The pain of becoming a vampire had been a harrowing experience to say the least, but then I was lucky, because I had Jasper to help me with that. The high of getting to know him and discovering he loved me alongside confessing my own feelings for him was so different from my low point. Finding love had been a high, but then it was taken from me so quickly … another low. That feeling never went away and only deepened as the events of the last hour turned from depressing to horrific.

Now I was at a high point. I had wounded Maria just enough, that she was immobile. I was going to win and feeling superior about it. With my new ability and Peter's help, the damage had been done and now I would end her. I'd stop her from ever hurting anyone again and that included Jasper. With Maria gone he would finally be free. I marveled at how quickly the tables had been turned. Not so long ago I had been willing to offer myself up to save Jasper. Now that wasn't necessary. She would be the one groveling to save her own life.

But that didn't exactly happen. Maria was not the type to go quietly into the afterlife of the living-dead. Throughout our fight she had hurled insults at me, mostly about how I was nothing to Jasper … a toy, a fascination he would eventually lose interest in, and I wondered if she was maybe feeling jealous. I knew it was a ridiculous concept, considering I didn't think she could be jealous for someone she showed little concern for. She'd torn Jasper apart and had been willing to use him as a tool to get me to produce my shield. He was nothing more than an object for her to use. Still, Maria spent a large portion of our fight trying to prove that she was better than me and how I wasn't worth someone like Jasper. Perhaps she was straining for recognition of the ghost that haunted her of their lost love. Although, love felt like too strong a word for an oppressor like her. The more frantic her insults became the more I understood what they were really about. Her verbal assaults boiled down to the simple fact that Maria couldn't admit that Jasper no longer desired her. She had lost her power over him and it was a crippling blow to her self-esteem. This caused me to hate her even more. In the end she was mourning the loss of her power and not the loss of Jasper.

I desperately despised Maria for all she had done to Jasper and it seemed to be the emotion that propelled me forward in my attacks. The glowing light that I could produce just from that feeling kept me ahead of her at every turn, but when it came time for me to deliver the final blow, I faltered. The hatred that had urged me on, dissolved as I stared at the pitiful individual slumped on the floor. She was missing half her face due to my close proximity to her when I first put my weapon to use. Maria didn't make the same mistake again, spending most of the time playing defense against Peter and me, retreating from our attacks, never actually finding an opportunity to retaliate. Eventually that wasn't enough and Maria had been taken down to the point that she was unable to even speak in a voice that I could fully understand.

Unlike a human, the exposed insides of Maria's head didn't spill or ooze from the blast that had taken it away. All the remaining parts stayed in place and I could see the awfulness of her brain still taking up space inside, held in by whatever it was that kept a vampire alive. Part of her neck was ripped away as well, making it very difficult for my opponent to hold her broken head up near the end of our fight. It had wobbled back and forth like a broken doll until my last strike that had removed her legs. They were blown apart and disintegrated into tiny pebbles all around her fallen form. Only one arm remained attached to her body and Maria desperately waved it around, in what looked like a last effort to protect herself.

I'd been watching the metronome like motion of her flailing arm for a good solid minute after my takedown of her when Peter finally called me out on it. "Bella, what are you doing? Finish her." I heard him say from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder at him and nodded my head, but still didn't do anything. Then as if knowing what I was thinking, Peter placed a hand on my shoulder. "It would be crueler to leave her the way she is, half conscious, not really able to do anything. How do humans say it … pull the plug and end her misery."

"But I've never killed anyone before." I placed my head in my hands and shook it.

"I can do it for you, but I doubt I would be as proficient as your … _thing_." Peter faltered at naming my new ability, and I didn't want to embarrass myself and admit the best I could come up with was _glowing ball of power_.

I sighed. "To be honest, Peter, I don't think I can make _my thing_ appear anymore … at least not right now. I'm not angry and I'm sure that's how it works. I just feel sad and worried about Jasper. I really want to go see him." I glanced up the stairs and towards the door that I knew Charlotte had dragged him through.

Then I looked back at Maria. Seeing her unthreatening and unnerving state caused my high from finally defeating her, to completely drain away. I would gladly let someone else destroy Maria. Even if I was a vampire, it wasn't in my personal nature to hold onto anger long. I was more the sympathetic type and at that moment all of that part of me was directed towards the one person I desperately wanted to be with. I needed to find Jasper.

"I understand. I told Charlotte to take him outside." Peter moved in front of me and I took that as my cue to leave Maria to him.

I turned to run up the stairs, but halted when I saw that the door leading outside the basement was now open and a group of vampires were rushing down to where I stood. Quickly I went to alert Peter, but his senses had already let him know and he turned to face the set that I counted contained five.

"What do you want?" Peter's face pulled together in a fierce scowl.

Despite my recent ability to bring down the leader of a powerful vampire clan, I was feeling vulnerable and this caused me to take shelter behind Peter where I cowered. One of the newborns stood in front of the others and I recognized him. He was among a few that I had learned the name of. Placing his hands up in a move that reminded me of a criminal trying to prove he had no weapons, Xavier spoke in a calm voice to relieve the tension radiating off Peter. "We're just here to help. We saw what happened to Jasper and know Maria and James were responsible. Jasper told us you were down here fighting."

"You want to help?" Peter asked in disbelief.

"Yes, for Jasper we will. We don't want to fight for Maria anymore," Xavier stated and the other newborns began inching forward to stand alongside him.

Peering from behind Peter's strong frame, I instinctively knew that each of the newborns had probably felt victimized by Maria at some point during their short time in her army. I wasn't sure what had finally turned them against her though. Jasper was nearly two centuries old, or so he had told me, and who knew how long Maria had been around. How many vampires had come and gone before this ragtag group decided to take fate into their own hands and fight for not their leader, but a subordinate? Had it been his clear defiance of changing me without Maria's permission or him standing up for me during my first training session with James? I wasn't sure, but what I did know was that all of them seemed to want to end Maria and who was I or Peter to deny them their final retribution.

Feeling a bit of my empowerment returning, I slinked around Peter and stood where the others could fully see me. "She's over there," I told them and indicated behind me with a tilt of my head. "I don't know where James is, but you can have at her if you want. I'm done here."

The newborns moved their eyes to where I had shown them to look and I heard a collective gasp as their vision caught sight of the quivering lump of what used to be Maria. She was still waving her hand around as if it was just nerves moving the appendage and then in what seemed like a synchronized movement the group looked at Peter and me in shock. I didn't really feel like trying to explain to them that I had a new ability and that was why Maria had been reduced to what she was now. Maybe I was feeling a bit superior to it all, but mostly I just wanted to get the hell out of the room.

I didn't respond to their surprised stares and ran through them, knocking Xavier a bit to the side as I did. Eventually when I was near the exit of the house, my ears picked up the final screams of Maria that were undoubtedly the product of her newborns finishing what I had been unwilling to. Soon those screams ended and I half wondered if they would bring the remaining pieces of her body outside to burn. That's how you were supposed to finish the job when it came to vampires. A bonfire of vampire parts was the way to finally end the second life of the undead. In the end I didn't care. Let them do what they wanted with Maria. This part was over for me and I was glad. Now I could find Jasper to help him begin another chapter in his life … one that hopefully involved me.

* * *

 

_You've held your head up. You've fought the fight. You bear the scars. You've done your time. Listen to me. You've been lonely, too long - The Civil Wars_

* * *

I knew piecing Jasper back together wasn't going to be an easy task, mostly, because he had decided it was something I should do on my own. Peter and Charlotte had offered to help, but Jasper asked that they only bring him down to the basement, assist in collecting his missing pieces, and then finally leave us alone. At first I wasn't sure why he had requested only me to be present. I knew very little about how the whole process worked, just basically that you could sometimes reattach broken parts of vampires, but not much else beyond that. When I had voiced concern about my lack of knowledge, Jasper said that he would guide me through it and after his explanation, I didn't feel like trying to prove I wasn't the best person for the job. If he wanted only me there then I would try my hardest to fix him as best I could. Someone had to help him, and Jasper seemed to think I was better than anyone else.

It wasn't until we were by ourselves and he asked me to remove his shirt, or at least the pieces that were still clinging to his torso, and then also his pants, that it became apparent what he really wanted … privacy. "I'm sorry, it must seem like I'm trying to get fresh with you, but I promise doing this will make everything easier," he said.

I assumed my blank stare and possibly the nervousness I felt from his request must have prompted him to try and ease the emotions I wasn't doing that great a job of hiding. "Oh, yeah, I know that," I said using an involuntary high pitched voice that I instantly wanted to take back and then for some reason I thought waving my hand dismissively like this was all no big deal would help my anxieties.

But it didn't, because suddenly there was a chill traveling down the length of my body. This didn't make sense to me. We were inside a house that was somewhere in Mexico and the season was summer. I shouldn't be cold. Although, in the back of my head I had already guessed that the chill wasn't from the air, but instead the thought of removing Jasper's clothes. I wanted to kick some sense into myself, because I knew I was being ridiculous. I may have blushed after seeing that one naked guy posing for the art course I had taken at the community college, but this was hardly the same thing. Besides, Jasper hadn't asked me to remove his underwear, at least not yet. I had to try and pull myself together, so I drew in a very slow breath, and as I released it, I strained to still my trembling hands as I guided the bottom of Jasper's shirt up over his torso. He groaned slightly as the fabric moved across his torn shoulders and I grimaced, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about me," he replied after I finally pulled the shirt away from his head, an action that caused Jasper's blond waves to come up and then gently glide back down into place, grazing the middle of his neck.

Letting the shirt fall to the floor, I snorted in response to his suggestion and moved a few of his stray hairs out of his eyes, "Not worry about you? _Okaaaay_." I dragged out the last word to sound sarcastic and Jasper's eyes met mine.

He was quiet for a moment and as the silence stretched between us I began to worry that I had made a mistake by mocking his request. Maybe he was being very serious about the whole thing and I had made fun of it by being my typical sarcastic self. Thankfully though, he ended my anxiety by bringing the corners of his mouth up into a bright smile that exposed his perfectly set teeth. I was already on my knees to be at his level, but had I been standing I was sure that Jasper's beam would have made my legs weak. "I suppose that was a pointless thing to say. By now aren't we both very capable of worrying about the other. Isn't that essentially the basis of our relationship, to worry?"

He was trying to make a joke, although I didn't think it was all that funny, because it made me nervous, like he thought we were only connected together through worry. Now that our common enemy had been eliminated, would he stop caring? I didn't let my mind go too far down that path. There would be time for that later. Right now I needed to pay attention to his needs and not my silly uncertainties over some dumb joke he made. I hoped Jasper hadn't felt my apprehension. The last thing he needed in his state was to think he had upset me.

I smiled briefly to let Jasper know I understood that he was being facetious and then focused on his chest to inspect if it was still intact. The pale skin covering the area of his torso seemed fine. He may have been hurt at some point, but nothing was torn away, leaving his body able to repair itself. I should have gone on to my next task of removing his pants, but found that I was unable to tear my eyes were away from the multiple tiny crescent moons pressed permanently into his chest. I lingered on them, noticing that they almost had an iridescent quality. It was shocking just how many there were, so many more than the ones I had seen on his arms.

"Now do you understand, why I only wanted you down here? It's quite the sight isn't it?" I heard Jasper say and I jerked my head up, ashamed he had caught me staring.

"I uh … sorry." I tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and bit my lower lip. "Do you want me to go … um get an arm?" The words sounded weird coming from my mouth, like I was Dr. Frankenstein creating his monster.

Still leaning on my knees, I twisted my body to look at the neatly arranged assortment of vampire parts I had collected with Charlotte and Peter. I went to reach for one that resembled an arm, but stopped when I heard Jasper softly say my name. "Uh, yeah?" I turned around again.

"Do they bother you? The bites?" he asked and his voice was startlingly earnest, like a child's.

"No," I said quickly and then placed my hand against the skin of his chest. "I mean, I suppose I feel sorry in a way. Each scar represents your life with Maria and well, it's not exactly a secret how unhappy you were with her. But, no I'm not bothered. How could I be? They're a part of you."

I watched as a tiny bit of relief washed over his features and then, despite my nervousness, I moved my face down to kiss his scars. I heard a sharp intake of breath from him when my lips first touched his skin. Then as I continued to kiss him, moving towards his neck, trailing kisses until I found his mouth, he slowly released that breath in a soft sigh. I felt a bit silly, like I was mimicking some love scene from a movie, but really I had no experience in what to do, except from what I'd seen on screen. Hopefully, I didn't look too much like an idiot. I was glad that when I pulled away I saw a small smile tugging at his lips. I quickly interpreted it as an expression of pleasure and not one of amusement at how awkward my kisses had been.

"These all represent vampires I killed or who were killed while fighting for Maria." He sighed heavily, the smile I had pulled from him fading from his face. "I've done such horrible things and I worry that if you knew the extent of it you wouldn't be so kind to me. Those newborns killed Maria for me and none of them knew that they likely would have died at my hands had your presence not suddenly developed a moral compass inside me. I feel undeserving."

My heart twisted at the grief in his voice. I didn't want him to be sad. "I admit that I know very little about your past, but that doesn't mean you are incapable of change," I said with an encouraging smile. "There is good in you. I see it and those newborns saw enough of it that they wanted to help. Besides it isn't just me that caused you to develop a sense of what is right and wrong. You told me yourself that Alice had given you another way to look at things. I think she's the one we should be thanking. In the end, it was her seed of an idea that brought you to where you are now. I didn't do anything, but show up at the right time. Well, not exactly show up as I was attacked by a vampire … but pretty much the same thing when you think about it."

Jasper chuckled at my little attempt at humor and I was happy to hear the sound. "I think you're trying to deflect attention away from what you did for me, Bella. So many abilities and you used them for me, all to keep me safe."

I groaned, "Let's not talk about my _abilities_. I can tell you right now I am so tired of thinking about them and wondering if a new one is going to suddenly appear. It makes me feel like an _X Men_. You know what, just call me Wolverine, because next time I might be able to stab your enemies with retractable adimantium claws."

Jasper sent me a peculiar look and I shook my head. "We're going to have to solve this problem of me referencing things from the human world and you never understanding any of it."

His smile was rueful when he replied, "Well, I haven't been human in a fairly long time, but that's what we have now isn't it? Time. No enemy lurking around, wanting to take us away from each other. Time to get to know each other and time for me to try and think like a human again."

He was right and the thought of spending more time with him warmed me. I had Jasper all to myself and didn't have to fight for him anymore … at least not at that particular moment. I wasn't sure what the future held for us, but right then and there, he was with me and that was all that mattered.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : The next chapter will pick up right where I left off, only it will be from Jasper's POV


	28. Chapter 28

_(Jasper)_

As I watched Bella go to work reassembling my body, I was again astonished by what she was capable of. Unlike a newborn, she was showing no signs of becoming frustrated with the task. If she reacted how experience told me she should, then Bella would have lost her temper over all the little things that needed to fit just so, especially concerning my legs. They had by far been the most damaged, but instead she was patient with my instruction and even though I searched I could not find any indication, physical or emotional, that it was taxing for her. I was marveling at her ability to shock me again, when I suddenly realized I hadn’t mentally referred to Bella as a girl in a while. To me, every newborn resembled a child, which is what they essentially were. This was not based on how they looked, but in how they reacted to their new life. Eventually they grew to control themselves and behave like the rest of the more mature members of our kind, but by then it was always time for them to be destroyed. At least that’s how it was done under Maria.

But things with Bella had accelerated so quickly and I could pinpoint the exact moment of my transition away from viewing Bella as a newborn and into my equal. It was when she used her barrier to protect me. That had been the start of an appreciation for her that steadily grew into admiration for all she had done to bring Maria down. At first she was the girl, then Isabella and after being corrected by her, just Bella. Now she was Bella, a vampire that had been able to rescue me from the detestable creature I had become under Maria. I wasn’t in love with a girl and she had definitely proved herself to be every bit a woman as the term allowed. She protected me, destroyed my enemy for me, and loved me. For so many years I had yearned for another way to live and in a few short days it had all come to happen. Now that my shackles had been broken and the opportunity to leave Maria behind was given to me, I would not take a single moment for granted. Nor would I ever forget what Bella had done for me.

I thought of Alice’s prophecy, the vision I hadn’t believed at first when Maria taunted me with it. The only reason Maria had done so was to prove to me she would win and make it seem Alice had died for nothing. So exaggerated was Maria’s confidence that she assumed there wasn’t anyone who could ever defeat her … especially not a newborn like Bella. She may have lost control over territory from time to time, but she never lost her life and according to her, never would.

I hadn’t noticed at first, but after deep contemplation, I saw that Maria must have been jealous when she saw my exchange with Bella. Witnessing Bella’s willingness to take my place, and how I begged her not to sacrifice herself, had been too much. Maria may have thought herself above it, but she was seeing someone else having power over me and it aggravated her anger. She was so self-assured that her mind couldn’t even comprehend how attacking me might provoke Bella into a fury that proved fatal and Alice’s vision could actually come to fruition. Perhaps if she’d gone through with Bella’s plan and taken her in my place then Maria’s body wouldn’t now be a pile of ash outside. Ultimately her self-delusions had brought about her own undoing.

I wanted to tell Bella about Alice’s vision and how she knew of her even before I did. I also needed to warn her about what it meant to be a vampire with so many sought after abilities. Getting her to Forks for her protection was my top priority. Not to mention, it wasn’t lost on me that James had never returned from his errand to fetch her, so despite Maria being taken care of, he was still out there, perhaps plotting revenge. I wasn’t sure what the nature of his relationship with Maria had been. Were they mates? He hadn’t exactly been monogamous if they were, but that wasn’t the point. My main worry concerning James was the possibility he felt strongly enough about Maria and would retaliate against Bella for obliterating her.

These were all things I would eventually have to share with Bella, but for now I felt it was best to remain silent on anything stress inducing. She had just done a great deal for me and the last thing I wanted to do was remind her of the challenges that we still faced. She deserved a respite and to be honest, so did I. Likewise any mention of her abilities was off limits considering she had shot me down when I tried to bring them up earlier, so this meant Alice’s vision would have to wait as well. For now she didn’t want to be viewed as special. Bella simply wanted to be a normal vampire helping rebuild her mate. As the word mate echoed in my head, I thought it might be too soon to use the term when referring to her, but it was more for Bella’s sake. I knew I would never want anyone else. I only hoped she felt the same.

We hadn’t exactly been given the chance to know each other fully over the past few days and I wasn’t sure that was even possible for anyone to do … vampire or human. Our pull towards each other had been purely in our design as vampires and how our kind fell in love. I hardly knew how to approach dating in the way Bella might want me to, but knew I had to try for her sake. She hadn’t been turned all that long ago and with her inability to drink human blood, I would have to try to think like a human might again. Therefore, I decided to fill the dead space between my guidance and her repairing my broken body, with mundane questions that might be common for a man and woman at the beginning of their courtship.

I learned her favorite color was brown and her actual age was seventeen, but she would have turned eighteen next month if becoming a vampire hadn’t permanently set her age. When I asked what her favorite thing to do in her spare time was, Bella told me she never had spare time, because she spent most of it studying and taking extra courses in order to graduate early and earn a scholarship. Had events played out differently, she would have graduated in December and been off to college in January. This led to her going into a long story about the tenuous relationship she had with her mother and how it had always been Bella’s goal to get away from her. Once she stopped talking, I felt guilt seep from her body and feared I had steered our conversation in the wrong direction. To fix this I asked Bella to explain who Leonardo Dicaprio was. It had made her laugh before when I didn’t know of the person that name belonged to and I thought reminding her would invoke some amusement. Only instead, Bella responded by arching an eyebrow and regarding me with a dubious expression. “Look Jasper, if you don’t want an arm where a leg should be then I think you’d better stop asking me such strange questions and let me concentrate.”

“Is it strange to want to get to know you better?” I asked.

“And how exactly is knowing who Leonardo DiCaprio is going to help you understand me better? He’s not a jealous ex-boyfriend of mine who’s going to come beat you up.” Bella laughed, which had been my goal, only it felt more like she was laughing at me.

_Oh well, at this point I should be used to this._

Bella must have noticed my rejected look, because she sent me a sympathetic smile and leaned in to gently kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry. I must come across as an insensitive jerk. I know you’re _older_ , but sometimes the way you approach things with me is very much like an awkward teenager.”

“Then that’s good,” I countered. “Doesn’t that make me your equal? I may have been in a long standing relationship with someone before I met you, but it was hardly loving and after a while became vitriolic. I’m starting new with you and apparently I’m fumbling awkwardly into it.”

Bella made a face and speaking in a playfully affronted voice she replied, “Are you saying I’m an awkward teenager?”

I smiled at her, but didn’t say anything to retract my claim. She overstated an eye roll enough to let me know the gesture obviously wasn’t serious and then said, “Best get back to work.”

I watched as she placed her venom on the broken edge of the lower half of one of my detached arms and fused it with the upper portion already in place against my shoulder. I involuntarily trembled as the feel of her touch suddenly materialized against my skin. Bella didn’t even flinch. I had done this so many times it had lost its charm. “Well, if we really are on the same playing field,” Bella said, revisiting the topic of our conversation, “then don’t I get to ask a couple questions of my own. You weren’t exactly forthcoming when I inquired about your age before, Mr. I’m a century, but not quite two.” Bella used an exaggerated husky voice with a butchered Texan accent that was meant to emulate me.

“That is a terrible imitation of me,” I stated matter-of-factly, but she grinned nonetheless. “Besides,” I continued, “I doubt you’d like to hear about my time as a vampire, considering those stories might cause you to think less of me and if it’s human Jasper you want to know about then I’m afraid you are out of luck. I’m so far removed from my life as a human that it’s difficult to recall much about that time in my life.”

“That’s hardly an excuse not to try,” she said, but then backpedaled a bit. “That is unless it’s too painful for you. I don’t want to bring up bad memories.”

I sighed, probably a bit too exasperatedly. “It’s not exactly the memories that cause me distress, more my inability to recall them. The longer I am a vampire the less I can place as real when I was human. I think I had a family, but my mind plays tricks on me. Did they even exist? There was a father and sisters in my mind that I left behind when I went to fight the war, but where was my mother?  I don’t think I had one or perhaps I can’t remember her. It’s all very vague.”

Bella was silent for a moment and then she looked at me with a heartfelt stare. “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged off her concern with my one good arm. “Don’t worry about me.”

Once the words were out of my mouth, I was reminded of when I had said this before and the sarcastic response I got from her. Bella raised her eyebrows and we both shared a chuckle, “I thought we covered this already,” she said.

“We do seem to go around in circles with our conversations, don’t we?” I teased and then reached out my hand to tousle her hair. “Quid quo pro, Bella. What about you? I’ve heard about your mother, but do you have a father?”

There seemed to be a shift in her emotions after I spoke, but my ability was unable to place exactly what it was that Bella felt. I frowned. “What is it?

She shook her head. “Nothing. I just … I have a dad, Charlie, but I only see him every once in a blue moon. He lives … not with my mom, so visiting is difficult. Anyways … can we talk about something else?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to touch on a subject that bothers you.” I had clearly upset Bella, but the odd thing was I didn’t feel any sadness or anger from her, the emotion she felt resembled trepidation.

“I’m not bothered. Don’t worry about me,” Bella reiterated our favorite phrase, and even though I knew she was straining to be playful, her words felt genuine.

I nodded and told her to retrieve my other arm, the last piece of the weird puzzle Maria and James had made of my body. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving the subject of Bella’s father behind, because I knew there was something she was hiding, something she didn’t want me to know, but I reminded myself that now wasn’t the time. Bella and I had an eternity together. Overtime I was sure she would share with me whatever it was about her father that made her nervous.

I decided to give Bella what she had asked for earlier, hoping to distract her from the negative emotions my query about her father had brought about.“I was born in 1844 and was changed by Maria in 1863. If you care to do the math, then you have my actual age.”

“Oh, no.” I heard Bella say, but she wasn’t looking at me and I assumed her response wasn’t a result of her realizing how old I was.

“What is it?” I asked.

Bella had been facing the direction she had gone to each time a part of my body was required. Now she turned back around to face me. In her hand was my missing left arm, “Your hand … it’s not attached to your arm and this is the last piece. We looked all over the basement several times, there wasn’t a place left unchecked.”

She stood and began a frantic search, using a vampire’s quick pace. When she sat back down beside me, her face appeared ready to cry. “Oh my god, Jasper. It’s all my fault. I must have destroyed it when I was fighting Maria.” Her lip trembled.

I reached out with the one hand I did have and went to pull her into a comforting hold. Of all the things to get her worked up, this was it? There was no angry outburst over the difficulty of reassembling my broken body … no frustrated sigh while rummaging through the pieces that had been stripped from me. When it came down to it, Bella was upset about something she had done that would affect me negatively and I quickly guessed why. This was Bella’s emphatic side showing through. Regardless of everything she had done for me, the one I loved was now devastated that fighting for me might have inadvertently destroyed my hand. “Bella, Bella, Bella,” I whispered into her hair as she rested her head against my chest.

I was careful not to pull her too close as I was very aware of my stripped down state. Only a thin layer of cotton from my boxer briefs separated me from total nudity. Bella and I weren’t quite at that point in our relationship where it wouldn’t be awkward if I pulled her near me, became aroused and she felt my stimulation due to a lack of clothing. I wanted to take my time in approaching that part of us, the opposite of how Maria began our union. “You did nothing wrong,” I told her with as much conviction as I could collect. “Don’t for a second think I will ever resent you for doing what you had to during your fight with Maria. If the worst thing to come out of this is I lose my hand, then I most certainly do not care. You are here with me. You saved us all from Maria and you have patiently set my body right again. Bella, you are the strongest vampire I have ever met.”

I could tell she was struggling not to cry, but my words seemed to calm the unhappy emotions radiating from her and then I provided an aura of love around us both. This brought out a similar feeling in her and Bella slowly turned her head to look up at me. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she moved to position her small frame so we were looking at each other face to face. Then her arms were around my neck, pulling my body towards hers, and my lips separated as the sweet lips of her mouth met mine.

“Bella.” I breathed into her ear after she moved to the side of my neck, kissing and nipping at the skin. “Can you attach my other arm, so I am able to approach this situation with all my body parts?”

Bella drew back a bit and there was a sudden flush of embarrassment from her, but she laughed it off, which caused me to as well.

“One arm coming up,” she responded, flashing me a timid smile.

Bella swiftly went to work doing as I asked, before picking up where she left off, only this time her movements felt much more deliberate and less shy. Need pulsated from her and despite my eagerness to let our sexual relationship develop slowly, I found myself no longer wanting that, because I needed her as well. She was straddling me now and regardless of the jeans she wore, I was sure Bella could feel the hardness her touches and kisses triggered between my legs. So much for worrying about that earlier. I simply couldn’t bring myself to care now as I kissed her roughly and ran the fingers from my one hand through her long brown tresses. I eventually trailed those fingers down to her backside and moved them around to the front button of her pants. Bella’s breathing intensified as I pushed the button free and began to move my hand down beneath her clothing, but before I could reach anyplace significant, I withdrew it at the sound of someone approaching the door.

Bella heard it too and like two teenagers caught in the act by a parent, we instantly placed some distance between us. I stood, although my legs felt a bit uneasy. I wasn’t sure if they were this way, because I was still feeling the high of what had almost happened with Bella or if it was residual weakness from having them broken and put back together. In a hurried pace, I found my discarded pants on the floor and put them on before the door opened and I saw Peter standing there.

_God damn it, man. Of all the times to make an appearance._

He looked us over, but didn’t seem to notice that he had interrupted anything. “It would seem Bella did a fine job reassembling you,” Peter remarked as he walked down the stairs.

“Was there something you wanted?” I tried not to sound too disgruntled.

My friend nodded. “Yes, the newborns, or at least the ones that came back and destroyed Maria, would like to speak with you.”


	29. Chapter 29

_(Bella)_

I was divided into two opinions when it came to what had almost happened on the basement's dirty floor between Jasper and me. One part found it extremely frustrating that we had been interrupted by Peter before I could experience my first sexual encounter. Here I was taking the initiative for the first time in my life, being assertive in what I wanted regarding sex, and it had been ruined by some ill-timed visit from Peter. I had no doubt Jasper's kisses and touches would have led to something I'd only ever read about in books or seen acted out on screen before. The anticipation I'd felt as his hand had slid down beneath my panties was palpable. My body tingled in excitement as it prepared for the feel of his touch finding and then penetrating the area between my legs, but much to my disappointment, he never got that far. I desired to know what Jasper's fingers inside that sensitive area of my body would have felt like and what that act of intimacy might have led to.

Then there was the other part of me, the logical side that still existed somewhere underneath all the instinct and longing, that reminded me it had only been a few days since my first kiss. This part doubted I was ready to skip all the way from first base to home plate in such a short time and when Peter came walking in on us, my nagging inner voice had sighed in relief. Damn that voice. If it were up to her, I wouldn't have kissed Jasper that night up in the tree. She'd warned me then that it was too soon, but really, what did she know? If I'd listened to that advice, I wasn't sure events would have played out the way they did, ending with Jasper free from Maria's control and him wanting me. Although, beyond that want, I wasn't sure what else us being together involved. Our future hadn't exactly been discussed as it had been in flux from the start.

After he'd stumbled upon a scene that resembled something very chaste, considering Jasper and I had scrambled to appear like nothing was out of the ordinary, Peter seemed oblivious to the sexual frustration he'd caused. Although, that didn't mean his more intuitive girlfriend missed it when I eventually followed Peter outside. It was twilight. Orange and pink were coloring the horizon as the sun slowly found a temporary home for itself on the other side of the world. The sky had been dark when I began my work on Jasper. A whole day had passed while I pieced my boyfriend back together … all of him, except his hand. I sighed at the memory of finding that part missing.

"Where's Jasper?" Charlotte asked after she spotted me exiting the house behind Peter.

"Inside. His clothes were damaged, so he went to get some new ones," I replied.

My friend raised her eyebrows in a playful manner and said, "You're not going to help him with that? There might be some difficulties for him that only _you_ can handle."

I heard Peter groan, but he didn't offer up any chastising words to reel Charlotte in like I'd seen him do on previous occasions when her tongue had become too feisty. I on the other hand tried to keep the grimace her words prickled inside me from forming on my face. I failed miserably and unfortunately it was the downturn of my lips that spoke to Charlotte, telling her all she needed to know. "Oh my god, Peter. You're such a dick," she blurted out with a laugh.

"What did I do?" Peter responded, throwing up his hands in the air to show off his confusion, but giving a face like he was used these types of reactions from her.

Charlotte placed her hands on her hips while also shaking her head. "If you have super vampire hearing then what good is it if you don't use it. How could you not know that you interrupted Bella and Jasper about to have sex?"

Her voice was ostentatiously loud for the subject she was talking about and I felt the need to take over Peter's usual role of being the one to let Charlotte know when she was going too far. The most I got from him when I looked for his support was his furrowed brow directed at Charlotte. Exhaling loudly, I grasped the hand of my lacking a filter friend, then turning to Peter I said, "Excuse us," before dragging her away.

When I'd removed us far from Peter and the newborns that were also outside, I turned to my present company and said, "What the hell, Charlotte? Did you really need to say that? I'm beyond embarrassed that he knows now." I tried to keep my voice down, but I wasn't exactly hiding the fact that I was mortified at what she'd done.

Charlotte responded by gasping and then cupping her mouth. "Holy shit!" she shouted when her hands finally lowered. "You're a virgin!"

"What? Shhhhh! I uh … just stop. Where are you getting all this information from? I haven't told anyone that except Jasper." I was exasperated. "Wait. He didn't –"

Charlotte shook her head.

"Then how?"

She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I told you, it's all part of the whole relationship thing I'm good at. I sense things in others."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, well, that's fine and all, but please stop blurting things out about me and Jasper. Everything's so new between us and I don't exactly want the world knowing all about my relationship with him, not even Peter."

"What about me?" She smiled brightly. "Do best friends get to share info with each other? I'll tell you about Peter if that makes us even."

I made a noise like the thought of that grossed me out and Charlotte frowned. "Listen," I said. "I don't mind sharing things with my closest friend, but at the moment Jasper and I … I don't know what I'm doing"

"Of course, you don't. You're a virgin," Charlotte exclaimed, but gave me an apologetic look when I scowled at her.

"Can I just take one day at a time and if you're willing maybe I'll come to you when I need advice, because I'm sure I'll need it eventually. Just … when you _sense_ something, don't feel the need to say it out loud." I tried to be diplomatic, because I did value Charlotte as my friend, but at the same time I didn't need anyone else being a part of my relationship with Jasper.

Charlotte nodded, while making the symbolic gesture of having a zipper for a mouth and using her hand to pull it shut. Although, her quiet didn't last long, because she quickly unzipped her mouth again to say, "Your boyfriend is back and it's pretty obvious he _did_ need your help after all."

I sighed in frustration "Do you have Tourette's or something? Are you really going there again?"

She laughed, which only sparked my irritation more. Sensing my temper, Charlotte shook her head to defend herself and said, "No, I mean, his clothes …" Then she lifted her hands in defeat and pointed over my shoulder. "Just look."

I whirled around and had to suppress a giggle when I caught sight of what Charlotte had been referring to. Jasper was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that were much too tight and a flannel shirt that was the opposite. I assumed their clan's supply of extra clothing was wearing thin and Jasper had limited choices. Why else would he willingly choose to look so goofy? I must have gotten lucky with the choices he'd made for my attire, because at least my shirt and jeans fit properly, even if the flower prints on my blouse weren't exactly my style.

Jasper's eyes were searching and I assumed it was me he was looking for. I glanced back at Charlotte to indicate I was leaving and was at Jasper's side in an instant. "There you are," he said as his arm wrapped around my waist in a protective hold.

He sounded extremely relieved, which shouldn't have surprised me considering everything we had gone through, but still I hadn't expected him to react as if I had been missing for days. "Were you worried?" I asked.

"Not really," he said, which I assumed was a lie. "But for the time being, please don't wander too far from the group."

Trying to diffuse the anxiety my little detour with Charlotte had caused for Jasper, I smiled playfully up at him and said, "Hey, I thought I proved I wasn't a damsel in distress anymore when I kicked Maria's ass." I used an indignant tone that was more tongue-in-cheek than serious.

Jasper sent me a crooked grin and placed his other arm around my torso to pull me in closer. "As amazing as I've heard that ass kicking was, I'm very protective of you at the moment and I think I've earned the right to be a little overbearing."

I nodded, knowing this had nothing to do with controlling boyfriend disorder and everything to do with post-traumatic stress disorder. "Okay then, _Quid Pro Quo_ , Jasper," I replied, repeating the Latin phrase he'd used with me earlier. "I'll stay nearby as long as you get yourself some clothes that fit."

He snorted. "Yes, well … one thing at a time, darlin'. There are some things that need to be dealt with first. Perhaps, I'll steal a new outfit before we leave here."

"Leave?" I had expected this, knowing it was unlikely that we would stay in this house when Maria was no longer tying us to it, but still I braced myself for where exactly we were leaving to, because I had an idea.

"I promised I would take you to Forks and see no reason why that shouldn't still be our plan. It's the only thing that makes sense, considering your aversion to human blood among other things."

This was the can of worms I was afraid of. Charlie, my dad, lived in Forks. It was too much of a coincidence for there to be another Forks in the same area. "Is something wrong?" Jasper asked me, because of course, my emo boyfriend would have sensed my sudden emotional discomfort of having to make a choice between doing something he would disapprove of or completely ignoring that my dad would be nearby.

"I was just wondering if you taking me to Forks was the end of it. Is there an afterward … for us?" I tried to hide my emotional stumble with another insecurity that had been lightly nudging me since we defeated Maria.

Jasper chuckled as if my words had been a joke. "I don't think you grasp how important you are to me. I wouldn't have risked killing Maria for your safety if I didn't intend on being involved in your … ever after."

He stared at me for what seemed like a long time and I felt my breath catch at just how beautiful he was. Good thing breathing wasn't paramount to my survival as a vampire, because I was suddenly forgetting how to pull air in and out of my lungs. Jasper leaned in and I anticipated his lips on mine when Peter, ever the one to foil an intimate moment, came up beside us and distracted Jasper by saying. "The newborns are waiting."

"Yes, of course," he replied, standing up straight as if suddenly remembering there were others around us.

Jasper released his hold on me and using his one hand he laced his fingers with mine. We began walking in the dark and I glanced over at his other limb, noticing how the largeness of his shirt made me unable to see that his hand was missing. I wondered if his choice of an extra-large shirt had been intentional. When I let my eyes drift back up, I saw that we were standing in front of the newborns. They were all looking at us and I suddenly felt very conspicuous. My natural instinct was to slyly shrink behind Jasper's back, because unless someone was trying to kill my boyfriend, I really wasn't the type of person to hold much confidence when faced with a sea of blood red eyes. I reverted back to the insecure teenager I had been for the last six years and the one I would now physically resemble for all eternity.

Jasper must have felt my apprehension, because he squeezed my hand and I took comfort in the sensation of his fingers pressing against mine. "Peter tells me you wanted to speak with me." Jasper's voice was calm and restrained as he spoke to the five vampires that stood in front of us.

The newborn I remembered from the basement, with dark skin and hair, Xavier, seemed to have taken the role of speaker for this small group of newborns, because he stepped forward just as he had the night before. "You told us that Maria and James were the ones that attacked you," he stated.

"They were," Jasper replied. "I was trying to protect Bella. Maria had some plans for her that I didn't agree with."

"Well, Maria we got, she's gone and not threat to you, but James is still out there. We thought you'd like to know the reason we all came back here was because we saw him looking for her." He pointed at me and I leaned into Jasper at the thought of James trying to find me. "And when we told him she'd taken off with Peter and Charlotte to come back here to help you … at least, that's what we all figured out after seeing the fight between them." Xavier gestured towards Peter and Charlotte. "James was pissed and then he ran off with Victoria and Will. He also had a hand with him and after seeing you torn apart, I'm guessing it's yours and that he still has it."

I twisted my head to stare at Jasper and see his reaction to this news, but he didn't display any emotion on his face. James had stolen his hand, like a sick trophy or maybe he would have tried to lure me back to the house with it. Either one of these ideas made me sick, but Jasper was calm. "Thank you for sharing this information with me. It is very useful."

"Do you have a plan for us? For attack?" Xavier asked after a long moment of silence where he waited for Jasper to respond with anything more substantial than a thank you.

I was looking at Jasper, waiting for his response just like everyone else, when I saw his eyes flicker down to me and back up again to Xavier. "There is no need to fight for me or anymore at all. Maria is gone. There is no one holding you here. You can go as you please. I have no desire to continue fighting her blood wars. My only concern right now is getting Bella to safety."

There was a rumble of confusion from the newborns as if the idea of being free hadn't occurred to them and Xavier turned around to regroup. While we waited, Jasper removed his hand from mine and began to gently stroke my back for comfort. When Xavier turned around again he said, "We would like to help you get Bella to safety then."

Jasper began to shake his head, but then stopped and hesitated as if thinking the idea over more thoroughly. "All right."

Later on in the evening, I was waiting for Jasper's return as he went with the newborns to feed before our journey to Forks began. He'd promised to come back with an animal for me and I didn't ask if he would be drinking from it as well. Before leaving, Jasper had explained that at least for tonight he would have to drink human blood to help the healing process after being so greatly damaged. I tried not to let it bother me. He wasn't like me and I couldn't expect him to change overnight. Although, I did hope that somewhere down the line he would make an effort to at least try and kill less humans.

I was being babysat by Charlotte and Peter again, just like I had been on two previous occasions, but this time Charlotte felt the need to enlighten me on everything sexual for educational purposes. Peter had walked away from us, trying to ignore what was being said, and I might have as well, if I wasn't so concerned about hurting her feelings. When I eventually saw Jasper return with the others, I hopped up from my seated position beside Charlotte the sex education teacher and ran to him. "Nice outfit." I complimented.

He'd changed into clothes that fit and I didn't ask if they were stolen from his victim. That wasn't something I wanted to know. I would rather live in the fantasy world of my mind where Jasper had walked into some store and bought his new attire with the help of an overly eager sales associate. It was easier for me than accepting the reality of the situation. He smiled in reply to my compliment and held out two jack rabbits for me to take. "These are for you … and also this." He reached into a pocket of his new khaki pants and pulled out an iPod along with ear buds.

When I began to protest Jasper said, "This was paid for. A man was selling them out of the trunk of his car."

"Jasper!" I exclaimed. "That means this was stolen."

"Better than taking it from a dead man." He appeared miffed at my unwillingness to take his gift.

I sighed, knowing this was another area I would have be flexible about. He was trying so hard to make me happy and I didn't want to act superior, like I was above stealing. I was a vampire after all. "Thanks," I said, trying my hardest to sound sincere, because despite my trouble with accepting a new life that required killing and stealing, it didn't bother me as much as the thought of living without Jasper.

I took hold of the iPod and looked over the song list, because I knew with it being stolen there would probably already be music files on the device. When I got to the playlist category I had to laugh, but then also groan, because there was one titled _songs to have sex to_. When Jasper asked what I found so funny, I kept quiet and just walked away to drink from the jack rabbits rather than explain, which eventually would have lead to my embarrassment. Maybe I would share these songs with him when a time presented itself sometime in our future.


	30. Part Two: Finding the Light

_(Charlie)_

The guilt always had a way of hitting me late at night. I tried to drown it out with a few shots of whiskey at first, but it didn't help me sleep. I would get drunk, but couldn't forget. In bed I didn't have anything to focus on, but my own thoughts. During the day, I could think of my job. I had things to do, people to arrest, laws to enforce. But when that was done and I was alone, the guilt would settle in.

I thought about all those times I could have reached out to Bella better than the three times a year I made an effort to feel like a father and gave her a call. Happy Birthday, Isabella. Merry Christmas, Isabella. Happy random day out of the year when I thought of you enough to call, Isabella. Sorry, I forgot you don't like being called that. I hope you liked that card with the fifty dollars in it, Bella. Maybe you can buy yourself a nice outfit or a few CDs. Oh, that's right. People don't buy those anymore.

Our conversations were always the same, short and filled with enough awkward pauses that sooner or later led to a forced I love you from her and a well-meaning one from me.

_I love you, Bella._

I'm sorry I never told you enough. I'm sorry I didn't come down to see you much over the years. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorrys weren't enough to bring her back though and after a week spent down in Ensenada, Mexico to help with the search, I had to come back to my job. Renee called me several times a day with updates, but they were always the same. She was gone without a trace. My ex-wife blamed herself … always crying. It made me uncomfortable. I didn't like to hear her cry. I didn't like her blaming herself. She'd done what she was supposed to and been a good mom. I was the one who had slacked on being a dad.

The guilt started playing with my head. One night I was looking out my bedroom window and was sure I saw Bella outside, peeking from behind a tree. After a minute or two, I thought better of it and knew my mind was just getting the better of me, but I went outside to inspect anyway. I brought my gun, because that's what I always did in these situations … probably some damned kids going to TP my house again. If a teen could get away with messing with the sheriff then that made them some sort of hero in our small town. God damn kids. But when I stepped into the summer's night air, I saw that I was alone. That was when I also noticed I had come out in my underwear. I was losing it.

I'd gone back inside and stopped at the doorway of the room Bella used to stay in until she became a teenager. That was when she decided going back and forth from her mom's to my place wasn't what she wanted anymore. The purple comforter was the same one Bella had used up until she left. I'd kept it all these years. The same with the pictures of horses my little girl had drawn and then tapped onto her wall. She used to like horses. Memories of her suddenly hit hard and crippled me with guilt. I went inside and cried, then fell asleep on her twin sized bed.

When I woke the next morning, I pulled myself out of her bed, ready for another day. I looked forward to work. It kept me from thinking about Bella. But the truth would always wait for me at the end of the day, along with the blame I placed on myself.

Bella was gone and I had no hope that I would ever see her again.

_(Bella)_

After my initial excitement of heading towards Forks and the possibility of seeing my dad again, a disappointment began to slowly grow inside me as our little group moved along. The trees we were traveling through kept us hidden during the day, but at night the newborns would take turns looking for prey. It made me frustrated that people were dying off in the distance somewhere, because of my traveling companions. My discontent only got worse when Jasper took his turn. He always came back with animals for me, but I knew he wasn't drinking from them. This knowledge put a damper on my relief at finally being able to openly show my relationship with Jasper, without having to hide it away due to other vampires, namely Maria. I had destroyed her and she was no longer a threat. Although, with James still out there somewhere, death wasn't completely off the table for us.

Since our journey began, I'd reminded myself not to complain more times than I could keep track of. Well, actually, my ability to keep track of things now that I was a vampire was pretty spot on, but that was beside the point. I didn't care to keep track, because I knew that it was too much. I cared too much about him still drinking human blood. There were many years before me where indulging in the red fluid that used to run through my veins was all he knew as a vampire. My coming into his life or death, however you wanted to phrase it, a week ago didn't mean a change in him could happen overnight. I tried to remember that Jasper loved me despite my need to drink animal blood and I needed to be more accepting of him like he was of me. Besides, truth be told, I was the weird one going against the norm in our situation. He was working around my odd lifestyle, trying to find another group of vampires that lived the same strange way I did, and I should have been more thankful for all he had done for me. For the most part I was. And yet …

Jasper didn't mention any mood changes he detected within me during the times we were together. I wasn't sure if he was unaware of how I felt or was unwilling to comment on it. From what I could tell, Jasper seemed more preoccupied with keeping a watchful eye on our surroundings than focusing on me. He moved through our group at what seemed like a constant pace, taking time to talk with Xavier and Peter during each sweep. When we were moving, Jasper was hardly ever at my side and I was mostly left with Charlotte. Thankfully she kept the conversation going or rather my friend did the talking for both of us, which gave me time to secretly worry what my future with Jasper would be like if he continued to drink from humans. Although, there were times that my thoughts simply became too much for me and I let my ears pick up on the stories Charlotte was sharing. She'd taken our time together as a means of retelling her life story. I learned about her less than desirable life as a foster kid, before she ran away with an older boyfriend while she was still in high school. That hadn't lasted long, but she had continued to try and make it on her own for a few years before Maria found her.

After a long time passed of comfortable silence between us, when Charlotte had run out of things to say, I tried to get up the nerve to express my anxiety to her about my relationship with Jasper. I was on the verge of doing so, but was still trying to decide the best way to frame what I wanted to say without sounding ungrateful, when Peter, interrupted my attempt. "The clan's home shouldn't be far off," he said to us, appearing as if out of nowhere.

"Oh … good," I replied unenthusiastically, having been caught off guard by him.

"You sound sooooo excited about it." Charlotte's voice was sarcastic.

"Well," I said, "I've been preoccupied with nervousness."

"About what? You don't have to be nervous when we're here protecting you. I doubt these vampires will see us as a threat once they hear you drink from animals like them." Charlotte paused and I caught sight of a half-smile forming on her lips … never a good sign. "Unless you're still nervous about sex, because you'll have to get over that on your own. I've already done all I can to prepare you for that."

From the corner of my eye, I watched as Peter walked away, obviously not wanting to get involved in the topic of my supposed sex apprehension. Charlotte laughed. "He's funny like that you know. He's great at making me cum, but doesn't like to talk about our sex life or anyone else's for that matter. The strong silent type … except when he's groaning while inside me. Well, you know what they say … opposites attract."

I winced at her choice of words and then stated flatly, "It's not about sex."

"What's not?" Charlotte had apparently already forgotten what we were talking about … probably lost in some remembered sexual exploit with Peter.

"What I've been worried about. I'm not even thinking about sex right now," I explained.

Charlotte raised her eyebrows in interest. "That's a change from a few days ago when you almost let him finger you."

I reached out a hand to cover Charlotte's mouth. "Oh my god … G rated language for the prude in your presence, please." I shook my head before letting my hand fall.

My friend laughed and then shrugged her shoulders. If it were anyone else, Charlotte might have been embarrassed that I had shut her up so forcefully, but I didn't think the word embarrass existed in her vocabulary. Unlike me, she probably never had to cup her fire red cheeks when she was human. "Okay, I won't go there," she smiled slyly.

There was no tension in the air between us, because no matter how much she might mortify me with her lack of a filter, I could never be upset with someone I cared about as much as Charlotte. "Do you want to know why I've been anxious?" I asked when she didn't pick up our conversation again.

"That depends. Are you going to keep me from talking if I have an opinion?" she replied with a twinkle in her eye.

"You have an opinion?!" I made sure my response was supercilious and Charlotte pushed my shoulder in mock annoyance.

"If I do offer my _opinion_ , I will try to keep it PG-13 rated … that's all I can offer you," her voice was teasing, but I knew her words were true.

I nodded, accepting her offer. "If it's PG-13 then that means you are only allowed one F word. Better use it wisely."

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that'll most definitely not happen," she said and I laughed, realizing she was probably right.

Her eyes looked at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation to the nervousness I had mentioned, but the tug of war inside me, the struggle between not wanting to come across as petty, but also wanting to get worries of my chest, began to rumble again. "I guess, I'm just worried about my life without you," I lied, unwilling to admit my true feelings.

"Why would you be without me?" Charlotte gave me a curious look.

"You know," I replied. "You and Peter drink human blood. You won't be able to stay with me if I join this clan. I don't think they would tolerate it and vise versa."

Even though I wasn't speaking the whole truth, I was getting my message across in a roundabout way. It was the best I could do for now. I saw some understanding light Charlotte's eyes as she took in my words and then heaved a heavy sigh. "You know we won't be far off. Peter and I will come to visit all the time and besides you'll have Jasper to keep you company."

_But will I?_

Then she stopped walking and pulled me into a fierce hug. "Fuck you, Bella Swan for even thinking that I would leave you for long."

"Good use of your one fuck," I replied while still holding her and Charlotte chuckled.

"Now if I could only get you and Jasper to put the actual word fuck into action then you'll be all set to deal with life while I'm not here to keep you company."

I pushed her away and Charlotte laughed loudly. I was about to yell at her when I suddenly heard my name being called out by Jasper in what sounded like the tone of a warning. Before I could turn around and see what was going on, I heard a thump to my right, which caused the ground beneath my feet to vibrate. I screamed at the sight of Jasper struggling with someone much larger than him. His attacker was brawny, with large muscles that showed through the thin material of his shirt as his arms and torso tried to pin my boyfriend to the ground. "Leave me alone. I don't want you. I want her," the assailant yelled at Jasper.

Since Jasper had shouted out my name in warning, I could only assume the _her_ he spoke of was me. Quickly, I attempted to focus inward on my fear for Jasper, to coax my shield into forming around him, but found I couldn't concentrate. My mind was jumbled. Neither could I find an anger to produce a weapon like I had used against Maria. All my special abilities were failing me at a time when I needed them most. Giving up, I decided my only recourse was to use my newborn strength. I crouched into an attack position, but stopped myself from pouncing when I saw Peter rushing at the two bodies struggling on the ground. He was soon followed by Xavier and I watched with dread as they moved about on the dirt in a violent game of Twister.

Then suddenly there was a male voice yelling loudly above all the commotion, one I was not familiar with, and I turned my eyes to the location the sound had resonated from. My eyes instantly locked with a pair of topaz irises and I felt pulled into their stare, unable to break away. The word hypnotized came to mind.

"Emmett, stop!" the man yelled again, running a hand through his auburn hair in a move that expressed his frustration.

He raced to where his companion … this Emmett, continued to fight with my friends. Through it all though, he kept an attentive gaze on me and much to my frustration, I could not pull my eyes away from his. I did not feel trapped though, just confused as I wondered how this man had such a hold on me.

Who was he? From what I could tell he resembled a vampire, but not quite like the ones I was familiar with and why had the one he knew wanted to attack me?


	31. Chapter 31

_(Jasper)_

My failings with Alice prompted me not to repeat past mistakes.

The memory of her death at my hands, because I was unwilling to stand up for what I knew was right, berated me at a nearly constant pace before I found Bella. Now the pain was less, but I still used that memory as a reminder of how wrong things could go when I became complacent. Back then I had only one way of looking at life as a vampire and fighting for what I wanted had never occurred to me. I did as I was told, a soldier in an army never asking if the war I was waging was really my own. Now things had changed drastically in a matter of days. I had another I cared about just as I had Alice, and because of Bella, I was given the opportunity to start over. I knew from the moment I admitted I loved her, that no matter the enemy, I would always fight for her.

This was the reason I rarely had time for Bella during our trip to Forks. I felt her frustration at my lack of company, but I knew we would have time for that later, when my fear of James's retaliation wasn't an ugly shadow constantly looking over my shoulder. Once I knew he was no longer a threat to us, I could relax and give her a proper relationship. Yet, it did seem odd that I, the one handed vampire, felt the need to protect someone who could produce a level of energy outside her body strong enough to destroy _my_ enemies. Nonetheless the leader in me took over when it came to Bella and no matter the circumstance, whether or not she was perfectly capable of protecting herself, I still felt the need to defend her.

My vigilance was the main reason I had detected him before anyone else. I felt his emotions, strong, but not angry like someone who was ready for an attack. Expressing a feeling that was usually present while in retreat was why I was a bit late in grasping his purpose. He was worried, but he used it as a drive. It was what pressed him on and when I finally saw the physical form behind the emotion, I was able to get to him before he did Bella. But keeping him away from her proved difficult when his size became apparent as we fought. Thankfully Peter and Xavier came to my aid.

But then another appeared and there was nothing casual about the way he stared at Bella. Even if I didn't have the ability to read emotions, I would have seen from the intensity of his look that he took a great interest in her. I may have been wrestling with another, but when he walked towards her, his arms open as a sign of no harm, I took his gesture as anything but. I tried to force myself off the ground, urged by a physical need to protect Bella and place myself between them. I was having difficulty and relief washed over me when I saw Charlotte stand in front of him. Her hiss echoed off the trees around us. "Try and touch her and you and me are going to have problems."

The one she threatened backed away slightly, "I have no intention of hurting her."

"I can't say I believe you based on your friend's actions," I growled, finally being able to get away and stand between him and Bella just as Charlotte had.

I didn't want to kill him, because I could smell the animal blood in the air surrounding both him and Bella's would be assailant. It was the same smell Bella produced … an odd perfume that let me know they were different. They were both vampires, but not in the sense that I was. These were members of the clan we had been searching for. There was no plausible reason we would encounter two _other_ vampires who drank not from humans, but animals. It wasn't that common of a lifestyle choice for our kind. Even so, I wouldn't risk Bella's safety by letting him approach her.

"What do you want with her?" I demanded after he shook his head in protest.

"What do you want with us? Bringing an army into our territory isn't exactly a sign you want be friends!" the larger of the two replied in a threatening tone after he'd managed to break free from Peter and Xavier.

I went to prevent his effort to take down Bella once more, but halted when his friend moved his own body in front of mine and reached out a hand against the other's chest. "Emmett, calm down. We don't know if any of what we were told was true. Carlisle said we should scout the area for them … not attack. You need to control your emotions."

I didn't think a few words would be able to calm the beast, but despite his initial hostility, the vampire called Emmett settled down somewhat after being reprimanded. "Yes, I know you are afraid for Rosalie," his friend continued to talk as if he were having a one sided conversation, "but what good is it to create hostility when we are unsure of their motives for being in our territory." He paused. "I understand, but please try your hardest to let me handle this. I don't have a mate to protect, so my head is in the right space for this, unlike you."

The way he spoke unnerved me, but it caused Emmett to back away and cross his massive arms across his even larger chest. All the while he scowled doubtfully at Bella over my shoulder. "Fine. Ask them and see if their thoughts match up with their words."

"You said you don't know if what you were told was true," I asked, once Emmett no longer felt like a threat, his worry having been replaced with contempt. "What were you told about us and who was it that told you?"

This was the part of their strange conversation that had perked my interest the most. They spoke of us like they had knowledge of our arrival, something that seemed impossible. We had never planned to greet them as a whole, but rather just Bella and I. The scene of a large group of unknown vampires making their way towards your clan was never a good sign and we didn't want to come across as aggressors. Unfortunately, our arrival had been spoiled by someone and even though my mind produced a culprit, I did not like to think the one I had guessed knew so much about where we had been heading.

"Forgive my friend's less than amicable introduction. I am Edward and this, as you already know, is Emmett. A few days ago we were warned of your clan by another, but our leader Carlisle, had doubts. The warning was about her." The vampire I now knew to be Edward, pointed directly at Bella. "He told us of her abilities and how she would use them to destroy us and how they'd already been used to destroy his mate."

I clenched my teeth, because I now knew who exactly had come to warn this clan about us. How James had found out, I wasn't sure, but it was something that made me worry, especially the part about how he held Bella responsible for Maria's death. My enemy was deceptively trying to get someone else to destroy Bella for him. It would seem that Maria had taught him precisely how to delegate your dirty work to someone else just as she had done with me while I was still under her control. I was suddenly flushed with anger and quickly moved over to stand beside Bella, grasping her waist in a protective manner so forcefully that she gasped. I whispered an apology to her and turned my attention back towards Edward. "How do you even know she is who you think she is?"

Edward sighed. "We were given an image. We were also told there would be another that would most likely be protecting her, a mate, and since I can read your mind I know that you are Jasper and this is Bella."

The revelation that Edward was able to read minds surprised me, but it also made sense, considering the strange way he had been talking with Emmett. I'd never come across a telepath before, but knew of their existence, because of a rumor that The Volturi had one amongst their ranks. "If you can read our minds, then it should be apparent that we didn't come here to attack you and were only seeking out your help against the very one who falsely warned you," I replied.

Edward shook his head. "Unfortunately, when it comes to her, my ability fails me. I've never experienced this before and it makes me wonder if all the things we were told about her are true. Being able to produce a physical shield of protection could also mean a mental one is possible." He grew quiet for a moment as if considering his words and then became alert once more. "Whatever the reason she is immune to me, I can't see through into her intentions and it makes me apprehensive to trust you completely."

"Then look into my thoughts and-" I began, but was abruptly silenced when Bella's voice rose over mine.

"Look, I don't want to hurt anyone. _I'm_ the one trying to keep from getting hurt here. If you want to know if I'm … whatever you want to call it, evil, then just ask! Because I'll tell you that I'm not."

Bella's desperate and slightly angry yell caused all our eyes to fix on her, except for Emmett who already had his focus absorbed in her direction. The awareness of receiving so much attention all at once caused Bella's shyness to flare and when she spoke again it was in a diminutive voice. "I mean, I really just want to know how you got a hold of an image of me. Do you mean a photo?" She then turned to me with a look of fear in her eyes and became quieter still. "Jasper, how did James have a photo of me?"

I thought for a second and suggested, "Your driver's license maybe? He had it with him the day I changed you. Even though I stopped him from completing what he set out to do, he still likes to keep trophies of the women he …" I stopped short, not wanting to remind Bella of what James had almost done to her.

Bella was shaking and I tried to understand the strong fear she was suddenly emanating. Wrapping my arms around her, I forced a calmness to spread from me into her. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?"

Her body stilled as my mood manipulation took hold and she leaned into me, resting her head against my chest. "Jasper, what if he got it from my mom … or my dad. Oh god, what if he killed them to get it?"

"There was no driver's license." Edward's voice traveled over Bella's sounds of panic. "It wasn't too difficult to figure out who she was when we first saw your group. You see around here Bella Swan is well known … at least she has been for the past few days."

I watched as he slowly approached us and reached into the back pocket of his jeans to retrieve a folded piece of paper. "May I?" he asked.

I answered by grasping the item he held out for me to take and then moving my thumb I lifted the corner of the paper up to reveal it to be a flyer. It was the kind you would see for a missing person, which were usually tapped to telephone poles and bulletin boards. The image of the human being searched for was familiar to me, although the eyes staring back from the paper were brown and not red like I now knew them to be. Underneath the picture was Bella's name and then another was listed, that of her father Charlie Swan. His number and address were listed as well and they were both local to Forks.


	32. Chapter 32

_(Bella)_

"Once upon a time …" I began, because it felt like an accurate way to describe my life when I was human.

Human Bella had been a teenager whose biggest problem was dealing with a mom that was more sister than parental figure. Being hunted by an out for revenge sexual predator who also just happened to be a vampire wasn't something likely to be on her radar, not when there was a big test to study for. To me her life was like a story about a girl living in a mundane world and I found the normalcy of it all hard to relate with. So much had changed since I referred to myself as human and that brown eyed, warm blooded version of me felt fictional. This made me think of when Jasper told me he couldn't remember his family. At the time the idea of losing my memories had scared the hell out of me and it still did. I didn't want to forget human Bella, but with each day my steps took me further away from who I used to be. Would I eventually forget just like Jasper had?

By answering Jasper's question of, "care to explain the flyer to me now?" in such a dramatic storybook like way as _once upon a time_ , I had hoped to pull a smile from him, but his face remained blank. He was brooding and unwilling to let go of my slight against him. I hadn't lied to Jasper per se, but I had omitted some important information concerning Forks and my dad being the town's sheriff. A reason hadn't been given as to why he was being short with me, but it coincided with the revelation of my not exactly a lie, but actually kind of a lie, so without having to guess too hard … I knew.

We were sitting at the top of the steps that led to the front door of a very large house in the middle of the woods. Edward had brought us here after some haggling and possibly mood manipulation by Jasper. The auburn haired vampire with the crazy intense gaze decided he would trust Jasper and I enough to let us meet with his clan's leader while Emmett stayed behind with our friends. I assumed the larger and by my assertion, more meat headed version of the two did this, as a way to keep our tiny group from finding out where his clan resided. For now only Jasper and I were given that privilege.

While we waited for Edward to reemerge from the house with someone named Carlisle, I did a very human thing and sat down. I didn't need to. My legs weren't tired. I simply wanted to as a means of expressing my frustration with the situation I found myself in. My relationship with Jasper was so new, not to mention being with him was my first time dating at all and already we were having a fight. I wasn't sure how to recover from it. I knew not to rely on the movies, because despite suddenly falling in love as a character in a romantic comedy might, I didn't think fighting could be so easily resolved out in the real world. Eventually Jasper had come to sit down next to me and after what seemed like a very long awkward silence, he had asked me about the flyer.

"Once upon a time," I repeated after a lengthy pause persisted where I hoped he would give me a smile, but I received only a morose look instead. "There was a young couple that lived in a little town called Forks and after a few months of dating the woman in the relationship, we'll call her Renee, became pregnant. A shotgun wedding followed and nine months later a baby girl was born. That couple named their daughter Isabella, but over time she would be known only as Bella and anyone who dared call her by her birth name would suffer the consequence of her evil eye. This was basically just Bella squinting very angrily at them, but it was a horrible sight nonetheless."

I thought I saw a faint look of humor pass over Jasper's face and I silently rejoiced before continuing.

"When that baby was only a few months old, the mother took her away from Forks to Phoenix. This is where they stayed and the baby eventually grew up into a lovely young woman of pasty white skin and little social life. Bella visited her father one month every summer until she turned fifteen. Then she decided she no longer wanted to be where the sun was not and stayed in Phoenix. Never having been that close to begin with, the father and daughter grew more distant and a guilt set in for Bella. She wanted to try and find a way to fix that strain, but sadly would never get the chance, because vampires rarely get to be around humans unless they are killing them."

I had been reciting my life story in a very comical and hyperbolic way, but as I neared the end the silliness in my voice grew smaller until it was replaced with a sadness I hadn't intended on conveying. "Well, that's the end of it. If you want to know why I didn't tell you about Charlie or the fact that I had a history here it was, because I had some misguided dream that I would be able to see him again and maybe interact with him in some capacity. I knew if I told you, I would be reminded that I couldn't have contact with my family and you would have to find some other option for us. But I don't know. I don't drink human blood, so he wouldn't be in any danger from me. At least that's what I was thinking. I'm sorry for not telling you, but if I wanted to see him I could. It's my choice. I know you don't agree, but you can't stop me."

The defiance in my voice surprised me as my explanation skidded off course into something similar to a kid having an argument with an authority figure that they wanted to break free from. I didn't view Jasper like that at all. I loved him and would never willingly push him away, but there was another side of me that needed desperately to see Charlie again and hold onto the past I was so afraid of losing. These were conflicting emotions inside me fighting for supremacy. I didn't want to be told what to do, but Jasper had never actually told me I couldn't do anything. He'd only warned me that I shouldn't. "I'm sorry," I finally said. "That came out all wrong and sounded totally childish."

"Well, you _are_ a newborn, which to me is a very childish thing."

I hadn't been looking at Jasper while talking, but from my periphery I could see that his words weren't meant as an insult. His expression was far from the content and happy Jasper I knew he could be, the one I had first-hand experience with whenever we kissed, but his moodiness appeared to have lessened. Still he had called me childish, which caused a reaction in me that was pretty on par with that term. "I'm not … a thing," I said turning my head to look at him. I had wanted to say childish, but swiftly recognized that doing this would be another lie.

"No, you most certainly are not." The left side of his lips moved upward slightly and he let out a chuckle that had an edge to it. "And I suppose that's part of the problem. Since I met you I have seen you as a thing … a possession to protect, because I never again wanted to experience what I did when I lost Alice. In my pursuit to keep you unharmed, I failed to ask exactly what it was you wanted. It went without saying that you wanted to be with me, so being the more experienced of us, I made all the decisions. I decided how we would fight Maria and well, you see where that got me." Jasper held up his arm to showcase the shirt sleeve that ended to reveal nothing where a hand should have been.

"I'm sorry you lost your hand." I reached out to grasp the sleeve cuff to show him that it didn't bother me.

Jasper shrugged and I thought he might pull away from my touch, but he didn't. He let me wrap my fingers around the material and I held on. "The point is, I decided what was best for us and even if you are an inexperienced newborn, I shouldn't have assumed your input didn't matter. For that I was wrong and I apologize."

I was stunned. Was it really going to be so easy to get out of my fib? Was there some kind of get out of jail free card that everyone got for their first fight as a couple?

"But there is something else I have to apologize for," Jasper continued. "I kept you in the dark about a greater threat, one that would prove harder to fight if you did something they didn't like. You haven't yet, but I can assure you that revealing yourself as a vampire to your father would not be in either of your best interests. It's against their rules."

No, I wasn't going to get out of it completely. I was just given another obstacle placed in front of me and what I wanted. Although, the way Jasper spoke, he made it sound like I probably wouldn't be able to get past whatever this threat was. Who exactly could be so powerful that they could enforce rules on vampires? "You make whoever it is you are talking about sound like they're our president or something."

"Ah, well, I think a theocracy would be more accurate. Like with any god, most of us have never actually seen our leaders, but there are rumors of their powers. I've also come across their victims, clans of vampires who became greedy enough that they caused the human world to take notice of them. They don't like that. They would rather live in the shadows as it makes hunting humans all the easier for them, since you see, they are vampires like us, only much older and more deadly. To let a human into your world is a dangerous game, not only for you, but for the human as well. You may get away with it for a time, but the risk is always great. Word will spread and their judgment would eventually find you."

A chill traveled down my spine. The way he talked made the whole thing sound like some gothic novel. Was he going to tell me next that the leader of this all powerful vampire council was named Dracula? "Does this group have a name?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"The Volturi." His voice was almost a whisper as if he thought saying their name any louder would invoke their presence.

"Well, at least you didn't say _Those who must not be named_ ," I joked, trying to lighten the tension in the air, but I backtracked even before Jasper could give me that questioning look I was all too familiar with. "Nope. Never mind. Pop culture reference."

I made a swift front to back movement with my hand over my head to help him understand that my _Harry Potter_ reference was over his head, but stopped when I realized that this too was probably something he wasn't familiar with. In response my boyfriend smiled brightly enough to show off his beautiful white teeth and my dead heart did an involuntary flip flop. "Bella," he said after his grin had faded and a somber look took its place. "When I was with Maria there were so many things she kept from me. I don't think anything I was ever told by her was completely honest and if it was she twisted it just enough, so that I would always be under her control. I don't want that from you. I don't want that for us. If we can't be who we really are with each other then what is the point of it? I want you to feel comfortable enough with me to say what you feel and desire and I in return will try to do the same."

I stared at him for a long while after he was done talking, unable to speak, because I was afraid I might cry. I didn't like the hurt my lie had caused in Jasper. I could see it clearly etched on his face. Even worse I had been compared with Maria. The association made me want to vomit. But eventually I did find my voice, even if the sound of it felt weak when I finally put my vocal chords to use. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. I was being selfish and not thinking about how it might hurt you when you found out. In the end I hurt myself too, because I can't stand the thought that I made you upset."

I moved my hand away from his arm and up towards the side of his face and he sighed at my touch. "You are so beautiful," he said.

"Huh?" I replied, thrown off by the sudden switch in topic.

"And articulate," he teased, examining my face before slowly leaning in.

So, this was it? Our fight was going to be over with a kiss? My question was answered when the feel of his mouth pushed against mine and his hand reached around to the back of my head to pull me in closer. Our lips quickly parted and I twisted my own arms to fit securely around his neck as the kiss grew more intense. "So, does this mean we're not fighting anymore?" I asked after our mouths finally parted.

"I could kiss you again if that wasn't convincing enough." He smiled sheepishly.

"I think I might actually need some more reassurance that we're on good terms now," I said and raised my eyebrows up and down a few times, which caused Jasper to laugh.

For a second I thought he might pull me in again, but we both stood up straight when the sound of the door being opened behind us found our ears. Turning around I saw Edward standing in the doorway and behind him was another vampire, one with short blond hair. He looked slightly older than Edward. Although, with vampires who really knew how old anyone was.

"Hello, my name is Carlisle and you must be Bella," he said in a gentle voice, moving forward with his hand extended out to greet me.

I took it and shook, "That would be me."


	33. Chapter 33

_(Jasper)_

Having been nomadic for most of my one hundred plus years, taking up residence in hovels only long enough to feed and train before moving on to another destination that offered more blood, the thought of vampires taking up residence inside a home that was kept to look like humans lived there, was not anything I could comprehend. After being led through the door by Carlisle, my eyes widened in wonder at the sight of chairs that would never be used for sitting and a kitchen off to the side complete with items I assumed were used for cooking. Was this all really necessary? Did these vampires entertain humans?

"On occasion. When a situation presents itself that we cannot find a way to excuse ourselves from."

I glared at Edward, who without question had read my mind, but then quickly thought better of it. I turned my eyes away from his strange topaz irises and glanced down at Bella walking besides me. She was the reason I was here and I didn't want to upset anyone by being rude. Her need for them outweighed any annoyance I might have had for Edward. If they let us stay then I would have to assimilate and that included being unoffended when he delved into my private thoughts. I wondered if it was like a switch he could turn off and on and saw a faint look of amusement pass over his face. He was reading my mind again. Well, if his ability did work that way, Edward certainly wasn't going to tell me.

I grasped Bella's hand tighter and she turned her head to give me a nervous smile. She was unsure just as I was, although for different reasons. Bella hadn't been a vampire for very long and didn't identify with what I expected from our kind. Her worry still stemmed from James and his vendetta against us. I kissed the top of her head, ignoring the intense stare Edward gave us and went back to inspecting my surroundings. It all seemed foreign, like I was being led to have a conversation with actual humans. What did I expect though? They drank animal blood, a concept that didn't seem logical unless they suffered from a physical aversion similar to Bella's. I was curious to know if they did. Why else would a vampire choose this lifestyle?

"Empathy for one thing. Humans are living beings," Edward said, having once again looked into my thoughts.

"As are animals," I retorted, unable to curtail my irritation with him this time. "And yet you drink from them." _Get out of my head!_ I added just for him.

"Edward, please stop reading our guest's thoughts and commenting on them," Carlisle chastised.

Edward nodded apologetically towards Carlisle and replied, "I'm sorry." Although, I could feel that he didn't truly mean his words.

When we finally reached our destination, a room that contained more chairs, couches and a large television screen, there were two other vampires present. Both were female, but that seemed to be the only quality they shared. One was a tall blonde with an icy stare, who possessed a beauty that reminded me of a kind like Maria's, powerful enough to control others. The other was just as beautiful, but softer. Her heart shaped face, which was framed by caramel colored waves, was welcoming and warm, very unlike the cold demeanor of her companion. They had been seated, but both stood when we entered. Vampires who sat when there was no need, I wanted to roll my eyes at the absurdity of it. This clan had too much practice in pretending to be human.

"Hello, Bella. I'm Esme," the less intimidating female said with a smile as she approached us and much to my mate's surprise, gave her a brief hug. Esme's eyes turned to me next and I thought she might embrace me as well, but she only said my name and nodded. "Welcome to our home."

I smiled at her. It was difficult not to be influenced by her goodwill, especially towards Bella. "Come have a seat," Esme said, gesturing towards the furniture.

Bella walked forward, breaking from my hand and sat down on the couch. I went towards the edge of its armrest, refusing to sit. Perhaps I was being trivial, but a bit of me felt the need to show the rest that their human-like qualities weren't needed. Of course, they already knew, but my little act of defiance was a reaction to how uncomfortable their mannerisms made me. I saw Edward send me a look, but I didn't turn my head to see exactly what was behind the stare, because I could feel it. He was dubious of me.

"You have a beautiful home," Bella, feeling awkward, struggled to make conversation.

"Thank you," Esme replied, having taken a seat for herself next to Bella.

Carlisle placed himself besides Esme, occupying the rest of the room the couch afforded, while Edward and the blonde vampire who hadn't introduced herself yet, and judging from her frosty demeanor probably wouldn't, stood.

"Ugh, can we just get on with it, so Emmett can come home," an exasperated voice pierced the room and we all turned to look at the vampire who had spoken.

"Meet Rosalie, never one to be afraid of speaking her mind," Edward said in a tone that sounded teasing, but also hinged on being the type of tease that was shaded in truth.

"Why should I be? You already know what's inside there anyway," Rosalie retorted, clearly annoyed with Edward's mind reading abilities.

_At least I'm not the only one._

If the situation were different I may have chuckled, because their back and forth was very similar to siblings fighting, but Carlisle wasn't pleased. The response Edward clearly had waiting on his lips went unspoken when Carlisle raised his hands in protest of their disagreement and said, "Edward. Rosalie." His tone was like that of a father scolding his children and when the room fell silent due to his reprimand, he turned to look at me. "Edward tells me you would like to seek refuge here for Bella."

I nodded and recapped for him the events of the last week, beginning with me finding James attacking Bella and ending with our defeat of Maria. Some details were left out, ones I felt were too personal, but the story remained more or less intact and became the plea I hoped this clan's patriarch would accept. "I have no doubt that James will try whatever he can to retaliate. His first effort was giving you false information about us. When he learns that it failed, I can only assume his next method will be larger and even if Bella is able to protect herself, she is still a newborn. Her abilities aren't yet something she can produce at will. We were lucky that Maria angered her and created the power that saved us, but I have no idea if that situation can ever be replicated again and I fear for her. I don't want to lose her."

My eyes traveled away from Carlisle and over to Bella. She was already looking at me and we shared a brief moment of silent communication, expressing our love, before I turned back to Carlisle. "Will you help us?"

Rosalie ostentatiously sat down in one of the unused chairs and caused a loud noise, which I took as a minor form of protest to what I was asking. No one mentioned her little act of dissent and I assumed this must have been a regular occurrence for her. Rosalie was like the spoiled child of this group, one who demanded her way by stomping her foot repeatedly to the point that everyone eventually ignored her.

"I must admit that I never believed James when he came here, but nonetheless had to vet the situation when we saw your group coming. I don't think Emmett felt the same as me. I am sorry he attacked you," Carlisle apologized and I nodded to show I accepted it. "I am willing to let you stay and place Bella under our protection, but there are a few things that must be mentioned to complete the process. First we do not drink from humans and will not tolerate the practice from you. You've already explained that Bella is unable due to her empathy, but you are not the same. Can you feed as we do?"

I knew this was an issue that I would eventually have to face, but had been avoiding, at least mentally. Now I was being confronted with the idea of leaving behind the one thing that had been a constant for me since being changed by Maria. My answer to Carlisle was a resounding "Yes, for Bella I would do anything." but inside I was worried … worried that I wouldn't be able to live up to this standard.

But, I knew I had to try for Bella's sake and my own as well, because the thought of losing her was something I couldn't stomach. I had to overcome my desire for human blood. I had to if I wanted to stay with the only vampire I ever truly loved.

After expressing my strong desire to adapt to their way of drinking from animals and Carlisle accepted my claim, he continued, "As Edward has already mentioned to you there is also the issue of the girl's father. We cannot simply bring Bella into our clan and expect the humans not to notice she is the missing child of our town's sheriff. We interact with them on a daily basis. I am a physician in town and Edward, Rosalie and Emmett are students at the local high school. Having Bella around when she is known as a human and also missing is a problem that we will have to find a solution to."

_(Victoria)_

I was having a bad day ... or night I should say, because the sun was down and not making my skin shine like a fucking diamond anymore. After a couple of weeks of being told by James that I needed to be patient, because we were going to kick that bitch Maria out and take over, the plan had changed. Now I was pushing my tits together, trying to get some guy interested in me, so we could use him as a bait? What did that even mean? I would probably have to blow him too. No. I shook my head. I wouldn't let it go that far even for James. I wasn't like that anymore. Not like when I was human and needed money for drugs. I hadn't been strong enough to say no to my junkie boyfriend who thought he was some kind of pimp and came up with the idea. I shook my head again. I didn't want to go down that road of thoughts.

"Red!" I heard his voice coming from the trees behind me

"Don't call me that," I hissed and then turned my head to look at James. "What?" I said, under my breath.

I thought we were trying to be incognito here. I was going to wait till this sheriff guy came out of this building, lure him away and hand him over to James, so why was he being so god damn loud? "Change of plans," he said.

"What the fuck, man. You keep changing plans," I complained.

"I was thinking and I just don't think this is going to work anymore. Jasper and Bella are being protected by them. If we kill her dad then they'll find and do the same to us," he explained.

I turned around and pushed him. "Then why don't we leave them alone. Why can't we start over, just me and you."

"I already told you why. They are too much of a threat."

I didn't believe him all the way. I thought this had something to do with his hate for Jasper or obsession with Bella, or maybe both, but I didn't feel comfortable telling him that. He'd probably rip my head off. "So what now?" I huffed.

"We need help. How do you feel about a trip overseas?"


	34. Chapter 34

_(Bella)_

Morning came to the town of Forks just like it did to every other place on the planet, although it seemed strange to have a night now that I didn't sleep anymore. Not that I thought the world revolved around my sleeping patterns. I knew there were animals and humans who came awake when the sun went down, but for me personally, the long hours of dark stretching on where I didn't need to recharge myself with sleep, left me feeling restless.

I'd been holed up inside a large house full of vampires watching two mornings come and go and was growing bored. Jasper did offer me company, but he was having just as hard of a time as I was with being locked inside our beautiful prison. I tried to be sympathetic to his moodiness, because for so long he'd been moving, constantly finding new places to take over, and now he was trying to get used to the opposite, but I wasn't perfect. There were times when I focused on how lonely and stagnated I felt, because even though Jasper was around, his way of pouting was to go off alone for hours at a time.

I wasn't sure where he went, but I knew he had to be in the house somewhere, because he didn't dare leave me unprotected. I didn't feel like it was my place to search him out though. I figured Jasper needed his space to come to terms with our new life. His absences didn't leave me feeling hurt, but instead a little bit concerned. I hoped he didn't feel stuck with me, because of promises he'd made about protecting me. I always tried to push these worries away as best I could. They were based on feelings that only ever surfaced when I was alone. When Jasper was with me, he never made me feel like I was a burden. The single emotion he ever radiated onto me was his love.

The Cullens were a different story. Carlisle's wife Esme was the only one out of the five who expressed an air of welcome about her family's new additions. Jasper could tell better than I what the others were feeling and their emotions ranged from the hostility of Rosalie, to the cautiousness of Edward and his brother. Carlisle remained neutral. Jasper found that with him being much older than the rest, probably even older than my boyfriend, the leader of this clan had developed the ability to hide what he felt. It bothered Jasper, but I reminded him that searching into someone's emotions was almost as intrusive as Edward reading his mind. He'd huffed at this, but didn't try to prove me wrong. I think he just disliked being compared to Edward.

I tried not to take the Cullens' emotions personally, because I was fully aware that they were doing Jasper and I a huge favor by accepting us into their vampire family and taking on the responsibility of protecting me from James. It made sense that they would feel uneasy around me. Yet, there was a part of my conscious that resented them. I had been powerful enough to destroy Maria and here I was stunted, because I had to be kept under lock and key due to a crazy out for revenge vampire.

But more than anything else I missed having friends.

Saying goodbye to Charlotte had been difficult. I'd never had many friends growing up and the strong connection I had formed with her during our short time together was something I missed so much. I didn't even care about her inappropriate comments and the way they embarrassed me. I'd let her say the F word a thousand times and talk about the many ways vampires had sex if it meant she could stay … but she couldn't. Her and Peter didn't live like I did. They drank from humans and that was something I wasn't comfortable with and neither were my new guardians. Charlotte had gone off with the other vampires of Maria's fractured clan, saying that her and Peter would try to get them accustomed to living without the fight, trying to blend in instead of waging wars with other vampires. She didn't think they would become their own clan, but for the time being they kind of were.

With my friend gone, leaving me only a vague promise to visit in the somewhat distant future, and my boyfriend being mysteriously vacant from my side most of the time, I reverted back to what had always been my companion when I didn't have any friends.

Books.

I felt much like Belle searching Beast's castle in that Disney movie from my childhood. The Cullen's house wasn't exactly a castle, but I felt lost in it most of the time and it was much larger than Renee or Charlie had ever been able to afford. I assumed that without ever having to deal with the tedious task of aging, the members of this haphazard family could continue to accumulate wealth by working, without ever having to retire. The ultimate millionaire scheme … never dying.

This meant that along with a large home filled with many rooms, they could afford to fill those rooms with numerous objects collected over the years. Someone in the house was obviously a bibliophile, because like Belle in _Beauty and the Beast_ I discovered a large library filled with an enormous amount of books. I didn't bother asking permission to enter, because Carlisle had made it clear on the day he accepted us into his family, that as long as the door was open Jasper and I were allowed to explore.

And explore I did. I ran my fingers along the spines of the books, noticing that much like every other library they were organized into sections based on genre and then it was alphabetical order by the author's last name after that. I had a penchant for reading fantasy, but decided to skip over that collection of books as my life had pretty much become one of those tales. I'd had just about as much as I could stomach of fantasy creatures that I now knew were actually based in reality.

When my eyes fell upon the classics section, I tried not to squeal in excitement like an idiot, but ultimately failed. I was curious to know just how old some of them were. I reasoned that if vampires were the original purchasers wouldn't it be possible that some in their collection would be first editions? It didn't take me long to find the exact book I had been searching for. It was one of my favorites, with my copy of it back in Phoenix falling apart due to the spine being pulled back one too many times. The author was listed in the Bs for Bronte and sure enough there was a copy of _Wuthering Heights_ among all the other Cullen classics. It wasn't as old as I had hoped, but not as young as the copies you'd see lining the shelves of a human's library. Using my thumb, I flipped through the pages and then pulled the novel up towards my nose so that I could smell its scent. The aroma tickled my brain, reminding me of all the times I had perused used book stores in my past. I wondered how long until I forgot that human part of me, but then quickly shooed my worry away.

"I know you're a newborn, but that's not exactly the way vampires read books. We do it quite the same way we did as humans."

I had heard his footsteps before his voice, even smelled his scent, but still he surprised me and much like human Bella would have, I dropped the book and it landed on the wood floor with a loud thump. "Edward!" I gasped, covering my cheeks and then lowering my hands, I reached for the fallen book, but he got there before I did.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I didn't think that possible for a vampire," he apologized, glancing over the title of my book before handing it back to me.

"Well, apparently I'm the world's first clumsy vampire," I replied, not meeting his eyes, embarrassed at my fumble.

I heard Edward let out a breath like he was amused, but then a silence fell between us before he attempted to talk again and the awkwardness of it made me want to fall through the floor boards. "Some light summer reading?" he deadpanned, which I had to admit shocked me.

Edward could be funny?

"No, uh … I've read it before. I actually have this at home ... well, my old home with my mom. I was just seeing if your library had a copy." I still didn't look at him, instead tracing my index finger along the large W in the book's title like it was the most interesting thing in the world

"You should talk to Esme then. The book is hers. She brought it with her when she and Carlisle first moved in together," Edward replied.

I nodded and finally brought my eyes up to his. "I'll do that then."

His expression was friendly. The first time I'd ever seen it look that way. "Anyway, I came in here to tell you that Carlisle wants to go hunting later tonight. If you could relay that information to Jasper that would be great. I can't seem to find him."

_Yeah, same for me._

"I'll let him know." My voice was growing quieter and I hated that I was unable to hold my own in Edward's presence, especially when he was being pleasant.

Another pause persisted that left me feeling emotionally drained and I was thankful when Edward finally left after saying, "See you later."

"Yeah, later," I mumbled and watched as he moved gracefully out the door.


	35. Chapter 35

_(Bella)_

I finally felt the need to leave the library when I glanced out one of its windows and saw that the sun had lowered. When I had entered the room, I was sure the time had been somewhere close to noon with the sun sitting high in the sky. Now it was resting slightly above the horizon, bathing what was once a light blue in a soft pink glow. It dawned on me then that it would soon be night and I'd spent my entire afternoon in the company of books, rereading _Wuthering Heights_. My extended stay in The Cullen's library hadn't been planned, because I figured Jasper would come looking for me before night. In his absence I had lost track of time by using my newly acquired vampire skill of mentally consuming reading material faster than I'd ever been able to as a human. Now with it almost being dark, I was going to be forced into playing a game of hide and seek in order to relate Edward's message to Jasper.

"Damn it, Jasper," I grumbled to no one in particular as I pulled myself from the armchair I had been occupying and set out to find my missing boyfriend.

Although, as I placed Esme's book back in the spot I had originally taken it from, I made a promise to return as soon as I was able. After experiencing what I was capable of, excitement filled me to see just how fast I could read something when it wasn't a book I had pretty much already memorized like _Wuthering Heights_.

I exited the library out into an empty hallway and began walking, not really sure where I would locate Jasper. Even a vampire like Edward who could read minds, didn't know where Jasper was and I sighed in exasperation. Trying to distract myself from my irritation with the situation Jasper had left me, I began compiling a list of all the books I had ever wanted to read, but hadn't gotten around to yet. The compilation quickly grew with some not even being books I cared to read, but rather just wanted to see if my large brain would retain regardless of how bored the subject matter made me.

During this mental collecting, I suddenly had the idea to ask Jasper for his input on what books he thought I should sink my vampire teeth into, but then I stopped walking as a realization hit me. I had no idea if Jasper liked to read. Well, to be more on the nose, if he liked to read before Maria changed him. I doubted that pausing to leisurely take in the plot of a good piece of fiction had ever been on the agenda during his time with her, but before … would he even remember if he had? He'd let on to so little about his past that I was completely in the dark on so many things. I wanted to ask Jasper, but worried that he might be upset if I tried to push him into searching through those hazy memories of his human past? In the end, I decided that my curiosity wouldn't let me leave the question alone.

I made a mental note to ask Jasper what his favorite book was when I eventually found him, which would be a simple enough thing to answer. Although, I was reminded that I had to actually find him first. I sighed to myself at the thought. How long was this hiding of his going to continue? I was feeling selfish again and upset that whatever was pushing him into solitude for long periods of time, wasn't something he felt comfortable enough to share with me. Up until that point I'd treated his actions as something that would get better once he got used to our life trapped in a fishbowl, but after spending my afternoon with Cathy and Heathcliff, one of literature's most dysfunctional couples, I decided that a lack of communication was not what we needed at that moment. I would find my boyfriend and ask him what was going on. In any case he was the one who gave me that speech about being honest and open with each other after my lie to him. He should have been following through with that.

My feet began moving again and I focused my eyes forward with a new determination to find Jasper and deal with our issues. After a few steps, I came to the top of the main staircase in the house and peered down. I couldn't see anyone from my position, but my ears picked up the sound of Emmett talking to someone about what I assumed was the TV show they were both watching. His company responded and I could tell it was Rosalie. The initial fear I felt shocked me into stepping backwards away from the stairs. I avoided her as much as I could. In fact the two of us hadn't spoken a word to each other since I'd entered her home. Rosalie's demeanor wasn't exactly hospitable to me and even if I had blown another vampire to pieces, this new blond version of Maria still scared the hell out of me with her icy stare. No matter who I was, vampire slayer or not, human Bella still stirred beneath my new diamond skin and she had a tendency of being a coward while alive. Bits of that Bella still reverberated throughout my body and kept me away from Rosalie. I hoped that it wouldn't always be like that between us, but for now I would only be near her if it was absolutely necessary ... like when we went out hunting later. I shuddered at the thought, but quickly pushed it away and focused on the task at hand, finding Jasper.

Moving away from the stairs and the voices of my new housemates downstairs, I kept walking forward, knowing full well by what I saw ahead that I was going to meet a dead end soon. In the not too far off distance was a window with a small table underneath it. On top of that table was a potted plant and an antique phone that I assumed was there for decoration and not actually meant to be used. I kept my pace anyway until I was forced to stop, then leaning my hands against the table, I looked out onto an encroaching twilight. "Jasper," I sighed, not wanting to yell his name and make a scene. "Use your stupid vampire ears. I'm looking for you."

There was no reply and I tried to think of ways that I could continue my search without having to make it known to the others that _yes, I did lose my boyfriend. It happens from time to time. Why is that weird?_

According to Jasper every vampire had some sort of talent that made them unique. He could sense emotions. Edward read minds. Charlotte was great in detecting relationships between others and Rosalie was a super bitch. So, what was my special ability and how could I put it to use in finding someone who was missing? I could get angry at him and blow up this house. That would definitely bring Jasper out of hiding, but obviously my mind wasn't being serious when it thought up that one.

Then I remembered I had been able to see when Jasper was in trouble before simply by being worried about him. I knew it wasn't the same thing, but maybe if I pushed all my worry about him to the forefront of my mind then it could be possible to see a vision of where he might be. It was a long shot, but it was all I had at that moment. Closing my eyes, I tried to mentally collect everything that caused me to feel anxiety over Jasper. The mysterious reason behind his long absences, the fear that he would grow tired of being with me, James finding a way through our alliance with The Cullens and killing Jasper, were all worries I formed into a ball of emotion that I set all my focus on. I wasn't sure how long I stayed that way, but before long I began to sense Jasper. I couldn't see him, but if I felt his presence then I was hopeful a vision might not be far off.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

His voice caused me to let out a small sound of surprise, but quickly I collected myself and replied, "Jasper? Is that you? Can you see me?"

Was this a new talent of mine? Could I now project an image of myself? My stomach flip flopped at the idea of getting used to yet another trait that made me special.

There was a short pause after my question followed by a chuckle before Jasper answered, "Yes, probably better than you can see me, because my eyes are open."

Feeling like an idiot, I let my eyelids part and saw the unmistakable image of my boyfriend standing in front of me, an amused smirk pushing his lips upward. I hadn't gotten a new ability to work as I originally thought. Jasper had just found me while I was trying to use my vampire magic.

"Nice of you to find me," I couldn't keep the aggravation I felt from seeping into my tone.

"Well, it was hard not to with that emotional field you were letting off. What's got you so worried?"

I tried to swallow my anger before responding, because I wanted to approach this in the best way possible. I didn't want to come in roaring like a lion and have him become defensive and retreat back to his hiding place.

"You're not worried anymore. You're angry," Jasper stated in a matter-of-fact way that rubbed against my nerves.

I couldn't stop the unseen force that caused me to reach out my hand and strike Jasper square in the chest. "Of course, I am. I mean where have you … never mind." I pulled some air into my lungs and held it there for a long time.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice was concerned now, my little show of temper alerting him that something was wrong.

He sought out one of my hands and the feel of his fingers intertwining with mine calmed me. "I'm sorry," I said, trying to force a smile. "Look, we need to talk and don't have a lot of time. Can we go somewhere private … like maybe your secret hiding place?"

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Sorry this chapter is short, but this felt like a good ending spot. Expect a longer one next time with some Jasper/Bella alone time.


	36. Chapter 36

_(Jasper)_

I was no stranger to violence. Others getting hurt and dying, because of me was an everyday occurrence before I met Bella. It was still something I anticipated being a part of my existence as long as James was still out there plotting his vendetta. But I was a stranger to violence directed at me from Bella. It wasn't at all what I expected from her. She had wedged herself into my heart and was the one thing leading me away from my violent past. So, when she directed a blow at me and exuded extreme anger, I wasn't exactly sure how to respond.

"Hiding … you think I've been hiding, that I have a secret hiding place?" I asked her directly.

Had I been hiding? I guess I never saw it that way, but experiencing her reaction forced me to see her side.

"You keep leaving me alone in this house, Jasper," she said in a hushed voice that was able to express her anger despite its quietness. "Do you know how frustrating it is to have my life thrown into a crazy tilt-a-whirl of vampires and not have a support system? I lost my dad, my mom, everything that I thought was real. Not to mention there is a vampire out there trying to kill me and despite this my boyfriend would rather leave me alone all day to the point that Edward is starting to look like he might make a good friend."

"Wait, what? Edward friendly? Now you've gone too far."

Bella didn't like my joke. She showed me as much by removing her hand from mine and punching my shoulder. I didn't think she intended to hurt me, just shock me into seeing the seriousness of her emotions. Regardless, I still felt her newborn strength pulse from the place her fist had met my body. Quickly I apologize before things could escalate more. "I'm sorry. I was trying to defuse the situation. I think at this point I should know better. I need to remember teasing is not an area I am strong in." I rubbed the spot of her fist impact.

Bella placed her hands over her mouth and I felt her anger disappear from the air around us. Then through cupped fingers she said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-

"No, I'm the one in the wrong here," I cut her off. If she felt like I had been neglecting her then that was my fault and I deserved her anger. "Remember when I mentioned I was stumbling awkwardly into this relationship with you?"

Bella nodded, lowering her hands. "Yeah, that was only a few days ago. Plus it's hard not to forget things now … you know, vampire brain."

"Well, this will be marked as one of those things that I made awkward, because for a very long time I lacked a real relationship to pull experience from. I'll try to do better, but if you were feeling upset with me, I wish you would have told me before now." I placed my fingers through a portion of her hair, moving them from the roots down to the ends, causing Bella to smile. Her enjoying the feeling of my hands in her hair was a discovery of mine from the day before.

"I didn't want to push you away. I wanted to give you time to adjust and I thought you going off to hide was something you did to deal with life stuck here with me," Bella admitted.

An involuntary breath of exasperation left my lips and I placed my hand on one of her shoulders to give Bella a gentle shake. "Are you serious?"

Bella's shoulder lifted and fell under my hand as she shrugged and I sighed. "Yes, adjusting to this is hard. I won't lie about that, but Bella, I would never feel _stuck_ with you. My struggle to avoid human blood is real. In comparison though, the struggle of living without you … that isn't anything I dare to think about, because it would be too painful. You asked me if I knew how frustrating your life has become since being turned and my answer is yes. Of course, I know. I was a newborn once before, but I shouldn't make you feel like you are dealing with this alone. You do have a support system and that's me. Please, come. I'll show you exactly what has been occupying my time."

I reclaimed her hand and led her to the pull down staircase hidden in the ceiling at the other end of the hallway. I reached up to pull on the string that brought it down to our level. "In the attic?" Bella asked dubiously, her eyes following up the steps and into the room beyond them.

"It's not exactly as attic-like as you would assume. I don't think The Cullens go up there that often, but it's kept in good condition. Not just a place to throw unwanted items."

Bella frowned. "Jasper, Carlisle told us not to go into any rooms with closed doors," she reminded me.

I sent her a small mischievous grin. "Ah, yes, but this isn't a door is it? I don't think he said staircases were off limits."

Bella gave me a look that verged on becoming an eye-roll, but stopped just short. She didn't say anything to dispute my line of thinking even though I knew she disapproved and despite her misgivings, let me lead her up the stairs. When we were inside the room completely, I pulled the folding staircase up behind us. "Welcome to my hiding place," I said.

The room wasn't large, but allowed us enough space to move about while standing. Although, the further away from the center of the attic we went the less area the sloping triangle ceiling offered us. The only light came from a tiny circular window on the wall right beneath the tip of the triangle. It let in the last lingering rays from the sinking sun and showcased all the items inside the attic.

Still holding Bella's hand, I began to pull her over to the stack of papers sitting on the fold out table I had propped up a few days ago, but suddenly she broke away and let out a noise of excitement that was muffled from behind her closed lips. Bella was trying to remain quiet, afraid of what the others would think if they caught us up here, but she was barely able to contain herself when she saw some of the relics The Cullens kept in their attic.

"Do you suppose they keep all these things to sell on eBay? You know, make most of their money that way?" she asked, eyeing an ancient sewing machine from another century. "I wonder if this belonged to Esme. She could have used it to make dresses."

"It seems like a logical thing to do for vampires who aren't concerned with fighting blood wars. If you wanted to attain the kind of wealth that humans do then selling items from another generation to maintain that lifestyle makes sense." I tried to hide the disdain in my voice for one more thing that made these vampires we lived with so foreign to me.

"This is so cool!" I heard Bella exclaim like she hadn't been paying attention to what I'd said.

I watched as she kneeled down next to an ancient record player and the boxes strewn around it that contained numerous records I assumed had at one point been used on the device. "And look!" she continued in the same excited manner. "Some of these records haven't even been opened yet. Oh wow. They have _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_ and it's still wrapped in plastic."

I abandoned my original intent of showing Bella my writings and went to sit beside her as she marveled at all the old records. "Oh, I'm sorry. This is pop culture stuff. Probably not on your radar," Bella said as she turned to face me.

I scoffed. "I may have lived with a clan of vampires with very little care for what humans could offer me beside their blood, but I'm not _that_ ignorant. Everyone knows who _The Beatles_ are."

Bella's lips spread wide over her teeth causing her to practically glow. "I know I'm a bit younger than your typical Beatles fan, but I love them and this is my favorite album. I wish I could play it. I wonder if it's Edwards. If I ask him … maybe he'll let me."

Bella was mentioning Edward again in a positive way and it caused a bit of an emotion to stir within me that I didn't like. I tried to push it away and focus my attention on how happy Bella was. That was what really mattered. "Maybe, but in the meantime why don't we try and see if we can get that album on your iPod." I felt like I was bringing up my gift to her as a way of competing with Edward and after the words were out of my mouth I hated myself for being so trivial.

Bella nodded, placing the album back in the box. "That's a good idea, but I'd still like to hear the record, experience it like an original _Beatles_ fans did. That might be good for you too considering you missed out on so much. We can pretend it's the 60s and you can get a little education on what it was like to be human back then." Bella paused, like she wanted to say sometimes else, but was debating whether she should.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to pull her thoughts from her head.

Bella sighed. "I don't want to make you feel bad."

I took her hands in mine. "It's okay." My voice was encouraging.

"Well, it's just hard for me to think about how you've lived so long and yet, experienced so little. The same thing, always. Day after day. Seems sad and you don't even remember your life as a human."

The trajectory of her concern for me was veering close to a place where I could segue back to my original intent of bringing Bella up the attic and I decided to revisit that. "Funny you should bring that up. Would you like to see what I've been spending my time on?"

"Yeah, of course."

I pulled Bella up with me and brought her over to the table where my writing was displayed. Releasing her hands, I reached for the papers and then handed them over to her. "I've been trying to remember my life as a human." I explained when she glanced down at the stack. "I found that it's a great distraction when I'm struggling with the burn of being without human blood. That's why I originally came up here. I didn't want to burden you with knowing how hard it's been, but then I had an idea. If I was going to try to live like a human then I should try to remember. It hasn't been easy. Like I mentioned before, it's all very hazy, but I have managed to pull some memories from my head. I also thought it would help me better in relating with you. Your human life isn't so far removed and I'd like to understand that part of you better."

Bella made a face that looked like she might cry, which startled me. It wasn't the reaction I had been expecting or hoping for. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"I can't believe I got so mad at you. I'm such a jerk. Here you've been trying to … ugh. I don't deserve … what I'm trying to say is ... I …"

Words were failing Bella as her emotions bubbled over and in all of a moment, my writings were tossed aside as she moved in closer to put her mouth to use in a different way. Her lips pressed firmly against mine, causing my body to stumble backwards where it came in contact with the attic wall. She pinned me there and as Bella's expression of love grew more passionate, her newborn power became overwhelming. I didn't want to admit that she was hurting me, but eventually had no choice. "Uh, Bella … you're pushing me too hard." I gasped into her ear, the feel of her body crushing mine into the wall causing a burst of pain to travel down my spine.

The sexual desire Bella had been radiating morphed sharply into mortification as she fell away, causing my body to relax. Embarrassed to the core at what had happened, Bella refused to meet my eyes. "Hey, it's okay," I said, tenderly placing my hand on one of her hips and guiding her back into an embrace, trying to ease her emotions by projecting my love onto her.

"I'm sorry. I forgot," Bella mumbled into my chest.

"It's easy to get carried away, perfectly normal. Trust me, it won't always be like this for us, but for now your newborn strength is something we have to take into consideration if you want to …" I paused to gage her reaction, perfectly aware that she might have a residual negative response to the idea of sex, because of what James had done. "Is this what you want … to be with me here, now?"

Bella looked up at me from underneath her veil of thick lashes. "At this moment there isn't anything I want more," she admitted in a whisper that sounded like a confession of a deep secret.

"Well, then there are certainly ways of doing this without injuring me," I chuckled and Bella smiled back, able to shake off her embarrassment.

Then the mood in the air changed and became electric when I tipped her chin up with my fingers and brought my mouth down to hers. When I finally moved my lips away from hers to press them along her jawline and down the skin of her neck, Bella moaned my name. Like a spark, the sound of her voice expressing pleasure encouraged me. My hand reached for the button of her jeans and Bella's breath hitched as I moved my fingers underneath the material of her panties to find the moist area between her legs. Her breathing only intensified as I continued to move my fingers in a rhythm, trying to be gentle, but also give her enough friction to find pleasure. After a few minutes, I felt a momentum begin to build in her emotions signaling she was near climax and again she said my name, but it was much louder than before, forcing me to shush her. "There are others in this house, Bella," I reminded her.

She didn't acknowledge me, but must have heard, because when she came a few seconds later Bella moaned loudly from behind a closed mouth. "Oh my god," she panted, falling into my chest once I removed my hand.

"I would ask if you enjoyed that, but of course, I felt everything you did," I kissed the top of her head and couldn't help the satisfied grin on my face.

"Thank you. That was nice," she replied, taking a few steps away from me, finding steady footing again once the afterglow of her orgasm had faded away.

When she began to tug at my shirt, unbuttoning it slowly, I suddenly felt self-conscious, worrying about my scars. Bella had already seen them, but it didn't ease my trepidation at her being exposed to my past again. After my chest was uncovered and Bella had pushed the sleeves of my shirt back, the feeling intensified, but as if knowing what I was thinking, Bella placed her lips against my scars. She kissed the permanent injuries etched into my skin and caressed them with her fingertips. I was overcome by her tenderness. Bella had been aware of my anxiety and was finding a way to calm it. "I love you," I said and she replied with the same sentiment.

Our clothes eventually found themselves in a pile on the floor where we laid next to them, exploring each other's bodies, bringing ourselves into a state of desire so fully realized that if we weren't able to make love I thought I might combust from frustration. As I positioned myself between Bella's legs, lifting them around my waist, I was fully aware that this would be her first time, but I also knew it to be mine as well, because I was expressing my sexual desire for someone that I was in love with. That was something that had never been true before now.


	37. Chapter 37

_Just a perfect day_ _. Y_ _ou made me forget myself._ _I thought I was_ _someone else, someone good – Lou Reed_

* * *

_(Bella)_

I wasn't completely clueless when it came to the act of sex. There was, of course, the standard, awkward conversation I had with my mom about the birds and the bees when I was too young to really comprehend what exactly it was. Then sex ed came a few years later, but while other teens were browsing the internet, trying to find free porn, I was more than likely using it to research some very boring paper that was due the following week.

Sex was an idea that I understood the mechanics of, but when faced with the prospect of going through with it, all that knowledge meant very little. Experience is what I needed and what I didn't have. I'd never even seen a guy full frontal, except for the drawings of a penis inside that puberty book from sex ed. Charlotte had given me some idea about what to expect and what I could do, but when Jasper helped my fumbling fingers undo the zipper on his pants and he shrugged out of them, I had a moment of panic. I was going to see his … _thing_. Oh god, was I twelve? I certainly felt immature when compared with Jasper, who had a ridiculous amount of years over me in the sex knowledge area. He'd shown me exactly what he was capable of by just using his fingers. What else could he do that I wasn't able to reciprocate. I suddenly felt incredibly inadequate.

"You okay?" Jasper asked once he was done kicking his jeans to the side, because, of course, he could feel my mood shift. "We don't have to do this if you're having second thoughts. It's all about you, Bella. Is this too fast?"

He was standing only in his briefs now and I gulped, seeing the outline of the hardness I had caused by kissing his chest before "No, I want this ... like, stupid want it, but … I feel dumb. I don't know what to do and I'll just …" I stopped talking, feeling like if I said anything more I would make things worse.

I could see Jasper fighting a smile as he took my words in, but he did his best to bury his sheepish grin.

"Don't laugh at me," I warned, even though he hadn't laughed.

My demand had the opposite effect I wanted, because he chuckled and I scowled in response. "I promise I'm not amused with you," he explained and then cupped the side of my face with his hand. "To be honest, you're very endearing to me right now … but I am amused at our situation. It's a little bit funny to have this second chance where I am the one taking the lead now. But trust me, Bella, sex is based in instinct. We all have it in us … the ability. Some feel it stronger than others, but it's there and you'll find it. I'll help you. You don't have to worry that I'll be disappointed. I don't think I can be … no matter what happens."

The space between us pulsated with a desire that I wasn't sure was my own. I assumed Jasper was having a difficult time keeping his need for me from bleeding into my emotions and I didn't mind. It gave me some courage that I desperately needed. "Would you like some help?" He removed his hand from my face and let it slide slowly down to my back. "Undressing, I mean … if you're nervous."

"No. I'm a perfectly capable woman." My voice was teasing as I pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my bare breasts, since I still hadn't been able to locate a bra yet, not that my new perky breasts needed any help being artificially lifted like my human ones did.

I placed a kiss on the center of his chest, letting my nipples graze his skin and I heard Jasper groan softly. A surge of confidence coursed through me, knowing that I was pleasing him and I pulled my pants off, standing only in my underwear, the soft fabric the one thing that separated me from total nudity. I gulped and Jasper pulled me into his arms, my breasts pressing against his skin. His hips ground against mine and I could feel his arousal. He tugged at the fabric of my underwear and pulled down until I was forced to step out of them. In turn, I did the same to him until we were both embracing, completely bare.

_I can do this. I can do this._

I recited this mantra to myself until I no longer felt it was needed. That point came when he pulled me harder against him, and kissed me. Jasper's hand moved down my back until it found my bottom and I tried to mimic his movements. He said my name, then slowly led me to the ground where he continued to touch me in ways that made my body hum. I wanted to give him the same feelings and for the first time grasped the part of him that I had been too shy to even look at before now. I didn't know what I was doing, obviously and asked if it felt alright. Jasper replied with a sound that I assumed was positive and, so I continued to move my hand in the same manner until Jasper moaned, "I can't stand it anymore. Do you mind if we …"

He didn't finish his sentence, but it wasn't necessary for him to. I nodded and he moved above me. "You're less likely to hurt me from this position," he said coming down to kiss my mouth and in a less serious situation I may have laughed, because me hurting someone during sex just had a funny ring to it.

"Okay," I replied. "I trust you."

Jasper spread my legs and shifted between them, caressing the length of each before propping them up around his waist. Then holding himself up with his one hand, he slowly guided himself into me. He was gentle, but the feel of him was still a surprise and I gasped. "Are you alright?" Jasper asked, holding his position, not daring to move.

I didn't think it was possible for me to experience the whole virgin first time pain, considering I was a vampire now, but it was still new and startling to feel Jasper inside me. "I'm fine," I reassured him, because really I was. I was better than fine.

He laid still for a moment, trying to read my emotions and when he accepted that I really was fine, Jasper slid back and then forward again. I couldn't stop myself from arching my hips against the feel of him. It was like an instinct … just like Jasper had said and he smiled down at me with knowing eyes. His pace was slow at first, but it seemed every time I moaned, my boyfriend increased his rhythm just that much more. When I gripped his shoulders, trying to bring him down to my level for a kiss, I saw Jasper wince. I'd grasped too hard. The feel of him moving inside me had skewed my ability to understand my strength. "Sorry," I said.

"No, it's okay," Jasper replied, his words barely able to come out in a comprehensible sentence as he leaned forward to bury his face in my neck.

Not long afterward, the pleasure that I felt, began to build like before when it had just been his fingers, but now it was more intense. I was racing towards a much larger cliff this time and when I was found myself at the precipice I jumped off, calling out Jasper's name.

"Shhhh," he said, but a moment later his own voice was just as loud as mine when he found his climax.

The image of him above me as he yelled out in release was something I made sure to log away in my brain. It brought me happiness, knowing I'd had a part in it, knowing I was capable of giving him the same sensations he gave me. Not only that, but as I watched him, I felt a second wave of orgasm hit me, like an echo of my own, only this time it was all Jasper's. He had let me join him on his way off his cliff.

When it was finally all over, Jasper fell on top of me in the most gentlest of ways possible. Then he maneuvered his body to where we laid side by side, taking in what had happened. Before long though, he gathered me in his arms and held me close. "Bella, you make me forget myself. You make me think that I can be someone else than who I was. Someone good," Jasper sighed into my neck.

"You've always been good. You just needed to remove yourself from a bad situation," I replied running my fingers through his blond hair.

"Thank you." He pulled me in tighter.

I knew we would soon have to leave our moment behind and join the others to hunt, but for now I wanted to pretend we were the only two vampires in the world. No one else. Just Jasper and me able to take on any challenge with our love.


	38. Chapter 38

_(Jasper)_

Unlike a human, I didn't have to wait long before I could attempt sex with Bella again if I wanted to. Only a few minutes after I had been at my highest point with her, my body signaled it was ready for more. There was no refractory period and like our lust for blood, a lust for sex could consume us if we let it, but I didn't let that happen, at least not after our first time together. I'd given Bella a lot of new sensations, emotionally and physically, and I didn't want to overwhelm her.

But, truth be told, I was taking a moment for myself too. Our respite was something I desired, because even if I'd had sex countless times before, it was still new for me to be with someone like Bella. The fact that I was even able to hold her afterward was something of a revelation. Maria had always enjoyed the act, but thought a reflection in it afterward was a waste of time.

So, I relished the feel of Bella in my arms and drank her in, while my mind raced over what had just happened, how it had felt so different from every other time. It didn't matter that I'd memorized all the ways to perfect sex over the years or that I knew what to do to get the most out of the experience for myself and my partner. No matter the circumstance, it was always a good sensation, even if I had only ever been focused on the physical aspects of it while with Maria. Back then I'd tried to seek out her emotions, but they were always just satisfied with what I was doing and eventually I gave up searching, assuming Maria's pleasure must have been love. I now knew that wasn't the case and in the end it created a whole new experience emotionally for me when I moved as one with Bella.

The love I could sense from her heightened everything about us being together. I wasn't searching for Bella's emotions, because they were already there, moving around me in a palpable way, grasping and pulling me down to her. It took all the control I had not to hurry along, because every time a wave of love pulsated from her, I wanted to give that sensation back to her that much more. Her happiness evoked my own. We cared for each other and that wasn't something I had ever felt from Maria or knew was missing until I found Bella.

Nearly a year had gone by since I had last been with Maria in any sort of sexual way and after that James had taken over that need for her, as she used him to try and produce a jealousy in me. Her actions had only widened the distance between us and before that it had been a long time since I had come to Maria for any sort of gratification. I'd given up that flame for her after I'd killed Alice. The memory of what I had done caused a stab of self-hatred to prick my heart, but I shook it off, remembering who I was now. With Bella I was someone different. She made me feel like I could move past all those years of participating in horrible things. I wanted to be better for her and told her so.

That was when I was reminded of something, something I had been wanting to tell Bella, but wasn't quite sure how. Now that we laid embracing in the glow of our lovemaking, I felt the urge to bring the subject up. "Bella," I said and then pulled the upper half of my body away from hers, so that I could look her in the eyes.

"Mmhmm?" She was smiling at me, but her mind was stuck somewhere else, and I said her name again. "Sorry." The light in her eyes returned as Bella focused. "If it makes you feel any better I was thinking about you while I was ignoring you."

"I wonder what it was you were thinking about that involved me," I chuckled.

Then leaning in again, I brushed my lips across hers and let my tongue dart inside her mouth momentarily, but stopped short of turning it into an actual kiss, because I didn't want the distraction. Bella didn't like the tease and neither did I, because I felt a certain hardness growing again. She tried to move in for a kiss to make up for the passion I had denied her, but I shifted away.

"Hey!" Bella responded, swinging her legs over mine and moving so she was sitting above me, my body pinned to the ground. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not done yet." She arched an eyebrow, like I was being chastised, but quickly followed that with a press of her lips against mine.

When she pulled away to sit up, her laugh was infectious and I joined in. All her nervousness from before had evaporated and in its place was the confidence of a strong woman, who looked beautiful with her disheveled long brown hair covering her breasts like she was a land bound mermaid. I sat up, our legs still tangled, and tucked the loose hairs behind her ears. Then using my hand, I went to feel the fullness of her breasts, taking care to graze my thumb over her nipples. I was getting a bit annoyed with having only one hand. It was a tedious handicap to have when it came to caressing. "Bella, is it alright if we switch the subject?" I asked letting my fingers fall away from her.

"Switch away from the subject of my boobs? Would you rather we _talk_ about your parts?" She was teasing, but there was truth behind her eyes and I shook my head before she could act on her innuendo.

"No, I'd like to actually talk to you about something. Talk as in words coming out of my mouth."

"Talking's boring." Bella made an exaggerated face with eyes rolled back and mouth hanging open like she couldn't stand the thought of having a conversation with me when sex could be had and I tried not to laugh, which would only encourage her silliness.

"Please, it's been on my mind since the night Maria tortured me. It's something she said, something about you and I wasn't sure how to talk about it, but I think I can now."

Bella sobered up quickly at the mention of Maria and all humor drained from her body with one single grimace. "About me? What did she say?" she asked, her voice laced with worry.

I shook my head at the memory. "She was trying to hurt me emotionally, since my body had already been laid to waste and nothing more could be done to it. She told me a story about how Alice could predict the future. She said Alice had refused to stop meddling in my life even though she knew Maria would have me kill her if she didn't. Alice told her she didn't care, because she saw my future and that there was someone else meant for me, someone who would save me. At the time Maria had just laughed it off, saying Alice had died for nothing and I wasn't sure if I could believe the story, but after everything that's happened between us … it must be true. Bella, you saved me and Alice saw you. She knew you would eventually come and find me."

The frown on Bella's lips never turned upward like I hoped it would and when I asked her why, she avoided the question by saying, "I should go get dressed." Then she stood to retrieve her clothes.

I pulled myself up as well and placed my hand on hers, causing the shirt she was holding to fall to the floor. "What's bothering you?"

Bella sighed. "It's just a lot to take in, Jasper. You can't throw such a heavy subject at me like that, because now I feel responsible for Alice's death. She died, because of me? What if I'm not cut for it … being your savoir? What if she died for nothing?"

"Sometimes your empathy is over the top, you know that, Bella?" I chided, pulling her back into my arms. "You are not responsible for Alice's death. If anyone is going to hold guilt for that then it should be me."

Bella nuzzled her face into my chest, "But what if she was wrong?"

"She couldn't have been wrong, because we've already won. Maria is gone, because of you," I reminded her.

Bella wasn't so easily persuaded though. "Jasper, I might have stopped Maria, but what about James-"

"Stop it. I won't hear anymore. You're being ridiculous," I said in a voice that displayed my frustration.

I had hoped by telling her about Alice's vision that she would be able to take in the larger scope of our relationship, but Bella had panicked and stole the subject away down a road that didn't make sense to me. I saw her look up at me with a wounded expression and I instantly felt horrible for not having more patience with her. "I'm sorry. I won't mention Alice's vision again if it bothers you that much, but I hope you know that regardless of how you feel, you already have saved me and no matter what happens in our future, I will never think the opposite. You've opened up a part of me that I was only slightly aware of before and given me the chance to be better. Even if that's all you ever did for me then it would still be more than enough."

Bella gave me the tiniest indication of a smile, before pulling away to grasp some of her clothing. I watched as she began to dress, feeling a mixture of her sadness and worry surround us. Then following her lead, I pulled some of my clothes back on, but the silence between us was insufferable. I couldn't believe that what I had hoped would bring us closer together had actually built up a wall between us. "Are you upset with me? Did I ruin everything?" my voice came out a bit too pathetic for my liking, but it couldn't be helped. Bella's happiness was everything to me.

Her eyes shot over to me and she gave me an apologetic look. "No. Not at all. I'm sorry if I'm coming across as cold. I actually wasn't even thinking about you just now. I was wondering about Alice … I mean, why didn't she ever tell you about her vision of me? She might have saved herself. You guys could have problem solved the whole thing out."

"I've thought about that before," I replied as I looped the buttons on my shirt back through their holes. "There must not have been any other option that she was aware of that would have pulled me out of Maria's grasp. Maybe it was the only way she knew for sure that I would be okay. It's such a tragic thing that she let me kill her instead of saving herself and becoming one of the higher ranking members of Maria's clan. With an ability like hers, Alice could have survived. If only she'd left me alone."

A great sadness suddenly assaulted me and a pained look took over my features. I turned away, but not before Bella had seen the shift in my expression. In response, she walked up behind me and snaked her arms around my torso, leaning against my back. "I'm sorry about what happened to Alice. I promise I will try to never let her death be something I don't think of everyday. I'll make it my purpose to live up to her sacrifice for you … for us. If I were her I'm not sure I could have been so selfless."

I turned around to face Bella, moving to embrace her and said, "Weren't you, though? Didn't you offer yourself up to Maria in my place? I don't think you see yourself for who you really are. If anything, I'd say you are very much like Alice, only this time things won't end so tragically. If I can help it, things won't end at all for us."

"No they won't," she stated in a determined voice, but paused and when she began again her tone was much softer. "I'm sorry that I freaked out. I guess I'm not as mature as I'd like to think I am sometimes. Although, I have had sex now, so I can mark that off of my list of things to do in order to make myself feel older. Loose virginity, check!" Bella snickered as she took out an imaginary pen and paper and then used them like she was checking off a list. "Hey, I'm like a raunchy teen comedy. I have lose my virginity as one of my goals. Just don't let me have sex with an apple pie, okay?"

She was being facetious again, referencing something I didn't know, but acted like I did anyway by laughing. Her playfulness was a sign that things were back to normal for her and I sighed in relief. I preferred Bella much more this way and leaned down to kiss her face, but she pulled away before I could reach my destination

"Oh, crap!" she exclaimed, looking over my shoulder.

I turned to see what her eyes were focused on, but only saw the tiny circle window behind me. "What is it?" I asked.

Bella quickly pulled away from me and finished putting the last piece of her clothes on by hopping on one foot as she guided a sock over the other. "We were supposed to meet everyone at sundown. They were going hunting and it's completely pitch black outside now. I hope they haven't been waiting and I hope to god they don't know the reason why we made them wait."

I shook my head, thinking, but not reminding Bella, of how Edward could read minds. If he wanted to see into our sex life then he would only have to pry into my brain, something he never seemed shy about doing since we'd moved in. I would have to try and focus on other things for a while, a task that would be difficult considering reliving my experience with Bella on the attic floor was all I wanted to do at that moment.

"Hurry up. Get your pants on, naked man," Bella said, tossing my jeans to me.

I did as I was told and then followed her lead down the stairs to the front door where the others were waiting. By reading their emotions I could sense that Rosalie was annoyed, but that was nothing new for her, and Emmett was amused. He actually greeted us with a big knowing grin that made me want avert my eyes. Esme radiated positive energy while Edward's face was placid and his emotions muted. Although, that changed when I saw him look at Bella and he sent her a smile. His grin was not overtly enthusiastic like Emmett's, more friendly and Bella's lips turned upward in a shy reply. If he was aware of what we'd done, he wasn't going to be rude and make her feel uncomfortable about it. I was thankful for that, but wished his larger brother had taken a cue from him, because Emmett was now waggling his eyebrows in our direction. I saw Rosalie smack him on the shoulder.

"I'm sure you both are very eager to hunt after being without blood for the last few days. Please, stick with us and we'll show you our hunting grounds and how we feed without being detected by the humans in the area. We'll keep you safe," Carlisle said, always a mask covering his emotions.

I nodded, thinking how this would be my first attempt at drinking animal blood since I'd taken in those few drops of it from Bella's armadillo, but by now any blood would have been better than none. The burn in my throat had grown from a whimper into a wail since I'd been in this house and I needed to satiate it.

"Ready?" Suddenly I became aware of Bella's soft touch finding my hand as she turned to me and asked her question.

My eyes traveled down to our fingers, lacing with each other's and then moved back up to her face. "Yes," I replied, knowing that for her I would do anything and that included drinking disgusting animal blood.


	39. Chapter 39

 

_(Bella)_

Jasper and I followed everyone out through the front door and into the humid night air that clung to me, forming tiny droplets of water on my exposed skin. I could no longer sweat, venom being the only liquid I was able to produce since being turned, and the sensation of water on my skin was almost a little like being human again.

The weather was exactly like it should have been for an August in the northwest. Every once in a while I surprised myself by remembering just when in the year it was. So much time seemed to have passed since I met Jasper when in reality very little had actually transpired. Had I still been human, Mom, Phil and I would have been back in Phoenix and I would have been getting ready to enter my last year of high school. It was supposed to have been only one semester, since I'd mapped out my plan to graduate early years ago, but now there wouldn't be any graduation at all. I sighed and Jasper glanced at me. "It's nothing," I replied quietly, trying to erase the concern on his face.

"When my mate sighs dejectedly like that then it can hardly be over nothing or have you forgotten I can read emotions."

"Please," I gave him a playfully irritated look. "Not so much of a mood reader when you couldn't even tell I was mad at you before."

"Well, I made up for that didn't I?" He gave me a lopsided grin and I was about to open my mouth to respond with something sexually ambiguous that hinted at what we'd done in the attic, but I saw Edward, who was walking a few paces ahead of us, glance in my direction.

He couldn't read my mind, but he could Jasper's and I decided to pull away from the subject of sex in order to keep some privacy between me and my boyfriend. I was already pretty sure our loud noises from before had reached the other's ears, because of the way Emmett had acted towards us ever since we came down the stairs. He was like every guy I ever knew in school who laughed when the number 69 was spoken out loud. The knowing looks he sent Jasper and me, like he wanted us to share in on some joke, made me incredibly self-conscious and the further I could get away from that feeling the better. But, it did make me wonder exactly how old Emmett was or maybe maturity wasn't something earned over time. If you had a juvenile sense of humor when you were human maybe you always would no matter how long you'd been around.

"So, I'm your mate now?" I asked, changing the subject by mentioning what he had called me. It was the first time I'd actually heard the term come out of his mouth in regards to our relationship. "Sounds a bit archaic don't you think? Are you going to club me over the head and drag me back to your cave?"

Jasper didn't like my little joke. "I would never do that to you. You always have free will to leave me if you want."

He was all seriousness and I couldn't hold back the laughter in my throat, although I tried and the sound that eventually came out was like I had choked on some air. "Don't be so serious," I finally said, ignoring the curious stares of everyone else when they looked to see why I had made so many weird hacking noises. "Of course, I don't want to leave you, but the terms I'm more familiar with for describing what we're to each other are boyfriend and girlfriend. Can I start there and work the word mate into my vocabulary eventually?"

"Now the shoes on the other foot, because boy and girl are archaic to me. I'm so much older than a boy." Jasper's voice was indignant.

I pushed my shoulder slightly into his. "Okay Jasper, my mate. If it makes you happy then I'll suffer through the odd sounding word."

"Just as long as it's only the way it sounds that's bothersome to you and not the meaning behind it." His eyes were staring at the ground.

It was always strange to me how Jasper was so much older and wiser, but still, around me, could be the most insecure little puppy dog. All those years with a demented girlfriend had really screwed with his head. The hatred I had for Maria was over multiple issues, but the way she had emotionally scarred Jasper was what made me feel the most justified for still harboring that disgust. She may have been gone, but her presence would probably be felt for a long time. "I think by now it should be obvious how I feel about you," I tried to reassure Jasper. "You know what, from here on out, I think we need to stop questioning each other's feelings and just assume what we have been telling each other all along is actually how we feel. Deal?"

I kissed him on the cheek and the glimmer of a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "Deal," he replied.

Just then we came to a stop outside a large metal barn-like structure and I saw Carlisle pull a device from his pocket. He pushed a few buttons, entering what I assumed was a code, and up came a large door that lifted much like a garage's would. Although, it was much larger than any I had ever seen. The scene was reminiscent of some spy thriller and it felt like we were part of some secret government agency going inside to look over a bunch of new gadgets, but when we followed Carlisle, I saw only what you would expect to see in a garage ... vehicles. There were so many, some fancy, and some mundane. There was even a minivan that I pictured being Esme's. She was a vampire that took her role as mom very seriously and probably had wanted the vehicle to fit the part.

After moving near two motorcycles, I watched Jasper's eyes light up and I asked, "Do you even have a license?"

"Of course not, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to drive one of these. I've participated in some grand theft auto over the years," he responded and knowing his past life I didn't doubt it.

"Maybe you could teach me," I said and then quickly added with a laugh, "I mean how to ride, not steal cars."

"Those are mine and Emmett's, but we all share, except for Esme who refuses to go anywhere near them. I'm sure some lessons could be arranged sometime in the future," Edward said, looking back at us.

My eyes traveled over to Jasper, who didn't seem too happy with Edward's offer, but he kept quiet despite the temper I could sense rising in him. I wondered if Edward was reading his mind and quickly went to stop whatever mental fight the two were having. "Thanks, Edward," I said, causing the auburn haired vampire to look away from Jasper and at me instead. "That sounds great, but I'll only do it if Jasper is a part of those lessons. I don't care what he says about knowing how to drive. He's gonna relearn, because I can be a pretty controlling mate."

If we weren't a couple, I didn't think Jasper would have liked me making decisions for him all that much, but he saw through to the larger picture. When Edward responded with nod and turned around, Jasper smiled at me saying, "Yes, ma'am!" highlighting his accent that wasn't always so obvious at times. Hearing it made me grin like a dumb idiot.

We ended up loading into two separate vehicles. I had thought for hunting, something like the monster jeep I'd seen among the rows of cars would have been appropriate, but when I mentioned this, Carlisle replied that going undetected was key. The smaller the better. I wasn't a car person, like at all, so I didn't know what it was we drove in, only that it was silver and had four doors. I'd chosen that one as soon as I saw Carlisle and Esme heading towards it and quickly volunteered myself and Jasper as their passengers. Jasper and Edward seemed to have some issues they needed to work out and I didn't feel like being stuck with Emmett and Rosalie in a car for who knows how long. One vampire I wanted to avoid for being too friendly and the other, because she hadn't exactly been friendly at all. The more I thought about it the more I came to the conclusion that those two were the epitome of what it meant when people said, opposites attract.

Before we left, I watched Edward pull a few shovels from a little shed inside the garage and place them into the trunk of his car. When I asked why we needed them, Esme told me that after draining the blood of our animals we had to bury the carcasses. Leaving them behind wasn't something they wanted others to find. In the normal world, the one that existed only, because vampires kept their existence secret, animals and humans that were feed off of had to be hidden. This reminded me of when I had watched Jasper kill the boy back in Mexico and how he had disposed of his body in the ocean. An involuntary shiver traveled down my spine and I saw Jasper glance at me out of the corner of my eye.

Out on the road the conversation in the car was light. Esme ever the hostess was the first to start talking when she twisted in her seat to look at me sitting in the back. "Edward told me you discovered the library today and were reading _Wuthering Heights_."

How thankful I was that she'd mentioned I'd found the library and not the attic. I nearly laughed at the thought of having to respond to a question about that. "Yeah, I actually read the whole book today, although I've read it plenty of times before."

"It's such a sad story, isn't it, but I've always enjoyed reading it," Esme replied. "It's like a textbook on how not to act in a relationship."

I then remembered the question I'd wanted to ask Jasper, but had forgotten … what with all the sex going on up in the attic. "What's your favorite book, Jasper?" I turned and asked him.

He looked surprised at first, but after thinking for a few seconds replied, "When I was human the only book I can remember being forced to read was _The Bible_ , but since then I've taken in a few, _The Adventures of Huckleberry_ _Finn_ being one that sticks out in my mind."

"I would add to this conversation, but I'm afraid all my favorite books are too old for any of you to know," Carlisle offered up. "But Esme and I have read Jane Austen's novels multiple times together and I have to admit I enjoy those." I smiled, thinking how adorable it must look for Carlisle and Esme to be reading to each other.

Throughout the rest of the ride, Esme continued to talk to me while the men remained quiet and when I mentioned that I needed some new clothes, she offered to borrow me some of hers until we could make it to a department store outside of Forks. I had to remain hidden from anyone who might recognize me and in Forks that included Charlie. Any trips I made outside of their home would have to be far from him.

We drove for about an hour and when we came to a stop it was alongside a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees. Pulling the keys out from the ignition, Carlisle turned around in the driver's seat to look at Jasper and me. "There is a state park not too far off with plenty of animals, some even carnivorous. Their blood sustains us longer than those that only eat vegetation. I assumed, since Jasper, you are new to this lifestyle that it would be important for you to get the best of what we drink from," he explained.

"Thank you," Jasper replied and then we exited the vehicle, meeting up with the rest of our group.

Together the seven of us headed towards the expanse of trees all around. Rosalie, Edward and Emmett moved to the front, their footsteps barely making a sound when compared to mine and I suddenly had a heightened awareness of every noise I made. I was afraid that I was frightening off the animals. I kept hearing the scampering of little creatures around us.

"Sorry, if I'm being too loud," I whispered to Esme who was walking beside me.

"You'll learn," she replied, looking at me with a sympathetic expression.

I tried my hardest to mimic the others and mute the noises I made, setting my feet down as lightly as I could. All around me the scent of the trees and wet leaves took over my senses and after a while I smelled other things too. Insects, birds and squirrels. My ears zeroed in on the animal hearts pumping blood and I felt the sensation of my teeth covering with venom, thick and ready to paralyze those hearts. We didn't stop for them though. We trekked on for what seemed like half an hour, until Edward stopped and like a set of reverse dominoes, everyone else did the same. He gave a signal with his hands for us to head in a different direction and soon afterward it was like we all came alive. Our senses pushed us forward toward the smell of what I wasn't sure of, but what I was well aware contained blood that my body wanted.

I eventually saw a flash of light color running through the trees. Sensing us, the animal had taken off, probably knowing that it was no match for what we were. It wasn't. We were faster and I watched with awe as Rosalie made the first move towards what I now knew to be a cougar. She lept at the animal in what seemed like slow motion, a flash of her long blond hair spilling around the tan color of the beast's coat and then a flash of red as the animal's blood poured from its neck. The animal slowed to a crawl while Rosalie's venom began spreading throughout its body and then with a single solitary moan the cougar collapsed to the ground. I could hear the beats of its heart growing slower and fainter until I watched Emmett come to stand next to Rosalie and grasping the animal's neck, he twisted. After that the heart beats were only an echo in my head, because the cougar was dead. The actual hunting and killing were over so quickly with very little involvement from me and it gave me an inferiority complex.

I watched as Rosalie and Emmett did some celebratory high fiving and I wanted to giggle, because for once I didn't view the ice queen as quite so icy. She was showing an emotion other than irritation. Maybe the high of hunting did that to vampires. I was further surprised when she motioned for me to step forward. "I'm sure you're thirsty. Esme told me how little you've had to drink since becoming a newborn."

_What? Esme had been talking about me with Rosalie? Like Rosalie actually cared to know things about me?_

Then I felt a hand in mine and at first wanted to jerk away, because it wasn't the familiar feel of Jasper's, but I fought the urge, letting Edward lead me to the stream of blood that poured from the cougar's neck. I looked back at my boyfriend, knowing he was more deserving. He was the real one making sacrifices here and so I said his name like he should go first instead of me. Jasper's expression was embarrassed as seven pairs of eyes looked over at him. "Drink it, Bella." His voice was quiet, but incredulous.

With a shrug, I turned back towards the cougar, unable to hold back any longer, and placing my mouth around his neck, I swallowed the warm red.

We all took turns drinking, which felt weird, but I suppose feeding off of it all at once like we were a litter of kittens nursing from their mother would have been weirder. Over the course of the night I watched the others take down a few more animals, but there weren't any more cougars, just deer. This irritated Emmett who growled, "I would have killed for some grizzly," once it was decided that our night of hunting was coming to an end.

"Would have tried to take it all for yourself if we had," Rosalie hissed at him, but I was pretty sure she was being facetious.

When the last animal was buried, our group began heading back in the direction of the parked cars, but just before we reached them, I felt a sudden sensation, like a wave of nostalgia pulling me to a stop. It was a scent and that nostalgia quickly morphed into a pang in my heart once my brain created an image to go along with that smell. It was misty now, the early morning creating a fog, but I could see through it well enough and began racing towards the smell. I weaved through the trees like I was on a mission, hearing Jasper call my name in the background. Even though I wanted to respond and tell him not to worry, my body, like instinct, pulled me forward towards the smell. Eventually my running ended when I came upon a lake. The sight of it shocking me into realizing that I had left everyone else without a word. I sat down on the shore and closed my eyes, trying to will away the strong sensation I had to continue on towards the scent.

I expected to eventually hear footsteps and not too long after I had made a spot for myself on the ground, the familiar smell of Jasper's musk took over the more powerful one that had urged me towards the lake. I glanced up, knowing he was standing next to me. "What are you doing out here? Why'd you run off like that?" he asked.

I wanted to reply and let him know what I had smelled, but the words stayed still in my throat, paralyzed at what telling him would mean and how he would probably suggest us never coming back here again. I shook my head in response, turning away from him to stare forward at the lake. This didn't make him happy and he fell down beside me. Then grasping one of my shoulders, my boyfriend urged me to look at him. "You can't do that to me, you know … running off like that. Do you know what it did to me? How sick I felt until I found you?"

"I'm sorry," I replied, stricken by the look on his face. "I can't explain what happened. I just had to get out here. The feeling was so strong." I did my best to tell him something that was slightly true, but still kept pieces of the reason of why I'd run, only for me.

"How are you now?" Jasper asked, his voice still burdened with the fear I had caused him.

"I'm fine. I'm-" I hesitated, wanting to tell him the truth, not wanting to tell another lie like I had before, especially since we had made so much headway with being honest with each other, but the words didn't come. "Let's get back. I don't want to give The Cullens a reason to kick us out of their house. I'll have to apologize to them too," I eventually said.

Jasper moved his hand away from my shoulder and down to my fingers, lacing his with mine. Then slowly he stood and took me along with him. "Okay, let's go back." He was calm now and I could feel the protective hold of his emotions moving around my body. "You can tell me all about what happened when you're ready."

I felt horrible for how I hadn't told him the whole truth about what had happened, but neither did I do anything to rectify the situation. I just let him lead me back to the others, wondering how long I would have to keep my secret from him.


	40. Chapter 40

_(Jasper)_

Edward was pacing back and forth by his car when Bella and I approached. I had a feeling he'd been doing it the entire time I was looking for her and sure enough as we came nearer, I could see a deep indentation in the grass he had been walking on. There was a frenzy of emotions swelling around the group and I'd been with them all long enough now to differentiate the feel of each one. Rosalie's irritation, which was always simmering just below the surface, but had waned some while we were hunting, was now once again taking center stage. She wasn't happy with Bella, but there was also traces of hurt mixed in with her sour mood and I wondered if Rosalie was upset mostly, because she had made an effort to be friendly and in return Bella had run off. Regardless if my assumption was correct or not, what I did know for sure was that any progress we had made with her had taken two very large steps backward. It was her topaz eyes that saw us first and the sound of her exhaling loudly echoed off the trees. "Finally," she said, not trying to hide how she felt.

This brought the attention of all the others and they followed her line of sight towards the area of the forest Bella and I were emerging from. I felt Edward's worry quickly push past Rosalie's annoyance as he stepped towards us. "Is she alright?" he asked.

I could sense him looking into my mind, trying to find out the answer to his question before I was able to respond. Edward's prying wasn't a physical sensation, but more of an emotional one. His mood always changed as he concentrated and my ability made me aware of when that emotional shift occurred. I could even feel when he prying into the thoughts of others. Usually I minded and now wasn't an exception, but I decided not to fight back with some mental show of annoyance. The situation with Bella had left me drained and I gave in, showing Edward the memory of the lake and what she had told me.

"Do you suppose it was another vampire that pulled her there with an ability, James perhaps?" his voice was anxious and even if I knew some of that was based in a fear for his family, it still bothered me that he cared as deeply as I did about Bella's safety.

"I don't know," I snapped, but quickly reined in my frustration and forced myself to use a normal tone. "Although, it is something to consider. I don't think James is capable of what Bella described feeling. He was always pretty useless except for being a lackey for our army's leader, but I also don't know who he's running with now. It's possible he found another vampire, one with an ability to force others to come to them."

Edward thought about what I said for a moment and then came up to Bella, reaching a hand to softly touch her arm. "You gave us all a scare. I'm glad Jasper found you safe."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that," Bella grimaced.

"It's too bad I can't read that mind of yours. Maybe I would be able to help more in this situation if I could." He gently smiled, causing Bella to reach a hand to her cheek to cover the non-existent blush there.

"Yeah, well, that's what I get for being defective."

"No, not defective," Edward's voice was resolute. "Being able to block out vampires like me is a useful tool … one that you hopefully won't have to employ as a defense anytime soon." He looked like he wanted to say more, but something held him back.

As I watched them, I could feel my irritation with Edward rising again, but also knew my feelings were irrational. The anger I felt was based on the very trivial emotion of jealousy. I was jealous of the attention Edward showed her, even if it was only platonic in feel. I felt very protective of Bella, she being the one bright thing I had to fight for, and I didn't like the idea of having competition. Not that I did, but that emotion of jealousy was there nonetheless and it was very apparent to me that if I didn't get it under control then I chanced alienating his family when I should have been grateful they cared enough about her to worry at all.

"Can someone please explain to those of us who can't read minds what the hell is going on?" Emmett's voice jarred me out of my thoughts.

He sounded annoyed, but in a _been there before_ sort of way. I was sure Edward having these types of conversations with others was something he was used to dealing with, but never appreciated. I looked to Bella, waiting to see if she would respond, but her eyes were on me, pleading. She didn't want to talk about it, much like she hadn't wanted to with me and so, I opened my mouth to verbalize what I had shown Edward. Only I didn't get to. Edward talked over me and told his family what had happened before I could. Again I fought back my irritation with him. Now wasn't the time.

"Oh, how horrible for you, Bella, being forced to run somewhere and not knowing why," Esme sympathized after Edward had finished talking and she pulled Bella into an embrace.

"Let's just get going before anyone else decides to run off. The sun is rising and all of us here on the side of the road looks suspicious. We don't need any humans stopping to ask if we need help." Even if Rosalie's words came from a place opposite of Esme's concern, she was right. We had to move away from whatever it was out there that had caused Bella to run.

"Yes, let's get back to a safe place where we can discuss this more thoroughly," Carlisle added and I felt a sudden swell of panic pulsate from Bella.

Moving back to stand beside her, I tried to cover my mate with a feeling of calm, which caused her eyes to glance up at me in suspicious. Bella had become so accustomed to my artificial mood manipulation that she could identify it immediately. "You don't have to tell them anything if you aren't up for it," I whispered. "I'll make sure of it."

Bella leaned her head against my shoulder briefly and sighed, "Thank you."

Taking advantage of her nearness, I wrapped my arm around her torso and then following Carlisle's lead, we loaded back into the vehicle we had arrived in. For the most part, the duration of the ride back was covered with a thick blanket of silence. There was no more free flowing conversation between Bella and Esme. The friendly banter from before was replaced with a worry that flowed throughout the car like a river of water so tangible, I thought I might drown under it.

Bella sat next to me, her vision focused outside the car window, staring at the landscape as we moved past it. Her hands were placed in her lap and she nervously twisted them, only stopping when the sun happened to break past the clouds and shine through her window. She examined the diamonds glittering in her skin as the sun spread its light on her, but before long she was back to wringing them and I reached out to steady her uneasy fingers. Bella's eyes moved from my hand holding hers, up to my face and then back out the window again. Her nervousness seeping into me even as I tried using my ability to calm her.

I wished she felt comfortable enough with me to explain everything that had happened and why she was so anxious. I was certain that there were parts left out about what had drawn her to that lake, but I also wanted her to known that I would never force her to tell me if she didn't want to. I wouldn't control her and I wouldn't let the others either. As much as my mind screamed at me to find a way of pushing Bella into talking about what had happened, because I wanted to keep her safe, I forced myself to ignore it. For over a century I had been in a relationship that was predominantly about forcing one partner into doing things for the other and I wouldn't let history repeat itself. If at all possible I wanted to avoid what had been done to me, especially when it came to someone I cared so much about.

I decided I would take Bella aside and explain to her how I felt once we arrived back at the house, but I would make sure to also tell her I respected her right to keep what happened private. However, when we drove up the long and windy gravel driveway towards The Cullens' home, I knew that our conversation would have to wait. Something was wrong. I could sense it when Carlisle suddenly stopped the car a few minutes walking distance from our destination, so far that the house wasn't visible. "Wait here," he told all of us, but his eyes were on Esme.

"What is it?" Esme asked, pulling his hands from the steering wheel and down into her own.

I saw Carlisle glance at me warily and it was then that I knew. I could smell what he did. Human blood so powerful and fresh that it had caused him to look at me. He was anxious about my reaction to it. I saw Esme's eyes open wide as she also became aware of the intense smell and then turned to me just like her mate had. Like a cliché, I waited for Bella to also give me the same worrisome look, but when I glanced at her she had her hand over her mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick," her words were muffled behind her fingers.

"Bella, are you able to use your newborn strength to stop Jasper if he tries to get out of this car?" Carlisle asked.

"I won't ..." I began, but stopped, because even in my head the argument I had planned to make that I wouldn't put them all in jeopardy with my desire for human blood, wasn't sound.

There was no newborn frenzy inside me to taste the red that ran through a human's veins, but I'd been abstaining after years of freely indulging and already, my mouth was beginning to salivate venom. I did want to partake of the smell that seemed to grow stronger each time I let myself breathe in its metallic scent. Because of this, I didn't take it personally when Bella reached her hands away from her mouth to grasp my arm in a steely grip when she answered Carlisle's question. "I'll do my best."

"Be careful," Esme pleaded.

Carlisle turned to face her and his voice was filled with conviction as he replied, "I will."

Their hands were still molded together and Carlisle brought them up to kiss Esme's fingers, an action that quickly transformed from chaste into intimate in a matter of seconds. I turned away, slightly embarrassed as Carlisle kissed Esme, showing a side of himself I hadn't yet seen. The distraction gave me a momentary reprieve from my desire for the tempting blood molecules in the air. Instead I focused on Bella, who gave me a look like she was slightly uncomfortable with the situation too. I wanted to give Carlisle and Esme an ounce of privacy, but even if my eyes didn't experience what was happening, my emotional gauge let me feel it. Not only from Esme, but also Carlisle. For the first time, I could sense the vagueness of an emotion from him. His love for his wife was pushing past whatever mask he'd been able to cover his feelings with since I met him.

I wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted, but did eventually hear Carlisle open the driver side door and step out. I turned my head to watch from my window as he ran to the car containing Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. They had come to a stop behind us a few minutes after we'd arrived and were now exiting their vehicle. There was some conversing between the four of them during which Edward happened to move his eyes on me. Like the rest, my reaction worried him. I held his gaze, daring him to read my mind and know the hunger beneath the surface. He didn't though and turned back to the group, eventually leaving with rest through the trees.

As my eyes followed the four of them running off into the distance, a curl of nausea swept over me as worry set in. The blood was thick like paste all around us and without a distraction the burn in my throat began pushing past the fear I had of losing control. All too fast it became a faint emotion that only murmured against my need for blood. I began imagining a liquid version of that smell, red and warm, mushrooming from a wound, preferably a neck. I wanted to taste it, feel the sensation of it in my mouth, slipping over my tongue and flowing down my throat. The memory of human blood was so much more powerful than anything the animals I'd drank from earlier could ever offer me.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, although her fearful tone told me she detected I wasn't.

My eyes had been closed as I tried to concentrate, but I opened them at the sound of her voice. "Bella, distract me," I found myself begging.

Her hands were on my shoulders in a flash and resting her forehead against mine, she dug her nails deep, pushing past the fabric of my shirt where they tore into my stone skin. She was trying to get me to focus on the pain, but it wasn't much of a diversion from my blood lust. The sensation was all too familiar for someone like me and usually went hand in hand with hunting humans. "Something else," I growled, sounding almost feral.

"Ummm." She pulled back, anxiously running her fingers through her hair several times before I saw an idea light Bella's eyes and she enacted it by pressing her mouth against mine.

I tried to take in Bella's love, but the feel of it was muddled by her worry and in the end it made the experience feel false. "Something else," I spoke into our kiss. "Talk to me. Tell me something. Something new. Something that will surprise me."

Bella's hands moved to my waist and she wrapped me tightly in her grasp. Then leaning her head in, she brushed her lips against my ear and was about to speak when my eyes suddenly caught sight of the familiar gold glow of her shield forming around us. I hadn't seen it since the night she'd protected me when I fell out of the tree. Bella didn't notice, but Esme did, a soft gasp of surprise escaping her mouth. "Bella-" I went to tell her to look at what she had created, but her voice interrupted me.

_(Bella)_

There was a darkness to Jasper that I hadn't yet been exposed to until now. Even when he'd killed that boy in front of me, Jasper had been so calm and methodical about the act of taking a life that it had frightened me. To be that numb to murder wasn't anything I ever wanted to be like, but this new version of him, hungry for blood and on the verge of losing control, was much more terrifying. He'd given me small glimpses into his blood soaked past, but those tiny windows weren't anything as powerful as the first-hand experience I was now seeing.

I caught sight of venom pooling in his mouth whenever he spoke and eventually it began falling from the corners like he was a rabid dog. His voice was rough and sounded dangerously dark, but what frightened me the most was the emotion he couldn't keep from escaping his body. He was losing control over the thirst and I tried my best to help, but was useless. I couldn't do anything to distract him and while I hoped I could find the abilities I knew were buried deep inside me, they hadn't yet made an appearance since I'd killed Maria. It was then that I made a choice. To save him I would have to sacrifice myself. So, I told him. Whispering into his ear, using a volume only he could detect, I let him know the real reason I had run, that it had been my dad's scent that I followed to the lake. He would be mad, but at least it would be enough to distract him. At least I hoped so.


	41. Chapter 41

**Author’s Note** : Sorry for this extremely short chapter, but I thought a short update was better than nothing. I got sidetracked working on another project and realized it’s been awhile since I’ve updated here. Hopefully you like Victoria’s POV. I plan to use her in this fic more in upcoming chapters.

* * *

 

_(Victoria)_

I started running away from home when I was fifteen. That was the year mom left. I didn’t blame her for wanting to get away from dad, but I did blame her for leaving me behind. She’d been the only thing protecting me from that asshole. Who knows? Maybe he killed her and just did a really good job of covering his tracks. I sometimes thought that. It was easier than thinking she didn’t care about me. But really, the guy was an idiot and wouldn’t bother to plan a murder, because that would mean he’d have to be sober to do it, which he never was. The night he lost it on me for eating his frozen pizza pocket and gave me a bloody nose, I ran away the first time.

I managed to make it out on the streets by finding some other kids like me. We all looked out for each other and that was when I first met Jim. He liked to be called James now, thought it sounded more vampire like, but back then he was a teen like me, just running away from his problems. Jim called me Red, because of my hair. I guess I must have been Irish or something, who knew. Like my parents ever kept track of anything besides their many bad habits. There were five of us in the group, but Jim was the only one I liked. He was nice or maybe I just didn’t know what nice was. I didn’t think he was so nice anymore.

When the cops brought me back to dad the first time, I lost track of Jim, but we found each other again each time I left home. Going to juvie though, that’s what made me lose track of him for good. I’d run away for maybe the twentieth time and was caught stealing. I needed to eat and was tired of looking in the dumpsters of fast food places, so I just tried to get some food from the supermarket. I wasn’t very good at stealing. The first time got me community service, but like I said, I wasn’t any good at stealing and when Jim and I tried to steal something bigger than food we both were locked up.

When I got out I wasn’t sent to my dad’s, but went through a bunch of foster homes until I was kicked out at eighteen. I tried to be an adult and got a job at the same fast food places I had stolen from, but working sucked and when I met Trent, I quit my job to sort of be his groupie. I don’t know. We were together, but he was with other girls too. Back then I thought all guys in bands did that. Trent was the one that got me hooked on all kinds of stuff and when his band fell apart, or really when his bandmates kicked him out for being fucked up all the time, I was the only one that stayed with him. I thought I was in love, or maybe I was just too high to know any better. When our bad habits made all our money disappear, Trent got the hooker idea. I blew a few guys for cash, but hated it, and left Trent when I knew I was just being used to pay for his drugs.

That’s when I was at my lowest, sick from withdrawals and sleeping on park benches, because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. It got so bad that if I hadn’t been so chicken shit, I might have slit my wrists. I didn’t though and eventually started collecting nice sea shells down at the beach, cleaning them up and trying to sell them to tourists. It wasn’t great money, but I was able to at least afford motel rooms some nights.

One night after a good day, one where I knew I would probably be able to sleep inside, I heard a familiar voice saying that nickname from years ago. I was packing up my stuff, but stopped after hearing him. “Damn Red, you look like shit,” he’d said after coming up to me.

“Nice to see you too, Jim. You _don’t_ look like shit,” I replied sarcastically, but the truth was he really didn’t look bad, kinda nice actually.

“It’s James now. I don’t really like being called Jim anymore,” he told me.

“Okay, then don’t call me Red. I never liked it anyway.”

“What should I call you?” he asked.

“Just Victoria, and none of that Tori stuff either.”

We got to talking and he told me about his new life, running with a group of people and asked if I wanted to meet them. I wasn’t sure at first if I should go with him. I hadn’t seen him in two years. For all I knew he could have been taking me somewhere to chop me up into little bits, but I thought he might have food. He looked nice and someone didn’t get that way without money and to me money equaled food. Of course, I found out later he looked nice, because he wasn’t human.

“Hey, Victoria, snap out of it.”

I’d been daydreaming again, well, not really dreaming, because thinking about stuff from my human life always made me feel bad … like a nightmare and James was trying to get my attention by snapping his fingers in front of my face. “Stop it.” I pushed his hand away and tried to cover my face with the hood of my jacket.

We were sitting side by side in an airplane, had been for hours, but now we were going to be landing soon and James was bothering me again, probably to go over the plan. Ugh. I already knew the stupid plan. I was a vampire and could remember everything. “I know the plan, okay. Leave me alone.”

James jerked my hood down, making some of my curly red hair fly in front of my face. “Stop being grumpy. I was just going to give you this,” he said.

I ran a hand through my hair, forcing it to move out of my eyes and glanced down at the stolen passport and driver’s license James was now holding for me to take. “We’ll be landing soon, so don’t lose them,” he said.

James was in charge of everything when it came to our trip to Italy. He kept the passports, our plane tickets, and even made dumb decisions like leaving the couple we stole the passports from, dead at the house Jasper and Bella were staying at. Usually I didn’t tell James that I thought he was being stupid, but looking at the passport reminded me of something I’d been wanting to tell him. “You know leaving Jasper his hand at that house was dumb,” I said, taking the passport and license from him.

“What? You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a warning. The best kind, classic and dangerous,” James said, a self-satisfied smile on his face.

“He didn’t need a warning. He knows you’re out to get him. Playing games is dangerous, James.” I wanted to say more, like how leaving that husband and wife there too was stupid, but I wasn’t brave enough.

“Yeah, whatever. He needed to be reminded.”

James never took anything I said seriously. Thought I was stupid. I guess I had been stupid enough to follow him that night and now look at me. If James hadn’t told Maria that I was a good fighter I’d probably be dead now. She’d wanted to kill me, but James said we grew up together and that I was tough. I don’t know why I felt like I owed him anything, but he’d kept me from dying, so I stuck around him. He’d even tried to include me in trying to take over Maria’s clan. That hadn’t worked out the way we planned, but I stayed with James. I mean, where else was I supposed to go? James was my only friend. I just went along with what he said and that meant going to Italy to find this Volturi group for help.

Funny, before I was turned, I’d never even left Los Angeles. Now I was going all the way across the ocean.


	42. Chapter 42

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I got trapped in a rewrite. Someone asked to translate an old fic of mine and it caused me to look at that fic again for the first time in years and notice all the mistakes. Of course, I had to go fix them all after that. I posted the update of my old Jasper/Bella fic here at Ao3 if you cared to read it. Anyway ... if you're still around, thanks for being patient.

* * *

_(Bella)_

I was laying in the grass alone, knowing that I wasn't really alone, but trying to pretend that I was. It was a weird situation to be in, having someone be mad at me and not want to be near me, but afraid enough for my safety to linger nearby. It felt like being stalked. I knew Jasper was there, but he wasn't _there_. I guess he needed time to sulk, but I had hoped he would have been more understanding about me withholding the truth from him concerning my dad. But, even if he was upset, I suppose I should have been thankful for it, because that emotion was what originally had pulled him from his bloodlust.

Still a whole night had gone by and I was still getting the cold shoulder from him. I sighed, looking up at the early morning clouds again, trying to distract myself by imagining them as animals instead of the white puffs they were. It kind of made me thirsty when I visualized my make believe creatures possessing veins of coursing blood and despite my frustration, I laughed.

"See something funny?" I heard Edward's voice from behind me.

I leaned on my elbows and pulled myself up into a sitting position, twisting my neck to look at him. I'd heard his footsteps before his voice, but a part of me had hoped it was Jasper coming to reconnect. No such luck. "Just cloud gazing, imagining them as animals … with blood for me to drink." I laughed again, because it sounded so stupid.

"Are you thirsty?" His voice was concerned.

I shook my head as Edward came to sit down beside me. "No, not really. Just bored, I guess and since I'm a vampire the first thing I can think of to do is look at clouds and imagine them having blood. Very different from human cloud gazing."

A crooked grin briefly passed over his lips before Edward replied, "If you're bored, why don't you challenge Jasper to a game of chess."

I shrugged my shoulder. "Eh, not really my thing."

It wasn't lost on me that he had mentioned Jasper. I thought maybe it was his roundabout way of trying to figure out why the two of us weren't on good terms. Unless he had read Jasper's mind and already knew. I hoped he didn't know. Secrets were so hard to keep when you had a mind reader nearby.

"Well, what do you like to do for fun? I know you like to read, but what about sports? Do you play baseball? You know, if you're going to be a part of our family liking baseball is a requirement," Edward teased, or at least I hoped he was teasing.

"I'm not exactly the athletic type … I tend to ruin everything with my klutziness," I replied.

"You mean you weren't athletic, but things are different now."

I shot him a look of indifference. "Yeah, but just because I might be able to play better now, because of my vampire perfectness at everything, it doesn't mean it's interesting to me. Sports are boring."

"Don't let Emmett hear you say that," he chuckled. "My brother can be pretty passionate about his sport teams and is always up for an arm wrestle challenge."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, not offering anything else to help continue our conversation.

It unnerved me that Edward was being so nonchalant with me after everything that had happened the night before. I expected him to be angry at what Jasper and I had brought with us by staying with his family. Two dead bodies on their doorstep that had to be buried wasn't exactly a housewarming gift that said, thank you for letting us live with you. It didn't seem right for Edward to be so understanding. I wanted more of a visceral reaction, instead of the logical guy trying to find out my interests. Who cared what I liked when James was out there taunting his family, because they were sheltering me.

Since discovering the dead couple on their doorstep, I hadn't heard any words of anger from the Cullens. Instead they all had spent the better part of the night analyzing security footage from the cameras placed outside the house to get a clue as to who had left the murdered man and woman, but it wasn't really hard to guess. Jasper's hand had been left alongside the bodies that were drained of blood, so it was easy to put two and two together. The person who had swiped Jasper's hand was obviously responsible. Although, it did show him having an accomplice, a vampire from Maria's clan that I vaguely remembered being named Victoria.

"You know it's very strange for me to be around you," Edward finally said, after a minute or two of awkward silence had stretched between us. "I find myself drawn to you, because you aren't an open book. The fact that I can think of nothing to say to you, because I don't know what you're thinking, fascinates me."

"Get in line," I sighed. "Bella Swan and all her amazing abilities that everyone just can't get enough of. Two shows a night, five days a week." I mimicked what I thought someone would sound like if they were trying to bring in an audience to see the bearded lady, which is what I actually felt like … a freak.

I wasn't trying to put the blame on Edward for how I felt, but he took it that way and said, "I'm sorry if I was forceful with you last night when I asked you to use your shield, but after Esme told us you had used it to keep Jasper safe-"

"It's okay," I cut him off, "I didn't mean to imply that I felt this way, because of you. It's just something that's been bothering me since I first used my shield and became known as an ability rather than an individual. But, like I told you, I can't get all the things I do to work at the drop of a hat. My abilities happen when they want. Last night I was worried about Jasper and I think that's what made it work." I paused and absently pulled up some blades of grass with my fingers, then added, "Sometimes I feel like a science experiment to everyone or an _X Men_ … hey, look at the weird mutant."

"Well, you could see our home as Xavier's school for Gifted Youngsters. With practice we can help you hone your abilities."

I shot Edward a look of surprise. I was so used to the vampires around me not knowing my references … well, really only Jasper. Of course, Edward's life as a vampire was very different than my boyfriend's. He actually lived among humans instead of killing them and that made him a lot more like me. "I guess, since you can read minds, that would make you _Professor X_ ," I joked and when he laughed, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"We have all the _X Men_ movies and there might be some original comics up in the attic if that's more of your thing. Usually we keep stuff up there that we plan to sell, but I'm sure we could make an exception and let you break the plastic coverings on some first editions," Edward offered.

Quickly my hands went up to my cheeks as I thought about the attic and what had happened up there between Jasper and me the day before. I tried to rein in my embarrassment, remembering that Edward couldn't feel my emotions like Jasper and lucky me, couldn't read my mind either. Still he noticed a difference in my demeanor, but I didn't give him a chance to say anything about it like I could sense he was going to. "You know what I'd really like to do. Is play some of the records I saw up there," I said.

 _Oh, crap!_ I mentioned that I was in the attic. Ugh I was such an idiot. Edward didn't seemed phased though, he just stood and offered his hand, even though I didn't need his help. He was just being gentlemanly. "Those are just backups to sell. I have all the same LPs in my room and also a stereo to play them on. We could listen to them and pass the time. Better than cloud gazing."

I hesitated before taking his hand, wondering how me being alone with Edward in his room might look to Jasper, but at the same time, it wasn't exactly like my boyfriend was offering to spend time with me. With a mental shrug, I let Edward bring me to my feet. "You do have _Sgt. Pepper_ , right?"

He answered me with an eye roll. "I have every _Beatles_ album, Bella."

When we walked into the house, I scanned the room for Jasper and opened my senses up to see if I could detect his scent. It was there, but more in a lingering past tense way. I wondered how long it would take for him to accept my apology. During a brief moment when we were alone before, I'd tried to engage him into talking with me about what I had done, but he had quietly said, "Not now," before leaving me to go talk with Carlisle about our situation.

Edward's room was upstairs, the last room on the side of the hallway where the attic also was. I tried not to look at it, thankful that for once I remembered that I couldn't blush anymore. He opened the door for me and I walked in immediately gaping at his music collection. He hadn't been lying about having every _Beatles_ album, because it looked like he probably had every album ever made since the invention of the gramophone. Along with the records, there were also CDs, cassette tapes and something I had only ever seen in old movies, 8-tracks. I couldn't stop the laugh that left my mouth as I pointed at the collection of his 1970s artifacts and said, "8-tracks? Really?"

"It's like collecting art for me," he shrugged. "But, that's not why we're here."

I watched him head towards the records which took up three shelving units that looked like they had probably been made for books, but had been altered some to extend the length of the shelves. He pulled out all his _Beatles_ albums and handed them to me, all except _Sgt. Pepper_. He kept that one for himself and after removing it from its sleeve, Edward gently laid it inside his sophisticated looking record player and let the needle fall down. The sound of the familiar opening number filling my ears made me smile and I saw Edward watching me, his eyes lighting up at my positive reaction.

The two of us stood there listening to the music of John, Paul, George and Ringo and as each song played, I found myself looking Edward's room over. It all was very typical of what you'd expect from a human. The only things that may have seemed strange were his lack of a bed and maybe some posters hung on the wall of a band that Edward loved. Those seemed to be the staple of every adolescent boys bedroom, except of course, my friend wasn't really a teenager.

This made me think about him attending school with other teens. How was he able to act like them and not the century old vampire he was? Edward must have been a good actor to not make the others suspect anything. Imagining him inside a school with Rosalie and Emmett made me picture him out in the human world doing other things and I wondered if he'd ever come in contact with my dad. A question formed in my head, but I was too afraid to ask, worried that it might cause him to grow suspicious about why I had run towards the lake the night before.

Still, the words in my head wouldn't let go of my brain. The question kept coiling there as each song continued to play and by the time we had reached the last song, _A Day in the Life_ , I spoke over the music and asked, "Edward … have you ever met my dad?"

_(Jasper)_

I didn't want to be near her, but it wasn't for the reason she thought. Of course, I was upset that Bella had lied to me and it did present its own set of problems that would eventually have to be dealt with. Even so, I would have rather been talking with her about that than falling down a shame spiral, trapped under my own guilt. The truth was that I didn't want to look in her eyes and see Bella remember what I had been like while consumed with bloodlust. I didn't want to see that realization on her face of what I truly was. I wasn't capable like the others to be near the smell of spilled human blood and not react to it in the most instinctive vampiric way possible. The last thing I wanted was to feel the pain of my mate acknowledging that I wasn't like her. That I wasn't like them. That I was a monster when compared to everyone else around me. I wanted to change for Bella and be what she needed, but there was a deep fear in me that I would never be able to transform myself from the dark creature Maria had molded me to be.

And far worse than any of that was the sting from my mind as it quietly whispered to me that I wasn't deserving of Bella's love.


	43. Chapter 43

_(Bella)_

The solution to my problem … well, at least one of them considering I had a multitude of things I was dealing with that could have been considered problematic, was the internet. I wouldn't say it was so much of a solution, although that's what Edward had called it. To me it was a band-aid. It solved the immediate issue of my sadness over missing my family, but the wound was still there. It only covered that feeling.

But it was the best I could hope for when I wasn't allowed to leave the house to go call on my dad for a friendly visit. When I had asked Edward about knowing my dad, he said that occasionally he would see Charlie's cruiser driving around town and he had once come to an assembly at Forks High to talk about drunk driving, but other than that, Edward had never come in contact with Sheriff Swan.

"Oh," was all I had said, not doing that well of a job of hiding my disappointment.

I had hoped for some story that I might comfort myself with, but I didn't think with Edward trying to blend in with humans that law enforcement was something he … or any of the Cullens for that matter, would want to get attention from.

"You must miss him," he surmised, his voice gentle as he read my body language of slumped shoulders and dejected look.

"Yeah well, it's not exactly like I had planned to be changed and made sure to say goodbye to everyone I knew. It's hard knowing he's so near and I can't see him."

I ended up admitting to him more than I intended, but I was beginning to trust Edward. I didn't think Jasper would be too happy about it, considering his contentious relationship with Edward, but deep down I was slowly starting to accept the auburn haired vampire as my friend.

"Well, maybe there is a way to keep your father in the dark, but for you to still be involved in his life," Edward mused and that's when he went to retrieve something from a desk in the opposite corner of his room.

"A laptop?" I had questioned when he came back and handed me a small rectangular device.

Edward nodded and then guiding me to the floor. We sat side by side and I propped the laptop on my knees for support, before opening it. Edward discovered that like nearly every human being living on earth, Charlie and Renee had social networking profiles. Edward then suggested I create a phony account to keep tabs on them. It was like a light was lit inside me after that. He'd given me something to occupy my time with that involved my human past, a way I could hold onto that part of me without getting involved.

When Edward asked if I had an actual profile that was really me, I had rolled my eyes. Who needed an online presence when you had nothing interesting to share? I then had begged Edward to show me his profile after he'd unintentionally let it slip that he had one and I laughed at his photo. "You look like you're constipated," I snorted, but then instantly regretted saying something so rude.

Edward didn't seem to mind though and even let out a soft chuckle. "I think the word you're looking for is smoldering," he'd corrected.

"Why does a vampire even have a profile on this site?" I asked. "Doesn't it cause problems when you eventually start posting pictures of you looking the same year after year?"

My friend shrugged. "It's a relatively new endeavor on our part. It seems only fitting that since we're trying to look human then we would also do as they do in the online world. Besides there isn't any lack of people who suddenly delete their accounts for this reason or that. Esme and Carlisle don't have profiles, but since me, Rosalie and Emmett are teenagers it helps us maintain that look of youthfulness."

I guessed his words made sense and for a second afterward, I thought about Jasper, who still looked young himself, having a profile. I envisioned him using a picture showing off his gorgeous smile. A smile that I missed. I quickly shooed away my sad feelings and went to work building a fake profile, stealing stock photos from around the internet to reinforce my false persona. That way my mom and dad would be more likely to accept my friend requests. It was something Renee had done almost immediately after I'd sent one her way and she'd probably actually done it straight from her smart phone. I didn't think my mom had any discretion when it came to who she considered her internet friend. The number of people listed as her followers was crazy big, but it went along with her extroverted personality.

It had taken nearly a day for Charlie to log on. I didn't expect my dad to be all that crazy obsessed with social networking nor did I think he owned a phone with internet access. My memories told me that he was a loner except for one or two friends. It was a major point of contention between us when I was younger and spent one month with him during the summer. I may have been a loner myself, but at least I had a mom who was the opposite, taking me out and making up for my lack of a social life. My dad only exacerbated my problem though. In fact, I was shocked that it hadn't taken him longer to accept the friend request of one Meredith Parker, middle aged schoolteacher from Portland, Oregon.

But when I finally was able to view his page, I understood why. It was all dedicated to finding me. He hadn't even had a profile up until recently, two days after I had gone missing. There were several links he'd put up that led to other sites on the internet all about finding me. One even had a button so people could donate money for my search. My heart no longer beat, but I felt it constrict in pain as I realized how much my dad had done in order to find me. Edward had warned not to contact him even as Meredith, but I couldn't help myself. I clicked the message button on his page and wrote a convoluted story about how I had lost my child and how I empathized with him. _I hope you find your daughter_ was how I ended my short note, even though I knew he wouldn't. I would much rather have written - _I hope you find peace knowing your daughter has been turned into a vampire_.

I didn't expect my dad to write back, because Meredith wasn't exactly giving him any information about his missing daughter. I was just some strange person on the internet trying to catfish him, although he didn't know that and it had to stay that way. So, I was extremely surprised when minutes after sending my message, Charlie replied with:

_Hey, Meredith. Thanks for the nice words. I'm sorry things didn't turn out better for you. I have hope that we will one day find Bella. I haven't given up yet, but I have to admit each day I get a little bit less sure of myself. Well, thanks again. Please keep spreading the word around about my daughter._

_Charlie Swan_

After my eyes read the words he'd typed, my heart did another painful squeeze and there wasn't any will in me to leave his message as the end to our conversation. I began to type again, sending him encouragement and inevitably kept our back and forth going for hours. During that time I knew that if I had been able to cry, my eyes would have been spilling tears as he went on about how he felt guilt over never telling me how much he loved me. How when he eventually found me that he would try and make up for all his past mistakes. It just tore me up knowing my dad was in so much torment over me.

I was just about to send him another message intent on keeping my dad online, knowing he'd probably be signing off soon considering I'd kept him up all night, when Edward stepped into his room. His amber eyes regarded me still sitting on the floor. I had closed the laptop before he'd entered, since my senses had alerted me to his nearness. No way was I going to let him know that I had gone against what he'd said by sending Charlie messages.

"Hey, still at it?" he asked me.

Clearly I wasn't anymore, because the laptop was closed. I think Edward was just wondering why I was still in his room after a whole day and the better part of a night had gone by. "I just finished my daily dose of snooping," I said nonchalantly like there was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Good, because Esme and Rosalie wanted to go shopping and thought it might be good for you to come along, get out and try to escape some of the heaviness of what happened; maybe buy some new clothes. You can't keep wearing the same outfit."

I shook my head, setting his laptop down on the ground next to me. "I thought I wasn't supposed to leave the house, because people I know might see me."

"Here, but not in Portland, Oregon," Edward replied.

I stood and walked over to him. "Portland? That seems a far ways to go just for a shopping trip." It wasn't lost on me that it was also where my fictional friend Meredith lived.

Edward shrugged. "Not really. Come on." He grasped my hand. "They want to fit you with some human color contacts. You need to look the part if you're going to be around humans."

I didn't like where this was going. "Ugh, I've never been good with putting things in or around my eyes," I told him as he led me out of his room and towards the staircase.

"Well, maybe things will be different now that your eyes aren't so sensitive … just oddly red shaded. You know, the color no other humans have."

I sent him a dismissive look and whined, "Can't I just wear sunglasses? I mean vampires are supposed to be cool in all the stories right? What's cooler than wearing sunglasses while inside?"

"It doesn't make you look cool. It just makes you stand out, something we don't exactly aim for when we're out in public." Edward mimicked my facial expression as if he couldn't believe my reaction to the situation, and I attempted to reel in the part of my personality that could become a whiny toddler at times.

"Okay, fine," I grumbled.

We ended up finding everyone downstairs, minus Carlisle and Jasper. One had already left for work and who knew where the other one was. Upon seeing me, Esme smiled brightly and held out a small contact case. "I hope you don't mind brown. It's the color that hides red the best."

I took the case and lifted the lid, gulping loudly as I stared down at the two tiny circles swimming in contact solution. "I don't mind brown, it's what my eye color was before … well, you know."

Everyone was staring in my direction, waiting for me to do the simple task of putting contacts into my eyes, but I stalled. "Any day now," Rosalie remarked sarcastically, but I didn't think she was trying to be mean. Maybe a little annoyed, though.

I looked up at Esme and grimaced. "Okay, I feel like an idiot, but I'm a big baby and need help. Can you put these in my eyes for me?"

She sent me an understanding nod and replied, "Of course."

But when she came near, my body instinctively bent backwards, performing a move similar to the limbo as I tried to avoid Esme's fingertip holding the contact lens. I think if I had been human I might have fallen to the floor, but I was too agile for that now and just straightened right up again.

Emmett let out a loud laugh and asked, "What the hell was that?"

"Sorry," I squeaked. "I'm okay, let's just try again," I told Esme, shaking my body, trying to psych myself up, a move that caused Emmett to laugh again.

I groaned loudly when my body repeated the same move from before in another attempt to escape Esme. "I don't know why I keep doing that," I placed my head in my hands, mortified at the fact that I could destroy other vampires, but was unable to have contacts be put into my eyes. I was a walking contradiction.

"Here, I think I can solve this problem," I heard Emmett say from behind me and before I could grasp what he meant, his strong arms formed a viselike grip around me, bringing my movements down to a minimum.

Finally on Esme's third attempt, she managed to get the tiny brown orbs into my eyes, even as I struggled against Emmett's arms. I may have been a newborn, but the largest member of the family could definitely withstand everything I threw at him.

"Sorry, for um … trying to hurt you," I told him after he had released his hold on me.

"It's okay, kid." Emmett patted me on the head condescendingly and I glowered, causing him to laugh at my expense. "Alright, now it's Jasper's turn. Unless he's a weenie like you? Will I have to hold him down too?"

Everyone looked at me with expectant eyes and if I had been able to blush I'm sure my face would have been beet red. "Ummm." I couldn't find the words to explain that I hadn't actually seen my boyfriend in a while.

"You know what?" Esme suddenly chimed in. "I think I know where he is. Why don't I go get him." Then she left in one quick movement before anyone could ask how she knew where Jasper was and I didn't.

_(Jasper)_

I had seen Bella enter into Edward's room and the sight of them, his hand in hers, the sense of anticipation radiating from her, caused a swell of self-hatred to pulse from me. Of course, she would be with him. Wasn't he more like her anyway? It was that disgust with myself that had pushed me away and I tore through the house needing to find a way to escape.

"Jasper, what's wrong?" I had heard Esme ask as I passed her, moving much too fast to answer. Not that I would have even if I had been using a human pace.

I found my solitude about half a mile outside their home, surrounded by trees and alone. The only emotion I felt was my own. Here I had hoped to clear my head and tried to regain some sense of control over the raging beast of depression that had weighed me down ever since nearly losing control inside the car with Bella and Esme. Before, when I had a small amount of time to myself, I would run off from Maria and the others to find some peace from the miserable feelings that had taunted me near the end of my time as a soldier in her army. Usually it had worked, at least for a little while, but now I couldn't find calm. And why should I? My current situation wasn't the same as before, because I now had more at stake, more to lose.

I wasn't sure of time as I sat alone, but I was aware that the sun eventually set and rose again. I eventually came to the realization that I wasn't going to find any answers to my inner struggles being away from Bella. I had to get past my fear of her reaction to me, but my feet felt as if they had been compacted into the earth, unable to move. "What am I going to do?" I moaned to myself.

Suddenly I felt a faint sensation, the trace of an emotion that wasn't my own. It slowly began to grow and instead of running away from it like my mind told me to, I stayed and let the love form a protective hold around me. "Esme," I whispered, recognizing the main emotion she always emoted, very rarely letting any other sensation fall from her.

As soon as her name was out of my mouth, the vampire I'd mentioned appeared from the thicket and softly said, "Hello, Jasper."


	44. Chapter 44

_(Jasper)_

If it had been anyone else, I would have run. I couldn't face Bella, not yet anyway, and I felt the others were judging me for who I was. It didn't matter if I was trying to separate myself from the darkness inside me, because I was failing and they all saw that. None of them knew what it was like to indulge in human blood and they couldn't understand my struggle. Their clan had been parading an imitation human life for far too long. They had lost that part of them that was drawn to humans, like some form of undead evolution. Their abstaining had created a new version of our kind, one that I could never hope to emulate.

But with Esme something strange always happened to me whenever she was around. I found myself hungry for her company, because I sensed that she understood who I was. I realized early on that it was all manipulation. Her power was love and mine was the ability to feel emotions. Together we complimented each other. We made quite the duo and perhaps in another life could have been siblings. We certainly looked similar enough.

When I was near Esme it didn't matter how false my emotions of well-being were, because I couldn't find it in me to ignore her love. It felt too damn good and I didn't want to fight the sensation. I'd been so out of sorts since nearly losing control in front of her and Bella that the experience of a comforting emotion, whether it was mine or not, was too great of a joy to pass up.

For a few minutes after her appearance, Esme and I stayed in a comfortable silence. Maybe she understood I needed to feel her emotions and that was the reason for her sitting down next to me without a word passing between us. I didn't question it, but also knew it couldn't last forever. Eventually Esme would break the silence. She hadn't searched me out simply to sit by my side and when she did quietly find her voice, it was to tell me she knew exactly how I felt. Before Esme could get too far though, I had to put up my hand as a signal for her to stop. "While I appreciate you trying to empathize with me Esme, I don't think you have any idea what it has been like for me since joining your clan."

She looked me over then, her face still a display of motherly love, but there was a slight defiance in her eyes that played against it. "But what do you know about me, really? Just that I've been Carlisle's mate for over a century and that I take care of a growing family that now includes you. I was human before, you know, and newborn. There are parts of me you don't know anything about and neither does anyone else, besides Carlisle. I don't like to remember who I was back then."

Suddenly there was a slight intrusion of another emotion pushing against her love, wanting to move it out of the way and take over. It was anxiety and I didn't like the feel of it. "If you are about to tell me something that causes you distress, please don't. I am not worth it." As much as her clan made me uneasy with their lifestyle, I did like Esme and didn't feel comfortable that she would force herself to become upset on my account.

The defiance I'd seen in her eyes now spread out to the rest of her face and with raised eyebrows, she pursed her lips before saying. "Even if you don't see it for yourself, I know that everyone has the ability to find redemption, because … I was given that chance by Carlisle."

I sighed heavily, realizing there wasn't any point in trying to convince Esme of anything other than what she thought. I made a wide sweeping movement with one of my hands in a gesture meant to tell her to continue with whatever story I sensed was on the tip of her tongue, but she seemed unprepared for my quick surrender. The fire of her fight was quickly extinguished by anxiety and I released a small amount of calm onto her to help. She was clearly determined to relate memories from her past, but a fear of reliving them kept her silent. Esme's face lit up briefly as she became aware of my emotions and a tiny smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. "I am willing to listen," I explained. "But that is all I can promise."

I was certain there wasn't anything Esme could offer me, no tale of wrongdoing that she might put forth for me to examine that might make me agree with her claim that everyone was worth redemption. But I would give her the chance to try, because she was Esme and I found myself wanting to keep her happy. There was such a tender part of her that reminded me of Bella and in the face of that I had to concede.

"Yes, well, that is all I'm asking for," Esme replied, taking a few seconds to adjust her outfit and run a hand through her hair a few times. She was still nervous and I wondered if it was an overreaction on her part or if she truly did have some horrible tales from her past. "I'm not from around here. Well, really none of us are. We've been alive for a very long time. Carlisle is the oldest and I'm next …" Esme paused and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. None of that has anything to do with what I'm trying to tell you."

"It's okay, Esme. Whatever you've done, I'm certain I've seen worse," I tried to reassure her, but wasn't so sure I had accomplished that after a large grimace pulled her mouth downward.

"What I did, the memory that still haunts me, happened so long ago. Back then in ... uh, 1850, the gossip was that I most likely had been insane for what I did, but now I know I must have suffered from postpartum psychosis. Living as long as I have, you get some perspective on things and well, I've thought a lot about it and I'm certain that is why I did what I did."

I saw Esme's bottom lip tremble slightly, the struggle to share her memory clearly taking its toll, but I didn't need to see her physical reactions to know her pain, because I felt it. Her anguish found its way into me and like a reflexive action, my hand reached out to touch her shoulder. I was afraid she might weep and even if there wouldn't be a trail of tears, the sight of a crying vampire could be just as torturous for me, because it brought back memories of each and every newborn I'd killed who had begged for their life beforehand. "Esme, please don't continue-"

But she was too fast, talking over me with determination in her voice. "No, it's important that you hear my story. Just give me a moment."

I removed my hand from her shoulder as Esme stood and turned around to stare at the trees surrounding us. I heard a tiny sob escape her mouth and the sound twisted my heart, but when she sat back down next to me again seconds later, there was a calmness to her. "I was the mother of three children with a fourth on the way," Esme began talking again and there wasn't any trace of sadness radiating from her anymore, only a strong resolve. "My marriage wasn't … he could be awful to me, but despite that, I loved my boy and twin girls very much and they kept me happy through the rough times. When I gave birth to my second son, I didn't feel like myself afterwards. I began hearing voices and a month after he was born I … I … killed him, convinced if I did the voices would stop. I suffocated my innocent child and then abandoned my family after I realized he hadn't been the cause of the constant noises in my head."

"Oh, Esme," the soft whisper of her name left my lips, but she shook her head indicating to me that there was no room for my pity here.

"I wanted to die for what I'd done to him and so, I jumped … from a cliff. Only it didn't work completely. Carlisle was the doctor who worked on me and he tried to bring me back to my human life. When it was apparent that wasn't possible, he saved me in the only other way he knew … by making me like him. It took me a while, but I was able to accept my new life with him and we fell in love. Nonetheless, I couldn't forget everything that had happened before. Even though I find most of my human memories distorted, the ones I fear the most, the ones of what I did to my baby and my other children I left behind with their alcoholic father … they're always so fresh in my head, never gone."

Her story was heart wrenching to say the least and once it was apparent she had finished, I jumped in to reassure her. "But Esme, you admitted that you were suffering from a mental disordered brought about by giving birth to your son. Surely you can't hold yourself accountable for your actions … unlike me, who was always in control of my destiny. I chose to kill. I chose to stay with my mate even after I knew I didn't want what she did anymore. It was always in my hands what I chose to do."

Esme shook her head and sighing heavily, she placed both of her hands on my shoulders. "Even if your choices were your own, being surrounded by others who influenced you also had a hand in pushing you into the decisions you made. I had voices and you had voices, but we also had others who came along to help. Bella is very concerned about you and she doesn't care who you were before. She only cares about who you are now and who you are trying to be. Your past doesn't concern her, only the future you two are mapping out together. Don't lose sight of that. We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we are able to move past them to try again and keep trying no matter what obstacle tries to put itself in our way."

I felt like there should have been a thousand and one reasons inside of me ready to protest everything Esme had said to try and convince me I was worth redemption. I'd had the time to come up with a paltry amount while in my solitude, hiding away from Bella, but now in the face of Esme's kindness and the bravery she had displayed by visiting a past she was very afraid of … all for me, those reasons seemed very inconsequential. "Esme … I …" Not only were my fighting words unable to find a voice, but so were any words at all. I was humbled into speechlessness.

"It's alright, Jasper," she smiled and then reached out to pull me into a brief embrace. "No matter what happens, as long as you keep trying, there will always be a place for you here and I assume with Bella too, but you really should go talk with her." She stood and turned towards the direction she had come from. Then glancing over her shoulder at me, Esme said, "I'm going to head back to the house now. Everyone wants to go shopping and they're waiting for me. You are more than welcome to join us, but if not, I'll come up with an excuse for you." She left then, leaving the decision to follow her completely up to me.

As I watched her body disappear into the surrounding woods, it didn't take me long to make a choice. I had made so many bad ones over the years and decided that it was a cycle that needed to be broken. When I strode up beside her a few seconds later, Esme didn't even bat an eyelash as if she had known all along that I would eventually follow. She had been moving at a human pace and I knew it was deliberate on her part. She had wanted to give me enough time to make the right choice.

"Thank you, Esme," I quietly said and she turned her head to shine a smile upon me. "You know I can't remember my mother," I continued, deciding that since she had shared a window into her past then so would I. "If I had one, well, she either died or left long before I was able to retain childhood memories. I did have a father that I can recall with a small amount of effort, except it's not really memories I care to relive. He was abusive and the main reason I left to go fight with the Confederate Army. I had to get away from him. I've been trying to write down things from my human years for Bella's benefit and have been able to recall a few memories, but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is, thank you for taking Bella and me in and making us a part of your family. It's the first time I've ever been a part of one."

My little thank you physically overwhelmed Esme and she stopped walking. "Oh, Jasper. I don't remember the names of the children I had as a human, but your name will always be kept in my heart as one of my children now … even if you are over a 100 years old," she added with a chuckle.

"Well, I was born sometime in the mid-1800s, I think, and you had children around that time, so it's not such a farfetched idea," I replied.

"I guess not," Esme agreed and then began walking again.

I traveled alongside her and before long we were standing in front of the Cullen's house. At the sight of it, I tried to swallow all the guilt that had been festering inside me, knowing I would have to finally face Bella.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Before you start sending me angry messages that I got Esme's timeline wrong, I changed it for the benefit of my fic.


	45. Chapter 45

**Author's Note** : Over the past week I did a lot of brainstorming on BTD and came up with a way to push it forward with an ending. So, I promise not to make this fic one that keeps meandering along with no end in sight. Anyway ... thanks for reading. Hopefully my updates will be more frequent now.

* * *

_(Bella)_

When Esme went to find Jasper, I was relieved that Rosalie and Emmett decided to go watch TV instead of interrogating me as to why I didn't know where my boyfriend was. Unfortunately, Edward didn't have the same idea and not long after his brother and sister left, he came up beside me. "Don't worry. Esme has always been the heart of our home. If one of us is needing comfort, she is more than capable of providing that," he tried to reassure me.

"What are you saying? Jasper needs comfort?" My voice came out guarded, unsure where Edward was going with this.

He shrugged. "I can't be sure, but my guess is that Jasper is having difficulty acclimating to our lifestyle and feeling guilty that he can't overcome his desire for human blood. It's no secret that he's been avoiding everyone ... including you." Edward paused, like he was giving me the opportunity to disagree, but I stayed quiet. "I think Esme recognizes his struggle and wants to help. It's really not that difficult for me to guess, because I've seen it before. In fact, I've even been there myself." He stopped talking again and a few seconds ticked by where a pained expression passed over his face. He quickly recovered from whatever thought was causing him discomfort and then continued. "I'm not blameless. I've killed humans before. All of us have, except for Carlisle, because you see … even though we all came into this family differently, we all shared the struggle to not feed from humans. Every newborn experiences it. Well, not you, but you're an anomaly."

I sighed. "I knew it was hard for him, but I was under the impression we'd worked through it." I thought back to our brief fight and then the amazing sex that had followed. I was such a dumb teenager for thinking that intimacy with me was the be all end all to his problem.

Edward chuckled and I stiffened at the sound of it, but reminded myself for the thousandth time that he couldn't read my mind. He wasn't laughing at the current image inside my head of a naked Jasper between my legs. No, he was laughing at my naivety. "A few days isn't enough time to grow desensitized after such a long period of drinking freely from humans. I think Jasper's reaction the other night, the one that prompted you to use your shield, is proof enough. Maybe that's why he's been keeping to himself so much since then."

The truth of Edward's words stunned me. How had I not seen it? In hindsight I'd probably been too focused on myself and my own problems to even consider Jasper's emotional state or how he might feel after showing me his darkest side. My admission at having caught Charlie's scent had shocked him, but it wasn't what prompted him into hiding from me.

"Excuse me," I said, before using my vampire speed to move up the stairs, in the direction of the attic. I didn't care if anyone knew where I was going and didn't glance around to see if Edward had followed. I just yanked the rope down to reveal the ladder and then walked up into the tiny space that housed all The Cullen's relics. But I didn't care about those. There was only one thing I wanted to see and I went straight for the papers Jasper had tried to show me before I'd attacked him with my mouth. I wanted to read what he'd written down for me, to get to know who he really was and maybe … just maybe, it would help me understand a struggle that I was lucky enough not to have.

I ran through his pages of words quickly, my mind able to retain what I read much faster than when I was human. Mostly they were notes of random memories with the majority about happy times with his sisters. There was no memory of his mother and there was only a few mentions of a father. It was apparent by what he wrote that Jasper had despised him. There was also a horse he'd considered part of his family, although he couldn't remember the name of it and I laughed at a short story about how Jasper had stepped in the animal's poop several times in one day.

_I'm not sure why of all the things I could recall from being human that a story containing horse shit sticks with me, but there it is._

There was also the mention of a guitar playing skill that he'd never mentioned to me and I wondered if he could still play. Maybe when he returned I could ask him. He certainly knew how much I appreciated good music.

Reading on, it was clear that one paragraph wasn't always going to connect with the next in a cohesive timeline, but it was enough for me to grasp his life when he was human … and also when he was not. Recollections of his change chilled me and a quiet sob left my mouth during one of his passages.

_I didn't mourn my human life. I didn't have time. I was told that if I didn't prove myself to Maria then she would have me destroyed. I believed her unquestionably, having seen first-hand what she was capable of. I was so scared, afraid of her and the world she'd forced me into. The only way I could shake that emotion was to focus my all on making myself exactly what she wanted, on what would guarantee my survival. I let the soldier inside take over and I think that's the reason I have such a hard time recalling events and people before my change. I was forced into blocking it all out. Anything that didn't involve becoming the best for Maria was a distraction and could have a hand in my demise. The less I knew about being human the more monster I could be for her. That's all I ever was afterward, but maybe with Bella I can finally find my humanity again._

When I was done reading, I slumped down on the floor with my head in my hands, while I tried to gather my emotions. Even if they weren't my own memories, I felt a strong connection to Jasper and all he was past and present. The sensation was overwhelming, especially reading the parts about when he was a newborn. After realizing he could feel emotions, Jasper had labeled the ability a curse. Having to not only kill, but also experience the horror and pain of those he murdered, plagued him with a constant guilt. After years under Maria though, he finally was able to push through his guilt until the emotions of those he killed were twisted into something that gave him pleasure. He wanted their fear, desired to taste the horror in their last bit of emotion as he drained life from them. Jasper had just been a scared boy when he was changed, but Maria molded him into the very worst version of what a vampire could be.

Maybe if he'd found a clan like The Cullens early on, Jasper would have been able to transition to animal blood easily due to his ability. The thought of what could have been for him as a human if he'd never been changed and also newborn if Maria hadn't been his creator, formed an all-encompassing despair inside my body that weighed me down.

But I couldn't stay up in the attic forever. Jasper needed me. If Esme managed to bring him back then I would need to be there for him. I now knew that my struggles paled in comparison to his. I may miss my family, but Jasper had never been given the opportunity to say goodbye either. Even worse he'd be forced into forgetting who they were. At least I could still be involved in my parent's life via the internet. I'd also been blessed with finding someone who cared about me right from the onset of my change. All Jasper had was Maria, a vampire who'd only cared about one thing, herself. Well, from now on I would show him exactly what he'd never received from her.

It took me a few minutes to will myself off of the floor, but when I was finally able to stand again, I exited the attic. My heart was still heavy, but the determination inside me was stronger. When I came down the stairs, I noticed that Edward had gone to join Rosalie and Emmett. He acknowledged my presence with a nod when I peeked into the living room and I smiled, but left before the other two could say anything.

Walking over towards the windows at the other end of the house, I stared out at the scenery Esme had disappeared into and waited anxiously for an image of her and Jasper or a scent of them to become apparent. It took another ten minutes, but eventually I could make out two heads of blonde hair emerging from the trees and then his smell, that musky earthy cologne found me and I sighed. I couldn't stop myself from running towards the front door and flying out to greet him. Like so many times before, my newborn strength was forgotten and the impact of my hug caused us both to tumble down onto the ground. Esme softly chuckled at the sight of us, but didn't stick around. Once we were alone, I tried to scramble off of him, but Jasper held me tightly in his arms, and gently rolled me over to the side.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for, knocking him over or for not fully understanding his struggle for human blood. Maybe both.

The corners of his mouth twitched up slightly. "Me too," was all he said as he moved his hand up from my hip to smooth away some strands of hair that had fallen in my face.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed me softly. "Ready for some shopping? I hear that's what everyone has planned."

"I'd rather just lay here with you." My mouth found his again for a deeper kiss, but Jasper pulled away, before our make out could get too heated. "Come on, let's go be social. Save this for later when we're not on full display for the others."

He shifted his body away from mine and I instantly missed the feel of it. When Jasper stood, he offered his hand to me and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet. Then hand in hand we headed towards the house.


	46. Chapter 46

_(Bella)_

After walking inside The Cullens' home, our day of shopping finally finished, I looked over at Esme moving through the door behind me and asked, "Where should I put these?" I lifted the multitude of bags in my hands up higher in the air for emphasis.

I assumed Esme probably had final say on what went where inside her house and together Jasper and I had purchased entirely new wardrobes, enough to fill a whole closet; maybe even a dresser too. Their home was large and more than likely contained plenty of unused closet space inside unused rooms. Secretly I hoped that my question would bring about an offer for a room of my own to share with Jasper, but I also wouldn't be presumptuous. Jasper and I were guests and I would take whatever was offered … even if that meant I had to share closet space with Rosalie. I silently hoped that wouldn't be the case.

Esme smiled softly and dropped her own bags to the floor near the entryway. Then she approached me, took my hand and surprised Jasper by grasping his as well. Our hands were brought together with hers, like she was officiating some marriage ceremony between us and I glanced over at Jasper who sent me a look that I interpreted as _Hell if I know what she's doing_. I smirked, because inside my head I could actually hear him saying those words, accent and all.

Turning back to Esme, my smirk nearly transformed into a gape when I saw that she was bursting with enthusiasm. Her excitement was palpable around us and I couldn't remember ever having seen her so animated before. Esme was soft spoken and timid as far as I could tell, but now I was seeing a whole new side to her. "I wanted to wait to tell you this with Carlisle, but since he's not home from work yet I will go ahead and do this on my own." Esme paused in a move that felt calculated to help build up suspense and I had to fight the urge to send Jasper an amused look. After a few seconds transpired, her gleeful grin spreading wider, Esme began again, "Because you both are newly together and haven't had much time alone since, from what you've told us, Bella's change, Carlisle and I would like to offer you our guesthouse to stay in until you both feel comfortable enough to join us in the main house."

"She means, until you guys won't make us hear your sex noises from the attic anymore," Emmett suddenly interjected as he breezed by us.

"Emmett!" Esme shouted incredulously in his direction, but he was already out of the room in what I assumed was an attempt to avoid retaliation.

I was mortified. Assuming the others had heard the noises Jasper and I had tried to keep quiet the day before was not the same as knowing for a fact that they had. I let out a strangled sound of embarrassment and wanted to run and hide, but stopped myself when the feel of Jasper's calm found me. "Don't worry. I'll deal with him later," my boyfriend reassured me.

Although, for the time being it seemed someone else was punishing Emmett for his rudeness, because I heard him let out a loud exclamation of pain from the other room. That was quickly followed by him asking, "What was that for?"

"For being an ass," Rosalie replied, sounding annoyed.

The two began to squabble and giggling nervously, Esme let go of our hands and asked us to follow her outside. Jasper and I complied as did Edward, who up until that moment had been lounging near the entryway.

"I didn't know there was a guesthouse. I haven't seen one since we've been here," I commented, walking out into the fading sunlight of early evening, trying to distract everyone from what Emmett had said. While Jasper's mood manipulation on me was appreciated, I still felt deeply embarrassed … just not enough to try and escape from it.

"I did. I came across it when I was out alone in the forest," Jasper mentioned, but didn't offer up anything else. In the silence that followed, I wondered if he regretted bringing up his absence from me that only ended when Esme went to retrieve him. We still hadn't discussed it and I assumed he was waiting to do so when we were finally alone.

All three of us continued to follow Esme as she took a sharp right turn away from the long and winding driveway she'd been walking on and stepped onto a narrow path that led into some trees off in the distance. It made our situation a little awkward when the limited space forced Edward to move up beside me. I looked anxiously over at Jasper who was holding my hand on the opposite side. I was worried what he might do, since the two vampires between me hadn't exactly exuded an affection for each other in the past. I'd stayed separated from Edward while shopping, choosing to spend all my time with Jasper, but that wasn't really an option anymore. I figured it would be weird and very obvious if I moved away from Edward just for Jasper's sake. When he eventually noticed my eyes on him, Jasper smiled briefly before looking over at Edward. My boyfriend didn't seem uneasy like he had on past occasions and even if it was only an act in order to keep the peace, I appreciated the lack of tension in the air between them.

"We built the guesthouse a distance away from the main house," Edward finally said, cutting through the thick quiet around us.

"Why so far?" I asked, but instantly wanted to take my question back, wondering if maybe they used the house so couples could have sex without others hearing. Vampires did have excellent ears and unless they were a clan of sex addicted swingers, I doubted the intimate act of lovemaking was a shared experience for all.

"Sometimes we have guests visit that don't live the same as we do," Edward replied. "In those cases it is important that they are away from any unsuspecting human visitor that might come knocking at exactly the wrong moment. We wouldn't want anyone from our small town to go missing, bringing suspicion upon our family."

"Oh," was all I said, the mental picture Edward gave me causing my body to involuntarily shiver.

Jasper took notice and removing his hand from mine, he grasped my torso to pull me closer. I leaned into him and whispered, "Maybe that means Peter and Charlotte might visit someday."

"Maybe." He kissed the top of my head.

"Mostly it is friends from Carlisle's past," Esme added to the conversation, glancing briefly over her shoulder at us. "But there is a clan in Alaska we are familiar with. In fact, Edward has someone from there that likes to come visit. They're close."

Edward sighed irritably. "I'm sorry Esme, as much as you would like it to be, she will never be the one. We're only friends."

Esme sent Edward a frown before whirling her head back around and letting out a sigh of her own. Neither one added anymore to the exchange, leaving me to wonder exactly who this _she_ from Alaska was. Edward was the only member of this particular clan without a mate and I wondered if this mystery girl from Alaska was an ex. Did vampires even have exes? I decided to let the subject drop inside my head. Edward's love life or lack thereof was none of my business.

The house we finally came upon deep in the woods, was hardly a house, but more of a cottage like you might see in a movie adaptation of a Jane Austen novel. Although, despite how 18th century it looked on the outside, the inside was all very modern. It was small and cozy, with only room for a large king size bed and flat screen television placed on the opposite wall. There was also a fireplace, small closet and bathroom that only contained a bathtub and sink. My theory of the house being used as a place for vampire lovemaking was looking more and more likely. Vampires didn't have a need for a bed.

I walked around the small area examining the few items inside and when I exited the bathroom after a quick inspection, Edward said to me, "Imagine if we'd hired actual human contractors to build this instead of doing it ourselves and then having to tell them, no we don't actually need a toilet."

I chuckled and went to stand beside Jasper. "It's all very nice," I said and Esme glanced up at me from her position kneeling on the floor. She had been trying to start a fire for us.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that!" Esme's enthusiasm was back and it occurred to me then that since her ability was helping others, as Edward had told me earlier, then gifting us this home was her putting that talent to use. No wonder she was so passionate about the whole thing.

"Here," I heard Edward say as he tossed a smart phone in my direction and due to my vampire reflexes I was able to catch it with ease. Old Bella would have probably fumbled with the device, before watching in horror as it fell to the wood floor and shattered.

"What's this for?"

Edward looked at both me and Jasper, his face serious. "With you two being all the way out here, there needs to be a way for us to communicate, especially with the threat of your enemies looming. This is how we'll keep in contact. Everyone's number is already in there. All you have to do is call one of us if something seems strange or you have any problems and we'll be out here to help."

"Thank you," Jasper said.

Edward nodded his head in my boyfriend's direction and then turned his attention to me, "Why don't you give it a try and call Rosalie, ask her to bring your bags out here?"

I gulped audibly and was sure they all had heard, but thankfully no one commented. "Okay," I squeaked and hit the phone icon on the screen until a list of contacts lit up. I hit Rosalie's name and she answered after one ring.

"Yeah, sure," she replied to my overly apologetic request for her to bring out our bags and then hung up. I couldn't believe how easy the whole thing had been or how fast she appeared inside the guesthouse. I also sighed to myself when I saw that Emmett wasn't with her.

"I think you have all you need to sustain yourselves for a while," Esme finally said after explaining how everything worked and she had managed to create a roaring fire for us. "So, we'll leave you two alone now."

"Remember, call if there is anything suspicious," Edward reminded us as he followed Esme and Rosalie out the door.

"Yes, of course," Jasper replied, and then after we watched the three vampires disappear into the darkness, he shut the door. It only took a few seconds for us to grasp the fact that we were finally alone and with a single smile of relief, Jasper pulled me into his arms and we picked up exactly where we left off in the attic. Only this time there was a bed.

_(Jasper)_

As I scooped Bella up in my arms and laid her on the bed, I had to laugh, but it wasn't the reaction she was hoping for or even expecting. "Is something funny?" Her voice was confused and from her position underneath me, only a sliver of space between us, I could feel a hint of nervousness emanating from her body.

"It's only," I chuckled again and Bella frowned. "No, it's not what you think. It's not you. It's me actually. I've never used to a bed before … for anything. Not since sleeping became unnecessary."

Bella raised her eyebrows up and smiled mischievously. "Well, we won't be using this for sleeping."

"No, I suppose not." We laughed in unison and the sound of our happiness combining together caused my heart to swell. "I love you." The words came out almost like a reflex.

"Show me then." Bella's tone was full of sexual need and her emotions mirrored the way she spoke.

"Happy to oblige, ma'am," I replied with a wink and my lips found her mouth. Then gently, I lowered my body down onto hers and we rolled to our sides.

Our hands began helping each other undress, but we made the mundane task as sensual as possible. A pull down of her zipper resulted in my hand finding the skin underneath and caressing the wetness between her legs with my fingers. Shirt buttons undone brought my mouth down to move my tongue against one exposed breast, while my hand cupped the other. When I had managed to finally remove her pants, I commented, "Foreplay is much easier now that I have the use of two hands again," before grasping her hips to move my arousal in a rhythm against the cotton of her panties and the sensitive skin beneath it. Bella moaned in agreement.

We continued this slow striptease of each other for a long while, but eventually the last item was removed and enough body parts had been touched, teased and kissed to the point that joining together in physical love was the only option left. But Bella had another idea and suddenly pulled herself away from me. "Where are you …" I asked, but stopped when she reached down to retrieve the shirt I had removed from her.

"I have hated this this awful thing, since you first dressed me in it," she said, and then in a moment of impulse, Bella threw the floral patterned blouse into the fire, laughing as she watched it burn. Her glee filled me and I reached up to bring her back into my arms.

The emotion of happiness was still so new to me, but I shared in her joy and reveled in the feel of it. I never wanted to feel anything else. Although, it also reminded me of when I had been the cause of her sadness and even though the situation didn't feel right for an apology, not when we were on the cusp of making love, it was exactly what I found myself doing. "I'm sorry I made you upset when I was ignoring you. I was so ashamed of how I lost control of my bloodlust, enough to provoke your shield and I couldn't deal with the guilt. I want so badly to give you what you need from me, to be this different version of vampire for you, but sometimes I feel so inadequate."

Bella laid her head against my chest and absently began to trace one of my scars, "No. I'm sorry for not understanding how hard it's been for you." Her lips pressed down against the indentation in my skin that she'd been occupied with and then repositioning herself, my mate brought her face up to mine. "I read all the stories you wrote down, about your human and newborn years. I'm so sorry that all happened to you."

I shrugged, not really wanting to make a big deal out of it, but Bella didn't agree. "Don't shrug your shoulders like it doesn't matter. I felt awful after reading it, at least the parts that happened after you met Maria."

There was a hint of that spitfire inside her showing its presence again and I held my hands up in surrender. "It's not that I don't think it matters, only that I'd rather not have it be the focus of who I am now. I'm trying to change for you. Every mistake I make is a reminder of that _thing_ I was with Maria. The thing I almost became again when I smelled blood the other night." I pulled myself up into a sitting position as our talk moved away from just a simple apology and into more serious territory.

"But you were fine when we were shopping," Bella argued, sitting up next to me. "We were around all those people with blood pumping through their veins and you didn't even so much as blink."

"That's not the same," I replied.

Bella pursed her lips. "Yeah, but that's what's normal. What happened to that murdered couple ... it was horrible, but also a ploy set up by James to taunt you. Where else in life are you going to be exposed to that same level of blood? You're not a doctor, Jasper. You don't visit war zones or hang around serial killers. What we did today, walking around with other humans, that's normal and hey, you even held a conversation with the shop clerk that helped you find jeans … and rudely flirted with you right in front of me, I might add."

She glowered at the memory and I reached out to dab the end of her nose with my finger. "You're the only one I care about."

"I know, but I can still be jealous. That part of being human doesn't go away apparently." Bella smiled ruefully.

"Well, then let me show you exactly how much I need and want only you," I offered, gathering her back into my arms and kissing her.

"This isn't the end of our conversation," Bella spoke into our kiss.

"Of course not," I teased and whirled her body around, so that she was underneath me again.

"Jasper," Bella half-heartedly grumbled, but I ignored her, choosing instead to slowly trail kisses down her torso, until she exclaimed, "Ohhh," when my mouth reached its destination. After that, there weren't any more protests for me to stop, only a very vocal Bella urging me to keep going.

It didn't take long for us to find our passion again and as we brought each other pleasure in both the physical and emotional sense of the word, I knew Bella was right. Our conversation was not over ... only delayed. The difficult parts of our relationship would eventually have to be revisited, especially the one that involved Bella catching her father's scent. But for the time being, I wanted to experience all that parts of Bella that I had neglected the last few days and prove my love to her.


	47. Chapter 47

_(Bella)_

The act of sex as a vampire seemed pretty ridiculous when I thought about it; not that I had much time to think about it when I was experiencing orgasm upon orgasm while other orgasms waited in the wings to fall down on me not long after the one before it had finally hummed away. I didn't get tired. I didn't need to take a break to catch my breath and my boyfriend didn't need time to recover and become aroused again. It was like an insatiable need. I just couldn't get enough.

I had to be careful how I placed my body, so I wouldn't hurt Jasper, but with his help I learned different positions other than him above me. When we got bored with one, he would show me another and it didn't matter that I wasn't as experienced as him. He was my teacher and together we found ways to push our bodies and emotions towards something I could never have comprehended as a human. It was beyond what that formerly tiny brain of mine could have wrapped itself around.

I couldn't remember how many times he'd brought me to my peak, but knew that if he stopped making love to me for one second I might be able to calculate it. Not that it mattered, because I didn't want him to stop. I wanted Jasper to keep going. As long as he was moving inside me there wasn't anything to stress about. All the worries that had pulled me in so many different directions since my change, ceased to exist under his influence. But, even if my mind's sharpness was dulled while experiencing him, there was enough room inside my head to remember we would have to stop eventually. We couldn't continue on in an unending bliss. There were other more important things that needed our attention beyond the pull of our libidos.

The whole absurdity of vampire sex finally struck me enough to make mention of it sometime during early morning. I knew it was early morning, because the two windows inside our little cottage began to slowly produce a light from the outside. We were doing some ridiculous vampire move, one that wouldn't have been possible as humans. Jasper was standing, his hands placed on my hips and pressed into my flesh. Slowly at first, he moved my body up and down in a repetitive motion, but like always his speed increased until I was near the point of climax. In this position I wasn't allowed to move, because any exertion of strength from me while above him might result in an injury for my partner. When he'd suggested doing it this way, Jasper had explained it very matter-of-factly and I'd been eager. But no matter the amount of pleasure, when you were relegated to just letting the other person do all the work, it left time for the mind to wander and that's when the absurdity of what we were doing jolted me out of my addiction to him.

It was so unnatural. I doubted Jasper the human would have been able to hold me up the way he was for as long as he did and after I let out a yell of pleasure, I found myself giggling into his neck while holding onto him tightly. I think it must have unnerved him, because even though he continued to move my hips until he reached his own peak, Jasper became less vocal and when I finally felt his body react the way I had experienced so many times before at his moment of release, he just held onto me afterward. Unlike all the times before, my boyfriend didn't go straight back into it or take a moment to suggest another way of making love. He just held onto me, still inside me, but not moving. Like me, he must have realized our frenzy had finally ebbed and sighing into my neck, Jasper released his hands from me and I let my legs fall to the ground. He didn't say a word, only looked at me for a long moment and then taking my hand, Jasper led me back to the bed where we laid in each other's arms.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed that way, but I was aware of the sun's brightness slowly growing inside our cottage from behind the light blue window curtains. There was also the slow burn of my thirst returning. I hadn't noticed it while we were otherwise occupied, but now I was reminded of another part of what it meant to be a vampire. I would need to find blood soon and I was sure Jasper would too. "Vampire sex can be a little overwhelming," I finally commented, my head learning against the crook of his neck as he softly stroked my arm. "It feels like it could last forever, like we could just keep going at it for all of time." Jasper didn't respond right away as if he was taking a moment to contemplate what I'd said and I decided to prompt him into talking with, "What do you think?"

"I think …" he paused and I turned my head to look up at him. "I think since you were lucky enough not to experience the strong pull for human blood all vampires have then this experience of sex is as close to understanding that part of being a vampire as you will get."

I laughed softly and then said, "So, what? I'm addicted to sex?"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Jasper teased.

"I don't know. I still have certain notions drilled into me that tell me sex shouldn't last for hours on end, because if it did I would be in a lot of pain right now," I admitted and when Jasper grew quiet again, I asked him what he was thinking.

"I'm not sure I should say. I don't want to make you jealous or hurt your feelings."

I thought about his wording and assumed what was on his mind probably dealt with Maria. Who else would make me jealous? But it was what I had wanted … for him to open up about his past and I knew then that I was going to have to swallow whatever immature reflex of jealousy that might stir inside me. If Jasper wanted to talk about his time with her then I wasn't going to stop him just because I would be reminded that there had been someone before me. "I'm not fragile, Jasper. I practically have to hold myself back when we have sex, because I'm too strong for you," I joked, trying to ease whatever anxiety he was having about mentioning Maria.

I heard a rumble of laughter from him, but his tone wasn't full of humor when he finally replied, "But your emotions are not as strong as your body."

I learned away from him, so I could stare in his eyes. "I don't care. I can take it," I said with determination and Jasper sighed in concession.

"I've never experienced sex before like I do with you. This ability to keep going, I knew it was possible, but before, sex was … sex was a tool … s-she gave me just enough to keep me on her leash. To be honest, I've never gone this long before." He took my arm and brought my hand up to his mouth to kiss softly, a move that felt so chaste compared to what we had been indulging in before. "Thank you, Bella. You've changed everything for me. I don't know what I'd do if ..."

The way he looked at me, with so much intensity, robbed me of my voice and all I could do was stare back. Then all at once he pulled me back into his arms and kissed me. The kiss was powerful and so different from every other time before when our mouths had met. I felt like I might start hyperventilating if Jasper went on for too long and had a weird sense of relief when he let his lips fall away after a few minutes. I was left stunned by the experience, but I didn't let myself wonder too much about the strange moment of power that had passed between us. I was too afraid of it, like the sensation was something that might eat me up if I thought too long about it. "Do you suppose … with everything I'm capable of that I might also have some crazy freaky intercourse power too?" I joked, trying to break through the nervousness in my stomach and also the silence that his intense kiss had left behind.

"Oh, so you actually want to talk about your abilities now? I thought you told me that was off limits until you came to terms with them," he replied, not showing any sign that our kiss had triggered the same reaction in him.

I shrugged in response to his playful remark. "Guess I'm ready now."

This caused Jasper to look at me intently before saying. "I don't really think we've seen the end of what you are capable of, but sex is not an emotion and I'm convinced everything you can do is based in some way or another on what you're feeling at the moment. Sympathy makes you immune to human blood's appeal. Fear can produce a shield or vision. Anger can create a powerful weapon. I'm actually very curious to see what you could do with love. Who knows what an emotion that powerful might produce?"

"I thought the shield was love, my love for you and need to protect you."

Jasper shook his head slowly and there was a thoughtful look in his eyes. "I did think that at one point, but love … it has to be greater. I still think we have yet to see what you can do with that."

I smiled up at him and then tried to swallow the lump in my throat that had suddenly appeared when I thought of what I wanted to say to him next. "What is it?" Jasper asked, shifting his arms to pull me in closer.

Ah yes … the emotion reading thing. What was the point of trying to keep anything from him? Despite Jasper's hold on me, I managed to break free from his arms and sat up next to him on the bed. I tried very hard to gather all my courage and remember the words I had gone over in my head during my night of catfishing Charlie. "I was thinking that with everything I can do that it would be … uh, well, that I could use these abilities of mine to protect my dad from my enemies. Well, just two enemies actually."

To my amazement Jasper didn't seem thrown by my suggestion, almost like he was expecting it. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. He'd had long hours alone in the woods to consider what I might eventually want to do after smelling Charlie's scent and running off after it. "And what does everyone else think of this?" he replied, positioning himself next to me.

"I haven't said anything to anyone. You're the most important person in my life right now and you're the only one that knows what I did back in the forest. I want to know what _your_ opinion is." I placed my hand on one of his and squeezed my fingers around his fist.

He gave me a reproachful look at first, but I watched it fall away after a few seconds and when Jasper spoke his voice was gentle. "Bella, I can't say I approve of involving your father in any of what is going on with us for reasons I've already told you, mainly the Volturi. With that said," he sighed before continuing, "I do see the precariousness of his situation after what was left on our doorstep the other night. James is aware of your father and he knows how important you are to me. I don't doubt that he might use him as a way to get to me."

"So, what are you saying?" My voice was a whisper.

Jasper removed the hand I was holding from my grasp and moved it up to cup my cheek. "I am saying that whatever you decide, I will try and support you as best I can, but since we are the guests of this clan and under their protection, this really isn't a discussion to have with me. They're the ones that will ultimately decide to either agree to your involvement with your father or tell you it is something you have to pursue on your own and Bella … our chances against James and Victoria aren't as good if we eliminate our new friends from the equation."

"I know," I mumbled as I stared down at my fingers. Deep down I was happy that Jasper was willing to help me despite having reservations, but also there was disappointment nestled alongside it, because I understood the truth in his words. Without the others we might have a shot at eliminating James and Victoria, but we also might not. I didn't like that might. I wanted confirmation that everything would end well.

"Hey, don't be sad," I heard Jasper say softly and he tilted my chin up, so that I was forced to look into his eyes. I managed to muster a half smile, but my boyfriend wasn't convinced. "I have an idea. Why don't we take a shower, get dressed and go find some breakfast," he suggested.

"Breakfast?" I replied with skepticism.

Jasper nodded and then showed off that beautiful smile of his I loved so much. "Well, it is morning. How does squirrel sound? There are plenty of those running around these woods."

"Not as good as a cougar does," I sarcastically said and Jasper scoffed.

"Well, if it doesn't sound appealing to you, imagine how bad it sounds to me," he chuckled and then ruffled my hair. "Come on, let's go get clean."

We quickly showered and I managed to squeeze in an impromptu fashion show for Jasper of all the undergarments I'd bought, before we walked out into the sunlight on the hunt for blood. Most of our day was spent searching the little area around our cottage for animals and after a few squirrels were found, we happened to catch a stray deer. It wasn't as difficult to catch as I remembered the cougar being, but the experience was still a fun challenge for us nonetheless. The deer managed to mute the burn inside our throats just enough and when quenching our thirst no longer was a top priority, Jasper suggested we take a break from feeding to have some fun. He wanted to climb trees like we had in Mexico. I agreed, but unlike before where it had only been one tree, this time he taught me how to leap from one to another and for a long while we entertained ourselves with this activity.

As time passed and I followed my boyfriend around, trying to land on branches just right, so that my weight didn't snap the wood in two, the memory of the kiss I'd been too afraid to examine before, came back to me. I wondered if Jasper had felt the same unnerving electricity. He hadn't acted like anything was different between us afterward. Was it just me then? I assumed I should say something, but after pushing through all the angst that had surrounded us since the moment we met, I was finally getting to enjoy being with him in a happy situation. We were acting silly, laughing and behaving how I assumed most people who dated did. I enjoyed every minute of it and didn't want to weigh our time together down with yet another heavy conversation.

When the day finally wore down and the sun began to lower on the horizon, Jasper caught sight of Carlisle's car coming down the driveway of the main house. We were positioned atop a large pine and he pointed out the Mercedes to me. "If Carlisle is home I'm assuming the others must be too. Would you like to go tell them of your idea now?"

"Not really." My stomach flipped at the thought of trying to be assertive with a bunch of vampires who were way older than me.

Jasper bent down to briefly press his lips against mine. "Don't worry. I'll be there for you. No matter what they say, you have my support."

"Thanks for that," I replied and Jasper took hold of my hand.

"Need help getting down?" He raised his eyebrows.

"After a day spent jumping through trees with you, I think I can handle it." I pulled my fingers from his.

He smirked at me in response and then suddenly disappeared down into the green below us. "Race you to the bottom." I heard him say.

"That's cheating!" I yelled after him and quickly made a mad dash down towards the ground in an effort to beat him.


	48. Chapter 48

**Author's Note:** Trigger warning - talk of rape.

* * *

_(Victoria)_

I was beginning to think James wasn't the smartest guy I'd ever met. Maybe it was just being a kid before that made me think he was clever. It was probably just street smarts. Vampire smarts he didn't have much of. The longer I was with him, the more he did dumb things and the more I wanted to tell him he was wrong about a lot of shit. I should have. A lack of confidence in myself kept me quiet most times except to roll my eyes and let out an irritated noise. I knew that James liked to hold grudges and if I tried to voice my opinion I might get on his shit list. I didn't want to be on that list.

It wasn't long after we arrived in Italy that I started to think of ways to ditch him, like I had with Trent. My ex had only wanted me around to help support his addiction and it almost felt like it was the same this time. Only James's addiction was revenge. He'd always hated Jasper and I'd always known that his goal was to get rid of both him and Maria. It was some convoluted scheme that had Jasper getting knocked off first and then after he became Maria's mate he'd find a way to fuck her over too. The outcome in his head always had himself as the leader of her newborn army. Only Jasper's girlfriend had gotten to it first, ruining everything James had spent months coming up with. Now he wanted my help to take out both Jasper and Bella, something I didn't care at all about. I just wanted to mind my own business. Fuck his agenda and fuck trying to get the Volturi involved.

But even if I dreamed of leaving and tried to figure out ways to make it happen, I was well aware that anything I came up with was probably doomed to fail. James would hunt me down like he was trying to do with Jasper. I wouldn't put it past him to mark me as an enemy even if I tried to be cool about going my own way. James would see it as abandonment, plain and simple. I started to feel like a girl with a manipulative boyfriend again … even if we weren't actually together. I wanted out, but was too scared to leave.

The thing that finally set me off though was his idiot assumption that just because we were vampires that we'd be able to walk in and get a meeting with this super group of vamps. It made me realize that he knew just as much as I did when it came to The Volturi, which was only the warning Maria gave me after my change - don't go crazy or the big guns will come down on you. She didn't tell him any more than a nobody member of her army like me.

"What the fuck, James? We came all this way just to be told tough shit?" I'd said after the first time we were told that it didn't matter if we had some important information, because unless we had an appointment we weren't allowed to see them.

"And just how do we get an appointment?" James had asked the human secretary behind the desk, flashing her a grin that made me roll my eyes. It was his _trying to seduce a human_ gaze.

She peered at him from behind some stylish frames with a look that meant she had a zero bullshit policy. "Here." The woman reached into a drawer and then handed James a sheet of paper. "You have to fill this out, but it's not a guarantee. It may take months to go through the system and even then it might be rejected."

"Months?! But this is vital stuff. They'll want to hear it." James face shifted from his _you wanna fuck me_ look into just a _fuck you_ sneer.

"Not my problem," the secretary replied, like she couldn't care less. "Excuse me." Her hand grasped a ringing phone and she began talking into it like we weren't there anymore.

"How was I supposed to know?" James retorted back, pulling the hood of his jacket over his face as we walked out of the large castle like structure The Volturi were inside somewhere.

"Because you were fucking Maria. She should have told you important stuff like that," I yelled back, causing a big guy with red eyes to stare at me. I clamped my mouth shut, not liking his glare.

Then I felt James suddenly forcing me forward with a hard shove. "Watch your mouth," he warned icily and I felt all the irritation in me I had for him turn into fear. I let James lead me away with his hand on my lower back. To all bystanders it probably looked like he was my boyfriend trying to show me affection, but I knew it was just a way to control me … let me know I'd stepped out of line and he had the power in our relationship.

James tried three more times to get in to see The Volturi and each time we were turned away with the last attempt resulting in him being physically removed by two large vampires. They hadn't touched me, because I'd left after James started ranting. Outside he found me waiting. "Thanks for the support, Red," he said, a hard bite in his sarcasm.

I ignored his use of the nickname I hated. "I don't think you scored us any points by losing your temper," I said in a calm voice, trying to help him, but not wanting his anger to lash out on me either. "You know we could just leave here. Who cares about Jasper and his fuck buddy?" I knew I was pressing my luck, but I was tired of this game. We weren't getting in to see The Volturi and James needed to get over his obsession.

He let out an angry growl and taking my hand he yanked me along with him. "I need to blow off some steam."

I discovered that his way of blowing off steam meant leading a human woman I watched him have eye sex with, down some alley and then forcing himself on her. I didn't see the rest, because I couldn't stomach it. I wasn't completely ignorant to James's extracurricular activities, but I'd never seen it firsthand either. I walked a ways out into the dark night street, but I could still hear the noises they made and a gag started to build up in the back of my throat. When I heard James laugh as he silenced the woman for good it was all too much for me. With him otherwise occupied, I decided to make a run for it, but I didn't get far.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Red?" He asked, coming up behind me and grabbing my hair in his fist to pull me back.

Fucking tracker. Of course he'd find me and like a dumb idiot I'd run outside of the city. The two of us were now alone only surrounded by trees, but I wasn't human like his rape victim and if he wanted to fight me, we'd be equals. I could at least thank Jasper for that. He'd taught me how to kill vampires. "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired off your bullshit, James. You're fucked up."

He was still holding my hair and I didn't want to jerk away from him, afraid it would pull a chunk from my head if I did. Gripping tighter, he brought my face up next to his. "Didn't like what you saw or maybe you were jealous. Why didn't we ever hook up back in the day? Probably, because you were scrawny, but now …" his other hand trailed slowly up my stomach and squeezed one of my tits.

Fuck my hair. I didn't care if I had a huge hole in my head afterward, because I wasn't going to let another asshole take advantage of me. I lifted my knee and shoved my foot backwards into his dick. I'd surprised him and the force of my kick pushed his body away from mine, landing him inside the trunk of a tree. The wood shuddered and cracked. Thankfully he hadn't taken too much of my hair with him and I began to run. I could fight him, but I didn't want to. He might win and I didn't want to give him that chance. I hoped he would see me as a lost cause and just let me go. Of course I wasn't so lucky. I never was. Suddenly I felt my body being pulled backwards and shoved onto the ground. "Fucker … get off me. I'll pull your dick off if you try to make me even see it," I shouted.

James laughed. "So much fight in you. I had no idea. It's turning me on." He let his body fall down and it pinned me against the ground. He wanted me to fight. That's what he got out of it. Consensual sex bored him. Forcing others to do what he wanted, that's all James cared about. He wanted power in any shape and this was him asserting that power over me. He was showing me who was boss.

I let my mind wander, trying to come up with a way to maybe talk him down. Let him understand that we were partners and using me this way would only leave him without my support. But then I didn't have to, because I felt his body being lifted from me and a different set of red eyes stared down for a brief second. They were the same eyes I had seen look at me several times from inside the building where The Volturi were hidden. Then the eyes disappeared and I heard James protest before a painful sounding rip resulted in his silence.

I heard two voices speaking in a language that I assumed was Italian. It sounded just like the garbage I'd been hearing for days from all the humans in Volterra. I bolted upright, ready to run. If the guys talking to each other had destroyed James so easily, I'd probably be next. They saw me move and before I could make a dash in the opposite direction, one of them had me in their grip. "We don't allow feeding from humans inside Volterra. Your boyfriend was guilty of a crime," the vampire who looked like he had recently juiced up on some steroids said to me.

"He wasn't my boyfriend and I didn't kill anyone!" I spat back. It was the truth. I hadn't killed a single human since coming to the city. We'd spent too much time trying to get in to see the Volturi.

The other vampire who was busy dismantling James said something in Italian and the one gripping my arm replied back.

"What is he saying? What's going on?" I asked.

"He says I should take you to Aro. Let you plead your case." He glared down at me.

"Aro?" I asked and the dude with the steely grip laughed at me.

"What vampire comes to Volterra, breaks the rules and doesn't even know the name of the head of the Volturi?"

I didn't respond. I already felt like an idiot and I didn't need someone rubbing my face in it. The two vampires said a few more things to each other in their language, leaving me in the dark. I didn't ask what they were saying. I was too afraid it would irritate them and then I really would be dead. Finally with a jerk of my arm the vampire who held me began to lead me back in the direction of the city I'd just left. I could only assume it was to see this Aro guy and while I felt a small amount a relief that James wasn't my problem anymore, I didn't think I stood much of a chance against the leader of the most powerful vampire clan in the world.


	49. Chapter 49

_(Jasper)_

With Bella's father an officer of the law, it was decided that the best place to reveal his daughter to him would have to be neutral territory without many people around if it could be helped.

"Our home is not suitable. We don't want to bring attention to us being vampires too," Carlisle had said. "And neither is his home. We can't take the chance that someone from Forks familiar with Bella would stop by."

"I think I might have an idea," Bella replied and five sets of amber eyes turned in her direction. My red irises were already focused on her as they had been the entire time and I reached out with my emotions, ready to step in if she needed help. At the moment she was anxious and the defining piece making up that emotion reminded me of what having a secret felt like. Clearly Bella was about to tell everyone something she'd been keeping to herself. Her vision fell to the floor and nervously she chewed on the bottom portion of her lip. "Edward showed me how to create an online profile for a fake person, so I could keep tabs on my family and using that profile I've been talking with Charlie as middle aged schoolteacher Meredith from Portland," Bella confessed.

Her admission resulted in a quick condescending sigh from Edward. "That is exactly what I asked you not to do. How could you be so careless?"

I may have been trying to keep my irritation for Edward in check since reuniting with Bella, but I couldn't help the glare I sent him for his remark. He met my gaze and I expected to feel him delving into my mind, but Esme's soft voice interrupted our staring contest. "But Edward, how could you expect Bella not to take advantage of a situation where she would be able to talk with her father. None of us ever had that option when we were turned. We were all forced to move on from our human lives without a single goodbye. Give her credit for being so near this long and not rushing off to find him."

"But she did rush off into the woods to follow his scent," Rosalie corrected Esme, bringing up Bella's other confession from earlier that evening.

"I stopped though." Bella looked up from staring at the floor to defend herself and I could feel the anxiety she exuded beginning to twist into despair. She feared she was losing the argument and I swiftly leapt to her defense.

"She could have gone on, followed that scent all the way to him, but didn't. Bella thought about keeping your secret. She put all of you before her own desires." The volume I spoke in grew steadily with each word, causing Bella to reach out for my hand to rein in my voice. She discretely shook her head, implying that my outburst wasn't helping her case.

"None of this matters," Carlisle finally said, bringing everyone's attention back to him. "Bella is not on trial here. What she did in the past is not relevant to this conversation. The decision has already been made. Now we need a plan to implement it. What is your idea, Bella?"

With all eyes on her, a sudden pulse of her shyness hit me. I tried to entice Bella's courage by wrapping my emotions in a comforting hold around her body and in response she briefly turned in my direction to send a smile of thanks. "I uh … if I message him and say I'd like to meet and maybe go over ways I could help in his search for his daughter, he might drive to Portland. That's far enough away from you guys. I told Charlie that Meredith lost a child and he bonded with her over that."

The room we occupied, the same one we had all gathered in when Bella and I first joined their group, grew quiet while everyone waited for Carlisle's response. As head of their family, he had final say and it was clear to me that Esme's opinion had weighed heavily on him from the start. His mate was sympathetic to Bella's plight and after the story she'd shared with me in the woods the day before, I could understand why. Esme mourned the humans she had left behind, namely her children, and didn't want the same for Bella even if it was against the rules of the Volturi.

I watched as Carlisle grasped Esme's hand in his own and sent her a loving look. Just as before, when the two were comforting each other in the car, I could feel Carlisle's emotions. My ability to read what he felt was never very good, but when Carlisle showered Esme with his love, I could always sense that. "This is acceptable," he said, after moving his gaze away from Esme and back to Bella.

"Alright! Another road trip!" Emmett said enthusiastically, pumping his fist in the air, but Carlisle shook his head at his son.

"Not quite, Emmett. Bella and Jasper will come with Edward and me. The less vampires there the better. We don't want to overwhelm him if we have to intercede and Edward will be able to read Charlie Swan's mind. His gift is far more suitable for this endeavor and your strength is needed here to protect our home in case Bella's enemies return."

Emmett didn't seem too happy about this news and sitting beside him on the couch was Rosalie who began to rub his shoulders. "It's okay, we'll take a short trip when everything settles down around here. Just the two of us."

He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled. "Yeah, I suppose _another_ senior trip will be in order. What number is that now? I've graduated too many times."

"Of course, this all hinges on if Bella is able to convince her father to meet Gladys," Carlisle said, ignoring the romantic moment between Emmett and Rosalie and bringing the focus back over to us. "Do you think you can do that?" he asked Bella.

"I'll do my best," she responded.

Then I watched as Edward swiftly left the room, shot up the stairs and returned with a laptop in his grasp. He handed it to Bella and there was a small grin on his face. "I assume you know how to use this. Apparently I underestimated your computer abilities before." His tone was teasing and all traces of his previous irritation with her were now gone. This was Edward's roundabout way of apologizing for his rude remark.

"Don't ever underestimate a millennials ability to use a computer," Bella replied timidly, but from her emotions I could tell she was teasing him, then quickly her eyes turned to me. "Care to help? We can turn this into an educational experience. There's a lot of pop culture to be found online." Her lips twisted up into a smirk and I snorted in reply.

"I'm afraid our wifi doesn't reach out to the guesthouse, but you can use my room again if you would like some privacy." Edward added.

"Yeahhh, they want some privacy alright," I heard Emmett mumble from behind Rosalie's fingers, who knowing her mate had anticipated him making an innuendo.

"Thanks, Edward," Bella replied, refusing to give Emmett the satisfaction of an embarrassed reaction from her.

"Make sure to tell us as soon as you are able to convince your father to meet Meredith. We will want to go hunting beforehand," Carlisle said and Bella nodded.

"I'll let you know right away."

With our meeting over, the group disbanded and I followed Bella up the stairs into Edward's room. I thought I might feel uncomfortable after we entered, considering at one time I had misread Edward as a rival for Bella's affections, but now that I understood he saw her more as a little sister, my apprehension was gone. I still had issues with him personally. If Edward had been a newborn in Maria's army, I more than likely would have argued in favor of removing his head from his shoulders, but in this environment I saw him only as an ally … even if our personalities clashed at times. I no longer worried that his interactions with Bella would result in her leaving me. After our time together in the cottage, I vowed never to waste another moment questioning her devotion to me. I knew it was true, because I had felt it and emotion was the language I spoke in.

Most of our night was spent passing time while we waited. Bella sent out a message to her father, but explained that he wasn't always online, so it might take some time for him to respond. "Should we go back and join the others then?" I asked, wondering if when Edward had offered us the use of his room, he had only meant it for the purpose of contacting Bella's father and nothing else.

"Ohhh, we don't have to do that," she replied with a smile and then asked, "Jasper, what do you know about the internet. Have you ever used it before?"

I shook my head. "I've killed many people who had phones with the internet on them, so I've been exposed, but electronic devices were always destroyed to keep bodies hidden until after we'd moved our army along."

"Well, here," she said and took a few seconds to type something using the laptop's keyboard before turning the screen slightly in my direction.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"Leonardo DiCaprio," she replied. "So, now you know."

"You think I look like him?" My voice was skeptical, remembering how she had compared me to the blonde man I was now staring at.

"Well, not this picture. He's obviously much older than you here … in how he looks not actual age." Bella typed in the actor's name again and added the world _Titanic_. "Now here he's much younger."

"He looks like an infant," I scoffed. "I'm much more ruggedly handsome."

Bella smirked, knowing me well enough to catch the playfulness in my tone and then we laughed together. "Jasper, we need to talk about this ego of yours," she said, continuing on with the joke.

I frowned teasingly, but then moved our conversation in a different direction. "What is this Google you keep typing into that knows all about Leonardo DiCaprio?"

Bella mouth opened slightly in surprise at my question. "Oh, you have much to learn," she answered, sliding the small computer across her lap until it settled into mine. "Type in anything you want to know."

I was much slower than her quick fingers, but I hit the keys until the screen in front of me read - _Why does Bella think I look like Leonardo DiCaprio?_

She shoved me gently. "Be serious. Look, I'm going to put some music on. Try asking it something reasonable. You don't even have to put it in the form of a question. Just type a word."

Bella left to put a record in Edward's player and as music began to fill the room, I focused back on the screen in front of me. I typed in my name and watched as images of ancient looking men in black and white photos filled the screen. Naming your son Jasper must have fallen out of fashion, I mused. Trying my full name instead with the word ancestry added on, I was led to an archive filled with names of the deceased for those with the Whitlock family name. I'd watched Bella move her fingers inside the little rectangle to get the screen to move downward and I mimicked her movements in order to read the whole page.

In time, I came across a list of names I had forgotten, but instantly recognized when my eyes glanced over them. They were my sisters and a sense of happiness filled me when I saw that they had lived long lives. I myself was listed as deceased, but there was no year to go along with when I died, only the word unknown. My father was there as well and I noticed that he had married later in life to a much younger woman named Emily, but it was the name of his first wife, the one of my mother that caused me to gasp. Reading it produced a reaction in the dormant collection of memories inside my brain, the human ones that weren't always clear and couldn't always be trusted. I saw a face there and knew it was my mother's, but also recognized it as someone else's … someone I had been in contact with very recently.

The sound of my gasp had caught Bella's attention. She was standing near the stereo, staring at the back of an album cover, when she heard me and asked, "What's up? Did you accidently find some nasty porn? You have to be careful with the places you stumble into on the internet. I learned that lesson the hard way, considering _cool mom_ Renee never felt like there should be parental controls limiting the internet."

I quickly hit the arrow button that I'd seen Bella use in order to bring her back to the Google site and my mother's name, along with all the others, vanished. Bella sat down next to me again and glanced at the screen. When she saw nothing interesting, her brows furrowed into a questioning glance in my direction.

"It's … I was looking up my family name and I saw my sisters and mother listed. I didn't know their names, but I remembered them as soon as I saw them." I didn't say anything more. I had told her mostly the truth, omitting the one part that I felt was best left unsaid until I had a chance to digest it more fully.

Bella reached out and lifted the laptop away from me and set it on the ground next to us. Her hands searched out mine and wrapped themselves in a comforting hold around my fingers. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, leaning her head against my shoulder, causing her long brown hair to tickle the exposed skin of my forearm.

I sighed in response, because the truth was what I ought to have told her, but instead I brought the focus back around to Bella. "How do you feel about possibly seeing your father again?"

Bella was quiet for a moment and I took it as a sign of her unhappiness that I had closed myself off by presenting a different subject, but nonetheless she took the bait I had offered. "To be honest, I'm nervous that he'll run off screaming, because his daughter is now a freak of nature, but I'm also excited. I've taken Esme's words to heart. Vampires don't get the chance to be involved with the humans they leave behind, so I'm very thankful that I have that opportunity, even if it's under the threat of James taking him out."

I thought about her words and how they now related to me. Before today I had assumed all those related to my human past were gone ... now I wasn't so sure. If what I suspected was proven to be true then like Bella, I might have the opportunity of being with my mother again, but unlike Bella, my parent was a vampire like me and if I had my way I would never have to say goodbye.


End file.
